|
Mixed Signals
Theres this guy, any we've been really good friends for about 2 years or so now. When we first started hanging out I had a boyfriend and never thought of him as more than a friend, but once me and the guy I was with at the time split, I found myself falling for my friend. He's pretty much my best friend now and we talk every day,and flirt A LOT. I like him a lot but I dont know what to do about the mixed signals he's sending me.
He's kinda shy and quiet around other people as well as reserved. He isnt a touchy feely kinda guy but we hug a lot, we say cute things to each other, hook arms in the hallways at school, and a bunch of other things such as holding hands in a joking way.. (Yea i know that doesnt make sense i guess you'd kinda have to see it?? lol.. like grasping hands then letting go over and over?? haha... ) ANYWAYS... I asked him if he was going to give me a chance or if i should just move on and stop wasting my time, and he told me he didnt wanna ruin our friendship (did i mention hes only had one girlfriend who he didnt kiss? lame.. hes 16.. but again i think im winding off subject) ... Ive totally heard that line before, not personally, but in general and i know its a subtle way of saiyng i dont like u. but idk if hes being honest with me or trying to get me to give it up, without being rude, any suggestions on how to go from complete touchy feely to nothing, he said that to me about a month ago and we've been the way we've always been since but i wanna get over him..
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
"did i mention hes only had one girlfriend who he didnt kiss? lame.. hes 16.. but again i think im winding off subject"
How is that lame? I'm sixteen, and i've only 'really' kissed one guy. Am I lame? I don't think so..
Anyways, you don't know that he was just giving you a line when saying he didn't want to ruin your friendship. Maybe he was being honest. Mention it again in a more up front way. Be like,
"Ok, we're friends so i'm comfortable enough to say this. I like you, a lot. I want to be with you, but I don't want to waste my time if I don't have a chance. Just let me know straight up. I won't be mad, but i'm confused, and it's not fair to me if you keep leading me on like this."
]
Guys are wired differently than girls. It takes them a while to make moves because they're often scared of two things - being rejected by someone they really like, and losing female friends because they can't figure out how to revert to "just friends" if the romance doesn't work out. If they can't keep holding you, kissing you and revealing their hearts romantically, they usually move on, because it hurts too much to just be friends, always remembering what they're missing. That's why their hearts often work on a time delay: it takes them a while to figure out whether they're going to make a move, a while longer to work out what that move might be, and even longer to actually go through with it.
Sounds like you and your friend share something really special - and he doesn't want to lose that, so he's cool with things as they are, which sounds to me like they're moving forward, albeit quite slowly.
You should try just hanging out and seeing where things lead - because they might be wonderful, if you give him time to work things out in his own mind first. Just set a date in your mind - like the end of the school year, or the end of the summer, or whatever you think is fair and reasonable, and see where you are by then. That's fair. Then give him a last chance warning - say about 4 weeks before your deadline. Remind him how you feel, wonder if he feels the same, and then give him time to respond. That way you can say you honestly tried.
If/when you do move on, be sure to find someone he doesn't know; and be extra careful to avoid hanging out around places where he or his other friends might see. It's all about grace and poise. He's been a real friend, so there's no need to rub his nose in his inaction. He just might be a late bloomer, a gentleman and struggling to act responsibly. Good luck!
]
More Questions: |