And the green eyed monster rears it's ugly head!

Well, as I've said before and I'll say again: "twos company threes a crowd".

Why do you think that "Mary" is doing this? You say that Mary says that you could be "the one"; by saying this, does she mean in a romantic way or as a best friend?

Have you hurt her in some way? For example, if she has a strong tendency towards you and you turned her down recently?

Have you been spending a lot of time with someone else?, and have you recently buddied up with another friend (or friends)- and she felt left out, even one time? Maybe "Mary" is trying to find a way to get you back? And obviously attempting to make you jealous!

Then again, maybe Mary is trying to make you jealous because she was feeling like you were ignoring her for a while.

OR maybe "Julie" is really trying to move in on your friend, she may even be trying to "get back at you" for something herself. Have you done something to 'Julie' that would make her want to take revenge on you??

Then again, there are just some people that are jealous of the closeness that two people have together, and so they will, just to have what you two had! These sort of people will go to your friend and speak ill about you behind your back!! Fortunately, 'friendships' like this rarely last.

If Mary really cares, then she is truly playing "head games"; in the hope that you will come "running back with your 'hat' in your hand"...and that is completely the wrong way to handle this.

Maybe it's time for YOU to find a new friend and "do unto her as she's done unto you". If she cares a fig, she will approach you and reconcile what you had!

At the very least, she would invite you to the sleepover too!!

Keep in touch and let me know how things are going.
Blessings!
Jasmine

It's hard to say. She could be talking about you two, and this "story" is really a way to send you signals- but I find that unusual because she has turned you down already.
It could be that she is interested in someone else and is trying to see how you are going to react to it...but you won't know unless you really open that door and speak to her frankly but kindly and with care.

It's really hard to say, and it's sad that she cannot be open and honest with you (and vica versa) and really let you know how she feels -instead of just shaking her head! If she is considering dating you and is scared, she should be able to tell you as much- even good friends should have that openness and intimacy if the friendship is meant to last.

Maybe you should concentrate on opening the "lines of communication" with her..let her know how you feel (pick a time that is a comfortable situation), and I mean REALLY how you feel, not just that you "like her more than a friend" but how deep your feelings run, how often you think about her, etc: at the same time, be sure to let her know that because you care about her, and the friendship that you share- and regardless of how she feels or what she may say, that you will continue to support her feelings; and that no matter what happens, you will not get upset or turn your back on her- that you will always be her friend. The best relationships begin as friendships first!

Fact is, until you two really open up to each other, you will continue to wonder and won't be able to move on.

If you take the first step and be COMPLETELY open and candid, and she still refuses to open up to you, then you MUST resolve yourself to move on.

If you don't, then you will only continue to torture yourself with what will lead to an unhealthy obsession! (and a waste of your time)

In fact, if you open up completely, and she doesn't do the same, I would take that as a sign that she is just stringing you along until she finds someone else that is as infatuated with her as you are. Unfortunately, there are some people just want to be loved without returning the same, and that makes for a very one-sided relationship. Continuing in this manner will only make YOU unhappy in the end...and you deserve happiness!

So, it's time to be as honest and as candid as you possibly can, if that gets you nowhere..then it's time to save your romantic attraction for someone that really wants and deserves it.

Hope I've helped,
Many Blessings!
Jasmine

Thanks for the compliment..I remember how tough (and still is but in different ways *sighs*) ..anyway how tough being a teenager was. Especially when it feels like you can't talk to anyone for fear of rejection or judgment! Fact is, I enjoy helping others out!

Okay on to your question:

I think waiting until he asks you out is a bad idea..start now:
I think that you should find out how she would react by approaching her with it in a casual way. When you and your BFF are hanging out, and you feel like you two are having a friendly connection/conversation (maybe she might even mention boys, who she likes, who likes you etc): Now is the time to say, something casually, like, "you know, I've been thinking..ya know, your brother's kinda cute. I hope you don't mind me saying that, but your my best friend and I don't ever, ever want to hide anything from you."

This way, you aren't too far "down the rabbit's hole" with her brother before you break the news to her. I believe that would make her much more upset.

