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I'm 17, getting somewhat close to 18, and i know ill be sexually active by the end of this year. For those who are my age or close - do your parents expect you to not do anything? I know if you're like 15, and your parents find out you're sexually active..and they have the right to ground you or tell you not to see him, etc. Do you think once we turn 18, it's more of our decision/freedom that are parents just ACCEPT? Or are there parents out there who try to control that and dont approve their 18 year old doing that (even though they are considered an adult)? Any opinions on this topic would be appreciated. Im just getting an idea of how parents react to this once you turn 18.
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Hi :)
I'm 18, turning 19 in September. And yes, my parents expected me to remain a virgin until I got married. Things didn't turn out that way, because I was young and made naive decisions. I think that just because you're 18, it doesn't mean you have the right to do whatever you want. If your parents are taking care of you and helping you out with many bills (like college, cell phone, etc) then they should have a say in what you should do. Obviously, they can't stop you from having sex, but I think it's important for them to talk to you and whatnot. I was 17 when my parents found out that I wasn't a virgin anymore, and they were very disappointed. My whole life they controlled who I was with, where I went, what I could do. And I turned out to be a great person (still developing lol) despite my rebellious phase during HS.
Some parents are more free with their children. Some parents are very strict. And then you have those parents in the middle. It all depends on the type of mindset your parents have. Hope I helped :)
Uniq
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Im also 17, i'll be 18 in october and whenever i mention something about sex to my mom, she immediatley assumes that im doing it [which i havent. ever] and then pretty much goes into, "you are too young and i dissaprove" mode or becomes suspicious. but if i WAS having sex and my mom DID find out, she would make sure I was practicing safe sex, but then she would ground me and forbid me from seeing my boyfriend.
my dad would just go off on a a rampage and I would be able to have NO trust or go anywhere and I'd get the "as long as you live under my roof" speech.
so yes, there ARE parents out there who tr to control their children when they are 18, but I always put myself in their shoes and think that if i were them, i would also want to keep my daughter/son from doing something with really bad consequences, yuh know ? they have raised you since you were BORN and its only human nature to want to protect and control/guide your child to do the right thing or what they think is the right thing. even though i want my freedom, i was raised this way, and when people are off havig sex and their parents knowing and not caring one bit, it seem kind of wierd to me..
well, good luck ! hope i helped :] xxo.
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I'm 17 and my mother told me she expected that around this age I would start having sex and that I need to be careful, etc. She wasn't angry about it, she was actually open and accepting, and she brought the topic up. However, many parents aren't as willing to let their kids decide when to have sex.
Do your parents talk to you openly about most subjects, even some that are controversial or uncomfortable? Have you had the sex talk with them before? If not, they may be more likely to be against you having pre-marital sex.
Are your parents religious, traditional, or conservative? That also makes them more likely to be against you having sex.
The only way to know is to ask. You could ask your mom how old she was when she lost her virginity and go from there.
Legally you are allowed to have sex at 18 and your parents can't do anything about it (they really can't do much about it at a younger age either) but if you live in their house they still might ground you or punish you if they find out. It depends on their parenting style, and though it doesn't seem fair since you would be legally an adult, you're living under their roof and they make the rules.
There shouldn't be too much of an issue unless you plan on being extremely open with your parents. They don't have to know you're having sex, as long as your responsible and private it's pretty easy to keep it to yourself. Just make sure you get all the information you need about protection and safe sex, and also choose your partner wisely. Too many girls regret their first time.
Good luck,
-Abby
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i think some parents will, like you said feak out about it and try to still controll their childs life, but then there will be some who dont really care and think that your 18, an adult. If you have a problem you solve it, but you can come to us for anything. So i guess it depends on the parents. Since all are different it could come out to anything really..
hope i helped
simone<3
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It definitly depends on the parents. Some will say if you live in this house, you'll be under my rules, some will be non caring about it since being 18 does make you an adult. However, there are the ocassional strict parents that try to control their kids lifes because they're "afraid of losing them". So it depends on the parents, really.
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well, technically, if you're 18...that means your an adult, you can make your own decisions. but it really just depends on the parents. like when you were 15/16 were they really controlling? and didn't want you going out alot. if so then they might have a problem with it. but if they were more layed back, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem. good luck!
