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In-Laws
I am in my fifties and have been married for 25 years. My husband's family, who all live within 20 miles of us, are very close, except for the relationship between our family and the others. We are frequently excluded, especially by the one brother's wife from get-togethers, celebrations, etc. The other three sisters-in-law go shopping, take short trips together, etc.; in 25 years I've been asked one time. Our children are also basically ignored, but not as badly. My husband does get asked for the guy things, but I am totally left out of the group my mother-in-law calls "the girls." About 15 years ago my husband and I separated for a short time and I was estanged from the family for about a year after that, since it was the separation was at my prompting.
But that was a long time ago and the problems really existed prior to that. I'm at the point now of feeling really, really tired of feeling hurt by it and want to just see my husband's parents occasionally by ourselves, and forget the rest of the family. Is this out of line or should I just keep swallowing my pride and acting like all of this doesn't hurt. One sister-in-law that I'm closer to than the others asked the other two one time if they'd call me for one shopping trip and got as far as, "Well, we'll see if we ever ask her."
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I think you've been biting back your tongue for long enough. It's been 25 years since all this has started--time enough for any grudges to be water under the bridge, and more than enough time for your in-laws to grow up. You can talk to the other two and ask them why they've been so rude all these years, but I would suggest talking to your husband about all this--just give him a heads up on what you're going to say. Remind him that you've been apart of the family for a quarter of a century and that, if nothing else, should be some ground to stand on.
Because I'm a headstrong, rash person, I know I would rather confront the other two sisters-in-law and demand some kind of respect. If they have some problem with you, shouldn't they do the mature thing and try to resolve the issue instead of ignoring you and treating you like a second class citizen? (However, I understand that not everyone would choose to react the same ways I do.)
If you feel like there is no other way, you dear, patient lady, then so be it. There's no rule that says you must see all of your in-laws. If you want to see only your mother-in-law on occasion, then go ahead. You've done your part, and if no one else appreciates it, then that is their fault.
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ok i dont get your question but maybe they dont want to be close to you when you die
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You might consider asking your husband to talk to them as to how left out you are feeling. Since it's his family, he should be the one to bring it up.
Have you thought about inviting them over for a coffee or get together once in a while? The phone works both ways. If you go out of your way to include them, they would be more apt to return the favor. And besides, you will get to know them and enjoy one another's company.
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Well, ok. That would be something that anybody would be hurt about. My family goes through pretty much the same thing. My moms side of the family is very open and welcoming and involves as many people as they can. On the other hand, my stepfathers side of the family is just like your hubands, in a way. The adults dont like my mother or me very much, but with the exception of a few. Then there are the kids, they barely, if at all, include my two little brothers. They are 4 almost 5, and 6 almost 7. It doesnt seem fair or anything, but we dont worry about it. There are the ones in that family who care about us and those are the only that we worry about. But my stepfathers parents have passed away, but when they were alive, we tried visist them as much as we could, and they lived with us for awhile. But we did prfer to be alone with a lot of the time and my grandmother had alsimers. But what I would do is just try and sit down and talk to the family and talk about how you feel. If they still dont listen, youll still have your family, like me. If you want to spend time with the parent-in-laws alone, there is no problem with that. Everyone wants to be alone with their parents/in-laws at some point or another. Thats what my parents did too. But my grandfather on my moms side of the family has passed on, so my stepfather doesnt get to spend anymore time with him, but thats OK. But see how that works and get back to me and tell me how everything goes if you can.
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