Hi,

You need to stop trying to justify him acting like this and overlooking the seriousness of it! He is abusively controlling. You talk about 'his rules' - your boyfriend is not supposed to be in charge of you and your life - you are supposed to be!! If you continue in this relationship the way it is the danger is you will just start to accept this as normal. You will end up with know one in your life apart from your boyfriend and he will run every aspect of your entire life - the really frightening thing is that this is probably the outcome your boyfriend would very much like. You need to get out of this situation now and the fact is he will not and can not change over night - please, please leave him and get out of this situation! You need to decided whats more important - your sanity, long term happyness, freedom, friends and family - or this one guy. Staying in this relationship will not end well for you!

You say he is the way he is because of his past. This may be true however you must not use this as a justification for his actions. If he is the way he is because of his past then its very clear he needs to come to terms with whatever happened and learn to move on BEFORE he is ready for a relationship.

I understand you love him and feel you can't live without him but I absolutely assure you that you can. Sometimes the right choice is a very hard one to make. I hope you can make it.

Take Care

Ashok

Hi,

First off - do not just stop taking your medication. This could make you seriously unwell (physically as well as psychologically) and could potentially be very dangerous.

While it is true that exercise and a healthy diet can help prevent and reduces symptoms of depression, you should be very careful not to think 'I can stop my medication, take vitamins and go jogging every day and I will be absolutely fine'. This may work for the guy you were talking to but that is not to say it will be sufficient for you. You describe your depression as 'severe' - he may suffer from intermittent and relatively moderate depression? In any case - the best thing you can do is discuss how you feel and the options available with your doctor. Please don't do anything against medical advice. There are side effects and other associated risk factors with all medication and a doctor would only prescribe a drug if he/she felt it was safe to do so and that the benefits outweighed the potential risks.

I understand your concern about the effects of Citalopram (Celexa is a brand name of Citalopram) and Quetiapine (Seroquel is a brand name of Quetiapine) on a future pregnancy. Let me reassure you that you are not effecting any future pregnancy by taking this medication now. You would have to be taking this medication while pregnant for your worries to be valid - and even then it is generally accepted that the potential for serious harm only occurs when these drugs are taken in the third trimester - again this would be something to discuss in detail with your doctor. However I can reassure you that if you are not pregnant, planning to become pregnant very soon or currently breast feeding then you need not worry.

Talk over your concerns with your doctor
Take care

Ashok

Hi,

no there is nothing like that for woman - or for men!! - you do not get blue balls / pain from not masturbating - You are referring to / thinking of Vasocongestion within the testacies - this is not caused by not masturbating, though that is a common misconception.

http://healthguide.howstuffworks.com/blue-balls-dictionary.htm

this is a short simple explanation as to what the phenomena known as 'blue balls' actually is

Ashok

Ashok

Hi, this a problem a lot of people experience so rest assured you are not alone and this is a very normal and natural reaction. While it is a normal and natural reaction it is not one you have to put up with - you can change it!

I'm giving you the link to a book which is honestly fantastic. I know most self help books are useless and not worth the money but this one will help you I am sure. It is by a man called Paul McKenna - he is very well known in the UK.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Instant-Confidence-Book-Paul-McKenna/dp/0593055357/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1326890347&sr=8-4

try it!

take care!

Ashok

I would end it and move on. How can you ever fully trust someone who has cheated on you? and although not always the case - cheaters normally cheat again! I know everyone makes mistakes but cheating is different I think - because if they were truly dedicated to and in love with you they wouldn't even think of cheating! I don't like cheaters - you should have more self respect than to stay with a cheater!! My honest advice - end it and move on.

Take care
Ashok

Hi,

Older people, especially parents, are always telling young people who claim to be in love that they are too young to be in love or understand what it is. I think this is an over simplistic, dismissive and patronising way of looking at it. While it is true that lots of people at 14 will talk about being in love when in fact they are not - I don't think that's because 'all 14 year olds are too young to be in love' its just because they haven't experienced it yet and therefor couldn't know what it really is to be in love. This does not mean that no 14 year old can be in love - there isn't an age were all of a sudden you get the capacity to be in love. It depends on you as a person and also when you meet the right person and develop a relationship with them. You know how you feel - don't let it upset or worry or anger you that some people wont accept you love this boy. If you love him and you know it and he knows it that's all that matters. And if as you get a bit older you come to realise it wasn't love then that's OK too, its all part of growing up.

Take care

Ashok x

Hi,
Thanks for your question - it's an interesting one!

There certainly isn't any 'proper' evidence (that would stand up to scientific scrutiny) that supports the claim that eating the placenta increases breast milk or has any of the other claimed benefits. However there does seem to be a reasonable amount of anecdotal evidence and the lack of 'proper' evidence, it could be argued, may be down to a lack of study/research on the topic.

All other mammals including chimpanzees, our closest relative, do eat the placenta. There must be a good reason that this instinct is 'programed' within them - so they must get benefit from eating it. In my personal opinion if other mammals including chimps are gaining benefit from this practice then it's very likely humans would also.

