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My boss tells me I demean her in front of others
Good morning-
I have been working at a job I am happy with for 9 months, but my supervisor feels I demean her in front of her boss, especially during meetings. We are all asked for our opinions on what we feel might go wrong with a particular project my boss is in charge of (which has been behind on it's implementation), but I know that in the end the problems I currently see will be resolved. I give honest answers in these meetings (in front of the VP), but she feels I volunteer too much information on the problems we currently face in front of him and this embarasses her. There are bugs with the system, and we have several weeks to correct them. I have been told I have embarrased her twice before in meetings regarding this project, and I just want my questions answered, for I am the one responsible for the outcome once the project is complete and implemented. She feels since I question her in front of the boss, I am belittling her and she tells me I am out of line. She has held me accountable for this once in front of other associates not in my department, and once in a sit down meeting that I instigated because of the first incident. My review is due in less than 2 months, and am TERRIFIED I am going to get a bad review just because I am trying to get a better comfort level here. This position is close to home, pays very well, but I have to work some long hours due to this project implementation. The bottom line is that I don't want to leave and want to work things out. I get support from one other person on my team, who is not her supervisor. He doesn't feel I'm doing anything wrong, but I need to have an outsider's opinion before I go crazy. I am hoping that someone can assist me, for I feel that if I don't get a better handle on things with my own approach and attitude that I either will be fired or will want to leave (which is where I feel I am at right now). Thank you in advance for your assistance.
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Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
Howdy Liz,
I would like to share with you something that will fix this once and for all.
Find and read a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" which was written by Dale Carnegie
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
... If you read this once a year for the rest of your life, you will likely get something out of it you didn't the last time.
Contrary to most people, I would encourage you to get and read the new version, but ALSO the original. Written in 1937, the companies cited, in many cases, have long since vanished. Other than obscure references to days gone by, I believe that the spirit of the lesson is better presented in the original.
I know this is also available in audio book format if you are crunched for time.
What you will learn will change your life forever.
If you have decided to play the corporate game, and you haven't read this book, you will lose to someone who has, time and time again.
I would love to hear your thoughts on the lesson within: dangernerd@gmail.com
DangerNerd.
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Perhaps it's the way you say things in front of the VP. The way we state certain things can effect the way certain people hear them. Such as "I think you're not doing this correctly", you could say instead " the way you're doing that works, but i think I know a way that might work better". Good Luck
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Hi, I am familiar with your problem and I can help. I have helped other people in this situation, and the advice worked well. I have been working for 35 years, and this is not uncommon, you will run across it again and the soon you learn how to handle people like your boss, the better your career will go.
First of all, your boss feels threatened by you. I am assuming that you are young and bright and she may feel, smarter than her, and will make a big impression and soon surpass her in this company. DOn't worry, you can still do that if that is your goal, but with her help. It won't happen if she hates you, (you are correct in thinking you may get a bad review, and you may very well) SO you have to make her your advocate, your friend. Here is my suggestion. Even if it is you coming up with the ideas and the concerns/questions/resolutions....include her in the process. IN meetings, say things like "my boss" (I don't know her name) and I were talking about that very issue, and here is the resolution WE came up with. To make her more open to you, you can get her on your side by paying her compliments. (This works well with people who are petty, and she sounds petty) Compliment her clothes, her car, her choice of careers, anything that won't sound too phony. Compliment her on the way she handles something, or someone else. When she resolves an issue, say "Wow that is a great idea, I would like to help with that. Or Why didn't I think of that"
DOn't go overboard, she may be suspicious. Be subtle. Support her ideas maybe with co-workers or subordinates so that she will support yours. And for now, include her in your ideas, as if she contributed, and she will become your advocate. Maybe run your ideas by her before the meetings so that she can have her seal of approval, and tell when talking about them say "we". You are going to do well, don't let people like this stand in your way, but you can't bowl them over, you still have to prove yourself. And that will take time. SHe can cause a "black mark" on your work record...so tread lightly. If you can't turn her around (and some people you just can't) just chalk it up to experience. Don[t burn your bridges. Dealing with difficult people is part of our work lives. She won't be the only one you will run across in your career. And then be sure that when you are a supervisor, that you don't act this way. It is always good to promote those beneath you and their ideas. We cannot do everything ourselves, so hiring and promoting the right people also makes us look good.
Good LUck
Michele
addendum
Yes I agree completely. Very often the Big Boss has no idea how to deal with a middle manager that has taken their position and turned it into a fiefdom. They leave the subordinates to deal with it, hoping to find some one who can work with them and stay, rather than dealing with the person who causes the problem. Good luck to you. You are on the right track.
Michele
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