about

Please note that at this time, I am not accepting questoins. I am having serious doubts about the amount of time and patience that this site requires of me, as well as how I fit into its structure. Becuase of that, I will not be checking advicenators for a while, and thus WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. Here's my intact profile, however, in case I come back.



Welcome to my humble abode... or something.

My name is Brie, but you can just call me Wily (no, that's not my real last name). I'm an eighteen year old from rural Mid-Michigan (think Saginaw or Bay City, only surrounded by miles and miles of trees, corn, and sugar beets).

I'm an honor student, sort of. Not to brag, but I was Salutatorian of my high school class. I specialize in English, educational topics, and social studies, but I'm good with basic sciences and drama too.

I'm a big geek; I like to write and play RPGs, and my favorite video games ever are the Pokemon series. I'm actually a relatively well-known Pokemon master (I've moderated the forums of two bigger Pokemon fansites, and have been an on and off admin at one), and at the two sites where I became relatively popular I aquired the reputation of "The Pokemon Professor." However, that doesn't do me much good here, becuase who is going to ask about Pokemon on an advice site?

I don't have much experience with relationships but I have a natural nack for giving advice about them. I also don't know anything firsthand about things that we do not mention in polite company, but I know a lot about the science and psychology of them, so I'd be glad to answer safety-based questions--just don't ask me about technique, becuase I know nothing. I'll try to answer anything you throw at me, and many things that you don't, though, so feel free to try me.

Be warned though, I'm not afraid to tell it like it is. There are stupid questions, and if yours is one I will respectfully tell you so, and attempt to give you the information you need anyway. If you need to buck up and accept what's happening, I will say so. However, in this column I try to maintain a standard of respect, kindness, and helpfulness; you will not be flamed here. Unless you're a babyeater or something.

So, drop me a line, and I'll do what I can. Live long and prosper!



Requirements

Now, I know this is gonna kinda look stupid, what with this being an advice site at all, but I have a few simple requests for you.



If you do not follow these guidelines, I may not answer your quesiton. I will not say that I won't, because with some questions you don't need to say some of these things, and with some of these guidelines, you can't do anything until I've answered. But please make my life easier. That's what I'm trying to do for yours.

advice

Fellow atheists: I have a friend who is a militant Christian, meaning, she thinks it's her job to convert everyone who isn't Christian into one, including me. She knows I'm atheist, but it really bothers me when she tells me that I'm going to hell for not believing in Christian ways. I've told her many times that I don't believe in a god, afterlife, or book of worship. Yet, she still has the nerve to constantly bring up "god" and how I NEED to be a Christian. Other than that, she's cool. Are there any ideas on how to get through to her that I really don't want her help when it comes to religion? I'm going to snap if she comments to me one more time.

Please bear with me; I'm a bit longer and more rambling than usual, and some of my opinions require a lot of points to come together. I may seem to be advocating her side at a few points, but that's not my intentions--I'm merely asking you to consider hers before you act, and ensure that you're not treating mistakes and slips as deliberate acts.

On to the advice.

I sort of know where you're coming from. I'm sort of a Christian, and my atheist friends were very relentless in trying to "convert me" to atheism or even "anything but Christianity." I didn't tell people they were going to hell, either.

I've also had Christian friends try to press their beliefs on me, although the fact that I believed in Jesus sort of got them off my backs.

You need to be absolutely sure that she understands how you feel. Make sure to tell her that her constant conversion attempts are hurtful, annoying, and frustrating to you. Tell her that you have no intention of ever converting, and that her behavior is driving you even further away from Christianity than you already were. Tell her that you value her friendship but you will not continue to tolerate harassment, and that if she cannot stop trying to convert you, you can no longer be her friend.

What ever you do, please, please, PLEASE do not try to insist that atheism is better, or convert her. You cannot defeat fire with fire int his case. When you try to tell anyone that the fundamental facts of their religious beliefs are wrong (i.e., trying to tell a Christian that there is no God, or an Atheist that there IS a God and they'll go to hell if they don't worship him), the person being told that automatically goes into a sort of "persecution" mode. I know this, I've seen it in myself and my Christian, Atheist, and Agnostic friends... And you need only look to history to see just how nasty "convert or ELSE" attitudes can make relationships and the world.

After you tell her how she's hurting you, avoid the topic of religion. If you talk about it after that, it'll seem like you're sort of flaunting it in her face. Also, she'll be less likely to lapse if you avoid the topic.

If she continues to preach, break off the friendship. She needs to learn that confrontationalist attitudes in religion do not work, and maybe, if everyone did this to badgering or overly pushy Christians, those sects would realize that telling people they are going to go to hell does not work. That sort of attitude is bad for everyone, Christian or otherwise.

If she stops pestering you, continue as normal. Try not to treat her badly just becuase she used to be annoying, should she straighten up. Some friends will drive you insane, and then stop bugging you... and it really hurts them if you bring up old hurts and old fights.

And one last (rather long) pointer--please don't mistake her reveling in her faith for tryin to push it on you. Obviously this is a touchy area... But she may continue to talk about God without actively preaching to you. (i.e. "I took a retreat with my church group, and I feel so much closer to God." versus "You need to go on a retreat so you can find God!")

