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ok me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 7 months now, and we really love each other. i'm 15 and he is 16, and going to be 17 next month. he thinks everything is perfect in our relationship and i feel the complete opposite. like we will go out and it will be the most amazing time ever, but then he finds someone to completely ruin the magic of it all. like he will go somewhere and wont talk to me or lie about what he did etc. ( i know he lies sometimes but i dont tell him i know ) he always asks me why im upset and i just say im not and he always asks me why i dont tell him things and its because everytime i call him to talk to him about something he asks me to call him back and i have gotten so fed up with it i just dont call back anymore and then he like freaks out.. and he has been lying to me about him smoking.. and all he does is hang out with his friends.. he talks about them non stop, like i dont know if he wants me to be jealous or what.. but i guess its kind of working.. i dunno, how can i talk to him ? am i being selfish ?
- i dont want to break up with him though, i mean, i really love him, and i almost feel like i am being stupid for putting up with all that i am, but i dont know, please help :( i'll rate high
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Well it sounds like he doesnt even know what your feeling ! Dont break up with him (YET) call him soon and tell him everything that your feeling tell him you kno hes been lying and that you feel like he has just forgotten bout you.
-GOOdluck
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anonymous -
First off, I think you two are both guilty of witholding information from each other. This situation is due to a lack of communication.
It appears that for the guy he's just being a guy. Is he obligated to tell you where he is, what he's doing, and when everytime he goes out? Let the guy breathe! Let him hang out with his friends! After all, you don't want him to restrict you from your life outside of him do you?
When he does lie about his whereabouts, it's most likely because of the way you restrict him and react when he's out without you. Since you won't let him have his male freedom, he has to lie about it and secretly do it behind your back regardless of if you approve or not. I agree that it's wrong of him to lie and that he should take your feelings into consideration, but give the guy some slack and maybe he'll be more open!
As for your behavior, I don't see why you'd play it off as if you didn't know about his lies? What good does this do? And the fact that you use tactics like making him worry like crazy to "get back at him" because you're fed up doesn't solve anything at all. You aren't being selfish, but you are being the epitiome of the stereotypical girlfriend. Look at yourself when you're doing this, I don't think that is the kind of girlfriend you want to be. I'm not asking for you to change for this guy, but I'll bet that if this continues the guy will most likely end up leaving.
My suggestion in helping this situation is that you two really need to sit down and have a talk with one another. Get some things straightened out about what you want from each other and that you both should respect each other. Treat others as you wish to be treated right?
He needs to stop lying and be more open to you and in order for that to happen, you need to be approachable and welcome to what he's willing to tell you. All in all, be open with each other and respect each other.
I know I used to think the same way you did like wanting my guy to be with me and spend time with me like I was his world. But realize that both partners live separate lives from each other, and both parties need to respect that. Sure we deserve time with one another, but give each other space! You don't want to be clingy!
I hope that this helps and good luck!
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tell him.
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He lies because he doesn't want to upset you. Either he thinks he is getting away with it, or he thinks you know he is lying but would rather live in the delusion than challenge him on it. The simple truth is that you aren't doing yourself any favours by saying you not upset. He has taken the initiative to ask, so if you are not straight with him in response, you are lying too. It may just be that he wants you to say something so he can explain what is going on with him. Give him a chance at least. As it stands the relationship will disintegrate around you unless you do something to put it back on track. That has to be talking to him. Not on the phone either. A lot of people don't like to talk about issues on the phone. They prefer to do it face to face. So if he is avoiding getting into it on the phone, don't be too harsh on him, just give him the chance to get into it in person instead.
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If you can't talk you don't have a good relationship.You need to change that.No magic way to do it, you just talk..Honestly about your feelings.
If he is lying to you already, he has no respect for you at all.If you can't get him to stop lying then your relationship is in trouble.
Don't make it necessary for him to lie to you.If you don't like it that he smokes...he knows that. Don't nag about it. He doesn't want to hear it so he lies to you.Same deal with the friends.Don't make him feel he has to lie.
You need to discuss these things and get them straightened out if you want to continue to have a relationship.
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ok. first of all. take a deep breath. if you really love him and he loves you, he should be honest with you. confront him about his lying and ask him about the smoking. you cant control what he does, but at least it shows that you care about him enough to ask him. the only thing you can really do is hope that he will be honest with you now. and when he starts talking about his friends, try and change the subject to you guys as a couple, or great memories you guys have. if he gets mad then just tell him you want him to talk about other things than just his friends. tell him there are other things in life worth talking about. dont be mean. just be honest. talk to him.
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well i think you should confront him about the lying. tell him you know he is lying to you and u wanna know why. then talk to him about him smoking .. tell him you dont think he should do it but do everything in a loving way. And as for him with his friends all the time, just tell him you want to spend a little time with him and not all his friends. Hope this all helped you. lemme know how things go!
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