Hey there. Ask away whatever you want answered and I'll do my best. Please avoid unconventional capitalization and spelling - it makes the questions harder to read and so I'm less likely to answer.
Website: My Deviantart Site
Gender: Female
Location: Wandering
Member Since: September 23, 2004
Answers: 144
Last Update: May 31, 2009
Visitors: 12171
Main Categories:
Friendship
Theater
School
View All
Favorite Columnists
sparklythingy
maria
|
| |
Okay, these girls that stabbed me in the back, started rumors, & talked about me behind my back & I don`t want to have anything to do with them. Plus, my mom wants me to not even be in the same room with them cause I was crying for basically a week cause of them.
One of them told one of my actual friends that they were going to throw me a surpise birthday party since I couldn`t have one. I`m having one ... I`m just not inviting them, so I told them I wasn`t even having one. I blocked their screen name, phone number, e-mail ... everything. The thing is, they live in my neighborhood. So if they come to my house, how do I get out of going to this thing? (link)
|
Be really blunt. You know how you felt after you found out what they said and did. Tell them that you don't appreciate what they said and did and that you'd like them to stop being two-faced about their friendship with you. If you don't want anything to do with them, then tell them that they hurt you, and you no longer want to be part of their group.
As for actually getting out of the party, if they told your real friend about the party, I bet he/she could get the date and time as well and tell you. Then, make plans to be busy that night - and if you can't actually be out of the house, see if you can't get your parents to tell the kids that you're not available. Since your mom doesn't seem to like them much, I'm betting she'd be okay with helping you get out of a party where you'd be spending time with them.
Good luck.
|
Im really sorry if this is to long. if you dont want to read it i understand.
I used to want to kill myself. ive never tried but those thoughts came to my mind often i just never took it into action. I have/Had this one friend named katie. Honestly ive always thought she was twofaced but i always thought to give her more chances... just because i thought she could get over her ways... well i was wrong. Before i met katie i had this best friend that ive known for 8 yrs. Her name is cortnie. Recently me and her have been in this big arguments and we have said hateful things. i highly doubt me and her will ever be friends again. Well anyways.... Katie has been cortnies friend for 2 yrs now and they have been hanging out and me and cortnie have been torn apart and we hardly ever hung out during her and katies friend ship. 5 days ago katie and cortnie got in this big argument because cortnie told some one somthing that katie said that she shouldnt of. so katie got mad at her. Katie betted this girl jessica that she wouldnt be friends with cortnie again. Well yesterday katie called me and she still wasnt friends with cortnie and now she is at her house with jessica. Cortnie has one of my hoodies and she hasnt gavin it back. i just asked her where it was and she said that she let some one borrow it. i yelled at her and told her that she wont get hers back unless she gets mine and i told her not to let anyone borrow my stuff. And then jessica got on the phone and said that if i beat up cortnie then she would fight me and i told her i wasnt scared of her. or anyone that was gunna fight me over cortnie... and so on. we got in a big argument. and then in the back ground i heard katie saying stuff. She was supposed to be my friend. and not take anyones side. Sometimes my heart accually hurts. i can feel it. No one ever believes me when i say that. Jessica got on the phone and was calling me fat. and seriously im not fat. i just need some one to talk to. does anyone have any ideas on what can take my mind off all this drama/stress/ and saddness.??
Anything will help me in this situation..
LoVE =`'( (link)
|
I can't promise any of what I say will help, but I'll do my best.
Unfortunately, we'd all love all our friends to be loyal to only us, but it never seems to work out that way.
Maybe the best thing for you to do is sit down and ask yourself "are these people really worth keeping as true friends?" and really think about it. There's no rule that says you have to be actual friends with everyone you know, they can just be girls you hang out with sometimes. Make a list of the pros and cons about each girl involved and decide if you should keep giving them chances.
Also it might not hurt to talk to your parents about this, or another trusted adult. Just to get a perspective of someone who's older and probably went through something similar when they were in school.
To help with the sadness of feeling like you're losing friends, the best thing you can do is get involved with other stuff. If you attend church, get involved with the youth program. If not, find something that you're interested in and join a group with the same interest. Basically get out and meet new people. If your school's not super clique-y, maybe some new friends at school wouldn't hurt.
Also, the worst thing you can do is let this eat your life. I know it sounds hard, and it is. It's a big thing and you think about it a lot and it hurts. But, even so, do your best to distract yourself.
