I've done and lived through a lot, and have seen a lot more. I don't have a counseling degree, just an open mind and a caring heart.
Remember, I'm no Ms. Cleo. I don't have all the answers. I'm just SistaGirl, trying to kick some truth your way.
Gender: Female
Location: San Francisco
Member Since: October 11, 2007
Answers: 9
Last Update: October 12, 2007
Visitors: 1427
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So later, i have to give a testimony or a speech about my relationship with God and pursuading young teens to keep on praising God. How exactly should i do that? I mean, what should i say? Answers ASAP please. (link)
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Try focusing on one specific thing in your life where you can say without a doubt how God helped you through that situation. Then find one bible passage that really sums up your take on things.
Explain in no more than five sentences what the situation was, then talk about reasons why you wouldn't have been (as) successful on your own - why you really needed God's presence.
Next, put things in a more general context, so other teens can think about their life, identify with your situation, and compare how praising/trusting God could help them get through things as well.
Finally, remind them of your scripture selection - how it sums up everything you've been saying, and how it can serve as a reminder of reasons to praise God in everything.
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ok so i've had a crush on this guy for 7 years and i just told him recently how i feel . we talk all the time at least once a day. but the prob. is his best friend whom i have no interest in what so ever has a huge crush on me its to the point of obsession and the guy i like used to date my little sister. he is the same age as me though, he just think it be weird to be with me after dating my sister and i also believe he dont wanna hurt his friend's feelings. up till three days ago i thought we were just friends thats it but then he started say he wanted to " Sleep with me" i accidently sent the message to his friend, who says he is just messing with me. but he confroted his frend(my crush) online last nite and i was talking to my crush at the time and he(my crush) said that his friend was asking why he(my crush) was hitting on me . my crush im'd me saying that he could get himself out of trouble with his friend. he told me what he told his friend he said that he was using reverse psychology on me then laugh about it with me. i said twice well he(my crushes friend) dont have anything to worry about its not like u have feelings for me right? and he never responded. WHAT SHOULD I DO ? DOES HE LIKE ME OR IS HE JUST MESSING WITH ME? PLZ HELP
ok so im going to see my crush tomorrow at the football game, only prob. he is coming there with his ex gf and i just found out they watched tv together today.but he says that she was sending him mixed signals. so question one should i even bother going to the game? if i go should i just ignore him? or should i steal his attention? and what should i do to be unforgetable? how should i dress,act,etc? man im confused
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Okay, slow down. You're making this all about him. It's really about you.
Do you want to go the game, or is your main motivation for going just to see him? If it's mainly to see him, go do something else. If you truly want to see the game, then go, but try to sit where you're out of view, enjoy the game on your own (with other friends or whatever) and just go about your normal life.
Dress normal and act normal, which may mean jeans, a tee and a wave Hello in passing - remember that whatever attracted you to him and vice versa happened long before you started trying to "doll up" for him specifically. Just be your genuine, sweet self.
As for his ex girlfriend, just because people choose not to be intimate doesn't mean they can't be friends. Those two may be friends for the rest of their lives. That's a reality you're going to have to accept and get over. If you try to yank his attention away from her to you, she may notice, say something that will make him think twice about you, and thus kill the deal before you ever get the truth of his feelings. After all, if he still considers her a friend, he'll still respect her expressed opinion, whether it's honestly how she feels or not. Guys can't seem to figure out when they're being played very easily.
You're better than that - a lot better. You know who you are, what you like and don't like, and who you really want to spend time with. If he chooses to look elsewhere, it's his loss. You're still on track. Once you realize that, things get a lot easier.
The bottom line is motivation. Define how you truly feel about him, and his friend. Make a list, write a poem, sing a song - whatever it takes. Then sit both of them down one at a time, and honestly talk to them.
Don't just listen to what they say - what their physical language. Arms/legs crossed, lack of eye contact, twitches or something similar can all mean at the very least, there's something they're not telling you, and at the worst, that they're completely lying. Phone and text don't work. Look them in the eye, tell them how you feel, and ask them to level with you.
Have a great weekend, and remember, stay on point. It's all about you, and getting to the heart of the matter. Stay focused, and you'll be just fine!
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I can't handle this. My boyfriend of 7 months and I broke up a few weeks ago. Since the day we called it quits, I haven't been able to sleep normally or function in school. I'm constantly thinking about him or getting jealous over every girl he hugs. Its not that I even have feelings for him, its that I hate that he's happy and I'm not. I get headaches so much and I'm constantly battling with myself to stop thinking about him. I try to do things to fake happy to rub in his face, or to make him jealous, and nothing works. How do I get my life back and just forget about him? (link)
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You, my friend, are a victim of emotional inertia. You got comfortable in your relationship. Now he's moving on, you realize you have to get moving, and resent him for making you get up, change and move on. Stop obsessing over him - focus on yourself. That's the only way you'll get through this.
