Hey everyone!
I'm usually that friend everyone goes to for advice. (I'm also the one who gives good advice but doesn't apply it to herself, lol.) Whether I've been in your shoes, or know little of your situation I'll answer honestly and truthfully. I'm here to help.
Some background info for you guys: My parents are divorced. My mother's remarried. I have two older sisters, one with two boys. I'm a Senior in High School.
So go ahead, ask away!
Gender: Female
Location: Paradise ^-^
Occupation: Accounting Clerk
Age: 17
Member Since: July 3, 2012
Answers: 94
Last Update: December 5, 2015
Visitors: 7102
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My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own. (link)
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hey there sweetie!
Seems like you're going through a very tough time, but I wanted to say that I admire you because other people would've broke down and not been able to do what you're doing: looking for a solution.
I come from a hispanic home, so my mother was always very strict when it came to my sisters and I moving out. (I'm 17 y.o. btw, will be 18 in a few months). My sisters both left the day they turned 18, and I'm looking for apartments currently. My mother helped my sisters look for an apartment and before that, get a job to pay for it. I think that's why when I come across situations like this I can understand where mom's coming from.
I think you should save up some money, forget about your mother and your sister. They seem to be worrying about themselves enough. Worry about you. I don't think you should beg your "deadbeat dad" to do anything, I think this is a time where you can break out and leave "the nest".
So as I was saying, save up some money. Make a budget for yourself, write down: in one week I'll have this amount, in two weeks I'll have this amount, and so forth so you know how much money you can invest in an apartment. Also try to take away the aproximate amount that would go to food, transportation and any other necessity. Try to cut down as much as you can, and look for studio apartments. Studio apartments are usually cheaper and I'm sure there's something out there within your price range. Also, some people rent out rooms when they can't pay the full rent so that's a good option too.
If you can't find anything else then I suggest you speak to your boss, let them know the situation and ask for more hours. Or ask if they know anywhere you could stay for a few weeks while you get your stuff together. Or if you're extended hotel is within your budget, stay there.
As soon as you find a place to stay, I suggest you keep saving up. Try not to waste that much money on small stuff, buy only what you need. I don't think you'd need a car now that you're starting out. Trust me, with gas and maintence costs I think you're better off taking the bus for now. After you get settled and start saving, then I think it would be time for you to look for another job (if you're current one cannot give you more hours) so you can start looking for a bigger place or a car if that's what you want. I personally think having an apartment, even a small one, should go first. After all, there is public transport.
I know it sounds like a lot, but it's not. It'll take some time, sure, but I'm positive you can do this. It's all about taking risks, and learning to be independent. This is a big step, but it's also a very necessary one for our maturity and growth. I really hope everything goes well.
Best of luck!
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I have two children. My husband walked out on us a year ago. He does not paid child support I did file. I work a full time job. Making okay money. My oldest has some disabilities. I have a boyfriend that I am not in love with. I was blessed to be able to live with family for a while. It was very crowded and pretty stressful for everyone involved. I moved out into a house close to my dad's. He takes me to work because I still haven't been able to afford a car. My kids have their own rooms now. We are walking distance from the school. I am absolutely miserable living with my boyfriend. I feel my attitude ttowards him comes off as hateful even though I don't mean to be. I don't like when he puts his arm around me and normally I love that He works he's very sarcastic I'm not judge mental on looks but I feel there has to be some kind of connection and it's just not there at all. We've talked about it I don't think I could afford to live here on my own and if I did it would be a very tight on bills. I'm just unsure of what I should do (link)
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Hey there.
I know the stress of being a single mom is pretty awful. My sister is a single mother of two handsome boys, (3 and 5), and it's stressful on her two. I understand you can't afford living on your own but being in a relationship just because you can't afford to dump the person is not a good thing.
So, tell him the truth. Ask him if he'd let you stay at his place for about a month or two and try looking for a job with a good pay. It's really not healthy for the kids to be around that kind attitude between adults.
Move out whenever you can and start doing things on your own. That's what being a mom is.
Best of luck!
