GheadMak3myDay's advice column | GheadMak3myDay's Advice About General Sex Questions

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Q: I have been having a problem with staying erect lately I dont seem to have any problem getting it up but when its time for intercourse it seems to go down I still feel excited but the equipment does not want to corporate. any suggestions please help

If you've got some heavy stress in your life, it's time to sort them ASAP. Having a lot of anxiety can lead to erectile dysfunction which will give you more stress which will lead to even more erectile dysfunction and so on and so forth into a never-ending downward spiral. If it's not anxiety, it could be something as simple as bad food. I've had bad Chinese that was bad enough to make me not be able to perform but after having some fruit, I found myself to be more invigorated. I'm not suggesting that eating certain fruit will give you the natural equivalent of Viagra but it might just be an unhealthy lifestyle. Eating bad food or lack of exercise will definitely contribute to a lack of saluting from your soldier. If it's not one of those reasons, then it's time to hit the heavy guns and talk to a doc.

Q: my name is amy iam 18 and i recently got out of my three year relationship with my first love david. we had an awesome relationship with no major difficulties. the only pitt fall of us was that early in our relationship i cheated on him, it was nothing serious, but it took a lot for us to get through it, but we did and we were very happy up until now. i was the cause of our breakup because we were both going into our senior year and i felt like some healthy space between us would be good. we both agreed that we didnt want to just be completely done so after about three months of taking things slower and casually dating around we both decided to get back together. a week after this mutual he decided to date erika. she had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years just a couple of days before her and david got together. her brother had recently committed suicide due to steroids that had been supplied to him by erikas boyfriend which promoted her to break up with him. i was mad and hurt when i found out and just gave david all the cliche "i hope you know what your loosing" and "no one can love you the way i can" lines. he only replied with an "iam sorry i will always love you". we didnt talk for two weeks, then he started to randomly call and text message me, while he was still dating erika. i stayed strong and resisted him for a month. over thanksgiving break i finally gave in and answered my phone. we talked for hours about nothing and made plans to go job hunting the next day and try out our new relationship as "friends". although i acted as if nothing was wrong the next day, i was hurting inside so bad. all i wanted to do was say how much i missed him and how i wished he would take me back. but i didnt. i held back my emotions until i was in the privacy of my room. i promised myself then that i was never going to call him first, and i haven't to this day. if he wanted to hang out he could call me. we went a couple of days without talking when he called me one night and asked me to come over to look at something he got for his car. it was late and against my better judgement i went. we ended up getting intimate and we both cried to each other and came to what i thought was the understanding that we both werent ready to be "friends" and to just treat this night as closure and i asked him to not call me anymore. that lasted about a week. since then we have been off and on for five months now, he has intimately cheated on erika countless times with me that she doesnt know about. i know that our relationship is wrong and unhealthy and ive tried to cut it off many times but i always give into him becuase he doesnt listen to me when i tell him not to call. i would always avoid the erika subject around david mostly because i was afraid of what i was going to hear, but i recently got up the courage to ask him if he really loved her. he said that he really did and i told him that i didnt believe him, and i still dont. i told him to leave my room if he really loved her and he quickly changed the subject and stayed the entire night. when i asked him how and why he loved her he said she was really caring, implying that i didnt care about him because of the mistake i made so early on in our relationship. i dont believe that david loves erika not only becuase he cheats on her, but he doesnt even have the decency to tell her about it. i feel as thought david feels obligated to her because of her brther and becuase of how fast she attatched herself to him because of how vulnerable she was. although we have finally stopped telling each other we love each other i know with everything that we still do. he still tells me that he doesn't want to lose me and that he has a lot of feelings for me still. ive told him that that is pretty hard to believe when he has been saying i love to someone else for the past five months and he never says anything back to me. i know iam not being nieve because i can feel how in love we are still when we're together, and not just physically, our best friend connection is still there. ive told him all of this and he doesn't agree or disagree. when i asked him recently why he never responds with anything relevant to what i ask, he said that he didnt want to say something to get my hopes up. i told him that i didnt care what he said to me as long as it was what he truly feels and if he truly feels like hes ready to just walk away from us and be with erika then he needs to say it so i dont sit around thinking something is there when its not. that conversation took place yesterday and he didnt reply and that was the last time we talked. i know the right thing to do would be to just move on and forget about him, but thats so hard to do when everything inside of me knows that we're going to be together and that he truly loves me. we are going to be starting the same college in the fall so it not like its going to end after high school. i dont want to lose my best friend but i cant handle being on his back burner anymore. i know that we could be happy again, and i know that he doesnt love erika. i just really want to know the right words to say to him, and if i should follow my heart and try to be with the one person i have ever loved or if we are just doomed. i want my best friend back. please help me :(

