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My boyfriend is forcing me to send nudes
Hi Im Jay and Im 15 and my boyfriend who's 17 is forcing me to send him nudes. I told him about 5 times that im not comfortable with putting myself out there like that but he says he doesn't care and that i should do it for him and if i don't I'll regret it big time. I hate how he gets mad at me if I don't do something he wants, and I'm scared of not doing it cuz he'll get mad and hurt me. I just really don't want to send him nudes and idk what to do he won't take no for an answer. I need advice please help.
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Dear Simple Selfie,
If someone is wanting to compromise your morals and values by trying to manipulate you to doing something disrespectful and self-loathing of yourself than that person should not be in your life at all. Why not find someone who will respect you and your morals as well as make you feel like a person and not a cheap floozy? Don't ever put yourself in a position to where you would get hurt and sending him any pics of yourself in the nude gives him power to hurt you. Think better about yourself and don't ever put yourself in that position.
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Hi Jay, if I was in your position I would say goodbye straight away! If he can't respect that you don't want too do that, he obviously doesn't care about you and he isn't worth your time. It maybe hard and scary too break up with him, but trust me it's the best thing too do! You're putting yourself in a very vulnerable situation, take it from someone who has been in an abusive relationship in the past. It's not a good thing too be involved in at all, get out while you can! The earlier you can get out of the relationship the better, because if you let it go on any further it'll just be harder too leave him. Don't ever let a guy push you around, you're worth more than that!
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Hi Jay, Just because a guy tells you to do something doesn't always mean you have to do it. What he is doing is completely wrong, and he has no right to hurt you in anyway. Right now you're putting yourself in an abusive relationship, and the best thing to do is to cut it off with him. He's not worth your time if all he wants from you are nudes. You said that you might regret it if you don't send him nudes, but you have to think about the bigger risks if you do send those nudes, not only will he be able to see them, but the entire world. With technology nowadays it's easy to post pictures on social media with just a click/press of a button, and imagine how many people with a piece of technology would be able to access these photos, and even if you do delete the photos from the internet it's still stored somewhere. Once you post something online you can never take it back/down. Please think of the bigger risks you're putting yourself in if you do send the nudes, vs making him happy. Your happiness is more important that his. Don't do something for him that'll make him happy, but will be the biggest regret of your life. Once again these are just words of advice and I can't tell you what to do, but I do hope you really think about it before doing something you regret.
-Swimmer133
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He asks for nude pix and you have told him 5 times that you are not comfortable but its not clear whether you fulfill his demand and inforom him that you uncomfortable or you haven't sent any pic and is telling him that you are uncomfortable.
The only way he can threat you while making you regret big time is if he has your nude pix and he decides to post your pix on internet (porn sites) or his friends group. Apart from this he can hardly harm you.
If you haven't fulfilled his demand than leave him tactfully. How can you do that. Letme know if you interested in knowing some tacts.
Before I can help you to get rid of him I need to clearify if you have already sent pix or not.
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If he can't respect you on this, you need to end the relationship. This isn't boyfriend behavior, this is bully behavior.
If you are worried for your safety, tell a trusted adult. A parent, or a teacher or a coach. There is no way that what this guy is saying to you is okay.
When a guy wont take no for an answer - run. What if he decides he wont take no when it comes to other things as well? This isn't a safe person to be around, and you deserve to be safe.
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First things first there is a whole lot of wrong going on here that needs to be addressed and corrected.
You being 15 and sending nude photo's of yourself to anyone is by legal definition; the distribution of Child Pornography. It is illegal to send or possess any child pornography. Your ages do not protect you when it comes to child porn.
Will you go to jail, probably not. Will you have to go to juvenile court you can bank on it if you caught or make that when you are caught for the chances are high you will be. Why are they high? Because your boyfriend is going to do something stupid like show them to someone or put them out on the internet. When he does is when you will get caught. So do not send him any pictures.
Next is his threatening to harm you if you don't. Two wrongs here. One his threat to harm you is his way to control you into doing something you do not want to do. This is very wrong and is also a very poor relationship. He is what is called a controller which is a character flaw which one day will cause him to harm someone maybe you.
When someone threatens you and you believe that person has the ability to do so. This is called an assault in legal terms. TO assault someone is illegal and that person can be arrested and since your boyfriend is 17 depending on what he has actually said to you he could be charged as an adult and do jail time.
Now that you know the legalities of this situation the person who holds the upper hand is not him but you. You also have choices. You can talk to him and tell him you are not sending him any pictures and he is not going to harm you in any way. If he threatens you again you will file charges of Assault with the police. He will think you mean Battery, tell him to look up the difference. If he harms you or attempts to you will file charges. You are not sending him any pictures because it is illegal to do so and for him to posses them since you are a minor and they would be child porn. Tell him to deal with that.
If you have sent him any tell him to delete them from wherever they're stored and you should delete them from your camera.
The other alternative is to do nothing yourself but to tell you parents. Let them do what they think best. Most importantly though is this is a relationship that is extremely toxic because he is a controller. You should end this relationship and find someone who will treat you better.
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You'll regret it more if you carry on doing it. You're in a bit of a hole, so the first thing you do is stop digging. Tell him no more nudes. He's exhibiting a very strong tendency to controlling behaviour indeed here. It won't stop with forcing you to send pictures, backed up with the threat and prospect of getting mad and hurting you. It will be everything. Every tme he wants and demands his own way. In big things and small things. You just don't want to get into an on-going/long-term relationship with a guy like this. Soon the bullying (emotional and/or physical) will undermine you to such a point that you won't dare leave him. You'll think you're worthless and can't function without him. This is what he wants. Dependency on him. To control you entirely. Ditch him now. Abusive messages, calls, face-to-face behaviour etc are not acceptable. Make the break and then report any instance straight away to the relevant authorities. If he lays a hand on you bring assault charges. Send him a message telling him firstly, he's over and you don't want the relationship, or him. Secondly this zero-tolerance approach and reporting to the authorities is going to be your policy (as of this minute) if he intimidates or pursues you in any way. Honestly, this is only going to end up one way. With you trapped in an abusive relationship of physical and emotional cruelty and violence. I'm not being dramatic. They're very common. And they're most often silent. The victim (which will be YOU) doesn't dare tell anybody what's going on behind closed doors. This is how they always start. Get out now. He's bad news. And like all control-freaks, he's behaving like this with you because basically, he can't truly control much at all. He's the loser with a history ultimately of getting the shit-end of every stick. You don't need a guy like that. Kick him into touch, let him prey on someone else.
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Tell a teacher, parent or adult you trust. This is wrong and actually illegal if they were transmitted electronically or otherwise. You also have to get wise yourself. There's something wrong with this guy and it's NOT a suitable, safe or true relationship. No matter what don't do what he asks or threatens for. Tell an adult. They will handle it. If he psychically threatens you press charges. But get out of the situation NOW.
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