I'm a 27 year old female from the west coast, deeply troubled by my own personal pschological inflictions which has inspired a personal interest in psychology. I general have a fresh insight on most things and because I've done almost everything wrong once, I have a lot of personal experience with a lot of crap.
Gender: Female
Location: San Francisco
Occupation: Unemployed
Age: 27
Member Since: December 19, 2004
Answers: 14
Last Update: January 3, 2005
Visitors: 2363
Main Categories:
Mental health
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if you get a fake tan do they look kind of obvious and people will be able to tell that they are fake? (im talking about the kind of tan that you get and get done at the salon, not the one you can buy at a store and put on yourself) (link)
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Tanning is your skins reaction to damage. Tanning beds damage the skin just as well as the sun does, so it really isn't a fake tan, its just obtained quicker than through outdoor tanning. When you first use the beds (and you go for several sessions), you aren't allowed to be in there for very long, so your skin can get used to it, and not burn. You don't have to be in there long so you wont come out really dark. I personally would skip the boring experience and stick with the can. It doesn't damage you, the right product can look natural, its quick and its less expensive. Lancome makes a great mousse that comes in really light for light color skin. You can reapply it if you want it darker. You don't have to stand around naked for 20 minutes and not touch anything either like the other products. As soon as it dries (which is fast) it wont stain anything. It also looks amazing, best stuff I've used.
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I cant ever find the right guy for me. Most guys get mad becuase i always turn them down and they think i do it to make myself look to good for them. I just want to be with someone that i can tlak to and someone i find attractive someone who can make me laugh and someone who i can have a good time with. I cant seem to find anyone out there. (link)
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I used to think I was messed up because I would dump all guys within a month. It was really about two weeks that I would get sick of them, and then I spent the next two weeks trying to figure out how to dump them. Anyway I figured out it wasn't that I was fickle, it was that my consious naturally rejected those that weren't right for me. I learned that if I was friends with a guy for a long time before we dated (as opposed to jumping right into something with someone that I was attracted to), the lifespan of my relationship would last much longer. Keep turning men down and don't settle because eventually someone fantastic will come your way and you'll be ready for them. And don't set your standards lower, they are perfect right where they are.
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I have alot of guy friends that are juniors and seniors and i have been asked to prom a few times....but see, im only a sophmore...Do you think its ok to go that young or should i wait and let it be more special? (link)
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Phfff, too young. You should go, have a great time. Even if its not really special this time, you get *another* one. They can go uphill from here, or this might be the one you remember, but go enjoy yourself because you *are* young and high school and this kind of stuff only happens to you once in a lifetime.
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I am going through a break up because my boyfriend just wants to give up on our relationship all of a sudden. Now this is a big deal because a child is involved. We have worked through everything for years and now all of a sudden when we have a family started he wants to run and give up? I am extremely hurt and I wish I could just be calm and move on with my life and say well, he's just stupid. But I am so angry and I just want to scream at him so bad but I know that could make things worse. How do I be a calm, cool, and collected person so that there is a chance that he may want to work through this? I don't want to be that angry girl with sarcastic comments comming out of my mouth every five minutes...it's really hard to control guys, I am so mad at him for giving up at the worst time. I wish I could do something as simple as smack some sense into him, but I know I can't. He doesn't understand that he's messing up a chance for our child to create family childhood memories and everything. How should I be throughout all of this? I really need advice I am so lost, I have crazy mixed emotions and my anger is so huge. Please please please help!! We can't afford couples counseling either. thanks. (link)
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Be angry! You have a right. But let the jerk go. What you value is not what he values, obviously. And you don't want to convince him to stay. A child learns how to love from you, and learning how to stay in a loveless relationship is more damaging than losing some childhood memories. Find a healthy relationship with love and support and maturity so your child can in turn be a good lover when s/he grows up.
I would personally write him a few letters with what you want to say, write the first one REALLY angry and get out all the crappy things you want to say, then write another one a little calmer. Write a few more as your mood changes, then pick the best one to give to him. You will get some of that anger out and he wont know all the crappy things you said.
And you can't control guys, nor should you want to. You should want someone to do this with you out of their own free will, anything else is less than you deserve.