At this point you will find out exactly how she feels about you and her brother going out..and we can go from there..*smile*

Good luck and Blessings!
Jasmine

Yeah (agreeing with Holly), it sounds to me like you are worrying/having anxiety of what he might do at anytime-

By the way, sounds like you two have a lot of fun hanging out!

In addition to relaxation/anxiety techniques ( clearing your head, slowly breathing into your nose, and blowing slowly out of your mouth a few times) you could talk to him about this fear without saying that it IS a fear.

I don't know how close you are to him but you could say something like, "Hey pokey-man! (then laugh - And while smiling, say) I know you owe me for poking on you, but I'd rather not worry about when or how your going to get back at me (or I'm way TOO ticklish and really don't want you to poke me)- it's making me uncomfortable (or on edge) around you, and I really like hanging out with you! So, instead of exacting your revenge, how bout' I buy your lunch (hang out, or whatever is appropriate between you and him)".

Then maybe you can laugh, and say, "but if I do "such and such (buy lunch etc)" I still have poking privileges, K? (more laughing and smiling). Read his body language if you can, maybe you can even throw in a "little poke" after you say it! It would be like "sealing the deal".

I knew this guy in high school, I wasn't attracted to him, but he was a friend of mine and he blushed SO very easily that I would say out of nowhere, "Hey 'R', Why are you blushing?" and then he would turn beet red for no reason whatsoever - his ears would EVEN turn red! He would start shuffling his feet and say, "Now stop it" (while he was smiling). He never tried to "get back at me" though.

I imagine that your friend is merely saying that because he probably likes you a lot! He may not even plan on doing anything to get back at you. Most guys I know that say, "I'm gonna get you for that!" usually are saying it in a flirty manner and don't really mean it.

Hope this helps!
Jasmine

So, he told you outright that he was using you, and then told other people the same thing?

And now he is asking you to take him back, right?

Hmm..and you said he almost made you cry when he did this?

Is he really begging you to take him back, and I mean, very sincerely? If he is telling the truth, and really does want to get back together then those same five people that heard that he was using you...should also have heard that he now realizes that he was horribly mistaken and wants you back!

IF he can go around "fluffing his rooster feathers" and telling people that he was 'just using you'..then he ought to be "man" enough to also do the opposite:

Lose his ego, and tell those same five people how much he really wants you back.

Sounds like he's playing a lot of games..and I do hate "head games"! 'Say what you mean, and mean what you say' is one of my main mottos.

Tell him that you will consider taking him back if he says in front of those same people (that he told that he was using you) that he really wants to be with you and to be together again. If he can't do that, and swallow his pride after hurting your feelings so very much (and embarrassing you in front of your mutual friends!) then you shouldn't take him back because he will likely just do what he did before, and cause you even more heartache.

So basically, tell him you'll take him back under the condition that your mutual friends KNOW that he made a mistake when he treated you that way, and if you two get back together, he won't be afraid to show you public affection (for example: he won't be afraid to hold hands around those same people!).

Hugs and don't let him walk on you!,
Jasmine Moon

Since it didn't say..I am assuming your a girl..please correct me if I'm wrong!

Sounds like she loves you, and needs you, but is a straight arrow. Keep in mind that most every study proves that all of us are at the very least "bi-curios" so that may be why you think she is sending you the wrong signals..additionally, from what I gather she truly does love you intimately (remember friends can be intimate!), but doesn't want anything sexual from you.

It could very well be that she has some passionate feelings for you but, as you know, society, even in this 21st century!, still has a stigma against those that are homosexual or bi-sexual *sigh* (we are working on it though- even as slowly as it is coming along!).

My advice to you is to remain close friends and don't push it, you don't want to mess up a great friendship! In the meantime, keep your closeness and be sure to tell her if your thinking about dating someone, etc. Because it is the intimacy that she wants from you, she is obviously a person that wants to be first in your life, and you will have to let her down easy if you find someone that you want to share your life with forever...she was obviously upset because you didn't let her know what was going on in your personal life...and it's also obvious that she needs you and feels that you are the one person that she can share confidences with.

Who knows what may come later, *shrug* maybe she'll discover (or uncloset) that she really is bi or gay! Does she go on dates with guys?

