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Poem
Which do you think is better?
1)
The Moon
The moon whispers nightly prayers
before the sun awakes to overflow the day with light
The moon is the stars storyteller and
sings a lullaby to bring all children to a slumber
It witnesses all night activity
as a sliver of silver in the sky
The moon brings restless animals
to their hunting hour and
see all lowering their sleepy eyelids.
2) The Moon whispers it nightly prayers
before the sun awakes to overflow the day with light
It is the stars storyteller and
and sings a lullaby to bring all children to a slumber
It witnssas all night activity as a sliver of silver in the sky
and sees all lowering their eyelids
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I like both honestly i got a little bit confused to say but i would go with 2-trix
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Ooh......bravo!! It's so hard to coose! But I like 1 a bit more. Awesome job! :)
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#1 is better
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Actually, I like bits of each, though I prefer #1 overall. They're both quite lovely. If I were allowed to put them together, I'd probably wind up with something like this:
The moon whispers nightly prayers
before the sun awakes to overflow the day with light
It is the star's storyteller
and sings a lullaby to bring all children to a slumber
It witnesses all night activity
as a sliver of silver in the sky
The moon brings restless animals to their hunting hour
and sees all lowering their sleepy eyelids.
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#2 seems like a first draft...and the first one just flows better or something...
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I like #1 better.
The last verse I would prefer to be separated into 2 verses - the first one about the hunting hour, then the next one about lowering sleepy eylids, but add another line, so it has 2 lines like the others.
This is only a personal opinion.
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It's hard to choose, I really like both, but I'd probably go with he first poem, although I cannot rightly say why, just something about it.
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Well I have to say you write poetry beautifuly! I write poetry too and i think yours is better!
Anyways back to the question i would have to say they are both great but i like the 2nd. the 2nd seems to jump out at me like the night has been captured in this poem. I would say keep writing! there is a site www.poetry.com and you can summit your own poetry. you might even have your poem published.
anyways i like the 2nd.
sincerely
advice~gurl
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