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A friend i love hates me. 19, male.
I had a great friendship with a girl, but I made the mistake of asking her to open up to me about my past and feelings. My logic was since she's so afraid that my opinion of her would be lowered if I knew about her past, then she would come to some relief in knowing that my opinion of her would never be changed by something she did years ago. She told me, then days later she was furious about me knowing about her past. So my problem is this: I am in love with her, and she's very distant. I never asked her out because she's against dating, but now she is around another guy a lot who also loves her. I don't think she's attracted to me, so there's little hope to begin with (We told each other everyone we had a crush on. She was on my list, I wasn't on her's). This guy is open about his love, and is very touchy-feely towards everyone, especially with her. I'm afraid she'll start dating him, and never really speak to me again. I give her rides from school, and recently she just walked off with the other guy without saying a word. I caught up with them, and she said she was walking home, and had plans to go mushroom hunting. But she walked in the opposite direction of her house and it was starting to rain. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into this,or if she really doesn't want to see me anymore. So should I tell her how I feel and ask her who she'd rather be with, or should I spare myself the pain and depression that would follow and ignore this or ignore her. If this, then how do I possibly get over her, I don't really have many people I can talk to and I'm so very in love.
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Hello.
Congradulations on almost getting me in tears. It doesn't happen too often. It looks like you have a lot of questions to ask her and no real inniciative to ask them. It looks like you have to start with telling her that you really don't think any less of her because of her past if thats what's bothering her, then start on this other guy. Don't come with too much too fast, or she may think you're starting an interrigation. Try sending her a note asking her talk, and see what happens. It looks like she may just be feeling a little dirty because she thinks you know too much, and trying to block you out with another guy. Be gentle with this, it may take a little time to get better. Remember that it always gets the darkest before dawn.
If luck can save you, I give you all the luck that I posess.
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I bet she knows of your feelings, and is now keeping her distance because she doesn't want to hurt you. Sadly I think if you tell her how you feel, it will make the situation worse.
Your story reminded me of a Madonna song...
What Can You Lose
written by Stephen Sondheim
What can you lose?
Only the blues.
Why keep concealing everything you're feeling?
Say it to her, what can you lose?
Maybe it shows,
She's had clues, which she chose to ignore.
Maybe though she knows,
And just wants to go on as before.
As a friend, nothing more
So she closes the door.
Well, if she does
Those are the dues.
Once the words are spoken,
Something may be broken.
Still, you love her
What can you lose?
But what if she goes?
At least now, you have part of her.
What if she had to choose?
Leave it alone
Hold it all in.
Better a bone
Don't even begin.
With so much to win,
There's too much to lose.
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Hey,
I know how u feel.Except, not really. LOL. Well, i suggest you tell her how u feel. Maybe she's just to shy tell you. most girls think that if they tell them that they like them, they'll laugh and say, yeah right, i like you to; hahahaha. But girls don't want that, so they keep it to themselves. Tell her how you feel, in private. or give her a note. Just go with your gut feeling.
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OK, you said you don't think she is attracted to you. She walked away with another guy without saying a word. She said she was walking home (in the rain, in the opposite direction.) She tells you she doesn't believe in dating.
I don't think you are reading too much into it. I think the chances that she feels the same about you as you feel about her are very slim. I don't think her telling you about her past is a significant factor in this.
I wouldn't bring your feelings up, because it will probably make her more uncomfortable, and may be painful for you. I would try to continue the friendship, with out taking it further, because you can't force feelings that aren't there. Your only hope is that she might change, but I wouldn't live my life expecting it.
Definitely try to expand your circle of friends. Join groups and organizations that interest you. Even if you don't make the kind of friends that are close enough to talk to, you will at least be distracted, and improve you life.
From feedback: "I have to tell her. I never told a girl how I feel, and I don't think my feelings have ever been this strong, so I'm going to set myself up for failure. Wish me luck"
Good luck! You have decided to take a risk, and you know the possible consequences and are willing to accept them. That isn't a bad thing, but I hope you don't get hurt, even though you might.
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It is possible that she did like you, but was ashamed/embarrassed to admit it. Perhaps because of her painful past, she is afraid that you might cause her more pain, or that she might cause you grief. If you two are as close as you say, then she may have some latent fear, based on past experience, of dating a friend. Maybe she believes that pushing you away will be better for you in the long run. I believe you should ask her out. Rejection can be painful, but the worst thing she could say would be, "No!" Remember that you never know until you try, and if she says does tell you no, also remember that if you love someone, you have to let them go.
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