Just a side note, people who call others fat are often insecure about their own bodies, it's like a wall they can hide behind. I think my mom has some good logic: don't be offended by it, feel bad for them that they're so insecure about themselves.
I hope this helps at least a bit because you sound like you're hurting a lot about this. And know that there is at least one other girl who knows and understands what it's like to to have your heart hurt like that and have no one believe you. But, no matter the pain, you can get through it. Good luck
|
|
i used to be the center of attention with my friends..but ever since i started dating my boyfriend i have fallen out of the spotlight it seems. how can i get back in it? (link)
|
Having a party might just do the trick.
Also (a less pleasant option) would be to break up with your boyfriend. Not that I actually suggest that, but he may be part of the reason you feel like you're out of the light. They might feel like you're spending more time with him than you are with them. Regardless of if this is true, it often seems to happen with girls.
If you throw a party, don't invite your boyfriend maybe. An all girls party might not be a bad plan, just to show that you love them.
The biggest thing is to make sure that you balance your girl time and your boyfriend time as evenly as you can.
|
|
I'm not quite sure what to do. My "best friend" from last year is changing. We used to tell eachother EVERYTHING!! But this year she cheated on her boyfriend, broke up with him, and went back out with him and didn't even tell me. I had to find out from someone else. And she doesn't know about the guy I REALLY REALLY like. Its because she doens't take the time to find out. Every weekend I invite her to the mall, and EVERY time she says she busy and then calls me telling me how bored she is.. Also when ever I hang out with ehr myy grades drop. I dont know if I should stay "best friends" with her or not? Please help (link)
| |
From the sounds of it, she's negativly affecting your life a lot. Maybe being "best friends" isn't the best thing to do. If you like her a lot as a friend, then keep her, but don't be 'best friends' anymore, just sometimes hang out with her.
|
|
what are some exercises that you can do that will help you become more flexible so that you can do the splits? thanks! (link)
|
The best thing you can do is to practice. I know that's an annoying answer, but it's true. If you want to be able to do the splits any direction, set aside probably less than 5 min per day and go as far as you can and hold it for about 30 seconds to a minute. Increase the time you hold it slowly, and DO NOT force yourself further down than gives a bit of a stretch, it shouldn't hurt when you're holding it (well, your wrists might get a little sore from your weight on them) but your legs shouldn't hurt.
Another thing you can do is this (you can do it sitting or standing, sitting's a little easier).
Bend your knee so you can grab either your ankle or the arch of your foot and slowly straighten the leg of the foot you're holding. If you can't get it straight, DON'T PUSH IT, hold it as best you can for about 30 sec. With time, you'll reach your goal, the goal being to grab your arch and straighten your leg. (Of course, if you have long legs, this is much harder to do and you're better off just working on the splits the other way).
Also, for center split, when you're at home. Instead of sitting at a desk and doing your homework, slide down as far as you can into center split, and then keep your legs that far apart and fall backwards so you're sitting. Hold that position (shouldn't hurt, just strech!) while you do your homework. Not only will it help your splits, it'll help your flexibility, when you're leaning over to do work, it'll help you become more flexible at the waist so you can (hopefully, at some point) be able to be in center split and rest at least your elbows on the floor.
Good luck!
|
Sorry this is long, but please answer me. I have two friends. One is my bff, the other a good friend. We'll call my bff 1 and my friend 2. We all get along, but 2 is always jealous when I hang out with 1. It's like, 2 always HAS to be there, or she gets all pissed and mad. It is so annoying! So anyway, I wanna take friend 1 on vacation with me this summer. What should I say to friend 2?
Thank you so much, if you answer, I'll rate you A 3 or more! (link)
|
Don't tell both friends that you are going to take someone on vacation. It's fine if they know you're going somewhere, but it'll only cause jealousy if one knows the other gets to go and she doesn't.
If they already know that you're taking a friend, then perhaps you should take a friend that's not one of the two you're worried about.
From what this sounds like, friend 2 is afraid that friend 1 is going to take your friendship away from her. If you don't already, try to balance the time you spend with each person as equally as possible. I know, this is hard, but you can do it.
Best of luck.
|
|
well i have this friends and she is 13 like me and shes had sex already and might even get married already because her parents dont give a crap about her im really worried about her and i dont want this guy to be with her..wut should i tlel her (link)
|
Your friend's only 13, I believe there is ONE state in the US that girls can get married legally at age 13, and that has to be with a parent's consent. Your friend is simply too young to be married and, in my opinion, too young to be doing much else except for living her life. Just because her parents don't care about her doesn't mean that she can go and do illegal things and they are suddenly legal. Be there for her, tell her how much she means to you, tell her your concerns about her boyfriend.
