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Q: background information: i am 17 i have a job and a busy life. I love animals. I am a slob. I spend one third of my life grounded for dumb stuff such as a messy room, eating the last bit of cereal, leaving my shoes out, or taking my stepmothers shampoo.( mind you i am 17 years old )
today my stepmother decided to go in my room and take my charger. When she did my room was messy. Now the first friday ive had off in months im grounded. Also the sick cat that ive been taking care of and have paid 400 dollars in vet bills i have to give away. Last one more screw up and im grounded for the whole summer and not allowed to go on my mission trip or trip to chicago that ive paid for and i have to quit my job.

I honestly think your parents are being a bit too hard on you. You have a job, which is admirable in someone your age. You also seem to be paying for your cat, which you've accepted responsibility for. Also admirable. The "offenses" you list here are not out of the ordinary for a 17 year old to commit. 17 year olds are messy. If these are the worst things you can do I consider your parents pretty fortunate. Goodness knows you could be doing alot worse things right? I raised 3 kids on my own and learned very early on to pick my battles. I can honestly say I would not be battling with any one of my children over the things you've mentioned here. You could try having a serious talk with your parents, but chances are you're just going to have to bide your time until you're off to college or out on your own. Hope this helps a bit. Good luck!

Q: At a recent anniversary celebration for my parents, a well-meaning but thoughtless in-law sent them a gift from my deceased sister, with a card signed with her name. She died of cancer two years ago.

Her loss has been difficult and heartbreaking for all of us, especially my parents. I am furious at this guest for giving such a "gift." My parents were visibly shocked, but thanked the person anyway.

I knew the in-law was planning something like this, and I asked that it not be done at the party. I wish I had just said, "No! Don't do it!" I'm not sure whether I am madder at the gift giver or myself. I feel like the work we have done to recover from the loss has been set back. I could use some good advice.

Try to view the gift by the intention in which it was given. Did the gift-giver think it would be a beautful gesture that would make your parents think fondly of their deceased daughter? Or was it meant as a cruel reminder of your sister's death? Hopefully it was the former and not the latter. I don't think you should spend alot of time dwelling on this. It's not productive for any of you. You can't change the fact that the gift was given. Try instead to remember your sister as she was in life and the good times you all had. I hope you can all heal and move forward. Good luck.

Q: I have a father who's always mean to me. He finds reasons to yell at me -- for example, the trash isn't taken out or the dishes aren't washed. He isn't involved in my educational life at all. When my teachers request a conference with my parents, he almost never shows up. When I graduated from elementary school and middle school, he didn't come to either of the ceremonies.

I'll talk to my dad about these things sometimes, and he says he's sorry and the next day he'll buy me something to try and make it up to me. He can be really nice when he wants to be, but most of the time he's a mean person. He is always putting me down, calling me an idiot and saying I'm worthless and a good-for-nothing son. I really want to become friends with my father, but it seems he doesn't. What can I do?

Some people are just incapable of showing love and affection. Perhaps your dad was never shown love when he was growing up and it's something that's followed him into adult life. On some level he recognizes that the way he treats you is wrong and he feels badly about it for a little while, but then goes right back to the hurtful behavior. Old habits are extremely hard to break. Try to remember that this is HIS issue and not yours. Do you think you're a good for nothing? Of course not. If it helps to talk to someone outside your household you might consider that. Maybe a school counselor or teacher? Mean, hurtful words can cut like a knife. Make a decision to stop this cycle of abusive behavior and vow that you'd never do this to your children. I know alot of this might sound easier said than done, but recognizing there's a problem is your first step. For now, your most realistic approach might be to just stay out of his way until you're able to leave the home. You're not going to change him and it's important for you not to internalize his words and actions. They do not define you. Hopefully, sometime in the future the two of you might be able to have a normal, functioning relationship. I sincerely hope this helps somewhat. Best of luck!

Q: me:18
sister 20
ok so last year at about this time i met a really attractive guy. lets call him nick. okay so nick and i hung out and my sister sometimes came along. i would notice how nick would flirt with my sister. before that i knew nick was a player. he always hid his phone. i didnt trust him. well to make a story short he ended up hanging out with my sister and even gave her a hickey. i found this out from a friend. when i confronted her about it she told me that she just wnated to protect me becuase she knew he was a player and wanted to prove that to me. the thing is that she had asked me if i wanted to know before she did that and i said no becuase i really liked him and i hoped that maybe he will like me back. so anyway when i found out i said all these horrible things to her. we didnt speak for about a month. well i forgave her becuase she said she was truely sorry and whatnot. so a year later (which is now) im just thinking back. we my sister and i used to be so close but after the thing with nick happened we are not so much. i found out she messed with a guy and that just brought memories back. like when she messed with nick(they kissed and he gave her a hickey). now, i just get so jealous when she tells me stories about guys becuase i remember what she did to me. i know shes trying hard to get back the relationship we had before. (we were REALLY close.) im trying too. but i just cant help it. i get so mad when she tells me the things she did with this guys she likes. i dont know i guess im just jealous. how do i overcome this. i have all this hatred deep inside. you dont understand i really liked nick and i feel so betrayed. i really dont know how to overcome this. any advice would be grateful.
BTW, my sister and i vowed not to talk about the nick situation. we always end up arguing about it and she said she doesnt need to be reminded about what she did. i mean i know shes sorry but why do i still have all this hatred deep inside? please help. thanyou in advance.