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I am 6 years out of high school and I am still with my high school boyfriend. We are not married but have a child together. He has never cheated on me or anything, but now he is saying we should get our own places so that we can save some money (because this way I would get help from the state). He wants to do this for about a year, and he also says we need a little time apart because we've been together so long and been through so much. I don't agree with it, and I don't really understand it, but we've talked about it and talked about it and I really don't have a choice in the matter. He says he'll be over all the time and that I can keep EVERYTHING at my place, that he just wants to keep his clothes in his place. He's not as affectionate as he used to be, but he still wants sex. Guys, help me out here, what is he trying to tell me, is there any hidden agendas I should be concerned about or should I just believe him that he wants to try and save money and work on getting new things like furniture and/or car(s)? He says he feels we're going nowhere fast right now with his two dead end jobs. So I'm guessing he thinks this will be the easy way out? I'm not sure how to read him right now. What would you guys think if your guy wanted to do this...also, if any guys know what this means, please I need some insight. Should I trust this?? (link)
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Although the only guy that answerd this was Carl, and Carl doesn't really bullshit around, said to trust it, I'm inclined to dissagree. What's this "space" bullstuff? That's a little contrived to me. Personally, I would propose to him that you lie to the state, and say that you are a single income household with no other occupant than your child and stay together and see how he takes it. I mean is that really the issue, or does he need to be away from you? If that's the case, why does he need to be away from you? That's not how to behave in a commited relationship. Anyway, I don't really think you have a choice, if the man wants to be away, or has other devious intentions, you can't hold him close, nor should you want to. Let him go, if things fall apart, they fall apart, but refusing to comply with the situation isn't going to make things better if he just wants to get away. *shrug* "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its yours to keep." What else can you do?
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I'm 35, and married for three years. I got married cause I was lonely and married the first guy who came around after my boyfriend and I split. In the meantime, boyfriend married someone else and has two kids. Recently boyfriend and family needed a place to live. They now live with us. I'm still in love with him. We've had sex, with our spouses approval... It was awesome as always. I want him more than my husband... husband is lousy in bed. Boyfriend loves his wife, and really only wants her, and a traditional marriage... without his ex being in love with him. I just need some advice... or a friend... someone to understand me. (link)
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You aren't really being fair to an innocent party in all of this, and that is your husband. Whatever your reasons were for marrying him, his were most likely honorable. You made a commitment, and I know this is America, and commitment doesn't mean anything to anyone, but darnit, you shouldn't get married out of loneliness, but out of a desire to spend the rest of your life with someone.
Your ex is out of the question, period. So get him out of your life, you can't heal from someone when they are living in your house. This will continue to cause you pain and torment and continue to spawn negative feelings towards your current husband.
Now you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with your husband. Do you want to be with him enough to work through problems such as an unsatifying love life. I mean you can go to sexual therapists, however whether they work or not is questionable, some people just suck in bed. If this is someone you want to be with (not just someone that makes you not alone), then put your heart into the marriage, and don't sleep with anyone outside of the marriage with or without permission. Every polygamous marriage I have known has failed miserably. If you don't want to be with this guy, quit wasting your time and his.
Don't worry about being alone if you leave him either. Some of the best relationships I've seen in my life were by people that obtained them when they were older.
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i have a question. if you wear skater clothes but you dont skateboard or you used to but not anymore are you considered a poser? (link)
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Poser.. ha ha ha ha. Ahh, anyway, if you wear something you don't like, then you are a friggen poser. Be true to YOURSELF. People are going to tell you yes and no, and what really matters is do you care what they think? I mean everyone is telling you not to, but you can't help what you feel.
*laugh* When I was in my teens I had a mohawk, wore a three peice men's suit with a pocket watch and high heels, oh yeah, and I had a vegetable colander for a purse *rofl*. The point is, I didn't give a damn, and you shouldn't either. I mean look at how popular Pumas are, and do you really think that most of the people that wear Pumas *actually* play indoor soccer. Or all the urban cowboys, do you really think they wrangle cows. No, its just who they are. Be who you are, that's the point, its when you change part of you to fit someone elses opinion that you become a poser.
If someone calls you a poser, you seriously need to laugh at them, because they are friggen retarded. Who are these clothes Nazi's anyway, rofl.
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theres this friend I have.. she hates being fat.. she gains weight really quickly.. recently shes been purging.. I tell her the stuff that can happen from doing that and i want to help her stop.. shes been doing ok but she made herself throw up again on christmas and boxing day cuz her parents made her eat alot and she didn't wanna screw their xmas up for them.. I want to help her but i really dunno what I can do for her now...she doesn't listen to what I say about what could happen to her health cuz shes sticking pens down her throat and stuff.. her parents force her to eat meat and she hates meat so she wants to throw that up too.. please give me advice on what I can tell her to help her stop or what I can tell her to tell her parents to be more understanding about her being a vegeterian without letting her parents no what my friend is doing.. thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope that you reply to this with helpful advice.. it would be greatly appreciated.. thanks - happy holidays! (link)
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, health problems, blah blah. People don't respond well to what *might* happen, or so called health problems. If they did, people wouldn't smoke, but they do, they are willing to risk the chance.
