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maxim_grey@yahoo.comMember Since:
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I'm Max.Want an honest answer to the burning questions that keep you up all night?
You've come to the right advice column.
advice
Im a girl but I dont want to be. I dfress like a guy act like a guy. I even play tackle football. I spit burp fart. And the whole bargain I recently got my period and I feelweird. I hatre being a girl. Wjhat do i do?
Talk to a therapist. They'll help you sort out your feelings.
I felt exactly the same as you do now before I started going to therapy. I'm more comfortable with my gender now.
And remember, just because you don't fit society's stereotype of what a "girl" should be doesn't make you any less of a human being.
Just do what makes you comfortable.
This is for guys, but if a women has asked their boyfriend or husband the same thing and can answer this, feel free to answer too. Why do men watch porn if they are in a relationship?
Men are more visual than women.
We tend to get aroused at the mere SIGHT of an attractive woman, whereas women tend to be attracted to personality traits.
This is why men watch porn. Afterward, there's no cuddling necessary. This isn't fantastic for relationships, but if it's only happening occasionally and isn't interfering with your relationship, don't worry about it.
Don't assume that because someone you love watches porn that you aren't satisfying them. This isn't necessarily true.
If this is bothering you, just talk about it with him. Don't get mad or accusatory, though. And don't bring up his porn watching during an argument.
If you give head to a guy at a party while your boyfriend is not there does that mean you cheated on your boyfriend? Yeah, the guy was really hot but it's not like we had sex or anything. I didn't even let him finger me! My boyfriend is really pissed and won't talk to me now but I really can't see his reasoning or point of view. I've done this a few times before but I haven't told him about it and regret telling him this time. Do you think giving a blow job is REALLY cheating? I mean, come on...it's like...kissing...sort of...I don't see a problem.
Oral sex is still sex.
Doing anything sexual with someone that is not your boyfriend or girlfriend is considered cheating, unless it was agreed upon beforehand that you and your partner would have an open relationship.
I have been fingered roughly many times before. 2-5 fingers to be exact. I wuz wondering if the vagina stretches the more times you get fingered roughly. Also, if you get fingered a lot, does that ease the pain when you have sex for the first time? like, people say it hurts a lot for the first time and yu bleed. I wuz wondering if there wuz anyway to prepare for sex to not make it hurt as bad to make it pleasurable when the penis goes in and comes out.
The only part that makes sex painful is when the hymen is broken.
The hymen's that thin little membrane over the opening of the vagina.
It can be stretched out during sex, and torn when anything enters the vagina, like fingers or a tampon.
Some girls tear their hymen when riding a bike or putting in a tampon.
If you want to see your hymen and how it looks, you can do so with a hand mirror.
If you've been fingered before, that's no different than having a penis instead of a couple of fingers. Being nervous causes girls pain during sex, too. Since the vagina is a strong muscle and can contract, if you're tense or nervous and try to have sex, it's going to hurt.
Relax and have sex with someone you trust, not some random guy off the street.
19/f
So I've been broken up with my boyfriend, we'll call him Ray, for awhile now, but we both still want to be together. We decided to "post-pone" our relationship until one of us had a way to see the other (we live a good 20 to 30 minutes apart).
I was hanging out with friends on friday night and met this guy, and we both were attracted to eachother. Then the next night (saturday night) we ended up hanging out with him again. This time he made it very clear he was into me. I told myself I'd probably end up making out with him, but that'd be it. For some reason, all I could think of was Ray. So I had no intent desire to do anything with this guy. We were drinking, so of course I kinda start flirting back right about now. We start kissing, and I could immediately tell he was aggressive. He tried to shove his hand towards my crotch and I pulled it away. Then he said "Let's go back in the hallway". And here's where I feel like it's my fault. I put myself in the situation that happens next, and I know I could've prevented it.
I honestly DID NOT want to, but I started giving him oral and I wanted it to be over. I guess he got so turned on by then that he pushed me down and started yanking my pants off. This may sound so timid, but I was scared to say no. He was being so aggressive that I just went with it because I'd rather not know what would've happpened if I said no and he didn't stop. He was too rough and it hurt. I actually cried, I don't think he ever noticed, but all I could think about was Ray and how much I wanted to push him off of me and leave. I've been having a debate with myself about whether or not I was in love with Ray or not, and at that very moment I realized I did. I only wanted him.
After the guy left I cried for about 2 hours after everyone went to sleep. I felt like a slut, whore, etc. I felt dirty, and nasty. Like no matter how much I cleaned myself I'd still feel gross.
I tried to tell Ray about it, and how I thought of him. He said "If what you're telling me is the total truth, then that's called rape dummy". But it's not, right? I never actually fought back; the guy probably didn't think anything of it.