Damn, that was a long story! Anyway, I don't think you're seeing this for what it really is. David is getting the best of both worlds. It's a prototypical case: Erika is the gf or as I like to call'em - the main course - while you, Amy is the mistress which I call - dessert. You're not seeing this from a complete prespective. Think about it. If David is willing to cheat on Erika whom he 'claims' to love, how much more willing do you think he would be do the same to you if/when you get back together? Even more so since you've given him an incentive to do so. Since you initially cheated and still expressed interest in him, he feels like he has a 'get out of jail' card in case you decide to call him on it. I know I would (and have). The exact words I used were: "Who are you to tell me who I go out with? You have no right to tell me anything since you did it first. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Sure it sounds petty and vindictive (and it is) but she could never deny me that. Ever hear the old cliche': "there's no going back"? Well, there isn't... unless you have time machine. Even if you want him back, he might not feel the same way. So your only option is to move on. You obviously have not had closure (and sex can NEVER BE closure since it's a good excuse to have ex sex) and need to do it soon. Closure means you're done in the relationship; nothing more needs to be said or done. Until you have it, you'll just keep pining away for an unrequited love.

Q: I'm the one u said sounded desperate.. no actually im not easy- im far form it. ive had many chances that i turned down just cuz it wasnt right. But I really think i fell in love with his guy whether he loves me back or not. I wish he did and id do anything for that second chance. But he knows how i feel about him and hes told friends he likes me too and everything and he knows that im not easy or anything like that and told his best friend he wouldnt have sex with someone he didnt have feelings for or care about. So i dont know what to do because im spendin time with him my friend and her crush which is his best friend this weekend and if it ever happens thats probably when, i just need opinions to help me decide and everything.

Well, the sensation you feel right now might seem like love but it could be infatuation or 'puppy love'. Infatuation CAN become true love but it needs to be tested. Love hurts... A LOT. It means going through emotional roller coasters and pain that can only be found in a truly loving relationship. I think one of the reasons for a lot of divorces nowadays is that people are in love with the idea of 'being in love' and not actually 'being in love'. It's a slight difference. They love the idea that this one person will be there for them always and forever... until one day, they decide that they can't handle dealing with paying the bills and dropping the kids off to school and break up. Love is like tempered sword. It requires going through Hell and back. Love means being there for him when his dad dies of a sickness and he wants to lash out at the world - including you - and still care for him when he insults you and calls you bad names even though you know it's just the pain and suffering talking. Love means supporting him in the stupidest ideas no matter how absurd you think they are. And it works both ways. Is he willing to do anything for you? Love is not easy. If he cannot love you back then your love is hopeless because he will not return your feelings (even if you sleep with each other. Ask yourself, 'do I really love this person and want to be with him always?' If you can answer that, to yourself, WITHOUT hesitation, despite all the trouble it may bring, then yes you may be in love. But ask him that question as well. If he looks away from you to think about it for even a split second, you can be sure that he isn't ready for love yet... but he'll sleep with you anyway.

Q: My boyfriend like to fidle around with my chest, and oh do I not mind, I think it is pleasureable and feels incredible, but he also will ask me to touch myself like he does. The thing is, I don't mind touching my breats like that, I like the feeling of me touching them and it kind of turns me on. Is this weird or wrong?

No, it's neither weird nor wrong. Next question.

Q: 1)omg i waer a 34 b and my nipleas are like a different color tan my boob in like a lil cirlce and i have this lil point of a niples on both .. is sumthing rong wiht me please give m egood advice i will give yoo a five is yoo tell me why becuase i no its not normal!

2)the niples are like crusty and thay hert and i have never had sex! okaii and itss not juss my period! if yoo have good advice please!!

3) whwn i get my period i hert so bad ill like cry ofrever!! i get horrible cramps ... i went to the doctor and she said a heating pad and meticine.. that doesent wok!!!