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my mom is a uptight. I'm going into the freakin 8 grade and she has parental controls on the computer only giving me five min a day and barely any websites. she has 3 computers, one of which is a laptop, an iPhone, an ipod, and a n iPad! One computer was supposed to eb for the kids but then she put on all these settings.... the iPod is supposed to be my bday gift but she changed it into her extra phone. i can't do anything. she makes these dumb rules like u can't lock the door in the second bathroom which is my bathroom.i can't wear some clothes i have cause she wants to pick out my outfit when we are going to some places not every wear tho. She yells at me when i break one of her rules or talk to her while she's on her electronics cause she says I'm disgracing her. I get it when she s coin bills but when she is on Facebook?WHAT! it makes me feel like I'm doing something bad all the time cause I'm used to so much yelling.WDID? (link)
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Alright. First of all, you need to let go of that anger. Your mother, no matter what she does currently, gave you life. That is pretty much the most precious gift she could ever give you, so I think a little patience and understanding from you wouldn't be so much to ask.
Yes, I agree that most of what you listed there is a bit unfair. Only five minutes a day? When I was in the 8th grade, my mother let me use my laptop after I was done with my homework and chores. I could use it only until 10 p.m.
So yes, I think giving a time limit is great, because we don't want to turn into coach potatoes but five minutes is a bit exaggerated.
You didn't really clarify what are "all these settings". If you mean she blocked a few websites, or put in some parental controls then I don't see what's the big deal. Are you trying to get into these blocked websites? Is that why it's bothering you? If she blocked out social networks, (facebook, youtube, twitter, etc.) then I could maybe understand your anger.
On locking the second bathroom, my mother doesn't let me lock the bathroom door either and I'm grade 12. She says it's for two reasons: In case I fall down and need help, or in case she needs to use the bathroom while I'm showering. It makes sense, so I don't question it.
Now for the rest of it, here's my real piece of advice to you:
Sit down and talk with your mother. Tell her to put down her electronics because you have something important to say. Tell her you're not a kid anymore and you'd like to be treated as a teenager. Let her know you don't have problems with most of her rules, and that you'll always follow her rules if she's willing to compromise with you. Ask for more time on your computer, tell her you'd like to use YOUR iPod more, maybe comment on unblocking those websites you'd like to visit, etc. Just let her know about how you feel because she's not physchic.
Be polite and respectful when talking to her, you don't wanna set her off. I really hope you get to sit down with her. Good communication goes a long way.
Best of luck!
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22/f. I have asked similar questions before, however, I am attempting to ask another, because it isn’t exactly the same. My other questions have dealt with particular instances, this one deals more with the whole issue. Ever since I can remember, no one has ever held my mother accountable for her actions. She could do the worse things possible and everyone will always defend her. I am not even exaggerating. This notion that she does nothing wrong is inside of my family only. When those outside my family see how she treats me, they cannot believe their eyes and get angry and upset at the things that the rest of my family does to me as well.
My mom chooses to be angry with me upon her own personal feelings. “Today, I feel like getting mad.” Not, “I’m upset with you because you hurt me and did something terribly wrong.” For one, my mother has decided to treat me like I am a criminal. She treats anyone who is not “like her” this way. For instance, I am not into fashion. I am into my appearance and I am into cosmetics and into clothing. But not fashion, per se, like runway shows and stuff like that. Because of this, my mother decides to tell me that I am ugly and that I am disgusting. Every day for the past year or so I have heard “you’re disgusting,” because I refuse to wear heels to school. I am 5 feet tall and she calls me a midget. She says “Why don’t you wear heels, you’re a midget!” She does not say this in a joking way, she is serious. When I watch TV in the afternoon, she says “Who does that? You’re so stupid.” She forbid me from watching TV in the house during the day because she says it reminds her of the hospital. So, I go somewhere else in the afternoon so she won’t have to put up with me and she say’s “who watches TV in the afternoon, you’re so stupid!...” Again.
To make matters worse, she looks like an angel next to the rest of my family. My aunt constantly reminds me that I am adopted and should be privileged to be a part of this family (I was adopted when I was a day old), and my grandmother is constantly telling me that I can’t get mad at my mom because her nerves are too bad. Yesterday, she was super angry at me because I went to go watch TV in the afternoon at my boyfriend’s house (with his parents). She criticizes brunettes all the time. I guess she thinks she’s naturally blonde. She says she hates dark hair. My hair is naturally brown and she makes me dye it blonde. She says that brunettes are “on the dark side.” Again… just because it’s what she’s not. Fashion, brown hair, and watching TV in the afternoon. If you don’t have it the way she wants it, apparently you’re a terrible person.
