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murder/suiside
ok this is a long one.
i dont know where to start so i might scatter, when i turned 8 my mom moved away from my dad a said we could not see him for awhile (another long story so dont ask why just accept it) my sis and i were crushed my dad was like bill cosby we spent our summers with him he did everything with us theres no telling where we would have been if the events would have been diffrent. so our whole lives we told each other that when we turn 18 we would find him. my dad had remarried and had a wonderful new wife (she was so good i called her mom) and she had a great son. the last summer we spent together was when i was 8 my brother was 3 that summer he choked on some ice, i had just took cpr lessons at camp so i gave him the hymlec and he survied.in 1996 i was 16/17 and my mom said we could talk to my dad so she called my dads family only to hear them say they are so sorry to hear what happened and asked why we werent at the funeral my mom didnt get it. she ask what what happen. so my cousin break the news she say pappa(thats what they called my dad) killed my stepmom and my little brother i was in total shock i could not breath 2months earlier my boyfriend died in front of me.and to get this news it was the worse. he stab my stepmom 66times and broke my brothers head against the kitchen floor. after he did that he cut his throat drank drano cut his wrist and and stabbed his self in the stomach and drug the knife up to his ribs. He claimed he was insane and even the prosicuters thearpise said he was insane. my question is what am i to do? can i forgive or what i love him he is my dad we have the same eyes when i look into the mirror i see him should i no is it possible for me to forgive him? my sis has been in contact with him for awhile and we came down for one of his trials 2day i saw him. i thought that if i looked into his eye then i could see the truth i had was anger inside i wanted to let him have it. but i chickened out should i scream and yell would it help me or what should i do?pls i need help
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you should talk to him first...and if you dont like what you hear then let him have it...wow im soo sry...i really hope you feel better...i could never immagion being in you position
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it's ok to still love your dad, though trust would be out the window, i don't think that seeing him is the best idea either. you and your brother should most likely be in therapy because that is something very tramatic to have to go through
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Hi Honey,
This is such an awful thing for you to face, and I am sorry for you loss. I know you said that you loved your step mom and your step brother and even saved his life. It is especially tragic. Your father is also a tragic figure, and if you knew him and loved him, and if he never behaved that way before, then I would believe that the therapist are probably right, and he did go insane. Sicknesses like schizophrenia show up late in life. So it is possible. And that means that in the eyes of the law he was not aware of his actions, but that may not mean that he will get out of prison. But if they keep him on his medication for the rest of his life, he may be able to think straight again and may you can have a relation ship with him. I don't mean that you will be able to live with him and be a family, most likely they will have to keep him in prison. But you will be able to write to each other and eventually visit him if you want to. When your father's head clears on the medication he will feel awful about what he did. And while forgivness for his acts only can come from God, that does not mean that you cannot have compassion for him and be his daughter. Anyone would understand. There are people in prison for all kinds of awful reasons, and the only people who do have contact with them are members of their family. Here is my suggestion, find out as much as you can about the situation. I'll bet you can even find news articles about it in the on-line version of the newspaper in the town that he was living when the tragety happened. Make up your mind whether or not you believe that he was in sane when he committed the murders. If he was, and if the oourts finds him insane, then you can decide if you want to forgive him and nave contact with him. Your first letter does not have to be about the trageties. Let him write about that to you, let him bring it up. He will most likely agree that he behaved badly and want your forgivness and understand. If you find that he has no remorse for his actions, then that is a different story. And you can decide not to have contact with him. So I think you should extend the first gesture of contact with him through a letter and see what happens. Hey if you miss him, and the times you spend together, then that is what you start with, because most likely he misses them too.
I hope this helps.
MIchele
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I carn't tell you much but if you want to remember him, then remember the happy moments. If you still not sure just think how your dad would want to be remembered by.
It is up to you if you want to forgive him or not, no one else can make that choice but you.
Hope it helps.
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Wow, it is clear why your mom removed you from the home and you didn't exactly know why. Kudos to her for protecting her children. Sometimes there are things that go on that parents do not need to let their children know.
It is very much ok for you to be angry with your father for what he's done, and if you weren't, I'd be worried about you.
My daughter is in a similar situation herself, so I understand where you come from. She was not even born though when I'd left her father and she got to meet him about 2 yrs ago. He did some pretty 'dark' things right after she met him and she totally hated him, but was in a spin because she still loved him, much like you are. I have often reminded her that it is ok to love someone, but not like what they've done, or like their actions as a person.
Number 1: it is OK to love someone and be angry with them, not like them, and not want them to be a part of your life.
Number 2: even though your father is a part of you, it does NOT make YOU a bad person.
Number 3: Forgiveness is going to take a lot of time and therapy. I can sit here and tell you that everything is just going to be ok, but it will take some time.
Number 4: Do you and your mom have a good relationship? and if so, please talk to her about how you feel. I am understanding that you are now old enough for her to tell you why she thought she should remove you kids.
I am not a therapist, but I have been close to where you are now......if there is anything more that I can help you with, I will try.
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