Member Since: January 6, 2013
Answers: 8
Last Update: January 6, 2013
Visitors: 919
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okay, so i started working somewhere about a half a year ago, and my coworkers are REALLY awesome. i get along with a lot of 'em, and have made some pretty great friends. one in particular, Sam, and i have a lot in common, he's a REALLY cool guy. we both are passionate about art, music, theater, etc, and we have a lot of the same interests and hobbies. about 2 or 3 months ago, we started hanging out a lot, going to the mall, movies, art museum, and just plain having fun. He's become a great guy friend of mine.
THEN, there's another coworker, let's call him Will. Will and i have an... interesting relationship. it mainly consists of flirting. at first when we met, he just plain teased me. then as we got to know each other, the teasing turned into flirting, then EXTREME flirting, and now it's blatantly obvious something's about to happen. he's been flirting with me for 5 months. i have this feeling he's about to ask me out.
Sam confessed he had been crushing on me for a while recently. i told him that i was extremely sorry and that he is a GREAT guy, but i just don't feel the same. we were clear that we would not let things get weird between us, and that we'd remain good friends. Will on the other hand... I like him, (and have since before i met Sam), and i'm fairly certain Will likes me in return. Will and Sam both know each other, and are acquaintances, but they're not really that close. so, Sam doesn't know that i like Will, and Will doesn't know that Sam confessed. I don't know what to do... something's going to happen between Will and I soon, I just know it. but, what do i do about Sam? I really don't want to break his heart, and i don't want to come off as a sleazebag ho who goes out with one guy right after another guy confesses! Sam confessed recently, so the wound is still fresh. but, Will is about to make a move. I don't know what to do... please give me your opinions! did i handle something incorrectly? if Will asks me out, should i tell him to wait? or do you think that's unnecessary? WHAT should I do? xD! Heeeellplplp please! thank-you! (link)
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Hey,
This situation is tricky. However, I do not think you handled anything incorrectly. You seem enjoy spending time with Sam and to really like his company, but you see him as just a friend, which there is nothing wrong with. While it is unfortunate for him because he likes you, it is not your fault that you cannot reciprocate these feelings. In addition, you are only human and having feelings for someone else is something you cannot help.
However, I think you still want to find a way to protect Sam's feelings, while ultimately getting to be with Will. Would it be uncomfortable for you to reproach Sam and to tell him how much you appreciate your friendship with him and that the reason you do not share his feelings is because you have had feelings for someone else even before you met Sam? This option is one possible approach. Or, if you do not want to bring up the subject again, since nothing has happened with Will yet, you can hold off until something serious does happen, and bring this point up to Sam.
I do not think Sam will view you as a hoe as you mention, considering it doesn't seem like you kissed Sam or fully lead him on (at least in the sense of kisses, etc); you were honest with him and tried to maintain your friendship, which I think was the right thing to do. And if he does see you this way, then that would be unfortunate, but unfair to you. Maybe just try to hold things off with Will a little longer if you can, just to let some time pass so Sam is not really hurt.
I hope this helps :)
Skylar
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I have no problem giving advice to others who want to kiss a partner to do it spontaneously and totally believe that's what to do so I don't feel bad about asking about kissing as we can all learn and refine technique.
My situation is a little different. I'm not a teen anymore. As a kid and later a teen I had no experimentation or experience with kissing at all.
I was bullied all my life and spent the last ten years of my adult life dealing with a serious illness.
I'm now an adult and haven't ever kissed a woman be it a peck on the lips or an open-mouth kiss and have the opportunity of potentially doing so soon and am excited but TERRIFIED.
My partner knows of all this but what I want to know is if there are any set rules about the first time with a partner or at all. For example is it expected that the first time is a peck or can you do more than that?
What are sure fire tips to make this come off right rather than embarrassing or put her off for good? My gut instinct is to just go for it and let chips fall where they may. She told me a story once about people she knew that met that way so I think she wants that kind of moment with a guy. Any advice is extremely helpful.
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I would have to agree that it is important to do whatever feels natural. Typically, when you kiss someone you can gauge from his or her reaction whether he or she is comfortable with just a peck or with a little bit of tongue, etc. In this case, since it will be a first kiss, I would say normally more than a peck is acceptable, but to either limit the tongue kissing or to possibly wait for next time. However, if she seems like she wants more, then I would go for it. It really all depends on the situation and the person; while this advice may sound like common sense, I think that when you are in the situation you will see what I mean about everything coming naturally : )
Hope this helps,
Skylar
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Would like to know how tell if a girl is attracted to you or interested in you. (link)
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Hi,
I think one of the most common signs a girl is attracted to someone is if she wants to spend time with him or if she is often in his company. Granted, she may be shy and try to limit her contact with him just because she does not know what to say, but typically girls enjoy being around the guy they like.