And then on top of all that, look at how the guy I'm "in-love" with reacted to the whole thing. I sent him two more texts, and he just ignored me. I even told him when we broke up that since we're not really together that if he wanted to do something with another girl he could do it, but I didn't want to know about it. So is he mad that I was with another guy, even though I didn't want it? Should I not want to be with someone who said that to me after something like that? I mean, "technically" it wasn't rape, but I am somewhat emotionally scarred from it. Not wanting sex that you're recieving is the most indescribable, horrible feeling a person can have. I don't even want to know what it's like for people who actually DO fight back.
I guess what I'm asking is, do I have a right to be weird about what happened and should I still want to talk to Ray after how he reacted to it?
Just because you didn't struggle doesn't mean you weren't raped. Being forced to do something sexual that you don't want to do is rape. Period.
You need to report this to the authorities, or someone you trust.
Forget about Ray. Your health is what's important right now.
The website below will help you figure out what you need to do now that you've been raped:
http://www.911rape.org/getting-help/what-to-do-if-you-are-raped
i like this guy name ty well i use 2 we were always hang out i mean all the time! before he i asked him out and he turned me out we were always talk bout who we like or who was goin out with who now everytime i talk bout any other guy he gets always get upset and mad and just at me like he goin just slap me then change the subject. ! of my friends said he probably just thought i would be more sad bout talkin 2 him bout other guys its my imagiantion or he likes me. but i really dnt know
He sounds posessive. Even if I like a girl, I don't care who she talks about when she's around me. She has every right to talk about other guys. It's natural.
This guy seems very insecure and threatened by the competition guys other than him. If he wasn't, he'd be listening to you and not trying to change the subject.
There is the possibility that he just plain doesn't like the guys you're talking about or the way you're talking about them, especially if it's in a negative way.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions about what this means.
Eighteen. Female.
So it was my first time being fingered a few weeks ago, it was amazing haha.
But I didn't really know what to do. We were making out while doing it and then I was on top of him and he was still doing it and he was breathing really heavily, I was thinking this was normal ..thinking he was turned on. Am I wrong? But I didn't know what I was really suppose to do. When we weren't making out, and he was on top of me I would like rub my hands through his hair. He asked if it felt good ..I said yes.
I feel like he was doing everything to me though and I felt kinda bad about it. He was kissing me all over: the neck ..the stomach. He took my bra off and then licked/kissed me all the way down from my neck to my inner thigh. It was just too dang good ;) but what can I do in return with him? Besides the obvious ..handjob/blowjob.
I didn't just want to do the same thing he did to me, the kissing and stuff. Is there anything I could do next time that would make him feel as good as he made me feel?? :) It'd be nice to surprise him, without having to ask what he likes.
SO any suggestions on what you guys like, or girls..anything you can share that you know your boyfriend likes!! Thanks!
As a guy, I get turned on just by seeing my girlfriend enjoy something that I'm doing.
Guys are very visual. That's why we like all the lingerie, or the makeup you girls put on. Guys are way more visual than girls are. Seeing the expression on a girl's face or seeing her breathe more heavily when she's obviously enjoying what you're doing is...well, it's kind of awesome.
And it's also a HUGE turn-on when a girl runs her fingers through my hair, btw. I don't know why, but us guys love it!
Anyway, sounds like you're doing just fine with this guy. It sounds like he was turned on. What guy wouldn't be?
this question is for parents on AdCens...
i am in my mid 20s/f.... i've been through hell with my family...
i've witnessed things happen to people my parents and siblings over short and long periods of time: injustice, wrongful incarceration, rape, violence, threats, mental breakdowns (anorexia, bipolar, ADD, depression, suicidal bouts...etc) I've witnessed lying, hate, love, breakups and makeups, humiliation, hostility, prosperity and bankruptcy, deaths and births.... i moved countries so many times i don't know what home is...
if i were superstitious i would have believed that my family is cursed.... but i am not... it's just the nature of my parents jobs and the "high maintenance" backgrounds they come from
some people say that it is moments like these that bring families together... but i say these are the moments that test our bond leaving each individual broken for life....
i know i am not the only one suffering the repercussions of all these events. each of them is dealing with it their own way... that said i don't think my family is strong enough to be a source of support... So i am asking parents on advicenators to give me some advice...
i don't know what exactly my problem except that i am going through a sort of identity crisis... i don't feel i belong and i feel completely isolated from the world in my experiences no matter how much i reach out and try to connect. I don't know what what i want to do with my life... or should i say i don't their is anything worthwhile to do... relationships of any kind start intensely fade over time and die completely with distance... some faster or slower than others.... i feel lost and different and despite the bonding circumstances in our lives i know my parents will never accept who i am in that sense... they hold on to something very unfamiliar to me that i think belongs to their past. an image of stability in terms of traditions and expectations... i just feel i can never adopt that and it can never satisfy all the questions and confusion.... what is so unsettling about wanting to be a drifter? to take it as it comes... i don't want to plan... i don't even think i know how to! i just don't know how to tell them this without them accusing me of being too "philosophical"...
