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Talking to my... mom?
I haven't seen my mother for 9 years, I'm 14. She's been on methampthetamines my entire life. I just got word today of where she is, I talked to her about 3 years ago. I need to go see her so that I can get over the fact that she will never be my mom. I just need some advice on what to say to her, and I really want to tell her to stop doing methampthetamines. I know that I won't be able to help her, but I just need some advice on how to deal with the fact that I will never have her as my mom, and that I will never be able to help her. I know it's hard to answer, but please, if anyone can help me. The pressure is too much, I'm seeing her this weekend. Please help me. I have no one else to turn to. 14/f
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You need to talk to someone about how you are feeling. Maybe a school counselor or an adult friend.
Begging her to quit won't really help much. If you can call her on the phone or write her a letter, it will help you break the ice. The more you visit and talk to her, the easier it becomes. You may never have a mother/daughter relationship, but that does not mean you can't have any relationship at all with her. She has got to want to help herself get better. If she starts saying awful things to you and mistreats you, then you would be better off without a relationship at all. This is a big issue, so don't be too hard on yourself. It is not your fault that it happened or your responsibility to make it go away.
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Meth is a rough way to go, and you are right that you can't help her with it. Here's the thing, dear. She will always be your mother, she just isn't able to care for you and her habit at the same time. You have faced the fact that she will never be there for you. That is very mature and I applaud you for it. When you see her, all the plans and thoughts will likely go out the window. You won't know the situation until you are in it, but try to keep a few things in mind to deal with the pressure. 1) She did not abort you, this means she wanted you on some level or another. 2) You know who she is and what she is. (Your mother and a drug addict.) 3) You can't help her, only she can do that, and she may never want to find that help. 4) You love her. That you care about this meeting is proof enough for me that you love her. Loving does not mean you have to trust her, or respect her, or even like her. In this instance Love is an acknowldgement that she is a part of your life even if she is not there and you haven't seen her in years. She is and always will be in your heart. 5) You need to accept her for what she is and take into your heart the reality that she will not change. Her addiction, I know, seems like a betrayal to you that she cares more for her drugs than the life she SHOULD have had with her child. Know that addicts don't think that way, Sweetheart. This isn't a choice for her; it's a sickness. There is nothing left in her after the drugs take hold to give anyone. Herself, your father, or you. 6) NO PLACING BLAME! Your mother is not going to be able to understand what you have suffered because of her absence. If she's been on drugs this long, it's a wonder if she knows anything but the name of her pusher. To bring up your problems will either make her angry or a blubbering mess. Niether will help you resolve the issues between you.
Good Luck and Big Hug!
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Wow. I am sorry! thats heavy stuf! well..tell her about yourslef. dont come on to strong at first because you might overwhelm her. visit her more then once. on the first visit keep it light and friendly..catch up on things. then in the next visits, you can bring in the fact that medicine is hurting her and that you feel as though you need a mother. if it doesnt seem to be working out..turn to your friends and other family member to help..sweetie its important that you dont make yourself crazy over this...remember everything happends for a reason. good luck x0x0x teddi!!
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