For the rest of your life, you'll be making friends, losing friends, moving on and making new ones. It's part of that thing Disney called "The circle of life." Some people break up, some people move, some die, and others just fade away. Sucks, but that's the way it works.
When I lost one boyfriend, I couldn't eat/sleep/function. I didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live. Then my girlfriend asked me, what takes more courage - to push aside the idiots who've missed out on what you have to offer, and go out to live up to your full potential so the world can see what he lost; or to sit in a corner and blame him for every future failure, loss and miserable thing that will ever happen to you? I decided then and there that I wouldn't let anyone get between me and my happy future. Life is too short to allow someone else to prevent you from achieving and growing.
Define what it is you loved and lost with that boyfriend. Then define all the dealbreakers - things about him that annoyed you, made you sad, things you wanted to change, things that hurt you. Ask yourself would you rather live with those dealbreakers, or find someone else who excels in those areas?
Don't forget about him - he made your life special in unique ways. Appreciate him for that, but remind yourself about the ways he fell short, so you can start looking for someone better suited to you in the long run.
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16/f (sophomore)
NOTE:: if you dont feel like reading me vent for a paragraph skip down to the question
mk so this past month in school ive been trying to make new friends, but it hasnt worked AT ALL. i want to have friends that will laugh at my jokes at the right times, also friends that arent too clingy..or friends that will talk to me when things are serious. i know in my heart that im not shy, im actually majorly outgoing with EVERYBODY. for example, on my school sports team everytime i try to talk to someone i feel like im being snubbed..and i feel so worn down because of it and it makes me feel as if its my fault for being too sensitive. they are all nice people too. thought it would be EASIER to make friends when i got on a sports team but apparently not! :((
right now i feel stuck and i feel like crying/pulling my hair out in frustration because i really wanted to make fun friends this year but it's mid october and i have no idea why ive made not one good friend!!! =[[[ sighh i feel like crying. honestly. ive been in this school district for 8 years and even though i am crazy outgoing and i join lots of clubs and im smart and i have interests and im on sports teams i have not made more than 10 good friends. like what the fuckkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY ME???
sorry that was super long haha. its just my way of venting! anyway my real question is..if someone i want to be friends with makes me feel kinda intimidated should i stop trying or keep trying to talk to them even though im afraid of talking too much?
thanks. (link)
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I haven't seen you in action, but from your rant, it sounds like maybe you're just trying too hard. If you come off like, "PLLEEEEZZZEEE be my friend, I promise you won't regret it I SWEAR!" that can really make people think you're a freak. Overly happy, chatty, upbeat people often come off that way, no matter what they do.
It took me months to make friends when I went to high school. I had to find my niche, my group of people who totally identified with me. I tried joining student gov't, sports teams, after school clubs... Then I realized one day, school was really about learning, growing and achieving so I could have a bright future. My friends would come as I just relaxed and got into my own groove. Sure enough, I concentrated on what was really important, and found friends along the way who were just what I needed and wished for.
Moral of the story - relax and get into your own groove. Like attracts like, so as you become more "genuine" your personality will too, and people who dig your motivation and dedication will befriend you for a lot of the right reasons.
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Theres this guy, any we've been really good friends for about 2 years or so now. When we first started hanging out I had a boyfriend and never thought of him as more than a friend, but once me and the guy I was with at the time split, I found myself falling for my friend. He's pretty much my best friend now and we talk every day,and flirt A LOT. I like him a lot but I dont know what to do about the mixed signals he's sending me.
He's kinda shy and quiet around other people as well as reserved. He isnt a touchy feely kinda guy but we hug a lot, we say cute things to each other, hook arms in the hallways at school, and a bunch of other things such as holding hands in a joking way.. (Yea i know that doesnt make sense i guess you'd kinda have to see it?? lol.. like grasping hands then letting go over and over?? haha... ) ANYWAYS... I asked him if he was going to give me a chance or if i should just move on and stop wasting my time, and he told me he didnt wanna ruin our friendship (did i mention hes only had one girlfriend who he didnt kiss? lame.. hes 16.. but again i think im winding off subject) ... Ive totally heard that line before, not personally, but in general and i know its a subtle way of saiyng i dont like u. but idk if hes being honest with me or trying to get me to give it up, without being rude, any suggestions on how to go from complete touchy feely to nothing, he said that to me about a month ago and we've been the way we've always been since but i wanna get over him.. (link)
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Guys are wired differently than girls. It takes them a while to make moves because they're often scared of two things - being rejected by someone they really like, and losing female friends because they can't figure out how to revert to "just friends" if the romance doesn't work out. If they can't keep holding you, kissing you and revealing their hearts romantically, they usually move on, because it hurts too much to just be friends, always remembering what they're missing. That's why their hearts often work on a time delay: it takes them a while to figure out whether they're going to make a move, a while longer to work out what that move might be, and even longer to actually go through with it.
