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Sudden change
Just as a warning, this will be long. If you have a problem with that, skip on to the next question.
Okay. So my guy and I have been together about 18 months now, and it's been great up until awhile ago.
Now, my boyfriend and I used to have the exact same ideals about sex - we both thought oral was stupid and disgusting, and neither of us was really into the whole manual thing.
All of a sudden, he's asking me for oral all the time - I did that once and I told him I wasn't comfortable with it. He's even asking for "road head" which I always thought only assholes asked for and only sluts gave.
Does he think I'm a slut just because I've had sex?
I feel like he's been taking advantage of me lately and making me feel like a bad girlfriend. I know I'm not, though he makes me feel like it's my fault when we fight, and makes me feel like I'm the one that needs to change, when I believe now that it's him that needs to change.
I really do hope this is just a bump in the relationship - don't most people hit bumps when they've been together awhile?
We were such a great couple for so long, and then all of a sudden, he decided he wanted more sexual stuff than I'm willing and comfortable with giving him. Now, I can understand he may be a little sexually frustrated, as we haven't had sex in like a month, but I told him we'd have to wait a month (due to a medication I ended up on that conflicted with my birth control pill), and he was okay with it. Now he's suddenly not. I'm confused.
He used to be utterly romantic and sweet. Now he's turning into a complete ass.
I really want to ask him right now if he really loves me or he just enjoys fucking me. Recently, it seems like the latter.
We always said that sex was like the icing to a cake in this relationship. He claims this relationship is based on love, not lust, but I'm not so sure about that anymore.
I don't want to break up with him. I want him to realize what he's doing, and I want to fix this between us, hopefully before saturday. Saturday's his birthday, and I went to a lot of trouble to find him a present he wants this year. I'd rather not return it.
But mostly, I just want this to go back to normal. I was so happy with him before...
Help me out?
~Cali~
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hey hun.. well im sorry to hear that this is going on.. Well i think deff. talk to him.. i mean he's like all guys HORNY BASTERDS.. Well tell him deff. how he has change but before anything tell him you want to talk and you want him to listen and not to argue.. tell him basically all the stuff you wrote in your question and tell him why you feel this way.. tell him you wished he respect that you dont want to do somethings.. tell him you arent comfortable with those things and that your not that kinda girl.. ask what happened to the way he use to be.. jus basically get everything out.. you need to open up with him.. Yea relationships have bumps in them and you want to flatten this bump before it gets worse.. best of luck to you hun.. much luv dez x0x0
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I can relate. I thimk the best thing to do is sit him down and tell him how you been feeling and how he's been acting. A relationship is all based on conmutcation{ sorry cant spell}. And maybe its just a bump, guys sometimes go throw stages,but dont worry if he really loves you then hell understand your fellings. Hoped i helped
BBgirl15
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To tell you the truth .. i think he is using you for your sex ! by the souunds of this story you must be a very good G.F and not a bad one ! i think he is the bad one .. he shouldnt always want sex you should always be able to love eachother for who you are and not for the sex ! well if you need more help just E-Mail me or I/M me .. good luck hun !
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Cali,
In honesty. I feel that you B/F just wants to experiment. I think that if he is experimenting then you should ask him to fulfill one of your fantasys. This will keep your sex life exciting. You should take turns doing each others fantasys. Once he gets used to doing his fantasys then he should start to settle down some. Unless he is a heartless person, you can probably let him know that you will not do it anymore and if he cares for you then he should respect your wishes.
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yeah, get rid of this dick. he clearly wants you for the express purpose of a location to bust his nuts upon.
-hitler
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Hi Cali,
It sounds like your boyfriend is more confused than anything. He just presumes that every girl gives head and every girl enjoys it. Well they don't. He is thinking that there is something wrong with him and is probably too shy to admit it. You have to let him know that you love him and that oral sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship. Every couple goes through stages like this in a relationship but it's up to you to help make it work out if you want it to. If it helps, ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years and have only done that once. What men don't realise as well is that girls quite often find giving head a more intimate thing to do which often comes the stage after having sex. He has to realise that just because you don't want to doesn't mean that you don't love him or think any less of him. He is probably got quite low self esteem at the moment because he just presumes that if he asks he gets. You could do something to surprise him. You could organise a candlelit meal in your room for him and get some massage oil. Gets some tips from magazines about techniques for massage, kissing and positions that you haven't done before and try them out. Not only will this make him feel special, he will understand that there's more to life than giving head and many more ways to have fun~!! good luck and i hope i have helped a little
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By piecing together your problem... Let me start by saying, I understand what your going through.
From what I see, he is enjoying the sexual side of the relationship and just taking advantage of you. Now, I dont know how many disputes you have gotten into with him as of late, and what they are about. But its time you started a little talk with him of your own.
Now I must warn you, for a woman, this isnt easy, hes going to try and beat you down with yelling or maybe not. I dont know, you didnt provide quite enough detail on that (I cant blame you, were not professional phychologists...) but what you should do first is in a controlled environment (somewhere that he cannot yell or go nuts on you) and tell him what his problem is. Find out wat is frustrating him, and tell him about how you feel, you know...the whole "the way it used to be"... ask him why it isnt that way any more, then tell him what you expect from him, and that if you want to continue this relationship, that he has to stop treating you like a sex slave, because thats not what your for, your a person, and you have your boundaries. If you dont want to have sex all the time, you tell him that.
note: the conversation should go quietly because you should be in a remote, but public area, so there will only be some frustration and heated conversation, but not yelling and bickering. Hopefully youll come to terms, and if he continues, drop him, your not legally attached to him so theres no problem in just letting him go.
try not to let him get to you, and dont let him use you, if he tells you your letting him down, you tell him that hes the one letting you down, and you wont have it.
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I think he was either influence by his friends, saw a movie that made him like that stuff, was tempted to do that since someone tempted him. Either way, you're right when you decided to amend with him this Saturday. After that, Ask him why he'd change a lot. If he doesn't want to talk about it. Tell him it's important. Ask him also why he did those things to you. If he's willing to compromise then things will be okay but if he doesn't, I think you should let him realize the conseqences before it's too late.
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Every couple has a hardship, and this is yours.
You said that you have been together for 18 months, and you have already engaged in sexual activities. You also said that you both agreed that oral sex was disgusting, Perhaps he was just agreeing with you to avoid causing a conflict. If you ask me, No, you should not break up with him. Just because he's longing for more sexual activity, doesn't mean you have to give in. Your a person, and if he doesn't realize that, you should let him know. There is a phase that most people go through, and they develop a stronger sexual desire. It's very normal to have such urges, very similar to the ones that he possess. You should not take back his gift, you should show him that you love him, even if it feels like your shooting at something that's already dead. You need to talk to him, in privet, this should help tons or backfire horribly. Don't stop trying, keep on draining. Even when it feels as if there is nothing left, keep squeezing.
-PZ
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