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humorist-workshop
Preagnat 15 year old sister and mom that frustrates me....
ok so... i'm not like a perfect kid or anything but I'm not a bad one either. I'm 18 years old and I don't drink, do drugs, have sex, nothing. I never have and I don't plan on it. My 15 year old sister on the other hand has been mixed up in just about everything. She even got a tattoo and tried hiding it forever. My mom used to get on her so hard when she knew she was getting high and stuff. It took a huge turn at some point and I just don't know where. She keeps everything about my sister from my dad and it makes me so frustrated. My sister has this 19 year old boyfriend we'll call Dustin. Dustin in 19 years old and a loser. He doesn't have a job or anything. My sister would say she was staying and then go to his house instead.. at first my mom cared and then she just like stopped. she would tell me and my dad she was at her friends when I knew the truth... and thennnn she had the audacity to let him stay here at our house. Well... about 2 weeks later guess who's pregnant.. yep.. my sister. They think they're ready to "have a family".. how can they have a family when neither one has a job or any source of support besides my parents. Dustin is in and out of jail and it disgusts me. My dad goes to sleep every night at about 8:30 and around 945 or so my mom goes to get her from Dustins and guess who has been coming with her every single night?! I know it shouldn't be my problem but it is. I don't feel comfortable in my own house an I get so stressed from having to keep it from my dad. Whenever I try to tell my mom how I feel it turns into how "I think i'm so perfect and how I build off of her screw ups" My mom always makes it sound like i'm a bad kid and i'm tired of it. I am such a good kid compared to her.. and not because I want to be better than her, it's because I respect myself...... please help me, I would appreicate it so much .
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Maybe your mom just doesn't want to face what is really happening. If she is keeping it from so many people it is also telling me that she is in a way trying to keep it from herself as well. Being a parent, it is hard to watch your kid do things that you'd hoped they'd never do. But no matter what your mother says or how she makes you feel, it really is your business. If you live in that house, you are affected by what goes on, especially the guests that are invited there. If you don't feel comfortable in your own home, that is a problem that certainly affects you and you have every right to voice your opinion and have your wishes considered and met.
I know how hard it is to have to keep things from a parent because of what another parent says. It always seems like a useful thing to do to talk to the other parent when you are having problems with one or another member of the family. Are you sure you can't talk to your dad? Your mom may not like it, but unless they are divorced and he is out of the picture, he has a right to know what is going on with his own children. Your family can't ignore the fact that your sister is pregnant. Maybe something will come out of this. Maybe you or your mom will be forced to tell your dad and things will come out in the open. Although this doesn't always happen, maybe your sister might learn a lesson.
My mother also makes me sound like a bad kid, although I seem much like you. The important thing is to remember that what your mom is saying isn't really about you. She is very stressed and deep down I'm sure she knows you are a good person. Of course, this doesn't give her an excuse, just a reason. Try to keep that in mind the next time she says something to you and don't just be silent. Make sure she knows how you feel, in a respectful way of course. And know that no matter what anyone says, you are still the great person that you always were.
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Wow, just wow...I'm sorry to say this but your mother is pretty ignorant. She probably just doesn't know what to do, so she chooses to ignore it and "hope for the best". I understand your stress, and you're right to feel this way. Your mother has no right telling you those things when you approach her about this. You are 18 years old, but I don't know your situation right now. I suggest you approach your sister about this. Tell her your views on her choices thus far, and that you just want the best for her. However, your sister is the only one that can do something about it. Is there any particular reason why you can't tell your father? I'm very sorry you have to go through this, but at least you're old enough to get away from this. If you have a really good friend that would take you in, I suggest you go for it. Otherwise, this is all on your sister's choices. Sometimes, the advice we need to give to the ones we love will hurt them, and us. But it is a feat that needs to be done. Good luck.
