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I am Maria, I don't answer inbox questions (with very few exceptions, for example those people that use proper grammar and spelling). I try my best to point people in the right direction when I am answering questions. Check out my forum!
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advice
what should i get my mom for her 50th birthday? something meaningful. not like flowers or lotion.
It would help a lot if you could specify your budget =)
f/15
my mom and i used to be real close and tight but lately its different. she doesnt have as much time for me and when im around her she is always sayin she has a headache or is mad about sumthin
i cant stand her lately. i dont know what to do helpppp! thanks
I'm going through the same thing with my mom right now. She has been working a lot lately and is crabby about everything. I just found that giving her her space and letting her come to you usually helps. Also, try to catch her in a good mood.
Helping her around the house helps improve her mood (and her stress levels). When I notice my mom especially tired or moody, I'll do the vacuuming for her, and also things like unloading the dishwasher, cooking, laundry, etc.
If you see that she is in a good mood, let her know that you miss spending time with her. I'm sure you two can dedicate a certain day or time just for mother-daughter time.
~Maria, 17
My husband is 29, his sister is my age 21. They have, in my opinion, the most inappropriate relationship ever. She'll come and just sit in his lap and cuddle up with him. Or if shes sitting on the couch he will sorta attack her in a huge bear hug and end up on top of her. Once he was eating dessert and she came and sat on his lap and he started to feed her from his dessert. He didn't even think to offer me until after she had already eaten from his spoon. I don't know what all of you think, but I find this utterly disgusting...its weird, gross, and just plain wrong!
I talked to him about it, and he felt that I was being ridiculous and said that I have intimacy issues because in my family we are not all over each other. yaa we give hugs and stuff..but wrestling with each other on the couch and sitting on laps, and feeding each other...thats just weird. He was like, she is my sister! I told him, "EXACTLY! she's your sister...thats why I have such a problem with this". I even told him that I dont want her sitting on his lap any more..shes not a small child and its not cute when she comes and sits on his lap. He had the nerve to tell me he'll think about it...not okay I understand this is bothering you and I'll stop... he's just going to think about it. How wonderful..
I know no one can really do anything about this, but I guess I just need to see what others think about this. Is it just me or is it weird for siblings to treat each other the same way they would treat their significant others; minus the kissing on the lips and sex?
All answers are welcome and much appreciated. :)
Well, I believe there's an explanation for everything. When she was 4, he was 12. I bet he had to take care of her a lot, that may have included feeding her, playing with her (wrestling), bouncing her on his lap (ALL toddlers love this), etc. I guess he has trouble letting go that she's all grown up and that behavior isn't appropriate anymore. He's been doing this all his life (I'm just assuming), so in a way he's almost a father-ish brother figure.
I doubt that their relationship is sexual, I just think he has problems letting go of her and realizing she's all grown up. But definitely tell him how its bothering you and to at least stop doing it in front of you.
~Maria, 17
i asked my mom if she could take me to my boyfriends house, and she said no so i started to flip out at her. so i called my boyfriend and said sorry i cant getta ride there. and he said why so i explained to him what my mom said. and then my mom grabbed the portable outta my hand and threw it out the window. then she said "give me your cell phone" i threw a fit and ran upstairs and locked my door and texted my boyfriend saying "my moms going physco, shes taking my cell away, ily" and then i went to my bed to 'fake cry' "dont take my cell away stop it!" and she knocked my door down, and started crying "laura, i cant tell you why, but i need your cell phone, i cant tell you, ou wouldnt understand, i cant tell you, im sorry" and she started sobbing on me andi started crying on her, so i took my battery out i was like fine.. here. and she was liek "i need the whole phone!" andi threw another fit and she just left with half of my phone... does anyone have any idea whats going on? my mom never asks me for anything and she always gives me what i want.. but whats happening!???
Give her the phone. She is probably the one paying for it, and as much as it sucks, she has every right to take it away.
It seems pretty important for her to take your phone, and I don't know why because I have no idea who you, your mom, or your boyfriend are. I would just give it to her. Right down some important phone numbers if you must, but give it to her. (If your mom knocked down your door it must have been pretty darn important to her). You'll live without your phone: worse comes to worst, you'll be using the house phone or a friend's phone.
~Maria, 16
(15/Female)
Recently my mom found my Xanga, I swear I had it on a private lock so I used it as a private journal to deal with my depression and everything going on.
Well, she found it and read everything. She read about my anorexia, fooling around with boys, cussing, smoking, drinking, the one-time pot smoking, the times when I hated her. To make things worse, she was admitted to the hospital the day she found it. She hasn't talked to me about it yet because she's still in the hospital but I overheard her telling my dad she found it. This will be the third time I'll be in trouble this Christmas break. (She already found out about the messing around with boys thing, also about the pot smoking) But still, I'm afraid she won't be able to forgive me.
I'm not sure how I should handle this and how I should get my life back on track. I used to be a straight A, cheerleading, loving life kind of girl.
I think its very luck your mom found out everything. She will help you put your life on track, even though she is probably shocked and angry right now, she is your mother, she loves you, and will forgive you, and she knows what is best for you.
I'm pretty sure that she won't let you out of the house anymore, because she completely lost trust in you. Tell her you love her, and tell her you want your life to be back on track. It will be rough, but it'll be worth it.
~Maria, 16
My brother.
He hits me. Alot. And i know what your going to say, just a brother/sister thing. No, it really hurts. Not just a little, alot.
My mum, she just stands there not doing anything. Then when i start screaming at my brother, she then shouts at ME telling me not to shout at him!
Then i storm off upstairs and I get in trouble for it!
