jammy12's advice column | jammy12's Advice About Friendship

askjammy12

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: So, I've been up at college for a little over two weeks now. All my classes are great and everything, but the people here are driving me nuts!!! I am generally an all around happy person and I love laughing and just having a good time. Whenever I try to be friendly with someone, I can't really get a response out of them. You know, they'll just kind of have one-word conversations with me or something like that.

At first, I didn't really notice how boring the people were up there, but when I came home for Labor day weekend to see my family and my boyfriend I realized something. Last night, my boyfriend and I were just driving around town, cracking jokes, and laughing hysterically about anything and everything. It occured to me that I hadn't laughed like that ONCE since I had been up at school.

That breaks my heart, because I know if I can't be happy up at school, my grades will slip. So what can I do do meet other fun people at college that can I actually joke around and laugh with once in awhile? I mean, college is stressful enough, so I can't understand why everyone is so serious, right?

People that are in the campus 24/7 aren't the people you want to be around to hve fun. Go to clubs, etc to meet people. From there you'll meet fun people who are pretty much interested in the same/mostly the same things as you. Also there are some people in the same school who'll be fun and go to these parties etc...you jus have to be at the social events!
gud luck!

Q:
to start off the year i had SO many friends.
i considered my self 'popular.' now it's the
end of the year & i have no friends. i dont
wanna spend the summer with noone to do stuff
with. all of my friends are friends with other
people and are always busy. theres 2 more weeks
of school & i wanna get most of my friends back.
i feel like giving up. random people are taking
my friends & buddying up with them. i ask them
to hang out but i always make plans too late.
should i sit with my semi-biffs at lunch? cuz
they have new friends but still talk to me..

i have so many ex- friends that have moved on but i need some friendss. help

yeah sit with the semi bffs at lunch! And also....partake in some activities you like and you'll get some new friends with the same interest. Just be really social and talk to everyone, even if u don't know or like them!

Q: Hey i'm in 8th grade and i'm graduate this month! I was wondering what are some things i could give my friends for graduation. Something that i could give them as a remembrance you know? Thanks!

The best gift you can give them, if ya'll are going different high schools, are a picture frame with a cute picture of all of you all. That's a great gift. However you can buy them all matching handbands..like friendship bands too. That's also an amazing gift because you will all have the same thing and they will remember you!

Yeah most likely claire's has...and if they don't you can buy like a special pattern and most likely you will get about 5-10 in the same style and color!

Q: okay theres this girl in my class. ive known her since this year and shes okay i guess.. oh yeah im 13 and a girl too. im not really friends with her but we sit at the same lunch table so we talk occasionally. i used to think she was okay, until one day she just changed. well it kinda progressed to her changing.. i only see her at lunch and special periods. first in the year we had music and i liked her and we usually partnered together. next was art and we were at diff tables. she sat at a table with alot of the cool popular people.. maybe that affected her? like soon after that its like she was trying to make herself be something.. she just wasnt before. its like she is so fake i hate it. then soon she got a new haircut and she keeps flipping it all the time.. and the way she acts its like too overly nice and shes trying to be cool i think but i'd rather her just be the girl from before. and then she acts all nice and stuff.. like now in homec thats what she does, but at lunch like once i asked if i could borrow a little hand sanitizer and she was all like "no!" and like pretty meanly. it was just a little sanitizer and it was hanging from her bag.. yeah thats pretty sad i couldnt even borrow a little. and like its like shes trying to act like shes superior to other people and would just seem like.. UGHH i dont wanna be around her! but shes in my home ec group and if shes not in our group she will have nobody else so we have to have her!!! DOUBLE ughhhhh. HELP. PLEASE.

um...what's the problem? I don't get the question if there is anyy? Well if u want to avoid her just keep out of her way. You don't have to be friends with her just because she's in your group. The school term's almost over and I'm sure you'll get reassigned to different groups soon.

Q: the thing is she got me put on probation for 6 months

I suppose you are the girl with the friend problem right?

Well if you are...then you can probably just make a phone call to her to say you heard what happened and you're sorry...and if she needs a shoulder to lean on you're there for her.

I understand you are probably a bit frustrated with her for doing this...but sometimes people think and act..and do clumpsiness!

Q: so i had this freind and we got into a fight so now were not we havent been friends for about 2 months and i just found out her dad got arrested and shes never met her mom should i help her?!!

Help in a supporting way and not in a way that'll make her feel really uncomforable. Put yourself in her shoes. If your dad got arrested and u don't know your mom how would u like her to react or what would you want her do.

Don't try to play too friendly...it'll make her feel akward. Be a leaning should.

Best of luck

Q: should you always stick up for a friend even when you know they're wrong?