Sounds like you and your friend share something really special - and he doesn't want to lose that, so he's cool with things as they are, which sounds to me like they're moving forward, albeit quite slowly.
You should try just hanging out and seeing where things lead - because they might be wonderful, if you give him time to work things out in his own mind first. Just set a date in your mind - like the end of the school year, or the end of the summer, or whatever you think is fair and reasonable, and see where you are by then. That's fair. Then give him a last chance warning - say about 4 weeks before your deadline. Remind him how you feel, wonder if he feels the same, and then give him time to respond. That way you can say you honestly tried.
If/when you do move on, be sure to find someone he doesn't know; and be extra careful to avoid hanging out around places where he or his other friends might see. It's all about grace and poise. He's been a real friend, so there's no need to rub his nose in his inaction. He just might be a late bloomer, a gentleman and struggling to act responsibly. Good luck!
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My parents have never had a healthy relationship, and they've been married for 30 years. They constantly fight! I don't mean to point the finger, but 99% of the time, my mom's at fault. She argues with everyone, every 5 minutes...honestly, if you leave my dad alone, he is calm and reasonable, but my mom's a fire cracker.
But anyway, all they do is fight. It's always been bad, but it's gotten worse- to the point where if they aren't fighting, there's usually tension, or true feelings aren't expressed. I am pretty sure that at some point they will get a divorce... whether or not they do isn't the issue. They will never, ever get along. No body gets along with my mother beyond the superficial level- i hate to say this about my own mother, but she is the most unreasonable, irrational person, beneath all the sugar-coated fakeness she shoes to everyone.
Having said all of that, what is there for me to do?? I try my hardest not to involve myself in their heated argumens . It's all verbal, but it stings terribly. I don't know what to do...sometimes i write in a journal, but how much of that can I stand.
For anyone in a similar situation, what do you do when you are caught in the midst of chaos in your own house? how do you take your mind off things, if only to keep yourself from getting too stressed out or hurt?
Thank you
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The short term issue is how you cope on a daily basis. Since your dad seems more down to earth, try talking to him about what he thinks went wrong, and what he wants to do about it. During a calm moment, you might try doing the same with your mom, maybe after giving her some good news, or a gift - something to put her in a happy, relaxed mood.
Also try to find something that will get you out of the house and into a more constructive environment. Join a youth group, a sports team, a performing arts group, a study group; or even get a job - babysitting, cleaning, whatever. The goal is to find a legitimate, quality experience outside of the house, which will give your parents time to deal with each other without dragging you through the mess, without them worrying about your location, your safety and your health.
Important to your long term emotional well being, you've got to talk to your relatives and family friends who were around when your parents married. Find out your family history, and see whether you can trace things back to the moment they were first upset with each other.
My parents were similar to yours, arguing more than having fun together. I was going crazy trying to deal with it. Finally one day my grandmother started telling me my family history - how my parents met and the struggles since they began dating and after they married. I realized that my choices were very similar to mom's and began to understand how her not talking to me caused me to actually repeat her mistakes to some degree, right down to being less than happily married.
Knowledge is power girl. Find out what happened, and you'll be able to understand them, figure out what's best for you, and in the process perhaps help them out, too. Hang in there!
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Im in kind of a screwed up situation.
My GF is 18. We were together for almost 3 years. She left me.
The relationship is over. But the catalyst that caused her to leave, is that she is and has been in love with someone else.
That someone else is her married with two kids to a wife he doesnt love but knocked up _step_brother_
Thats right. Her fucking step brother.
She thinks that he is going to divorce his wife, her mother will divorce her step dad, and that she can love him and marry his 24 year old redneck loser ass and be the mother to his kids, who are like 2 and 3 1/2.
Now. My conundrum. My choice.
On the one hand, I can leave it alone. Walk away. Its not my business.
On the other hand, shes going to fuck her life up. She might well fuck up a marriage, and create an issue that will split the family apart completely, and just generally fuck everything up.
And on that other hand, I might want to talk to her mom.
Doing so might get her cut off. It might make a positive difference. Theres pros and cons. But the one thing I CAN be certain of is that it will not become a whole family issue if I tell her mother. And it would probably save the other marriage though it also stands the chance of destroying my ex mentally and emotionally and she will guaranteed never talk to me again.
So, what do I do?
Do I tell her mother, in hopes that her mother can offer her some guidance and in hopes that she would take it, and hope that by doing so I prevent her from getting caught and destroying a minimum of 5 lives (hers, his, his wive's and their kids). Or do I leave it alone, and walk away because it isnt my business.