Best of luck
|
|
Well i have this friend and like she thinks that she is the most popular person in school...shes kinda popular but she talks shit about people and hardly anyone likes her anymore. well lately she said she hated this one girl and like now shes totally attachted and shes being a bitch so idk i dont want to talk to her because i have tried ignoring her but like when i dont talk to her she comes and talked to me and like i really feel like i have to say something and like i dont want to tell her how i feel because that would be complaining that i dont like what shes doing and thats dumb because its her choice...also shes been telling me that i have been making good choices and stuff and like she hasnt and like i think that shes just saying that because she wants attention...what do you think? (link)
|
From what it sounds like, this girl is insecure, or maybe something happened in her life that's making her like this. Don't give her the silent treatment, it will most likely make things worse. Being backstabbed hurts (personal experiance). Try asking her, if you can, how she would feel if she learned that people were talking about her behind her back. Also, see if you can, without seeming to try, find out what other people are saying about her, if anything.
1) find out what people think of her
2) ask her how she would feel if people were backstabbing her
3) let her know (as kindly as possible) what others think of her. Try to avoid hurting her.
Best of luck
|
|
Me n my friend have been best friends for a few years now but then she met this girl and shes a really bad influence on her-drinking smoking and cutting herself. now me n my friend arent really best friends nemore and shes lost a lot of her friends because no1 really likes the other girl and she's really mean to me. My friend's been cutting herself fer about a year and i don't know what to do to get her to stop but she's going to start drinking too cuz she thinks it will help and she wont really listen to anyone. she told me she's turning into a person she never wanted to be-doing the things she does and ruining her life b4 she's even 13 but she still doesnt stop. theres a lot of crap going on in her life right now but still.. i dont know what to do anymore please help me! (link)
|
Someone who has some influence on her HAS to be told. One of those (cutting, drinking, smoking) can be dealt with easier, but all three needs adult intervention, and soon. Really, I think both girls should see someone, and possibly be kept apart (yes, it sounds mean), but perhaps if you can get your friend away from this other girl, then the infulence might drop. There is the possiblility of the fact that your friend may be scared of this other girl, or may want to be like her, and so she feels compelled to copy her, no matter what.
Also, see if you can help out with whatever's going on other than this.
If you tell an adult, your friend may or may not come running to you later to say thank you. She may call your friendship off, but it's a risk you may have to take.
Best of luck.
|
|
ok, don't say my friend is a fag or anything just because he cut.. i don't wanna hear it... but i've been really mad because, i was talking to him, and he quit cuttin for about 3months, but then while i was talkin to him, i told him something, and he said "brb" then when he got back, he told me that he had cut himself because of me.He said he was just looking for a reason to do it, but now i feel really guilty. IDK what to do, hes not online a lot so i haven't talked to him, so my guilty concious grows each day. I'm mad at myself because 3 months ago, i was the reason he stopped cutting, now im the reason he started. Can anyone give me advice on what to do right now? i don't like the feeling of being guilty, but i can't talk to him...i need a way to clear most of my concious about this, cuz its really disturbing my sleep and life in general.. (link)
|
Ok. I've had at least 3 friends that have been/currently are cutters. Often as not, cutting is a cry to help, or attention, or both. There's all kinds of reasons people do it, within the categories of attention and cries for help. There is of course the possibility that you friend may be clinically depressed, in which case, there's not a whole lot you can do. Some people cut because they get adrineline (sp?) from it. Those are usually people who want the attention. If you can, and this will involve confronting your friend, find out why he's cutting. Also, find out who else knows. From what you say, it sounds like he wants attention, but I don't know him, and you do, so I could be wrong. It may be that some sort of family problems could factor into this.
The only thing for sure is that your friend does need help, even if it's just other friends knowing and being there for him. If you do choose to take action, confront him, tell an adult, whatever you choose, know that doing that is one of the best things you can do for him, and possibly one of the worst things for you. If you tell, it is very likely to put a huge strain on your friendship, or possibly end it. Sometimes it's better to tell and lose a friend and know that they're still alive than not to tell, and lose a friend to death because the cutting was linked to more serious things.
Good luck.
|
|