As another advice giver mentioned, I'd say it's also a good sign if the girl laughs or smiles a lot at the stuff you say. She may also joke around with you.
Another sign she might be interested in you is if she asks you a lot of questions about yourself, or, as someone else said, is constantly looking over at you.
These elements basically sum up some of the stuff I have done or have noticed girls do when they like a guy.
Hope this helps :)
Skylar
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18/f. I've stumbled upon somebody talking about guy and girl friendships. I read it and I disagree, due to personal experience, of course. I have two best guy friends. I hang out with the one more than the other but I can talk to the other about everything. I'm told all the time that I will wind up dating one of them. Some say that about the first guy, some say that about the second guy but everybody and I mean EVERYBODY thinks that I will date at least one of my guy best friends.
Anyway, the saying is "A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point, they will fall for each other.. maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe to late or maybe forever."
The gist of this is basically: what do you think about this saying? Can guys and girls be just friends? Why? Why not? (link)
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I definitely think that guys and girls can just be friends if neither of you have feelings for one another, which is certainly possible. However, it is different if at least one of you has feelings for the other.
Yet typically, even if girls fall for their best guy friends they may still be able to remain friends, even if it is difficult or frustrating. However, I have noticed that when it is the other way around (the guy has feelings for his girl best friend), eventually the guy's pride gets in the way and he will become frustrated or begin acting different toward the girl.
Granted, not everyone is the same and this pattern may not apply to all girl/guy relationships, but it is just the pattern that I have noticed. But yes, I do think it's possible for guys and girls to be just friends : )
Skylar
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there was this girl that I like, she showed a little interest at first and got my number, i would text her once in a while, then she just started ignoring me alot, like she would reply right away if a said something stupid, that's how I could tell she was getting the normal messages. But I feel bad because after a while, I sent a message saying "I guess you'll just ignore me so I could stop trying to text you" then she said sorry & that she was busy. Then I said "Yeah indifference is obvious" then she said sorry again. Then I said sorry. But I feel like a major douche now. Then today I texted her, she texted back a few times, and right when I felt like talking more she started ignoring me again, so then I sent her 14 empty messages on purpose. And then I sent a very very long message. And now I'm just ughh. like why did I do that. THEN REPEAT it in a worse way. I just feel guilty and not myself. I'm like disgusted with myself. The message wasn't that bad, it just told her how I felt. (link)
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Hi there,
You were feeling hurt and confused, so you acted upon your emotions, hoping that something would come of it. However, keep in mind that like guys, girls like a challenge too (it's just human nature). When a guy constantly texts a girl, she feels as if there is no challenge involved because she already knows that he really likes her and therefore, there is no mystery left. I understand that it is difficult because when you like someone, you want to talk to them; nevertheless, keep in mind for the future that it will be more rewarding in the long run if you hold off a little.
Something else to keep in mind is that even though you like her, I would not feel bad if nothing comes of this; you want to be with someone who is interested in you and, even if it sounds cliche, eventually, you will find a girl who really really likes you. If this girl does not, then it just was not meant to be; it is nothing against you, but it just was not the right time.
No need to feel disgusted though; you're only human and just did what you felt would be appropriate. However, if you say things like "I guess you'll just ignore me," girls feel attacked and it will push us further away. If she does not respond, I would not try texting her again, but just wait and see. In the end, what is meant to be is what will happen.
Skylar :)
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hello,
i have been dating my bf for 10 months now and when we were first together i fell for him very fast. without really getting to know each other we kind of jumped in a relationship. However, now i feel that everything he does kind of makes me mad, i dont think i made him work hard enough for me. he doesnt bring me flowers or take me out. things seem like theyve faded, im not as attracted to him and he gets on my nerves very easily. when i go out with the girls i love the fact that i can just forget about him and go have harmless flirtation with guys. i love my bfs family and friends, they mean so much to me and i really dont want to lose them. I still love him but the spark isnt there i feel and he has a full time job so in the nights he wants to hang out but im going to school and i need to do my home work and he doesnt understand. i think i am over thinking everything so i need someone elses help ! please!!!
thanks
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Hi there,
As one of the other advice givers suggested, I agree that you have fallen out of love. As he or she mentioned, I think that you still love him as a person and do not want to hurt him or his family (possibly thinking about breaking up with him makes you feel guilty because you know he and his family would be hurt), but you are not in love with him. Nevertheless, it is important to do what is best for you because if you continue to date, you will begin to feel trapped and sacrifice both your and his happiness as the relationship continues. Eventually, as you get closer, it will be harder to do what is best for you.