Your sister betrayed you and you're hurt and rightly so. The fact that it's a year ago just shows that neither of you (especially you) have not dealt with the hurt feelings. It sounds like you've stuffed it down and it bubbles to the surface now and then. The only way to get past this is to have an open, honest talk with her. Let her know how much what she did affected you. Your sister needs to acknowledge what's she's done, own up to it, apologize and then work on gaining back your trust. If she decides to argue and tell you she "doesn't need to be reminded of it" then tell her things won't be the same between the two of you until she really listens to what you have to say. Hopefully the two of you can eventually move forward. Then vow to forgive and forget. Hope this helps.

Q: I have lived my life to the point that I cannot take it anymore. I have dug myself into a hole I cannot get out of and the embarassment and humility of explaining it to everyone is not worth it. This is something I cannot get past. I want to know the easiest and quickest way to leave this world. I do not own a gun nor do I have access to any prescription medications. Please, please help me.

Every single situation in life is temporary. No matter how difficult today may seem, tomorrow can bring something totally wonderful. Suicide is an extremely selfish act. I've lived long enough to have seen the devastation left behind by people who gave up and left behind enough friends and family to overflow neighborhood funeral homes. Please, please tell someone. Call a suicide hotline. Tell a teacher or walk your ass into the local mental health clinic or hospital. There is help available in the form of medication, therapy and hospitalization. Nothing is worth killing yourself over. NOTHING.

Q: My boyfriend is living at my parents house, with no job. he takes care of our baby until I get home. But always gets angry in the morning bc he doesnt want to get up so he trys to make her sleep more when she should be unswaddled and eating cereal. I am lucky to have a family business to work at, so that is how we make our money. Problem is, he isnt really looking for a job at all. and he is planning on driving to another city with my car 3 times a week for school. which is no biggie, but we need the money for gas. When she was born I was so happy at home waking up with her in the morning, playing with her all day. Now im not allowed to look at her before I leave bc she "might go back to sleep". This cant be good for my daughter. Lately i find myself sobbing bc I am the one who shuld be home or even working part time. I did everything. He only cleans his area, never does laundry or wash bottles. and never gives her cereal. She loves him to death, but he is taking the role as mommy and sucking at it. I basically just dont know what to do. If i say anything then I am "a stupid bitch". I dont have to say a whole sentance before he starts saying "omg just stop your being crazy stop stop" like im not kidding you, i come at him calm..."hey...maybe you should get up with her shes ready to play" "omg shut up you dont know anything" God i dk what to do. I love him to death but he can be so mean, and my mom is going broke and he is always talking crap on her and her boyfriend bc they are always up our butts wanting to see the baby...he talks about my whole family...they are kind of annoying but they are helping us so much and he is so ungrateful. but he can be so sweet....i dont remember the last time he was but I know its in there and I just want this to work out so bad, I dont want the advice telling me to leave I want to know how to fix this. please, im so depressed and i cant handle it im bawling right now i just want to hold my baby and she barley even likes me anymore. this was not how it was supposed to be and hes completely oblivious.

Okay, you've already stated that you don't want to hear that you should leave him or kick his butt out. I'm not gonna lie, because that would have been my first response. But, seeing how you obviously love this guy and want to make it work then I would suggest couples counseling. Many towns and cities have teenaged parenting classes. If he doesn't want to go with you then make plans to go on your own. I know, I know, you're already saying that your time is so limited but if you want to make things better I see this as the only way. Honestly this guys sounds like a spoiled baby so essentially you are raising 2 children and that would overwhelm anyone. The fact that he yells at you and calls you names is abusive and shouldn't be allowed to continue. And if he's doing this in front of your baby that can be considered child abuse. Start by talking to your baby's pediatrician and tell him/her what's been going on. Your doctor can be a great source of information and can quite possibly know of some resources for you. I'd hate for your Mom to finally have enough of this guy's nonsense and kick you all out. Then where would any of you be? I hope this helps in some way. Good luck!

bio

Merry Meet!
I'm a mom of three grown children. I've been married, divorced and now recently remarried. I've had more than my fair share of life's hard knocks and have been knocked down more times than I can count, but still manage to get back up and go at life again. All this gives me tons of experience to draw upon when giving out my advice. I love people and honestly want to help. Please feel free to ask me questions directly if you like and I promise to answer each one of them.

Brightest Blessings to All!!