If you're a best friend or REALLY GOOD friend with this person, I'll say NO! Friends are there to guide and what's the sense lying to them. Don't do it in a mean way but help your friend realise what is right and why she's wrong.

Q: Let me first describe this one girl to you--
-her names hayley.
-shes the popularest one in school
-people worship her. [she even has people who go out to her locker for her & get her things!]
-shes really confident
-but shes also really mean. .. if she doesnt like you.
-shes really rich. she has a ton of REAL louis, chanels, coachs juicys & all that.
-her dog evne wears like these juicy jackets & stuff.

She had this big party, & you had to be on her A-list to get invited. I wasn't I was like on her B-list or something. & she posted it everywhere in school, & everything. Anyways, shes been REALLY nice to me lately, & i want to be better friends with her. Her one friend just moved away, & that means theres a spot open. & i want to make that spot for me. how do i do it?

don't tell me, to be myself or anything.. because, that obviously hasn't been working out too well.

kthanks

Are you sure you want to be friends with her? If you are you can try these things:
1. be brave a bold- walk up to her with confidence and tell her hi and what's up...basically create a convo with her.
2. Bring something from home for her; eg a cookie or a candy bar or something! It'll help.
3. How do you normally make friends? I normally just go and sit by them and talk to them. However you do it try it on her.ur trying to make a friend.

PS- Don't be fake....cause at some time the fakeness you used to be her friend will go away!

Q: Okay, to make a long story short, me and my friend got into a fight with our other friend because we confronted her about blowing us off and shit because she got a new boyfriend. The whole thing was blown way out of proportion. Anyway, she forgave my friend, but not me, because I was meaner (apparently). The girl told me, "Your basically dead to me." She also told me she could never forgive me and that she didn't care what I said or did. This girl was one of my best friends. It's really hard to loose a friend, and never even get a second chance. How do I get over it? (It's definately going to be hard because we have the same group of friends.)

I have also tried having a civil conversation with her as well. She gives me a one word answer, and acts as I'm not worth her words. I'm tired of feeling like shit over this..PLEASE HELP.

Ok all I have to say now..is just let her know your feelings and that's your friendship means alot to u..it shuld work

Q: I'm a terrible teriible TERRIBLE person!
I don't know how to fix this! Everytime I try to become a better person, a become a much much MUCH worse person. I was so jealous of my friend, perfect grades, hair, teeth, boyfriend, LIFE! I was just soo jealous. And I was failing civics. So I stole her project! I was at her house, and I stole it! Who does that? I'm the worst friend eveeeerr! Please help me, I can't tell the truth! I can't! I offered to help her with it tonight when she told me that she lost it, because I felt guilty. So I'm gonna try to fix this! But how? People, what can I do? I've told myself over and over again to learn from my mistakes and becoma a better person, but I don't! Ever, i keep messing up. I'm going to hell. I am. And I have no future. I hate my life and I hate myself and I need serious help. Not from a professional though, I don't want to do that. Just help me please, what can I do to become a better person??

I think this is a constat problem with girls and I'm in that situation alot. you feel less equal to her and maybe you don't realise something she's lackking u have. Comon chill oout...that project thing you need to chill!
Ask her if she wants some info for her project and try to help her. Nope you don't have to go by her house jus offer some kinda help.
Jus try to point out what she's bad at or what she doesn't have and you got. Remember she's your friend and this friendship sounds important to you...jus try to be the best you can. and anytime you think of hurting her or being jealous resite a mantra "she's my friend...she's my friend! She's my friend!!" and calm your self. don't rush into actions remember you're hurting her!

Q: i have known my friend for 12 years now and we do everything together,she has recently got a boyfriend and is completely leaving me out. im always with her cos i have had trouble at school so shes my only real friend there,i feel completely alone.
Shes ok somedays but other days she will plan to meet me at lunch and then never turn up,its really upsetting me and i dont know what to do! nicole jane, 13

This same this happens to me...well right now! The problem is that i'm 14 and she's 15 going on 16 ssoooo i knew it would happen. Anyhow jus talk to her and make the best of everytime ya'll spend together.

Q: Last night I found out a bunch of my best guy friends smoke, drink, and do weed. I broke down cause you never really think it'll happen to you. Me and some of my other friends want them to get help, before its too late. What could we do; ( Annonymously if possible ) ?

Don't butt in too much cause u can lose their friendship which sounds relly important to you. I think the best thing you could probably do is offer help with consuling but that's it. Don't push and tlk bout the subject too much because it'll make u sound relly demanding and bossy.

Good luck

Q: I have a friend that is 14 years old. She is beautiful kinda embarresing to say but. She says she doesn't like me then when we are playing halo 2 she pauses it then gives me a look like ya. Then when later on she when we got some dr.pib we set it on the table next to us and then she pulled me ontop of her and started making out and i am not to sure of what to do because we have been through a lot but she just doesn't trust me what so ever. idk i am a depressed person and iam very emotional.

