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i have this friend...
i have this friend that i've known since 4th grade (we're now seniors). i love her to death but there are some things that make me really ticked off about her. lately, she has given up at everything in which she can't succeed. we do the same sport, and she is quitting. she used to be really really good at it (she was #1 on the team for a while), but she hasn't been as good because she really stopped trying. also, she is considering dropping one of her ap classes because she is getting a c+. she always complains about how the teacher doesn't grade anything and how the whole class is failing, but i talk to others in the class and they say that it's not true and that the problem is her. if she drops this class, she'll be a valedictorian. if she doesn't, she won't. all of my friends and i think that she should stick it out because colleges will like her getting a c+ and then working her way up to a b/b+ (because we know it's possible) rather than her dropping a challenging class. what do you think she should do and if you think she should stick it out, do you have any ideas for us to tell her? nothing seems to be working...
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There is really no single answer to this question; a lot more information is required.
First off, has she, and have the other top four or so, already applied to college? I should certainly hope so. Has she figured out how she's going to pay for college? Some schools will pay your way if you're valedictorian or salutatorian. If she's going to such a school, and she's vey poor, or has family money problems, then that could be the only way she can make it to college. If that is the case, and there are no other kids in the top ten that are in the same situation, then I would advise you not to push her to stay in the class. It's not fair, no, but as long as your friend's actions aren't hurting the other top ten kids, then your focus should be on her wellbeing.
As for her wellbeing, this sounds very much like she's depressed or in trouble somehow. Check out what's going on with her home life, her recreational/social time, and her love life. If something's happened at home, if she's gotten involved in drugs or alcohol too heavily, or she's been hurt somehow by a boyfriend or girlfriend (as in, violated) then that could be influencing her.
Regardless of the above situations though, you should encourage her to begin consulting a counselor. Either a guidance counslor, or an outside counselor (in some places, you can get counseling services for as little as ten dollars a session). Sometimes that's all depressed kids need to get it back together; it's all I needed. Even if it's not enough, the counselor can at least help her get to a psychiatrist if she's severely depressed, or help her find some other kind of help if she's facing a more tangible, external crisis.
But if all else fails, you need to support and gently push her. Don't be all gung-ho about it; if she's Valedictorian she's probably under insane pressure to succeed, and she may be rebelling against it. Try to get her to do things, but don't show marked disapproval if she doesn't. Make sure not to nag. Reassure her that she's still your friend if she doesn't succeed or doesn't give her all for things. I've been in that same situation before (although it was salutatorian, not valedictorian), and part of the reason it came about is becuase I felt like people only liked me becuase I was the valedictorian.
I know it's hard for us ambitious types to tolerate people not working up to potential, but you have to keep in mind that sometimes other things get in the way. If you want her to succeed, and to be happy, you have to help her find out what's int he way, and how to get rid of it, and support her when she actually moves beyond it. However, she has to take that step on her own. All you can do is be her friend whether she succeeds or fails, and try to help her toward the former.
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There are so many schools out there making more than one person valedictorian that it doesn't mean much anymore. They look at what you are taking and what you achieve. And even if you don't do as well in the AP class, sometimes you can still score well on the AP test and get college credit for it. She is being lazy, and she needs to wise up. Grades aren't everything. It's what you do with the knowledge and skills that are give to you that is the real deal.
Try to encourage to keep grinding away. It will benefit her in the end.
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being valedictorian is 100 times more impresive, she should drop
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maybe she has depression, maybe she has something going on at home that it bugging her. Ask her about that. Tell her that you just want to help her! Maybe sugest to her that you do homework and study together! And pratice for your sport outside of school if it is possible, depending on the sport! Try to hang out with her more too, like maybe go to a movie or the mall! and just have fun and chat, maybe you'll find that something is buging her! But I would really (if your concerned about her grades) ask her if you two could study together and do homework togehter!!!
Hope I helped!!
God Bless you!
*KelS*
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Hmm have you tried talking to her while your both alone together? is all the failing a recent thing?
If so then something must be going on in her person life that maybe you dont know about, and its effecting her school work. Try to get her alone and talk to her one on one. Tell her youve noticed her failing the sports team and now her ap class? whats up with that? something like that.
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