Don't worry. I don't think you'll be accused of being philosophical.
Everyone goes through things in life. Everyone.
You've got these beliefs that eventually all your relationships deteriorate, that you don't belong anywhere, etc.
Sometimes if you really believe something, it becomes true.
You're really vague with this question. I suggest you find a therapist to discuss your emotions with in detail.
Let's start with where you said there's nothing worthwhile that you could do the rest of your life. Become a nurse, a veterinarian, a teacher. Do something selfless, and not selfish. Help people.
Set some goals. Look deep within yourself and ask yourself what you're missing in life. A steady job? A sense of fulfillment? Go to college. Get a degree. Do something that will help others. Helping others will bring you a sense of fulfillment and will make you feel needed. It's hard to not be happy when you're bringing joy to others.
OK so me and my ex have started to talk again and now we have a thing. i guess friends with benefits. we went out for 5 months two years again and iv had feelings for him ever since. we've talked about hooking up and stuff and we're gonna. but the other night we went to the movies and sat in the back. me and him were holding hands and flirting and teasing each other. he would slip his fingers down my pants and pull them out and so forth and i would tease him and i would slip my fingers down his pants and i undid his belt and the zipper and everything. the movies was about to end so i figured i wouldn't give him a hand job. so for the rest of the movie i was just rubbing his inner thigh and i could tell he was rock hard. (undid his jeans cause i heard its painful for guys to get a boner in jeans). i slowly move my hand towards his penis and was stroking it on the undersideee. i guess i just would like to know other ways of turning a guy on. what feels good. what helps you guys get hard and so forthhh. thanks:)
Sounds like you're doing just fine.
im a guy, does it mean im gay if ive tasted my own jizz b4?
No.
i went to a restaurant n sat on d toilet seat .,, it was a bit wet so i really sccared will i get preganant?
No.
17/f
i cant orgasm from regular sex, like my boyfriend has to touch my clit. i HATE how i cant orgasm like every other girl in the world. is there a pill or something or somehow something can fix me.
There is no pill or medication that can "fix" your problem. It's not really a problem, actually. It's completely normal. My girlfriend's the same exact way. Try different positions so he can hit your g-spot more easily.
16/f me and my boyfriend have been dateing for 5 months now and i really love him i think he might be the "one" and you guys probly think its silly or w.e but i love him. Anyway weve been talking about have sex but we also have troble on finding a place because were always serounded by people.aka(family) ANd when we have sex i wanna know if ill know when/if im going to orgasm. my boyfriend keeps saying how hes going to suck at sex and struggle. but he fingers me most of the time when we can be alone and ive bleed twice. does that also mean it wont hurt as much when we do. im just really confused. of corse where going to use a condom. and idk if i should get birth control because i herd it makes you fat and well frankly im already fat as it is. and i dont wanna get fatter. i want this to be the best protected experience of my life. how do i make that happen?!
If you bled when he fingered you, he probably tore or stretched your hymen. That can help make intercourse less painful in the future.
As for birth control, if you can get a prescription from your doctor, definitely use it. Your doctor can help you find the best birth control for you that won't affect you negatively.
Trust me, you'll know when you have an orgasm. Get to know your own body before you have sex with this guy so you can let him know what you like.
hey so im 15 f
~well me and this guy in my classs during school would always flirt and like touch and constantly just flirt.... well...recently we started texting ALOT like all day! and he has recently started to talk sexually.... like he wants us to do stuff.... so now he wants us to hang out and you know ... do stuff.... well i have never done anything before.... like not even kissed.... welll not like actuallly..... so like i reallly wanna have fun with him ! but like i wouldnt go past oral .... well maybey not even that I DONT KNOW YET! like idk what to do ..... do it ... or not do it... so like basically what i am asking is..... what are the positives and negatives to taking him up on his offer? and please dont give negatives i want positives to! :) THANKS :)
There are no positives to taking him up on his offer. If he is texting you and trying to get you to do something with him when you haven't kissed and aren't in a relationship, he doesn't care about you.
my boyfriend and i were having sex the other day and i got on top. i wouldnt have any problem with that except for the fact that after about five minutes of being on top, my knees started KILLING me. so i had to get off. :( which didn't satisfy my boyfriend. i wanna know how to keep my knees from getting sore while on top. oh, and if you're going to name this one position where i'm "bouncing" using my feet, i'm not into that. so please don't tell me that. thanks.
Find some support for your knees, like a rolled up towel or a pillow. Try to shift your weight to your arms or hips instead of trying to hold yourself up only on your knees.