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Welcome to the real world. There are people out there you want to save, hope to save, reach out to save - but they don't want help. They want their way, at any cost, because of how they feel about themselves and the world around them.
Obviously, this girl is all about herself and what she wants. Has her step-brother lead her on? Has he even given her the time of day? For all you know, this whole scenario is in her mind, and nothing much has never happened between them - or maybe it has under stupid circumstances, involving drugs, alcohol, boredom or some stupid emotion trigger.
So no - don't talk to her mom. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree - it could be her mom is just as capable of making bad choices, and will be the first to run to her daughter's defense while shutting you out. Say she calls the daughter in law, who in turn talks to the brother, who comes over to yell at your ex. In the end, everyone will find a way to blame you, shoot the messenger, and wreck their lives in one fell swoop. Not a good look, son.
Just talk to her - tell her you don't see that relationship going anywhere good. Tell her you're there if she ever needs to talk, but you're not sticking around for the train wreck; then walk away, and never look back.
Consider yourself lucky - you could've discovered the extent of her instability after you had kids together. At least now you have a chance to build a life with someone else, who's (hopefully) more balanced.
Remember too, people like her, once they realize they've miscalculated, have a way of pulling you back in, and down into their spiral. Don't fall for it. No amount of money, no warm shoulders or comfy couch invitations will pull her out of the hell she's chosen. Listen, speak your peace, then hang up the phone and move on. Life is too short to invite that kind of drama, son. Wayyy too short.
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i'm a 19 year old female and i like this female in my math class. i attend a community college so the ages are very broad. i saw this pretty girl. i assumed she was 21,22 i was staring at her and she saw me. the next class she's sitting at the table behind the one i sit at. when the teacher did attendance out the corner of my eye i saw her staring at me when he called my name and i responded. the next class she came when eveyone was leaving. so as i'm passing by her i see her turning her head to look up at me, i played it off as if i didn't notice. last week i turned around to look at the guys dirupting the class as i'm scanning the back of the room i see her looking at me and to me it appeared as if she pushed herself outward...? i held her eyes for a a few seconds and then i turned around. i wanted to laugh out loud at the idea of her staring at me the whole time i was turned around. she always stays behind in class and now that she sits in the back near the door i have to pass her (i know) i managed to pass without glancing in her direction which was really hard. the last time i glanced at her but she sat doing her work as if she didn't notice. now i'm wondering could she be digging me too? since i saw her staring at me would it be okay to assume she colud possibly feel the same way? what do you think?
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Don't miss the boat here. It sounds as though there is some interest on her part. Rather than jumping to an embarrassing conclusion, start by noting that since you two share classes, you thought you'd introduce yourself. If she seems open, maybe ask her to join you for a soda or something, start a conversation, and find out what her story is. Keep your main goal friendship (at first, at least) so if she's not really into you, you can play it off as just being nice. If she is into you, just keep it cool, and get to know her so you can figure out what's really going on. Good luck!
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16/f
so i like 2 guys and i dont know which one to focus on or which is even worth going out with.
guy number one:
-he's a very close friend
-i know him much better than the other guy
-we talk everyday
-we say hi in the hallway
-we "play fight"
-he's rich! but im not materialistic
bad stuff:
-he is possibly getting back with his ex who has only caused him pain and misery
-i don't think he likes me
-he has anger issues
guy number 2:
-he's really nice
-he flirts with me
-in class he asks me to sit near him
-his friends were teasing him about liking me and he was like "shut up go away"
-he's alright looking, not an amazing hottie
bad stuff:
-he smokes pot and cigarettes
-he rarely says hi in the hallway or in a study hall we have together...he only says hi in a different class that we have
-he doesn't have a job
i don't know what i should do. there isn't anyone else at my school that i like.
help! (link)
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The real question is what does your gut feeling tell you about these guys. Maybe neither one of them is right for you. Who said Mr Right would attend your school anyway? Isn't it better to see someone away from all the prying eyes and gossip of friends and haters?
Guy number one sounds like he has emotional baggage to deal with. Maybe being closer than friends is something he doesn't want to do, because if you date then break up, he'll lose you as a friend, too.
Guy number two sounds like he's only interested in you when certain others are looking. Does his smoking bother you? Don't expect people to change because you want or ask them to. They won't, and might hold your opinions against you. As for no job, unless you're prepared to pay his way on every date, keep walking. He's depending on people like you to take care of him so he won't have to.
Sometimes the right people are in front of us and we completely space on them. They always have a smile, no matter who's around. They ask about you, remember things about you, and offer help if/when they can. Who do you know who answers that description? Look around again - dating is no fun if you're the only one in love.
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