I’m tired of being treated this way only because of my natural hair color, the way I dress, and the activities I choose to participate in, which do not go against the values of my faith or my family. I am tired of my family defending her and not holding her accountable for her actions. If a FIVE YEAR OLD talks that way to another five year old in his/her kindergarten class, it is considered bullying and is disciplined. How can a 53 year old woman not be held accountable for her actions when a five year old can be for the same things? Except, this is far more serious because she KNOWS what she is doing. I told her that I apologized if I mentioned fashion in the wrong regard, but she should apologize to me for the hurtful things she says and she says “fuck you.”
Today is her birthday. I am trying to be humble and a great person. Because of my faith, I have chosen to live in a way that is humble as possible. But, I do not want to spend the day with her and be responsible for her tantrums. Her tantrums are worse than a child. I feel like as far as my family is concerned, my dad is the one who understands. He divorced my mom for different reasons, but mainly, because he was living a double life, which I do not agree with at all. So, it is difficult to go to him with stories of my mom’s wrong doings when he did a very huge one, himself. We all do wrong things and make mistakes, but, this is ongoing. No one is perfect. I have had arguments with my family members, friends, boyfriend, etc., but they are resolved and we all move on. It’s a part of life to learn how to forgive. But, since, this is ongoing, and not pertaining to ONE particular situation, it is very difficult.
I will be graduating from college within the next few months and hope to get a good job and move out of my mom and grandparent’s home. I don’t think I can change them. But, I need help in putting up with them until I move out. Please and thank you for your patience in reading.
(link)
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Ignore her. Keep out of her way, avoid her. That's the only way. Act as if she didn't exist. When she says these hurtful things, just ignore her. Block her out. Do you have earphones? Use them. Do your stuff, your chores and if you can spend less time at the house, better. Go out, walk, go to the gym. Do stuff to keep your mind distracted and just act as if she's dead. She'll either be annoyed that she's not hurting you or stressing you out, or she'll see what she's doing wrong. Best of luck! {:
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Hi, I'm a 27 years old woman from India.
I have been married for almost 2 years now and I love my husband very much. Before our marriage, we used to be the best of friends since 5 or 6 years and back then were pretty open to dating or being in relationships with different people. Our families knew about our friendship quite well (no relationship, that happened right before our marriage) and weren't apprehensive about it in any way. But time passed and being in a conservative Indian society, we had to settle down as per our families' wishes individually. Neither of us was okay with the idea of "arranged marriage" (it's like getting married to a complete stranger, for me). So, since we were in the right age, had proper jobs and shared same religions as well, we decided that we should rather get married. And that's how we fell in a relationship and got married within 4 months of it.
The real problem starts now. We only got intimate after we got married. My first few months with him were just magical. We fell head over heels in love with each other. It was all just like it is in a movie! But the catch was that we used to have too much of sex.. All through the night till sleep could come over us and in between the time after waking up and before leaving for work. And sundays or dayoffs were spent together in movies/lunches or entirely in the bedroom. But after about an year of this wild intimacy, I started feeling exhausted. He still wants me to spend all of my time excluding my office hours with him. Be it intimately or socially. I had to cut off many of my social contacts and gatherings for him. He gets restless if by any chance I get late in returning back home and gets really mad at me when I refuse to make love to him. It's really hard to get him back in his normal temperament. I have to let him have his way in the end. It's not that my love has reduced for him or anything, it's just that I'm really tired and energy-drained after all day's work. I even feel that my health has deteriorated in the past few months. And then there are my parents and in-laws, they want us to have a baby now as it's already high time we had one. How would I carry a baby in me when I am not able to carry my own self?