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i know how you feel. i've been in a quite similar situation with my sister. i've learned that trying to break them up will NOT work. honestly, it'll probably drive them closer together, because they'll have a mutual feeling of hate toward you and whoever else is putting down their relationship. let them make their own mistakes, but don't make any of your own. there are two ways you can approach this:
1) tell your dad. although this would probably be the best approach, the outcome may not be what you expect. on one hand, he'll know, and you won't have to lie. he might be able to save the family, and all that, you know, the typical, hero story, the family will be all better. BUT on the other hand, you speaking out now just might tear your family apart. yes, you're telling your dad, but how long have you been hiding this ? how long have you been keeping this a secret from him ? what will he say when he finds out your mom has been lying ? when he finds out that your sister is pregnant ? will your parents fight ? will he leave ? will your mom and sister hate you forever for ratting them out ? you need to think of all these questions before you decide to tell him and you need to decide whether or not it's really worth it.
2) the second solution is to just ignore the situation. you're 18 aren't you ? instead of making a huge deal and possibly destroying your family, there are other things you can do. are you currently going to college ? if so, why not live on campus in a dorm ? or think about transferring to a different college somewhere farther away, and if you can't afford to stay in a dorm, just see if you can move in with some other relatives close to a different college. you are old enough to be living on your own. try getting a job to support yourself. if you can't get a job that pays enough for you to have somewhere to stay, find some friends and split the cost of an apartment among yourselves, or even look for ads that are offering rooms for rent. this, essentially, would be running away from the problem, but some would definately choose this over the other choice. either that, or just live at home, and ignore it completely. just let your sister and mother make their mistakes, because that just might be the only way they'll learn.
anyways. i hope i helped. let me know if you have any other questions, and good luck !
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I know all about this trust me but to tell you the truth your sister and dustin (yes are being stupid) but it will be very rare that they change their mind in wanting to start a family.
From my experiences I know the more you guys think badly against them, the more they will rebel to have this family.
Never lie to your dad - it isnt your duty too, and it isn't fair. Don't be afraid for not telling your dad because at the end of day your mum can punish you - but since she has kept it from your dad- he won't punish you, therefore you won't get into trouble. Honesty is the best policy.
I know how you feel, and your sister and dustin will probabrly have this baby (unless she freaks out because she is emotionally too young to handle the fact she is pregnant) but what I would do is ACCEPT the fact she is pregnant, she has a boyfriend and even if you don't feel it, try to be cool with it. Dustin would feel more welcome, and might step up to be a good man/father if he had the encouragement from his girlfriend's father.
Your sister is too young to see that some things don't last forever and there is a chance he will leave her. They always put their dicks before the head - its just a common fact. As a sister, tell her you accept this desicion, give her the support she needs, let her know what changes like ahead (ie - getting fatter etc - the things teens think about ) You sound like a good person and its not fair you get shouted out more, or told off more but you sister puts your mum in such a bad mood, your mum needs support - she cant tell your dad, and she knows that you know - so she'll take it out on you because she thinks you'll "understand"
Tell your mum if she upsets you, that you're just trying to make her happy, and it would be nice if you could just have her to talk to about stuff. Parents are usually more than happy to have their child talk to them.
About dustin staying over, you should never feel unconfortable. I'd tell your dad about this situtation about him staying over. I think he'll understand more really - the fact that he's got his hands on his daughter. But as much as you have tried your best, I would try to make Dustin accepted and then tell your family you feel a bit unconfortable in your own home and that it would be nice not to have guests around all the time so you can relax a bit.
Your sister and dustin will never change.She's emotionally immature and Dustin half the time is in power over her. All you can do is accept and never be suprised about what is yet to come. Always tell your dad the truth, and tell your mum you'd like to talk to her about stuff, or ask her if you can spend quality time with her - you never know until you TRY. But also being kind to Dustin and letting him know how you feel is another way too.
I'm not promising things will go your way, because I'm going through this stuff to right now, and it's going to stress you out but what you need is your own space and someone to talk too - maybe your dad or a friend. You'll feel more confortable about the situation goes on trust me. You grow fed up and familiar to it.
I hoped I helped, I may be just telling you what you already know, if so, it just goes to show there isnt much you can do, but I hope you can
Sadie
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Your sister is in deep and serious situation right now. Why has your mom let things to go this far? She should have set her foot down from the very beginning! Anyway, there's no point of putting the blame on someone right now. The important thing is to set things right. I say, go and tell/explain to your dad on what's happening right from the start. In this situation someone has to be firm and has the capacity on the final say inside the house. Your sister is still a minor so basically she's still under the patronage of your parents. Kudos to you for being a good big sister. Just try to be more patient and understanding to your sister.
