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I think my dad is cheating on my mom
I am a 17-year old girl about to go to college. I absolutely love my family. However, recently my dad has been acting harshly towards my mom, but not in an abusive way- he doesn't specify where he's going when he's going out, for example, and expects her to take it. They've been married 26 years, but he doesn't show her a lot of affection -and she has complained to me about it. Now I have proof that he is having an affair. The only problem is is that this proof is his text messages - things I shouldn't be looking at. I couldn't help myself, and I know it was wrong. However, now that I know should I do and/or say something? I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked, but more than that is the fact that my mom doesn't deserve this. Is there anything I can do? Please help me.
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This is your parents' issue, but this doesn't mean that you shouldn't be distressed. We look up to our parents and expect them to be role models. It is clear that your Dad's actions have shaken the image you had in your mind for what he should do or be like. Although I agree that you shouldn't have looked at his texts, it doesn't make it ok for him to cheat on your Mom.
You're an adult, and you should be able to have an adult conversation with your Mom or Dad about this. If or when you do this, focus on how discovering this made you feel, rather than talk about what they did or are doing. It's not your place to get in the middle of your paren's issues, but this has become an issue between your Dad and you. Although it might be tough, the longer you avoid talking about this with him, the more you will think about it.
One site I found that helped me think through this stuff is [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) Also, check out askpeggy. Hopefully these will help you work through this and help you decide how, if at all, to bring this up to our parents.
Good luck!
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My heart goes out to you, for being in such a sad situation. The truth is, your mother doesn’t need proof of any kind that your father is unfaithful in the marriage to address and take action on her issues with his blatant behaviors towards her. If you tell your mother, what do you expect will come of it? Also if you tell your father, what are your expectations from that confrontation? The bottom line is that this is your parents’ marriage and not yours, and while as their child you are psychologically affected by what’s going on presently and what happens in the near future. I would suggest you process your thoughts and feelings over your father’s behavior with a therapist in your area, and continue to lend your mother an open ear. So long as your mother isn’t being physically abused, I would let the situation play itself out.
-Good luck.
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I'm sorry you're in this position.
Of course you're mum doesn't deserve this - nobody does. but you don't deserve to be the one who breaks the news to her - If you are certain your dad is cheating, he should be the one to do it. Which is why if I were in your position, I'd talk to him. Tell him you know you were wrong, but you read his txt messages... and see what he says.
If your mum is complaining to you about him, she's obviously sensing something. It's down to your mum as well - she may suspect it already, but just wants to ignore it until he comes clean.
but as I've said, if you can, talk to him. Once he sees you are now involved, the only decent thing for him to do would be to admit it to the rest of his family.
Best of luck.
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i dont' think you should get into it by just telling your mom. But you could point your mom the phone then SHE picks up the phone and looks at the text messages then you have no place in HER finding them so you dont' have to be in it. And if your dad says why were you reading my text messages say I thought something wasn't right with you and mom
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No one has said this yet but I think you should talk to your school counselor. Maybe they could give you some direction and support. I think there's to many factor to weigh for good direction. Some face to face counseling is my suggestion. Trust your heart!
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I don't think you should say anything. It isn't your place, nor do you really want to make it your place. Its something she needs to either find out from him or on her own.
Its between them to work this out. It isn't fair for you to feel you have to be a marriage councilor, because that isn't your place- your place is being the kid.
I'm sure you understand that by reading his text messages, you were invading his privacy. This situation you find yourself in now is exactly the reason why you don't want to be doing such things.
Now you are hurt and confused.
Listen- She doesn't deserve him cheating and treating her like crap. She CHOSES to deal with it. If and when she gets tired of it, she will chose to do something different.
What you can do is be that supportive shoulder for her. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Just don't feel put in the position to try to sort out or point out their marital problems. That isn't fair to you.
ygs-29/f
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This is a REALLY difficult situation to be in, and I'm not sure there is any real easy answer, or even one at all. I'm not sure that you should tell your mom, as it seems like your dad should be the one who does it. Perhaps you can ask your dad about it? Is there any chance you could be mistaken, because you want to be sure. You could possibly consider leaving him an anonymous note if you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it.
At the same time, I'm not sure that you should say anything at all. Yet, your mom has a right to know, and if your dad really is cheating on her, then he has to either make it right or they need to deal with their relationship.
If you have a good relationship with your dad, you may want to calmly confront him with the issue, but you don't have to say that you looked at his phone. You could perhaps say "I don't want to believe anything is going on, but you're not here very often and no one knows where you are." Maybe just that someone took notice will be enough to make him feel guilty and break him to the point of talking to your mom.
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you have to tell your mom and tell her to tell him that seh found them
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