|
Absentee Father
I have a father who's always mean to me. He finds reasons to yell at me -- for example, the trash isn't taken out or the dishes aren't washed. He isn't involved in my educational life at all. When my teachers request a conference with my parents, he almost never shows up. When I graduated from elementary school and middle school, he didn't come to either of the ceremonies.
I'll talk to my dad about these things sometimes, and he says he's sorry and the next day he'll buy me something to try and make it up to me. He can be really nice when he wants to be, but most of the time he's a mean person. He is always putting me down, calling me an idiot and saying I'm worthless and a good-for-nothing son. I really want to become friends with my father, but it seems he doesn't. What can I do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Some people are just incapable of showing love and affection. Perhaps your dad was never shown love when he was growing up and it's something that's followed him into adult life. On some level he recognizes that the way he treats you is wrong and he feels badly about it for a little while, but then goes right back to the hurtful behavior. Old habits are extremely hard to break. Try to remember that this is HIS issue and not yours. Do you think you're a good for nothing? Of course not. If it helps to talk to someone outside your household you might consider that. Maybe a school counselor or teacher? Mean, hurtful words can cut like a knife. Make a decision to stop this cycle of abusive behavior and vow that you'd never do this to your children. I know alot of this might sound easier said than done, but recognizing there's a problem is your first step. For now, your most realistic approach might be to just stay out of his way until you're able to leave the home. You're not going to change him and it's important for you not to internalize his words and actions. They do not define you. Hopefully, sometime in the future the two of you might be able to have a normal, functioning relationship. I sincerely hope this helps somewhat. Best of luck!
]
I am old enough to be your grandfather and I have been where you find yourself to be now. There are many different reasons for fathers to be how they are to there children especially to their sons.
It may not be possible to be a friend with your father, he may feel that being your friend is not being a father. Some parents feel they cannot be both friend and parent to their children. This does not excuse missing milestone events in you life as those are part of parenting.
Obviously there is another problem, one you are not aware of or he does not want you to know about. That was the problem I faced through all of my childhood and most of my adult life. I then found out what the real problem he had was and it was as was the excuse given nothing of my doing. Yet I was always blamed and took the brunt of his anger.
Finale about 11 years ago I said enough was enough. If he wanted to have a relationship with me and my family he would have to come to us. I haven't heard from him since. A lot happened in the 11 years some good and some bad. Fact is he missed all of it especially the good. That's his problem and it will be your fathers problem.
There is nothing you can do to change this. This is how your father is. While you live in his house find away to peacefully coexist with him. Stop trying to please him as it is an unattainable goal that will continue to stress you out. As a teenager you have enough stressors you do not need a goal that is unattainable adding to your stress.
Later in life you can decide how much of your father you want to include in your life. Just remember nothing you have done is the cause of why your father treats you the way he does. This is important. There is some other reason for why your father is treating you as he does. Whatever that reason is it is not because of something you did or did not do. Pleas remember that.
]
More Questions: |