I am 14 years of age and a freshman in high school. name Solomon

i personally think she likes u. Maybe she's tryin to be hard to get and girls think guys like it wen actually it confuses them. You should try to figure out if and how she likes u. I think it's more than jus a friend but you never know what these girls think. Lol I'm a girl so I can tell u from experience we don't know what we want. Invite her on a casual date and ask her what ya'll status are...n how she sees u

Q: My friend is always complaining about her figure and looks and it annoys me because she is one of those girls who have perfect looks skin and figure. I am overweight, not the best looking girl with bad skin and am seriosuly over my age height. I want to make her feel good about herself but she never does and everytime she starts it makes me feel bad about myself. I want her to feel better but when I reassure her she doesnt believe me. I know its wrong but I am scared I will end up like her. I used to like myself but now I have started feeling really depressed about it. Any advice on shutting her up and getting myself back how I was before? I hate the NEW me

No offence but I think that she is jus tryin the sympathy thing. She jus wants attetion and makes u feel bad, duno if she means it or not. My friend's kinda like da and it's hard to know wah she means. Anyway either pretend not to hear her...or jus say "You're pretty. Get OVER IT!"

Q: my friend trina keeps borrowing money from me and my other friends all the time and i've tried telling her I can't keep loanining her money all the time if she dosn't pay me back,but she won't listen to me.How can I get her to listen to me?

Tough love...wen she askes u...say no you can't. If she has a good reason for the money tell her get a job...or why dno't ya'll have a car wash n give her the money?

Q: I really really like one of my best friends ex's. If he asks me out idk what to say! Cause I love my best friend but I really like him too!

And if this helps, my best friend decided to like the same guy I used liked right after I told her I liked him. ( I like her EX now ) And I was really hurt cause she started flirting with him constantly and won him over and now they're going out so she took a guy away from me, would it be wrong to go out with her old ex?!

sounds to me like revenge so like make sure u relly like the boy. And yeah talk to your friend about it!!!!

Q: y friend has a new bf and they have only been togther for three days and they have already kissed and well when she hangs around him she pretty much ignores us and well when she is older and she meets a guy then i dono she is 12/f and i am 13/f when she is older i hope she makes the rite decisions with a guy cause if she goes this fast when she is this old then well think about when she is older i just need some advice the guy is 13 and is a grade older than her and he is going to break up with her and she never got broken up with before i need advice on whether if ui should warn her or what

I know what you mean...I have a friend just like that except she's 2 years older than me. I think they are just having an infatuation over this boy and not making the really good desicioons. The only thing you can do is just listen and tell her the wqay to go. Just guide her and don't push it too much she might think you're just jealous of her so just help her out with things such as "Hun you're not ready to go futhur!"

Q: i've been feeling sad for a couple of months now because i felt that my bestfriends are drifting away. then yesterday, i was with my friends at a school basketball game and my bestfriend got mad at me out of nowhere. then i started thinking like always, but i started crying. i pulled one of my friends to the bathroom with me and stayed in there. then my friends and my bestfriend started coming in and they told me to come out. i came out, but my bestfriend started ignoring me. we went back to the game, but i couldn't stop crying. my bestfriend hasn't talked to me ever since and i think that she thinks it's her fault. i slept for 13 hours but i still feel tired and i've been crying for no reason. i have no energy to eat. what's up with me? what should i say to my bestfriend?

I think every girl has a little problem with friends and I don't quite understand your problem but maybe you should invite her to lunch or go out the movies or something and talk about it! I mean it's not going to her if she stops tlkin to you and you keep crying and stuff ..trust me right now I'm going through that. I have been crying a sometimes I can't eat but after a while I know it's unhealthy for me and I think that's y i'm gettin those pounds! So If i was you tlk to ur friend or a consellor and sort it out b4 you get sick!

Q: There's this girl I'm friends with. She has a lot of guy friends, and whenever I hang out with her, she's usually around them. See, her guy friends are very nice, and cute, so I usually end up liking one of them, and then losing interest, simply because I can't talk to them (They usually don't have a screen name or we have none of the same classes together, plus I can be shy if I talk to a guy I like in person).
I usually tell her if I like someone, but now I like one of her good guy friends, and I don't want to tell her (This guy friend has a screen name and stuff and I'm more determined to get to know him better). I don't want her to see me as "the girl who always ends up liking her friends and then not liking them the next day."

What should I do? Thanks!

Well that sounds like me...one minute I like this guy and the next I relly don't. I think it's because I know I can't have him...well I feel I can't have him. Anyyhow if she is your friend she wouldn't think about that and if you like one of her friends the best chance you have is to tell her. You'll have nothing to loose...except gain a possible friend? Any how I think you should let her know!