4) when i go to the bath room and i like wipe iand my finger actully tuches the inside it sticks soooo bad!! is that normal?

~~~~~~ i give 5's too ppl that give good advice okay not juss ... c a doctr!! wow thats great okay so i relly need help!! (13/f) okay so if yoo can help that would be awsum okaii luv yall bye!

Before I answer any of your questions, I gotta say I had a hard time understanding what you're asking since the spelling is horrible so don't blame me if I give bad advice since I'm basing it off what I 'think' you're trying to ask me. Also, since you didn't put (S) in your question, be warned I won't take your question too seriously and may throw some joke in there as well.

1) If your nipples are a different color than the actual boob then yes you are ok... if that different color is green, blue, or violet, it's time to get that checked out.

2) You're gonna hafta give me more detail. Having crusty ass nips could mean anything - too much wheat bread, not enough water, wrong SPF, etc.

3) First I need to know what kind of medicine you're already taking. Otherwise, I can't help. Be warned, I'm not a doctor. If you're taking some hardkore meds that shouldn't be taken with anything else, then you shouldn't listen to me. Otherwise, take 2 Advil to relieve the pain from the cramps... my cousin swears by it. You'll still get the cramps but the pain won't be like a sharp knife being twisted in your stomach but more like a throbbing needle that was heated on an open fire stove.

4) If it smells like fish, then it's probably just the period. If it smells like shit, you need to clean better down there. If it smells like fish & shit, it's time to see a gyny. Seriously though, it could be anything. I need to know your cleaning habits (for you pervs, I only need to know if she's cleaning right so stop those dirty thoughts - yeah, I mean you, the guy snickering). How often do you clean yourself down there? Are you using a tampon? Are you on the Pill? Do you have a burning sensation when you piss? Answer these and I think I can actually give you better advice

PS: Learn. To. Spell.

Q: okay im going to my girlfriends house on sunday for easter and i want to know what exactly turns a girl on like what to do to her you know like kissing her neck. i need all the help i can get!! thanks

angiesue67 hit it on the head:

listen to her. But more specifically, pay attention to what she is saying or doing. For example, if she lets out a 'mmmmmmm' while you're kissing her neck you know you're doing something right and you keep on doing it. Also, ask her questions BUT ask her the proper way. Don't ask, 'Am I rubbing this correctly?' since you sound like a doctor and not her boyfriend. Instead, do something that you think would turn her on and ask (in a sexy whisper), 'Does this turn you on?' If she says yes or nods her head and keep on doing it. If she frowns or shows signs of disgust, then it's time to try something else. Some key spots on the female body (besides the obvious breasts, butt, face):

- back of the neck (specifically the point where the body and neck meet)

- small of the back (about an inch or so above the butt crack)

- inner thigh

- the line that is made at the point where leg and body meet

- slightly below the knees and above the calf muscle

- along the edge of the head starting from the chin leading to the ear

- area around where the breast meets the body

These areas should be kissed, licked, rubbed, and/or gently bitten. Remember, unlike guys whose most stimulating spot is their penis, a girl's whole body is a stimulation spot. Just touching her skin will have an erotic effect.

Q: I am 13, I live in The Conroe area in Texas and I am very sexually active. It seems as if all my guy friends preasure me to do it. Like my friend Kellen... he always pushes himself up on me and I try to say NO but he does it anyways... once we start It doesn't really bother me.. but I really wanta stop!! and every1 asks me if I like Kellen or if we did have sex I always try to deny it cause I don't know what to do... Kellen's friedn Andy, always trys to have sex with me too! but I don't know! I don't want it to happen! what can I do to get them to stop? PLEASE help me!

I can't believe this shit still happens. In case it never dawned on you, you're being raped... ALL the time. Rape, simply put, is when someone forces you to have sex. If you don't want to have sex but it is still being forced on you, then that is rape. You have a brain - use it. It pisses me off that ppl care more about their social standing at the expense of their mental/emotional state. You're an easy mark meaning that any/everyone can get sex from you since they know you won't fight back. It's time to start thinking of yourself before the shit REALLY hits the fan. Your 'guy friends' aren't friends at all. You're just a fucktoy. Sex without informed consent is rape. It's time to a) find new friends and b) call the cops since these guys will continue their behavior until someone ends up either badly hurt or worse, dead.

Q: Well me and my boyfriend have exsperimented "below" the belt. He never said anything before, but now hes complaining about me not shaving. I shaved once before, now i usually just trim. When i shved i hated it i couldnt stand it, it itched and hurt and it was annoying. What should i do?

Turn around and tell him (if he's old enough to shave) 'well, you should too since kissing your stubbly face is pretty much the same thing'. If he's not old enough to shave then tell him, if you want it shaved, then do it yourself. Strangely enough, some ppl find shaving their significant others' pube hair erotic. It shows that you two are deeply intimate and close enough to do such an act. But during the first time, guide him in the shaving since you don't want any nicks or cuts down there. Put your hand over his.