If this false relapse makes you uncomfortable, please tell her. Don't simply assume that she's preaching, becuase she may not mean to. When you have a strong faith in anything, Christianity, Atheism, whatever, you have these moments where everything seems to make sense. And most people are compelled to share these moments with their friends--even if their friends have different faiths. The important thing is communication--if you're okay with this, then tell her, and if you're not, then tell her that you're not. If she doesn't listen to you... give her at least one second chance, and then kick her to the curb.

I hope I helped, and I hope this experience hasn't damaged your opinion of other Christians.

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HEY! i really need some help. ok well, how do i get closer to god? i mean.....i dont feel close to him AT ALL. i belive in him and everything but.....i just dont know what all he wants from me. can you help?

Wow, you've just asked the single toughest question in the world.

Really.

I know how hard it is to be distant from God. I've had a few periods in my life, one that was only a few weeks ago, where I felt like I had no purpose or meaning in the universe; like God didn't love me. But eventually, something would always pull me out.

However, there are a few things that you can do to find Him (or Her) again.

First off, pray regularly. I don't mean canned prayers that you read out of a book or memorize, either... Talk to God, like you would talk to your mom or dad. Tell Him about your life, what you want, what you're afraid of. Ask Him questions, but don't expect immediate, or clear answers. If you want to be close to God, you have to let him get close to you.

Second, be careful if you try to pick a church. Don't let it suck up your life, or jump in head first. Listen to what they're saying. Is it logical as well as uplifting? Are they after excessive tithes?

Third, think about your life. Think about why you're here, who you are, what your purpose is. It will hurt. It's very painful to reflect on... and this is very trite, but God helps those who help themselves. I've found that if I reflect on a problem enough, God will nudge me in the right direction, and let me find the answer myself. Just be vigilant and persistent, but open-minded.

Fourth, talk to a wide variety of people you trust. Make sure you talk to your parents, unless they're unapproachable about religion... but try to get a variety of opinions. Talk to pastors and lay ministers, random people you iknow, about faith. Try to get a lot of different religions, even talk to a few atheists. They will try to convert you, but the point is to get ideas that you can agree with, disagree with, or use as springing points. Really explore faith in general, as well as specific ones.

And finally, follow your heart. God finds the strangest ways to guide us, and one of the strongest ones is our own feelings. Go with your gut instinct, and God will eventually guide you to something meaningful that you can use to create your own purpose... or guide you to what you need to pull through a hard time. I mean, He's shown me the way through my choices of VIDEO GAMES, of all things. Just listen to your heart, and you'll find the way.

One final note--don't expect instant results. Faith is an excercize in patience, and it hurts to wait for a sign... But it's worth it. Trust me, in the end it's all worth it.

I know it's rough to struggle with your faith. If you ever want to talk about religion, life, or anything, you can find my contact information on my column, and I'm sure there are countless others around here who'd be glad to help. You can even ask me another question.

But remember... God can give you nudges in the right direction, Himself or through others, but when it's time to do what you have to do, the choice is yours. You have to decide to make whatever difference you are called to, and you have to decide to accept whatever purpose you may serve. The choice is yours... but listen for His voice, and be patient, and He will tell you what he wants you to do.

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Why should people become Christains? Like what iss the purpose in it?

In the loosest interpretations of the word, being a Christian is beleiving that Jesus was the son of God and believing in him will give you eternal life, etc. etc. So really you're only a Christian if you believe that.

The purpose of practicing the Christian faith would be to honor and have a relationship with God. How you would do this varies from sect to sect. Some branches of Christianity think that you are only saved from going to Hell by being a Christian--sometimes, only by being their kind of Christian.

If you're considering Christianity, ask yourself--do I believe in Jesus? Do I believe he was the son of God and had special powers? If you answer yes to these questions you may want to consider calling yourself a Christian.

But don't just join the nearest church! Don't go in blind. Look at the churches around you, consider their beliefs, and find the one that's right for you. The internet is great for this; you might want to check Google, Beliefnet, and Wikipedia for information on the churches you're considering.

If you don't really believe in Jesus, you're not really a Christian and joining a strictly Christian church would be a mistake. If you want to, you can even take parts of Christianity and other religions and sort of mold them into your own faith. But whatever you do, consider it carefully, and follow your heart. Good luck!

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Since I was five and up until I was ten, there was a man that used to abuse me and my bedridden mother. Finally when I was ten years old, my mother kicked him out. A few years after that, I was taken out of my mother's house, and am now living with my 30 year old sister, and her fiance. Anyway, off of the background. a couple years ago, I had a dream that I would run into the abuser guy, and then I did! Nothing bad happened to me that time, but now I'm having nightmares about him again! I'm afraid, because the nightmares are worse than last time, and I'm afraid something really bad might happen. What should I do??? I know dreams don't always mean something, but it's been happening for three nights now. I'm really frightened. :O

Matters like this one are not always easy to address. Becuase of the mysterious, bizarre nature of dreams, you can't always logically deduce what they mean or what to do about them. Some people believe that dreams mean nothing, others that beleive they are reflections of our thoughts and feelings, and some still who think that dreams can warn of the future.