Moreover, why has my husband started behaving this way? He wasn't like this when we were friends. I though things would hardly be different once we got married. What can I do to root out his insecurities? I need to mellow him down real bad, though without hurting him in any way. I love him too much to leave him or anything of that sort, so that's not the solution. I want to be with him and even have kids with him. It's just that, for now, I want to re-energize my body and cleanse my mind. But how to do that, I have no idea. (link)
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I think what you need is a well deserved rest. Maybe a month away from him? But before you do anything, let him know how you feel. Tell him that you need some time, a breather as some people say. Be open with him, if he wants so much intimacy it's probably either to satisfy himself or because he wants to satisfy you. Either way, let him know your feelings and if nothing changes, take a break. Best of luck! {:
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I have this very pesky situation at home.My sister is friends with a girl who I cannot stand.I just don't like her and I cannot help i.She's not a bad person,though,but she's coming home every f.. day and sometimes she spends the whole day staying home using the bathroom,having breakfast,dinner and doing everything just like our house was hers as well.She's soooooooo annoying and to make matters even worse,my mum likes her and so does my brother.She's become like my boogeyman my nightmare because I think that she's being really disrepectful and obnoxious.I don't know what to do;I want my house to be respected but I don't have the support of anybody.I need help,I need to know how to deal with this situation.I won't let this girl do what she likes,but I don't know how to proceed.Would anyone guide me?Thanks! (link)
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I think talking to your mom or Dad if he lives with you, would be the smartest thing to do. Confronting your siblings or the girl herself would be asking for trouble. Sit down with the only people who can decide who comes and goes in your house, your parents. Tell them how you feel and that you'd like for her visits to be more limited. Best of luck! {:
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My brother THINKS that he's an awesome brother, father, son, and everything else when the truth is that he's done everyone in our family wrong. I won't go into it all, but it's all because his wife hates us and keeps him from us and he's such a wuss, he can't stand up to her. He's a car dealer and was supposed to help my sister get her daughter a car. Her daughter is looking forward to it SO much. Her mom almost bought her a car from a dealer closer to their town, but when my brother heard, he said he had found a car for her and was going to bring it down in a couple days. It's been months since then and he's been making excuse after excuse for why he can't come and they can't go get it. I've just found out that he gave the car to his wife's kids and won't tell my sister because he's too much of a coward. He said he'll find her another car, but why would anyone trust him? My niece really likes him and I don't want her to be hurt, but I'm sick of him disappointing her. What should I do? (link)
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I think you should have a talk with him. Tell him everything you feel and don't hold back, when you're done you'll feel a thousand times better. Don't insult him or disrespect him but tell him what you have to say, in a mature responsible way but say everything. If he can't open his eyes to the truth, maybe you can help him. Best of luck! {:
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I'm 13/F and well, there's this guy I really like and he likes me back (13/M). He asked me out 4 times already and I said no to all of them. I mean, he didn't sound desperate, in fact he wasn't desperate at all. When he aked me out the 4th time I told him the real reason rather than saying, "because I'm done dating." I told him I couldn't because I didn't want to get in trouble with my family. The catch is, is that he understands, but says "I love you, I miss you," all those gushy things. I say it back to him of course, but it feels weird saying it back because of what my family would think, like they'd think I'm breaking the promise. I don't know how to say it to my mom without me probably getting in trouble. Will I get in trouble? Can anbody help me? please? (link)
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Alright, first of all you won't get in trouble. This is absolutely normal at you're age, what you're mom doesn't want is an older guy who probably would only want one thing and we all know what that is. No parent want their child to be tricked. So instead, be honest with this guy and if you're saying I love you, you better mean it. Saying "I like you" in a situation like this is probably even better than saying "I love you", know why? Because you're being truthful and guys usually like when you say things from your heart, not your head. When you find some alone time with your mother, sit down and explain how you like this guy. No don't ask, "Mom can I be his girlfriend?" Just say, "Hey mom, I really like this guy, can I invite him over so he can meet you?" If she says no, don't fret. Give it some time, and try again. Worst thing she can do is say no. Don't be afraid to open up, and always be truthful to your family, doesn't matter if you will "get in trouble". Best of luck! [:
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14/f
Saturday night I was at my younger cousin's birthday party and after most everybody had left, some of my family were sitting out on the back patio on a couch. One of my uncles was sitting next to me and all of a sudden while he was drinking, he put his legs in my lap. I moved away a little and he ended up just resting his feet against my leg. I didn't think too much of it until he started rubbing his foot against my leg and started to pull my dress back a little. But I couldn't tell if it was done subconsciously or not. And then later, more people came out so we all had to squeeze together on the couch. He had his hand out behind my neck and kind of stroked my neck a little. Is this normal? I mean, I'm not really close to any of my uncles and none of them are as "hands on" (like putting arm in a hug) like he is. I feel kinda uncomfortable around him sometimes, even though I know that he loves my aunt and wouldn't do anything stupid or inappropriate to me. But I still have that weird little feeling in the back of my head. I honestly can't tell if it's bad or if I'm just being paranoid. (link)
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The pulling back your dress- not normal. My uncles, when they sit next to me on a couch or something, they do stroke my neck, or hair. It's normal, they've done it since I was a baby and no one treats it as alien or anything. But I think you should stay away from that touchy feely uncle, you never know. Always trust your instinct! Best of luck{:
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