Q: My boyfriend and i have been dating for the past 5 months. We go to the same high school, but next year he is going to a public school and leaving me at the private school we both go to now. He has had sex before and i havent. He wants me to but i tell him im not ready and he says he can wait. I love him so much and he tells me he loves me to, i just am nervous to have sex with him and then he will leave. and i dont want the condom to break and im stuck having a kid. Plus the main promblem is what will god think of me? Please Help!!!!!!!!!

You're still in school so unless you want to quit (a bad idea) you should hold off. So what if he's had sex? It's not a race. As a reformed young punk, I've had my share of conquests and that's what they were - conquests. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. After the deed was done, I cared not once what happened to the girl. If you think about the long run, you will most likely have another boyfriend before thoughts of settling down get to you so there's no rush. True love can wait while lust waits for no one. In response to your side question: God gave you a brain for a reason - use it. It pisses me off that a lot of ppl blindly follow what is in the Bible without understanding the reasoning behind it. God says you may do this and God says you may do that. But few will actually listen to what God has actually said and taken into account that what the Bible is (to steal a phrase from Pirates of the Caribbean) is a set of guidelines as opposed to actual laws. As said before, you were given a brain - use it. God also gave you the concept of free will - the able to do whatever you want. But with that free will comes responsibility. You must be responsible for your actions.

Q: i want to have sex for the first time. what are some procosions to take. and does it hurt? i also heard that you bleed your first time is this true? thank you i rate well.

I'm assuming this is hetero (male to female) sex.

1. Condoms

I prefer Durex for 1st-timers since I've had low breakages. Later on, switch to Trojans since they're thinner and feel less like there's a foreign object in your body. The 'ribbed for her pleasure' is not always true. It depends on a number of things such as vaginal lubrication and sensitivity. Make sure that the condom is snug and tight but not choking the penis since it will slip off if it is loose or break if it's too tight. Also make sure you're not allergic to latex. I find it strange that a certain percentage of the human population is allergic.

2. Lubrication

I stress this because it will allow the penis to go into the vagina smoother (thus lessening pain and increasing pleasure). I prefer AstroGlide for maximum smoothness but KY jelly is pretty good as well.

3. Birth Control

If you don't want to be a parent sometime in the next 9 months, this is probably the most important thing to have. At the very least (if you're a girl), get 'The Pill'. It has several advantages. If you're already menstruating, it will regulate your period. A side benefit seems to be a natural increase in breast size. A half-cup size at the very least. The boys will like that, for sure. Also this allows you to time your periods so you will definitely know when it's not a good time to hook up. The only downside is that the pill must be taken regularly while in puberty because once off the pill, you risk having wildly fluctuating periods as well as having an unwanted pregnancy.

4. A Pitcher of Water, 2 Glasses and a Washcloth

Sex is a energetic activity and if the guy does the job right, you should both be sweating and exhausted afterward (but I should warn you that most first timers usually don't do the job right).
The water is there for you to first a) pour into the glasses for drinking to refresh you for (hopefully) another round of fun and b) soak and rinse the washcloth so that you can wipe away sweat and/or blood.

5. Communication

This is very important as well. It's usually assumed that you will talk but, as a reformed young punk myself who's gotten into the panties of many a willing girl, it doesn't take much to trick a girl into having sex. I gotta point out that tricking a girl into having sex is the lowest of the low. Only assholes and horny teenagers trick for sex. Only thing worse than that is rape. If you don't know if your partner has been with someone, you risk the chance of getting an STD. Assume the worst, hope for the best. Also communication is important since you're telling each other how you feel which can highten the sexual experience. I get turned on by intimate talking. It can range from tame 'I love yous' to straight out dirty talk. But the talking itself should be kept to a minimum. I leave that to you.

6. Mental/Emotional State

It somewhat ties into communication but deserves its own category. Simply put: are you prepared, mentally and emotionally to go through with it. You've got to be 100% sure. Nothing less than that or else you'll be in trouble. I guarantee it.

The first time doesn't always hurt. The bleeding doesn't always happen. Usually, it will but if it doesn't, don't freak. I've heard that horseback riding can actually break the wall that would normally be broken during first sex. If you're pretty much like 80% of the female population, then it's a good chance you'll bleed and it'll hurt. But the precautions I've suggested should minimize the pain and bleeding. Another thing to keep in mind is location. I'm assuming you're having sex on a bed. Remember to rub detergent on the bloodstain on the blanket and immediately throw in the laundry.

Q:
Is it possible to be suicidal, but to not have attempted suicide...?

Yes. Next question.

bio

Like my name says, g'head make my day; ask me anything. I'll answer the boring (Is the sky blue?) to the bizarre (should I bring a glow-in-the-dark cock ring to the bukkake party?). I only have one request: if you want a serious answer, please do so using (S) as an indicator. Otherwise, I will decide whether or not to apply my witticism (which may not necessarily be witty) to yon inquiry.