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I'm confused. Is this it between us?


Question Posted Thursday January 3 2013, 10:56 pm

F/17
I was with my boyfriend for 6 months when our relationship went down hill, I started to feel as though he was drifting away from me. He would never put the effort in to seeing me as much as he used to, he would hardly text me and I'd open up about it and say, look I don't like how you're behaving, he would tell me to stop moaning and being a bitch, he would never understand where I'm coming from and he made it out to be my fault that he was drifting and acting not interested, he would say that "you're pushing me away with your constant moaning" but I had to tell him how I was feeling, we got back on track for about a month, all I did was make effort, I texted him as soon as I got up in the morning, he never would text me first, I made effort in seeing him, making plans, keep the conversation going and he seemed really not interested, once again. So the other day, I told him that he's taking me for granted, I told him how he's making me feel, by all means I can't be the one putting the effort it. He never texted back all day, until night (I sent it in the morning) it's obvious he checked his phone. He replied saying "why do you send such long messages" ok so now I'm stuck in between what to do, I know this isn't him, he's not the person he used to be, what am I supposed to do? I told him "what's the point anymore? Move on. Take care" and he replied with "you take care too" Wow? He never even fought for me, he never turned around and said "no, I love you" I know I'm only young, but I have never felt like this for any boy before, he's blocked me on facebook also, and when I asked him to unblock me, he wouldn't. What's going on? Does he even care anymore? Please someone help me with this situation. Thank you, I'd really appreciate it.


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Skylar73 answered Sunday January 6 2013, 1:19 am:
Hey there,

Right now, I know you're probably feeling hurt and maybe heart broken as well; what makes the situation especially hard is you are probably thinking to yourself that eventually, there may be a chance that you two will get back together. However, I would caution you to avoid this thought process and to move on. Break ups are never easy, but after they happen it is healthier for you to stop thinking about what you could have done or about getting back together.

As the other advice givers have said, guys are different from us; while we like to patch everything up and to talk about our feelings, which we believe will improve the relationship, these efforts terrify guys. When girls constantly ask them what is wrong or if everything is okay, it pushes them further away because rather than having a challenge (as when they first meet girls), they feel suffocated.

You texted him "Move on. Take care," because you felt confused and hurt, and hoped he would respond with something like, "I'm sorry, I love you." However, boys (especially teenage boys) are especially protective of their pride and your text basically said to him that you were breaking up with him, so he retaliated. Even if he was tired of the relationship, the text probably made him feel a little wounded so he lashed back at you by responding with something equally hurtful and by blocking you. Whereas girls try very hard to remain friends with their exes or to patch things up, guys tend to do the opposite and will block the girl on Facebook or refuse to remain friends after a relationship ends; the way they view it is that the relationship is over and staying in contact will only make them feel worse about themselves, which is probably a healthier thought process.

Having said this, what you did was understandable and appropriate because you just wanted to regain the relationship you once had with this guy. I am saying this from experience; after a high school relationship ends you may feel as if it will be difficult to move on, but trust me you will and you will find someone (or several more guys) who will make you feel equally or even more happy. What you once had was a nice experience, but you are young and I promise you will find this again. I'd advise to move on and be happy : )

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DangerNerd answered Friday January 4 2013, 10:40 pm:
Hi there,

I know it hurts, but take it at face value. He has done everything but tell you to go straight to hell... he isn't hinting, not at all. He is telling you that he wants nothing more to do with you.

It would be nice if everyone was this honest about things. Rather than have him string you along for years then dump you for someone he likes better, wouldn't you rather have him be honest with you like he is? I have had the stringing along in my past, and I always wished after it was done that they would have just told the truth.

This is over. Period.

If you do get back together, it will just be till you annoy him to this point again. You two simply are not compatible.

I can give you a hint for your next relationship, though, if you don't mind:

GUYS HATE TEXTING!

It is a cold impersonal method of communication. If we wanted to date a "text-bot" we would be in a long distance relationship via text only. How many people really want that?

The constant annoying texts will drive most any guy away from you. Ask your male friends about this.

It doesn't take much to make someone not want to spend time with you, and complaining over something as trivial as him not texting you first... well, that would send many guys looking for a way to get rid of you ASAP.

I am sure there are guys out there that like texting, and guys that like it if you bitch at them for not texting you fast enough... I have just never met one.

This relationship is over. The best thing to do is learn what went wrong, and what you REALLY want from a guy.

The next guy you go out with, just tell him all your demands up front. This will save you wasting time and having a broken heart over a relationship that would simply never work.

Good luck in your future relationships.

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hollisterhottie answered Friday January 4 2013, 9:52 pm:
The best explanation I can give for his behavior is that he is a very immature teenage boy. I have been through all of this, and the reason he acts this way is because he doesn't care. He thinks there are so many more important things in his life besides you. I'm sure he felt extremely suffocated and overwhelmed when you texted him every day and tried to talk to him about your problems; and by doing that you got rid of the chase, he knew he already had you in his grasp and he didn't even have to try anymore. Guys LOVE the chase, it is their favorite part; if they know a girl doesn't isn't interested in them it just makes the girl more appealing. I'm sure at the beginning of y'all relationship it was exciting and fun, but he probably just got used to it and wants something new.
I'm really sorry about that! But don't worry, boys get better as they age!

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