These things take time...and you may end up dating years from now. BUT in the meantime, she sounds like a very close and intimate friend and true friends don't come along very often (this I promise you-and remember I rarely promise), and I mean REAL friends, not "buddies" or "aquiantainces". Be happy with the relationship that you two have, be open and honest AND be happy for one another! Try to share your personal life with her as much as possible that way she doesn't feel left out, but as I said before, careful not to sound like your bragging.

Don't let this issue come between a great friendship that will likely last years and years! And who knows what else after that? That's one of the beauties of living...it is full of surprises (yep, some of them are bad surprises- but, fortunately, this one is not one of those *smile*).

Hugs and keep in touch!,
Jasmine

It means that you and your very good friend decide to have consensual and intimate relations without a life-long commitment.

Actually had that a few years ago, great if your both single, in need, and don't wanna go around sleeping with just anyone randomly, which if done, can be SO VERY dangerous (ie. STDs).

Much safer to pick a partner that's a really good friend and "have benefits" until one or both of you find something more permanent.

I want to clarify, though, that some single people still have sexual relations with others while they "reap the benefits". In my opinion though, it kinda defeats the purpose...but *sigh* I am woman *smile*..(hear me roar? *lol*)

Jasmine

I need a little clarification. How did he break your best friend's heart? Did he date both of you? Maybe I'm misunderstanding. More info please, I'd like to help.

Jasmine

It's a little vague because I don't know yall's background. (I think that is why no one else has answered this question).

For instance, I won't understand the "forcing into a relationship" part unless I know more...

But it sounds like she is being very clear otherwise.

She feels that your friendship will diminish if you date someone. AND it sounds like she is a bit depressed (and feeling left out) right now because she thinks that she, like others around her, should be experiencing a whirlwind romance and she isn't.

If she is a good friend, you should be there for her right now and let her know that she is worthy of love, and when it's time: a romantic relationship will come along for her, too. Share your experiences with her, but tread softly so that you don't come off like your bragging..and that is the most difficult thing to do. You want to tell her all about it..but the more you are excited, the more she will become despondent.

Actually, this is not unusual at all between best friends, especially when one begins to experience new "relationships" (or even life experiences) before the other does.

Try to put yourself in her shoes, what would you want from your friend if you were on the other side?

Maybe you should plan some time for you two to hang out together and have some "girl time" WITHOUT (and I do mean without) any guys tagging along? Plan a "girls day out" each week.

Shopping anyone?! *laugh*

Remember, that guys (until you marry) will come and go, but friends, true ones, are forever,
Jasmine

If your friends decided not to trust you just because you changed your look..well, they weren't really your friends in the first place! It may be that they are now uncomfortable around you..

I find it unusual that they would do that just because your "goth". Has your personality changed along with it?

Have you questioned your friends about exactly why they have lost your trust? That may be the best way to mend the gap that seems to have evolved. Communication goes a long way in every relationship.

People fear change, and they fear what they don't understand. Maybe they fear that they don't know you anymore? You need to re-assure them that YOU haven't changed a bit! YOU are still YOU.

Keep in touch! I'd like to help you with this as it progresses,
Jasmine

Hmmm..

I would suggest that you just act like it's no big deal when you ask.

If she responds negatively (looks shocked/appalled or looks like she's going to start lecturing)..

Say..something to the effect that.."Oh mom, now you know we are just gonna hang out and watch movies and stuff, and we will be in the living room (public area) the entire time." Maybe add that it's best that they just stay over "since it's so late".

If all else fails try this tactic:

"Mom, don't you think it's much better that we hang out here, than somewhere else where those boys might get the wrong idea?!" *wink*

I'm a 36 year old mom who has too much life experience. I realize that, no matter your age, life throws some crazy curve balls at you when you least expect it. I know in my heart that absolutely no one is perfect..and we all make wrong decisions at one time or another; and sometimes we just need someone to help us out without being judgmental! Furthermore, I think that the only stupid question is the one that you don't ask...knowledge is power.

One of my favorite sayings:
"If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones."

Well folks, we ALL live in glass houses at one time or another!

Never say never,
Jasmine

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