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My son is in 4th grade and was just suspended for being reported for what he said to a girl but denied it and he keep saying he didn't say to 4 teachers & then told me a story that I really thought was the truth because My son would never open his mouth to say that. I was going to see why he was the only one since I felt they made it up. I was asking him all the names on the way to his school then he said not to tell on his friends made me think why not so I told him if he said anything to her at all better say it now,before I look stupid in there and then he said yes he said it I couldn't believe this was my son that the next day still have not punished him. What should I do when I'm hurt & angry I can't even look at him because I want to just get the belt out and bet his ass.(sorry)but I know I would really hurt him so I need advice on teaching what he did was wrong and help teach him how to respect adults?
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Well, It sounds like he doesn't normally behave this way, soo take that into consideration when punishing him. K, I think that beating him will not solve anything. If anything, it will limit his respect towards you and in the future he will be less likely to come clean. Tell him that he needs to both write an apology and tell the girl his apology in person. I'm not a believer in the whole grounding thing because when I was grounded once, all I did was play with my dolls. I didn't seriously think about what I did wrong. Basically in the long run, having your child apologize and see the person's face when he apologizes probably does more for him.
hope I helped! (I'm not a parent.. I'm 13, but I know a bit about punishment)
xoxo,
Lara
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Good for you for restraining yourself from punishing him until you're calmer! Physical punishment is not the way to go about this.
As soon as you feel up to it, have a long talk with him (but a talk, not a yelling session!). You need to explain two things to him: first, why he can't say hateful things to girls (or any other kids), and second, why he can't lie to you. Make it clear to him that these are separate issues, and that you wouldn't have been quite as upset if he had told the truth to start. Be very upfront about the fact that you are personally very disappointed in him, and why it matters to you.
I think he should be punished -- he needs to be clear about the fact that actions have consequences. It's up to you, of course, how you want to do it, and you may feel that the suspension is enough. But you also may want to revoke some of his privileges temporarily -- for example, if certain of his friends encouraged him to act this way, you might not want to let him hang out with them for a while.
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I would not beat him. He admitted it, and he will never admit another thing to you if you beat him. I think he is probably aware that he dissappointed you. I believe kids are self raising. It is better to have an open communication with them, so they will come to you when there are problems. If they do wrong, they will be punished in other ways than you beating them. I think it is more important for a parent to be someone they can come to without fear. I think it is also very important that he never think of himself as a "bad" kid beyond help. He just made a mistake.
I raised my daughters like that and they are both fine. They have admitted to me now that they were shocked when I didn't punish them like they thought they deserved. And they told me they don't know if they could raise thier own future kids like that. They did some pretty bad things, like skipping school, getting arrested for shop lifting, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, etc.
Recently someone told my daughter "Your parents certainly raised an ambitious hard working daughter" because she manages a store, owns a house, and goes to college at night, and is 26. She felt compelled to tell them the truth - "Actually, my mom believed I was self-raising, and my dad only wanted me to be happy." It is because of what she herself believes herself to be.
Specifically, you didn't say what happened to get him suspended. Probably peer pressure was involved, and then fear of punishment from you. Apparently he said something pretty bad to a girl. I would have a talk with him about what exactly prompted that kind of behavior, because I can't imagine he wants to be suspended and be considered a "bad" kid. Were the results worth it to him?
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Use punctuation next time.
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Your son lied to you like I lie to my parents .
First : Tell your son to stop lyeing to you
because, he can't keep it from you forever . He
may continue to lie to you though .
Second : Make him appologize for his actions
towards you and the girl.
Third : Tough love begins . Grounding for weeks .
I would ground him because, he took advantage of
your love . This means, he knew you were going to
come to his defense when he got in trouble . He
made you look like a fool . For this, I would
ground him because, he had a chance to tell you
the truth . I would then ground him for lieing
to me . I would allow no T.V.,phone,computer(
unless for information) while he is grounded .
Fourth : Every time he would lie to me I would
increase his weeks of grounding . I would let him
know this as well .
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I was taught the saying "Spare the rod spoil the child".. Meaning that if your child behaves this way your to punish Him/her, But I think you can resolve this in a different way. My advice is to set down and think,.. Why is he acting this way? and how did he learn this? was it because of me? An I a bad influence for him or is it another family member hes learning this from? Those would be question I would ask myself and I would change my ways if it is my ways that is to blame. Basicaly you have to change your behavior in order for your son to change,.. If I'mm all wrong please tell me. I hope my advice is good advice.
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