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Isn't it messed up that the bad kid gets more attention than the one who is doing the right thing. First of all, know that your sister is in a whole lot of trouble right now. You think she's getting everything she wants, but I promise you, reality is going to come crashing down on her for the rest of her life. You truly should feel sorry for her, because she is going to be stuck with this loser for the rest of her life and she's going to have the responsability of a baby, to boot. Your mother's head is spinning right now. She knows what your sister is facing, even if your sister thinks this is all fun and games. I don't know why she is allowing this guy to spend the night in her home with her 15 year old daughter, or more importantly, risking family harmony by lying to your dad, but it seems as if your mother needs a reality check. You should talk to your mother and tell her that you don't feel comfortable sleeping while some near stranger who has been in jail is wandering around the house. I have a feeling that she is letting Dustin stay over because if she doesn't your sister will stay over there, and your mother is worried. She can't think straight because she is allowing a fifteen year old to call the shots. you could even research places that your sister could go. Some places have himes for unwed mothers that will teach them parenting skills, set them up in apartments, etc. Maybe your mother is going to have to let your sister go. I really feel for you, because you are stuck in a bad situation that you didn't cause, and you don't have any control. The only thing you can control is your own actions, and if it makes you feel any better, soon you will be off beginning your life, and your sister will be facing a lot of struggle. I know right now she is thinking about her wonderful family she is starting, but I promise you, her wake up call will come soon. In the meantime, her unborn baby is another totally innocent person who has less control than you do. Hopefully, your mother is trying to placate your sister so that she can get her the prenatal care she needs. Whenever you start feeling too sorry for yourself, think about that baby who didn't ask for any of this, yet is going to be born to a teenage girl who has nothing, and a father who is in and out of jail, and will probably continue the pattern. Think about how you are going to be the auntie who might be the only one responsable enough to teach this kid about life.
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Stop ‘discussing’ things with your mom.
She's not only in denial. She's ashamed and panicking. You will get NO rational response or behavior out of her at this point. Don't even try.
However, you have a certain right to be comfortable in your home and you should not be expected to keep secrets from you father. Those are not fair or justifiable expectations to have of any person you live with, much less to have of a teenage daughter. You have no right to forbid this guy from your home, but you have every right to express yourself very clearly, and demand a bit of respect.
Your mother is right that you should be sympatric to your little sister, not only is she in a tough position, she’s a moron. She’s not going to have an easy time. BUT IT”S YOUR MOM’S BEHAVOIR THAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM. So stop talking about your sister, don’t even mention her name. Deal with your Mom. She’s the damn adult here and you don’t have to have the same sympathy for her.
So, no ‘discussing’, tell your mother these two things, and don’t budge on them:
One: This guy makes you very uncomfortable and you do not want him over every day. You deserve some 'guest free' time in the place where you live. To have him over every night of the week it not fair to you. There needs to be some compromise. If she can’t do this by herself, then you need to get your father involved in the discussion and to help build some house rules about guests that are respectful to everyone, including yourself. (Don’t mention your sister here, this isn’t about her, this is about your mom allowing this guy over all the damn time.)
Two. You will no longer lie to your Dad. Make this very clear. It's not YOUR job to keep secrets and tell lies, especially if they make you uncomfortable. If you father asks you a question, you will answer it honestly. If your mother doesn’t want you to tell him something, then she needs to not tell it to you. Tell your mother she probably ought to inform him of what is going on, because it would be better for him to hear it from her.
Unless he has some history of physical abuse, she needs to let him know what is going on with his child. He has a right to know, and she needs to face the music.
Put your foot down with your mother in those two ways, and ignore any ‘punishment’ she might try to dole out. Calmly and simply ignore it. IF she cuts your allowance or does something else, accept it and say “Fine Mom. But I still meant what I said.” If this guy is still in your home more then 3 nights a week, speak to your Mom and Dad about your discomfort with his constant presence.
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