Ashok

You don't need to do anything! You are not with him anymore - move on with your life. Ashok

As a medical student I'm not going to give you the answer you want on this one LOL - if you want to feel better and get better as quickly as possible take conventional medication (it works!!!) - generally speaking I don't have much time for 'alternative remedies' (although some have a benefit even if only as a placebo).
Joke: what do you call alternative medicine that actually works? Answer: MEDICINE!!!! (its a joke but its true).
Sorry I've not been much help I've just talked rubbish at you - hope you feel better soon! Take care. Ashok

I'm not sure if you are serious or being somewhat 'tongue and cheek' but I am going to err on the side of caution and assume you are deadly serious. First off, as a medical student I can tell you there are no quick, easy and painless ways to kill yourself! You say you have fucked your life up 'at the moment' - do you really want to end your life and throw away all the things you have to come because life is bad right now? You are young and have your whole life ahead of you - the way things are / how you feel now will not last for ever. If you are having serious thoughts of harming yourself please get some help. Talk to your friends and family and let them know how you feel and seek some professional help too. Take care. Ashok (If you find yourself feeling you are about to hurt yourself imminently then pick up the phone and call the emergency services, tell them where you are, stay there, let them come and stop you!)

Why did my boyfriend go to a gay pub with his gay friend? Are you serious? Lots of straight guys go in gay pubs and clubs with or even sometimes without gay friends - it's not compulsory to be gay to go to a gay pub /club and going there does NOT make your boyfriend gay! If your boyfriend going to a gay pub with a friend of his who is gay makes you uncomfortable then you might want to have a think about how grownup you are! Ashok

Hi,
He might be trying to make you jealous however he might just be trying to make it clear he has moved on and is not available. It's also possible he is just talking to you as a friend and trying to get some advice. I do find 'the only girl I have been faithful to' a very unpleasant thing to say! My advice is this: have a good long honest think - are you really over this guy and do you just want to be friends? By your reaction to him talking about his girlfriend and using words like 'chemistry' I would say you still have feelings for him and are missing having him in your life as a boyfriend. If this is the case it's not going to be good for you to have him as a friend at the moment - it will not help you move on. Getting over break ups and moving on can be very hard, we have all been there. Sometimes it's possible to stay friends with an ex and sometimes it just isn't and when that's the case you just have to accept it is for the best and have a clean break. Based on what you say my feeling is put him behind you, stop trying to be friends and move on - but that is your decision to make. Ashok

Hi,

You are not worthless. You are working hard to become a nurse. Throughout your career you are going to help thousands of people and make a difference in a way that most people never will. At the same time you are going to great lengths to help and support your boyfriend, who has had a hard time in life. You where also working a job and earning your own money and the fact you are not at the moment is only because of your other commitments. And despite your dads cruel and unreasonable behaviour and bullying (because that's what I would call it) - you still strive to make him happy and proud and be a good daughter. I think all this makes you a remarkable person and your parents should be very proud of you. I don't know why your dad is acting like this. What I do know is that it is disgusting and totally unfair and unjustifiable. Sometimes people who are disappointed with the way their own life turned out and what they have achieved and what they are capable of take this frustration out on those close to them, especially if those people are capable and successful people. It sounds to me as if he has personal problems of one sort or another and is deflecting feelings from deep within himself on to you. I think for your own sake you've got to stop thinking of everything in terms of impressing and pleasing him. I know its hard but you have to start and try. Do things because you want to do them for yourself, because they make you happy, because you know they are the right thing to do - don't do them for the approval of your farther. Don't bottle your feelings up, talk to your boyfriend and your friends, their support is important. Try talking to your mum (sorry I'm British we say mum - your mom as you would say) again. Do it when your dad is not home. Go through a list of examples of things he has said. Explain how you feel. Ask her why she thinks he dose this and don't be scared to ask why she isn't supporting you. I would guess she is horrified by it deep down but doesn't feel able to stand up to him. She hopes if she ignores this it will stop and go away and probably tries to play down the seriousness in her own mind. Don't let her play it down, make her take notice of this and do something about it - you deserve her help. I am going to suggest talking to your dad too. Try and distance yourself from him a bit for now while you get things together a bit - what I mean is give yourself a bit of space from the situation and stop desperately trying to please him. But after a little while, if you feel able - then talk to him. Be calm but assertive and explain that you don't know why he is the way he is and says the things he says but that you know those things are not true and you know most dads would never act like this to their children. Suggest he has a think about why he does it and what sort of person this makes him. I know it's hard. All the things I've said to you are easy for me to say - not easy for you to do. But do try. You are obviously a very strong person. Don't ever feel worthless - you are most definitely not! Take care. Ashok

Hi,
Having feelings for an ex can be very hard. It's something we all experience sometimes. As for what you should do - the answer is nothing! Don't do anything to try and get back with him - he has dumped you twice, don't put yourself in that position again. Time is a healer and you will move on. Surround yourself with your friends and people who care about you and tell them how you feel. And having a look round for some other guys you like might help too ;-)
Ashok

Hi,
Making a complaint about this professors attitude and conduct was all well and good and I agree you should have done. Making false sexual allegations that could have cost this man his job and ruined his whole life however was a truly shocking and awful thing to have done. I understand that you are sorry and you need to take a valuable lesson from this. Thank god he has been reinstated and cleared of any wrong doing! As for if you should contact him again - do not! Nothing good will come of it. Just put it behind you and get on with your life and let him get on with his. You have emailed him to say sorry once. Move on now.
Ashok

Hi, As a teenager I was an avid Adviceators columnist! After years have passed and I'm a bit older and I hope a bit wiser I'm back! Honest no nonsense advice is what I'm all about!

I'm listening....
Ashok
London, UK

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