Purging of course becomes addictive like self mutilation, so you really have to decide if this is at a point where you think she can stop of her own will, or if professional help is needed. There are points of no return.
Purging is also a matter of vanity. She WILL ruin her teeth, its not a might or a maybe, she will have ugly teeth, corroded and grey, heck you can lose teeth. You might want to point that out to her, because there are boys that like the bigger women, but there are no boys that look into a mouth of rot and think, wow, she's the one.
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I was in a mental institution and I got really close to one of the staff members that worked there, she helped me in every way possible and I thought of her as my mom. Since I have been out it seems like everytime I call the hospital to talk to her, they make an excuse for me to NOT talk to her. Last night my sister looked her up on the internet and come to find out, she lives a mile away from me, and I have her home phone number, I mailed her a christmas card this morning to her home, but I dont know if I should actually call her at home. I miss her so much and she made such a big impact in my life, what do I do? I don't want her to think that I am like stalking her or anything! ??????? (link)
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I'm sorry, but someone before said it really well, do not call her. It technically is unethical for her to have a relationship with you beyond the hospital boundaries. You put her job at risk. They are also very busy in Mental Hospitals, she may have seemed like she had time for you when you were in there, but that is because that is what her time was for. Now she has to spend that time with the people that are patients now. As said before, write her a letter, and mail it to the hospital, its inappropriate to contact her at her home. You have to remember she's dealing with people that are mentally ILL. Its an invasion of her privacy to be contacted at her home. Its honorable that you found someone in the health profession that was so helpful in your life, but you may have to come to terms with the fact that it was a short term relationship. I'm sorry.
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I apologize in advance for the potential length of this post.
Lately, I have been having trouble with my father. It seems like he's taking every opportunity to ruin every chance at happiness that I ever had. I normally wouldn't care, but he's really effecting my relationships with other people and my potential opportunity to get into a good college, which is really important to me.
Since I'm only fourteen, I have no way to move out without his complete consent, and I have considered moving in with my mother in San Francisco, but she is physically abusive toward me, so that really eliminates itself as an option.
He's making me feel worthless and like I'm a horrible human being and I don't know what to do. He's called me a slut, a liar, a failure, and a sociopath. Someone please help me. (link)
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Thats horrible, I'm very sorry. What I think you are failing to realize here though, is that where as your mother might be physically abusive, your father is being emotionally/mentally abusive. You have to get out of this situation, otherwise you will seek out people that treat you this way in future relationships. Is there any other relative you can consider moving in with? I would talk to a school counselor or something, the only problem with that, is they have the potential to report to the authorities, and have you taken to a group home (though sometimes that is better than dealing with what you are dealing with). Maybe you could (without dispelling all of the details) tell a counselor that you would like them to suggest to your father that you go to family therapy. It would be good to be in a forum where you can openly express your concerns to your father, with a moderator there to keep him from lashing out on you. Mentally abusive people usually don't even know they are being abusive. It would be good for him to hear how bad he is hurting you, but in a "safe" environment. Good Luck!
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I'm a 30 yr old male. My situation is a bit complicated. Several years ago I became very close to this girl. Problem was she was seeing someone else and her family expected her to remain with this person. Our relationship was never really defined, but we were close. Abruptly, things changed. She wouldn't see me or talk to me anymore. I suspect that someone may have mentioned me to her family,which caused a problem. We were supposed to talk about it but were not able to after that. Anyway, this was seveal years ago and I've always regretted not getting the chance to say goodbye or tell her what she meant to me. I would like to write a letter resolving these issues, but seeing as so much time has gone by, I don't want to come across as a nut or scare her off.