Regardless of which is true, it may be helpful to you to treat this situation as if all three are accurate.

Firstly, treat the dreams as if it means nothing. Okay, not quite. Make sure you don't give it more weight than it deserves. It has obviously brought to your mind memories of this man... Have you considered bringing criminal charges against him? I'm sure if he were locked up for what he did you'd rest easier.

Now, treat the dreams as if they are reflections of your thoughts and feelings. Why are you dreaming about him? Ask yourself that. Do you feel anger and resement toward him over what he did to you? Do you feel unsafe? Are you worried that someone else might be after you, and are using him to represent them?

Others have suggested seeking out a priest or counselor to talk to. I think that would be a great idea, although with my more secular leanings I'm inclined to suggest the counselor over the priest. I would guess that, no matter what the dreams actually mean, that you have pent up issues over this. You need to get them out, or at least talk about them. At the very least, you'll feel better afterward.

Also, there are some things you could try for dealing with the nightmare themselves. If you become lucid during the nightmare (that is, realize you're dreaming) confront him in the dream. You might also want to try talking the individual dreams out with people, writing endings to them, drawing scenes. Start keeping a log and watch for patterns.

Lastly, there's the possibility that this dream might be prophetic. Whether you beleive in psychic powers or the capacity of the subconscious mind to interpret and predict events, you seem to beleive that dreams have some clairvoyant qualities. I beleive that dreams can predict the future; however, I rarely believe that the events they indicate are as dramatic and painful as the dreams themselves.

The important thing here is your safety, both physical and emotional. You will feel happier if you take steps to ensure your physical safety from this man, and that of your family. Check your house for problems, and maybe consider taking self-defense classes. Don't go to places alone unless they're very public and visual, and vary your routine--don't always come and leave at the same time. Whether or not the dream means anything, whether or not he or anyone else attacks you, this will still help you to feel better. Voice your concerns to your family, too, even if they're unsupportive of your intuition.

Reglardless of what other columnists say, it is important that you heed your intuition. The human mind is a powerful thing, and is capable of weaving all sorts of things together without fully cosncious thought. Logic may abandon you in dangerous situations, but intuition is as in grained in you as walking, if not moreso. Trust your intuition, use your brain, and don't worry so much. Those three things are the key to having things work out.

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I know having bulimia,anorixia or anything like that isnt pleasing to God...but is it considered a sin?

That's something you have to answer for yourself, I guess. Personally, I don't think so; it's a disease. I do think it's a sin not to do anything about it, but we sin every day, and God still loves us and forgives us.

But whether it's a sin or not doesn't matter. Bulimia and Anorexia are diseases; they're mental illnesses that need to be treated so that you don't kill yourself. The only thing you should worry about right now is getting treated, if it's you, or getting your friend treated, if it's not you. Pray for them, or for yourself. Confess, if you're of that persuasion, or convince them to confess if they feel it's a sin. Whatever, just GET TREATMENT.

It doesn't matter so much that we sin so long as we try not to again, or try to fix the problem that leads us to it. While I don't think that anorexia or bulimia are immmoral, I can see how others would...and if they make you feel guilty then you should treat them like a sin, and try to repent. Don't worry about the afterlife so much. You're dealing with a potentially fatal condition here; how can you confess and atone if you're too weak to stand?

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Ok well here's my problem, my mom is like super christian and I think I wanna follow by the rules of buddah and I want to be boodist! but I still belive in god! I dunno what one to choose. And plus if I do decide to become budist I dont wanna tell my mom! I dont know what to Do! arg! help!

For one, it's spelled "buddhist." Buddha. Buddhist.

I've heard from people that it's possible to sort of blend Christianity and Buddhism. I've kind of tried it. But really, with any religion, you can sort of pick and choose.

However, before you commit to Buddhism, I suggest you do some reading. Hardcore Zen (I think the author is named Brad Warner) is a really great book for people who don't know that much; it should give you an idea of whether the basic Buddhist thing is in line with what you beleive. It really helped me figure out what Buddhism about and what I liked about it... and why it wasn't exactly for me.

Regardless of what you do, your religion is not your mother's business. And if she's like "super christian" you may not want to share it with her until you're out of her house and out of college. Basically out of her financial responsibility... otherwise she could bar you from accessing information and other things about your chosen faith or force you to go church, if you're under 18, or cut off your financial lifelines until you agree to do things her way, if you're over 18. Keep looking into things, and keep an open mind, but be careful about how much you let your mom find out.

The most important thing is to follow your heart. Take a religion or two, take out what you think is correct, and follow that. Don't worry about the little rules and things.

For the record, I'm sort of a Christian (more like a deist who beleives in God and Jesus really, but that's not the point), and I beleive that God wants us to be happy. I beleive that God wouldn't want you to follow a religion just beucsae it's what everyone else said, or to stick to rules that don't seem right to you.

You seem to have a pretty strong faith in God; so just remember that He loves you, and let Him guide you. Think of your figurative heart like a divine walkie talkie; you need only listen to it, and He'll tell you where you need to go.

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