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It's really none of their business. I guess I have it lucky...my parents see it as my choice to make, they have no control over it, so they don't "allow" me to have sex but they don't forbid it either. I understand that many parents would be worried about their children having sex, or would be in denial about their baby growing up, but they really have to get over that. Especially if you are eighteen. You are legally an adult so you should be able to make your own decisions. Don't even tell your parents about it. It's absolutely none of their business, they have their own sex lives. Have fun, be safe, and check out [Link](Mouse over link to see full location), I find it is very helpful.
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I'm 15, so my advice may be useless to you, but I'll just say what I think. It really does depend on how strict and/or understanding your parents are.
When you're 18, parents should just accept what you're doing. I'm not sure if mine would still hold me on a leash or if they would let me go free, but I think if I did something like had sex, I am sure they would be disappointed. Disappointed, but they would not "ground" me. They would just realize that their daugther has made her own decisions and if she is ever in need of help, they won't give it to her because she's so "mature" enough to make her own decisions.
I think parents try to control their children, only to prevent them from making big mistakes. But once their children have decided to go free and make their own decisions, I think they accept it. They did all they could. And so the future is up to them, and any mess ups their children might do in the future will not concern them anymore.
I also think parents think of their children as their "babies" even after you are well over 20 or any age. If I were a mother, I think I would feel the same. So hearing about your baby having babies can be quite a big shock.
Personally, I strongly believe in sex after marriage. Because it's safer and you saved something special for your spouse. I could go on, but I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, so I'll stop there.
So what I'm saying is, if your parents are like how I see mine, they would become disappointed, but they would allow you to do what you want. And once you've gone over the line and done what you want, I think you're on your own. But of course all parents are different, and we'll never quite know how they'll react. So I'd think carefully about what you're doing and I'd also think about how it would affect your relationship with the people that gave birth to you and cared for your entire life. Just remember you will always have a chance to change your mind before anything is actually done...
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Honestly it depends on your parents, by the time you are 18 it can go either way. If you tell them that you are sexually active, then it can go one of two ways - They may take it just fine, and not seem to have any problem with it at all, realizing that you are growing up. Or, they may not like it at all, and forbid you to continue (which most people will tell you `no, they can't do that, you're an adult` but they may be able to kick you out of the house or something similar). You know your parents better than any of us, so you will have to make the decision on that one, honestly, I wouldn't be upfront with my parents about something like that, I may talk about it a little if it were to come up. But I would never have a conversation like
"Oh hello, what did you do today?"
"Had sexual intercourse in the back of such-and-such's car in the walmart parking lot. It was good, but you know, not THAT good"
If it were to come up (I don't think I could come up with a scenario off the top of my head) I would probably just give a little bit of information. If you are concerned, it may be better off to wait.
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Well, I am a parent and I will tell you how I feel about sex. You are right in that after age 18, if your parents discover that you are sexually active, there is not much that they can do to punish you. Unless of course they are paying for EVERYTHING, then you could loose your car, but that is not the right way to handle it. Anyway, I believe, and I raised my sons this way. (so far so good) sexual activit brings great pleasure, but also brings great responsbility. The responsiblity of bringing a child into the world, (unwanted)and the danger of sexually transmitted diseases. If you know and understand all this and always, always take precautions to prevent both, then you are mature enough to handle sex. If however, you abuse drugs or alcohol, both of which lower our inhibitions and cause us to act in an irresponsbile way, then you may trade a few minutes of pleasure with a life time of pain and agony, for yourself or an unwanted child that may be brought into the world. So, if you are a girl, you should get on birth control, don't trust the guy, And being on birth control does not make you a whore, it makes you responsbile. And a person who thinks of someone other then themselves, but who also thinks enough of themselves to be responsible. If you are a guy, you need to use a condom, at all times, don't leave the responsiblity to the girl, since she is the one who gets stuck with the pregnancy and the decision to have the baby or abort it or give it up for adoption. YOu are out of the decision process, and if she decides to have the child, you will be requied by law to support it financially until the child is 18. BY LAW, NO WAY OUT IT, if it proves to be your kid.
AND BOTH GIRLS AND GUYS should use condoms anyway, to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, of which you KNOW some are deadly.
So that is it, if you handle sexually activity responsibly, your parents should accept it.
I think it is great that you did wait this long, it does show that you are responsble. Now don't dissapoint your parents, and don't take chances with your life. Since you know you want to be sexually active, make that appointment with the OB/GYN and find out about your options of birth control, then get on it, and stay on it. AND PS
DON"T SMOKE, Smoking and birth control increases some forms of cancer risk.
I hope you don't mind my answering this question, even though I am not a teen ager.
Michele
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