What kind of things should I write and what should I avoid writing? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. (link)
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I had a friend once, that will probably forever mean more to me than anyone I have/will ever know. He helped shape who I am today, and I am eternally in debt to him for that. However he moved and I lost contact with him. Then a few years ago I ran into him, and my pride and my wishing to not look like a "nut" kept me from telling him how amazing I thought he was and what a difference he made in my life. 11 days later he died, suicide. Not saying something to him is the ONLY thing I regret in my life. What would it have hurt, what if I didn't get to talk to him again, I don't anyway. Don't ever keep yourself from spreading beauty in the world. Write her and tell her what she meant to you, tell her you regret not being able to say goodbye. She should know you better anyway and know that you aren't a nut. So she doesn't talk to you, what difference would that make from now? But live your life without regrets, take those chances and do one thing a day that you fear, if you don't you don't grow
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please help!!! fast!!! i am a 14 year old black girl and i am losing my hair. i don't think it's because of my health, but you i had permed my hair for a long time now. my hair has been growing ever since, but now it is all falling out.
i need help fast!!! does any one have any suggestions or what kind of a product to use to help. i am freaking out!!!!!!!!! (link)
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Its very unlikely that its the perm. I would skip the salon and head straight to the doctor, make SURE nothing is wrong with you. Changes in diet, stress and certain medications (including birth control) can make you lose your hair, so be leary of anything you have done that was a significant change. Zinc is an excellent supplement for hair loss, but its really hard on the stomach. Start taking a big multivitamin and schedule an appointment for the doctor. He can suggest natural supplements to impede the problem, or possibly find out whats wrong. I had a medication that made my hair fall out, and I did start taking Rogaine, which was helpful, but the instructions on the bottle specifically say NOT to take the product if you don't know the reason for your hair loss, hence the doctor. Try not to stress about the problem until you see the doctor as well, "worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere". The stress is just going to make the problem escalate. Good luck, I know how crappy this problem is.
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i was dating this guy for about 3 months and things got pretty serious. we spent every day together and he would stay and my house and vice versa. his ex girlfriend called one night and he broke up with me to see if things would work with her and they didnt. he called about a month after we broke up and said that he made a huge mistake for breaking up with me cause i was the best thing that had ever happened to him. we got back together and things were great, actually better than ever or so i thought. one day when she called again he started getting weird again and told me that he once again needed time. i took all of my stuff from his house and said that i wasnt playing second best anymore. i gave him all i had and thought that this was it. that he was the one. and unfortunately im a mess over him. i know he treats me horrible in this situation but ive never been so inlove with someone before. and i dont know what to do. someone just help. please. (link)
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I recently read a book called "He's just not that into you". It detailed all the stupid things men do, that basically tell you that they are trying to tell you that you are not it. A man that is in love with you and thinks you are the best thing that has happened to you does not leave you. He does everything he can to keep you. Men that want to be with you don't "need time", they need you. I realize you say that you have never been this "in love" before, but you have to stop and realize that you love yourself more. This is a stepping stone and you will feel this and more with someone who can reciprocate. Walking away now only makes you a stronger person that can stand up for herself, her rights and her wills. You also leave yourself single for a better man to realize how truly amazing you are. Sometimes its just easier to get over something when you realize that no matter what you feel, they don't feel it. Men aren't complicated like we make them, this guy just isn't that into you. Free yourself from this addiction to an emotional messed up man, to go be radiant and do things that make you happy.
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I would assume this would go under mental health, cause I am sure it is all in my head.
Everytime I get extremly upset, I get really nausous feeling. I am in the middle of a pretty bad pending breakup (only time will tell what will happen with that) but everytime something happens that would upset me, or I dwell on something that may have upset me in the past, I actualy do get sick. I dont go one day without throwing up, and recently, I feel nausous all the time, so I cant eat, therefore getting dry heave. What can I do to stop getting sick? (link)
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Unfortunatly there is probably very little you can do to help yourself. It seems that you are ruminating on problems obsessively compulsively. Otherwise you probably would have stopped. I personal have put myself into the same predictament, and share your affliction right now. In the past I have been perscribed something called Trimethobenzamyte (great name!) and it doesn't change the acid content of your stomach, but it does make it so you don't feel your stomach anymore, which is more safe that over doing it with anti-acids. This means a general physician would be good to see first. The next step after you feel better would be to see a psychologist of some sort (or counselor as suggested before). They can help you make a personal plan on what to do when something upsets you that would be a more healthy expression other than obsessing over it. It has to be tailor made to you, which is why noone here is qualified to give you sound advice. The only other thing I can suggest is to try to express some of what you are feeling in a positive way. Journal it and see if maybe by writing things down, you can put things to rest. Or by rereading things that you wrote before, getting some closure. Keeping yourself busy (ie. school, job, shopping, excersing) will also give you time to take your mind off of things and give yourself positive feedback for accomplishing things. Being physically active is one of the best things you can do for depression.
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