You want someone who you are in love with, and although it may sound odd to hear this comment because he is currently your boyfriend, I'm sure he wants to be with someone who is fully in love with him too.
I believe that you will be happier if you take actions that are in sync with how you really feel; yes, he may be hurt, but you are not a bad person or mean for doing what's best for you, and in the end, I believe you will do what is best for both of you.
:)
Skylar
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I don't know what's happening to me... It takes me forever to go to sleep nowadays. I'll just lie in bed at night for hours, thinking about him, his smile, thinking back on great memories we've shared, picturing him and I napping in the shade with my head on his chest, imagine us slow dancing, imagining him kissing me, etc. I keep listening to love songs, daydreaming, grinning. There's this constant swelling feeling in my chest, it's kinda weird, but I don't really mind it. When I daydream about him, the swelling feeling is almost overwhelming. He's the first thing that pops into my head when I wake up in the morning, and the thing depriving me of sleep at night. It's driving me insane! Are these things common? More importantly, am I crazy? I don't wanna be a crazy-stalker-lady. Please halp! ;A; (link)
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Hey there,
As one of the other advice givers said, it depends how well you know this guy. If you simply know him as an acquaintance, I would agree that you are infatuated with him rather than in love, yet. But yes, what you are doing is completely normal, as long as (like the others said) it is not taking over your life. I believe many of us have felt the same way or done something similar at some point in our lives.
If you do know him better (e.g. he is a close friend, you're dating, he's a boyfriend, etc), then you very well may be in love. If he's only a friend just keep in mind that though this is normal, you do not want to close yourself off to just one boy, because you do not want to end up getting hurt in the end. However, if it does work out, then that would be great!
But, no, you are not crazy and this is both normal and common. I hope everything works out :)
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F/17
I was with my boyfriend for 6 months when our relationship went down hill, I started to feel as though he was drifting away from me. He would never put the effort in to seeing me as much as he used to, he would hardly text me and I'd open up about it and say, look I don't like how you're behaving, he would tell me to stop moaning and being a bitch, he would never understand where I'm coming from and he made it out to be my fault that he was drifting and acting not interested, he would say that "you're pushing me away with your constant moaning" but I had to tell him how I was feeling, we got back on track for about a month, all I did was make effort, I texted him as soon as I got up in the morning, he never would text me first, I made effort in seeing him, making plans, keep the conversation going and he seemed really not interested, once again. So the other day, I told him that he's taking me for granted, I told him how he's making me feel, by all means I can't be the one putting the effort it. He never texted back all day, until night (I sent it in the morning) it's obvious he checked his phone. He replied saying "why do you send such long messages" ok so now I'm stuck in between what to do, I know this isn't him, he's not the person he used to be, what am I supposed to do? I told him "what's the point anymore? Move on. Take care" and he replied with "you take care too" Wow? He never even fought for me, he never turned around and said "no, I love you" I know I'm only young, but I have never felt like this for any boy before, he's blocked me on facebook also, and when I asked him to unblock me, he wouldn't. What's going on? Does he even care anymore? Please someone help me with this situation. Thank you, I'd really appreciate it. (link)
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Hey there,
Right now, I know you're probably feeling hurt and maybe heart broken as well; what makes the situation especially hard is you are probably thinking to yourself that eventually, there may be a chance that you two will get back together. However, I would caution you to avoid this thought process and to move on. Break ups are never easy, but after they happen it is healthier for you to stop thinking about what you could have done or about getting back together.
As the other advice givers have said, guys are different from us; while we like to patch everything up and to talk about our feelings, which we believe will improve the relationship, these efforts terrify guys. When girls constantly ask them what is wrong or if everything is okay, it pushes them further away because rather than having a challenge (as when they first meet girls), they feel suffocated.
You texted him "Move on. Take care," because you felt confused and hurt, and hoped he would respond with something like, "I'm sorry, I love you." However, boys (especially teenage boys) are especially protective of their pride and your text basically said to him that you were breaking up with him, so he retaliated. Even if he was tired of the relationship, the text probably made him feel a little wounded so he lashed back at you by responding with something equally hurtful and by blocking you. Whereas girls try very hard to remain friends with their exes or to patch things up, guys tend to do the opposite and will block the girl on Facebook or refuse to remain friends after a relationship ends; the way they view it is that the relationship is over and staying in contact will only make them feel worse about themselves, which is probably a healthier thought process.
Having said this, what you did was understandable and appropriate because you just wanted to regain the relationship you once had with this guy. I am saying this from experience; after a high school relationship ends you may feel as if it will be difficult to move on, but trust me you will and you will find someone (or several more guys) who will make you feel equally or even more happy. What you once had was a nice experience, but you are young and I promise you will find this again. I'd advise to move on and be happy : )
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