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Holidays are not my favorite days
My parents were divorced about 7 years ago. I am in my 30s. I feel like the holidays are a job because we have to go so many different places in one day, and worst of all, eat.
I wish I could rent out 2 adjacent ballrooms and have Christmas. It stresses me out. I have tried saying, ok, your house for Thanksgiving and your house for Christmas. This year I made Thanksgiving dinner, but my father forgot or just didn't bother to care. I did visit him the Friday after, which was fun. Mom and brother did come. Brother is also making the grand rounds with his family.
How could this be easier other than purposefully being out of town?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
The good news is that you're not obligated to make the grand rounds, and you're not obligated to feel responsible for anyone's fits if they don't get what they want out of your holiday time. Just stop. Tell your family that you want to have a relaxed time with them that you will all cherish without feeling rushed or overbooked. (Don't argue this. Just state it as fact.) And set up a mutually convenient time before, during or after the holidays to spend with each set of people who matter to you. Some families split the holidays each year, some alternate years, and some just tell families to "come see me if you want to see me."
There's no need to defend this new stance with your family, by the way. Just communicate that this is a decision you have made, and if they argue, your stance should be to smile warmly and kindly and say, "Well, be that as it may, this is what I've chosen to do. Now, let's talk about when I can look forward to seeing you during the holidays. Are you free the weekend immediately after Christmas? No? Would it be better if we spent some time together in January instead? No, as I have said, the two weekends before Christmas aren't good for me. No, I don't have specific plans but I'm choosing not to go out of town on those dates. (no further explanation is needed). When else would you like?"
And I'd let your father know that you were disappointed he didn't attend Turkey Day with you. Next year, confirm that he really will be there, mentioning that you were disappointed that he didn't come as agreed upon the previous year. And if he does this again, don't make plans with him unless he initiates them, and only then if he has satisified you that he has changed his ways and is serious about honoring his time with you.
Good luck! - The Southern Chick
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Christmas at your house, and tell them you won't be making the rounds that year. Have EVERYONE come to your house for Christmas eve, or Christmas day. Make it plain that if they do not show they will not be seeing you that year, as you are getting worn out and not enjoying your holidays going back and forth.
Then, go ALL OUT on Christmas at your place. Decorations, tree, food, EVERYTHING. Make sure they know what you're doing.
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Tell you parents to suck it up for your sake... even better give one christmas and one christmas eve... if they can't get along then do that if they complain then next year swich who gets what days... its only fair that way and easyer on you...
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well as i can c it ur family is not aware so they cant help u TALK 2 THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I am in basically the same situation. My mom is selfish and spiteful, and gets extremely angry when my brother and I talk about visiting my dad. (Which sucks for him, he kinda gets the shaft when it comes to me seeing him since I live two hours away.) What my mom has done this year, since my brother was married and now has a daughter, is do holidays on completely different days. We did Thanksgiving the Sunday before and we are doing Christmas the 21st. You could maybe suggest that, because it's not the specific day, it is getting together with your family and spending time with them, and being glad you are together and all that fun jazz.
Suggest it at least, and I don't know what else to tell you. I also have to go to my boyfriends parents as well...oy!
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your holidays should not feel like a job at all. Holidays are a time to spend relaxing and staying out from work. If you feel like renting out ballrooms do what you feel like doing. You can visit with parents any time.
-shay :-)
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The good thing about divorce is, it makes people exist on their own. The consequence of this is, they suddenly realize they're not responsible for people's happiness any more, and revert to a 5-year old mentality. They're doing what THEY want and to HELL with everyone else. Nice. If they're fighting over this or making you feel guilty or pressured, it's just not worth it. Unfortunately it seems to be a trend.
The American way is that eating is a social event. odd, but true. people get insulted if you DON'T partake. Considering that the holidays are supposed to be a relaxing time of joy and friendliness, why don't you try the same as they--sit on your bum in the kitchen and tell everyone "you come over here, or I stagnate and you no see me". I commend you for being responsible but people just don't always cooperate. Don't forget about your own welfare.
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