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is thiis qood ?
okay i wrote a poem and i wanna know what yoo thiink
never will a day pass that i dont think of you i may not show it but i truely am in love with you i know its true alls i can think about is you your more than a person to me your my inspriation you mean the world to me .. only if you would open your eyes and see how much u mean to me
ehh it probably sucks !! =(
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first off, this is not a poem. This a paragraph that lacks proper english skills, which should only be used in poetry as satire of this sort of thing. However, if it looked more like this it might start to be poetry:
never will a day pass
that i dont think of you
i may not show it
but i truely am in love with you
i know its true
alls i can think about is you
your more than a person to me
your my inspriation
you mean the world to me ..
only if you would open your eyes
and see how much u mean to me
and then it's only poem by format and horribly cliched.
perhaps if it looked like this:
Never will a day pass
That I dont think of you.
I may not show it,
but I truly am in love with you.
I know it's true
All I can think about is you.
You're more than a person to me;
You're my inspiration.
You mean the world to me...
If only you would open your eyes
And see how much you mean to me.
And then it sounds an awful lot like a late 80s Monkees song I used to like. I mean, exactly.
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you should make a song of it..it wuld work better as a song.. but i do like it
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I like it quite a bit. ^^
I don't know whether you did the bad grammar on purpose, but I sort of like it, actually.
Things that need fixing:
alls (2nd line) - all
your more (2nd line) - you're more
your my inspriation - you're my inspiration
are you using "you" or "u?" Because you use them both.
A few of the lines are a bit cliché. "never will a day pass" "truly in love with you." Find ways to replace them. Use imagery. Everybody loves imagery.
You use "to me" a lot. "the world to me," "u mean to me," "more than a person to me." Is this on purpose? If not, try changing it.
Things I love:
"I may not show it" - so true! this is an accurate slice of life, unlike a lot of romance poems which are just cliché after cliché after cliché.
"you're more than a person to me you're my inspiration." - V. nice. Nice rhythm too it. The grammars mucked up, but in a good way. Artistic lisence!
"only if you would open your eyes" - fun with vowels! it's like alliteration, but . . . not. It's good though. ^^
Hope I helped!
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Don't be so hard on yourself! I thought it was a great poem!! I can relate to it and I'm sure many other people can too! You should add more to it and just write how you feel about that person you love, that would be an awesome poem - even though it already is, but just add more. You did a great job on it! Good job! Keep writting.
xoxo Kourtney
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hey that was really good... i couldnt ever make a poem i suck and that kinda stuff... keep up the good work
~ Nicole
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i really like it and it doesnt suck.i can really relate to it and i think that is awesome. keep up the good work....:)
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pretty good. it sounds like it should be the chorus of a song... :)
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no not at all .. i love it.. it could really reach out to people .. write more poems maybe some day u will be a famous poet
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