I can't talk to my mum because i know EXACTLY what she will say.
''Stop annoying him then''
I don't DO anything to him. I would just come downstairs one day and he would just start hitting me for no reason.
And sometimes we get along really well. And i don't know why he does it..
Any advice?
If it helps, I'm 14 and he's 16.
Well, I'm an older sister, 16, and have a little brother, 12. I kind of treat my brother like your brother treats you, except I don't hit him. I will talk rudely to him, make fun of him, put him down, annoy him, etc, and other times I'll be super nice to him, spend time with him, etc.
Why am I like this? Because he is always ready to forgive me, we make up every single time in the next five minutes or so, unlike friends, parents, etc that will hold grudges against you, they won't really forget it. So unfortunately, when I am sad, angry, or frustrated, I take it out on my poor brother.
I bet the same thing happens to your brother. If he had a bad day at school, or woke up on the wrong side of the bed, he will probably take it out on you, because you're the only one that won't take away his allowance, and he won't lose your friendship. I found that if the older sibling is a guy, he tends to be physical and hit his little sibling, probably because of testosterone. If the older sibling is a girl, she will use words.
I think that should give you an understanding of why he does it.
To make him stop, avoid him, or if you are together, don't look at him, don't talk to him unless he talks to you first. Answer politely, friendly-ly, and don't ask questions. If he hits you, don't throw a fit (however much you want to), just say "Ow, that hurt!!!" or "What was that for!!??", but don't start name callings or stuff like that. Than continue on with your activities.
However, if you feel like this is really out of hand, show your mom any bruises that he caused, tell her you do not provoke your brother in any way (if you really don't), or, if you're up to it, talk to your brother. Tell him that he really does hurt you mentally and physically.
~Maria, 16
Hi, My mom is 100% careless, she gets me whatever i want, like anything, but i asked her tonight "Can i go to victorias secret to get bras and underwears?" she was like, THATS FUC*ING INSANE! I dont even wear that?! You'll get it when i start!" and shes 46, my sister, whom is 19.. turning 20 in january, she gets it with my MOMS CREDIT CARD! its redicilous! All of my friends wear their bras, but of corse, mine are from like, target, and the rest of my clothing is from abercrombie, it doesnt make sence! HOW CAN I TELL HER I DESERVE STUFF FROM THAT STORE!? and i already have underwear from there, my mom gave me her credit card when i was on a school trip in washington DC. and i got stuff in the mall, its pissing me off!
* what can i do to prove to her that i should be allowed to wear it?
* why do you think she wont let me?
* she wants my father to pay for it, just like everything else.
A lot of my friends dress in Abercrombie, and get their bras at Target, Kmart, Khol's: department stores, basicly. Do you want to know why? Their breasts still have chances of developing, and there is no point in buying an expensive bra that they are going to outgrow. Second, no one is going to see your bra, well, maybe the bra straps, and they won't be able to tell where you got your bra just by lookig at the straps. Third, Target has very cute bras, along with other departmnet stores. Don't think that because that store isn't really for rich people that it doesn't sell nice things.
As for the underwear. Victoria's secret is a store for sexually active (lol, I guess you never noticed the crotchless underwear lying in the drawers next to the cute panties. But your mom sure has!) women. Again, their are hundreds of stores that sell adorable underwear.
Give your parents a break paying for everything. If you really want stuff from Victoria's Secret so bad, why not save up some money? Or if you don't have a job, get one! After you have enough money (of YOUR own money) you will seem so much more responsible, and a lot more deserving to shop at that store. If your mom still says no, then she probably thinks you are too young to shop at that store, instead of it being a money issue.
~Maria, 16
Well, I am 5''3 and 13 years old and all my mom can ever talk about is my weight. In summer 06, she told me that i looked to heavy. I was 122 lbs, so i lost 20 pounds. then she complained that I looked to skinny. Right now I am 107 and she keeps bugging me that I look too skinny. She wants me to gain 5 lbs, but I dont want to. I like the way I look right now but my mom doesn't respect that. Whenever I wear a swimsuit, all she can comment on is, "you look too skinny". It's really annoying and I wish she would just let me stay at the weight I feel right at. I just don't want to listen to her complain anymore. What do i do?
You are at a very healthy weight. Yes, you are thin, but you are not anorexic looking. I am pretty sure you are healthy, and as long as you are, your mom shouldn't worry about it.
hey okay so my dad is 58, and he quit smoking in thesummer of 2005. He had smoked for 40 years and i was proud when i FINALLY MADE him stop. cause i know how hard it was for him.
I was wondering if his health a little bit better than when he smoked. Any ways to make his lungs cleaner or something? cause even if he stopped, he'd been smoking for 40 Years. and like a lot each day.
Thanks!
unfortunately, no. he is at the age where lungs stop repairing themselves (this happens at the ages of 1 to about 25), so he will be stuck with the lungs he has.
but his health will definitly not deteriorate, but he is very liable for getting lung cancer.
you never know though what medical treatments might be invented in the next twenty years. i would check with a doctor and ask about it.
BUT there are things called stem cells, and they are usually gathered from an umbilical cord at the birth of a child, and most often hospitals dont tell you that they have someones stem cells. these cells can grow into anything. i will use lung cancer as an example.
when cancer is detected, all the stem cells in the lungs are killed. then the stem cells that were gathered from a family member's umbilical cord are placed into the lungs, and they grow themselves into new healthy tissue.
I have no idea how much this procedure costs, but you can check if you have any stem cells with the hospital you were born at. usually the stem cells are from the patient's children, so it is quite possible that either your's or a sibling's will be used. this ensures that the stem cells wont be rejected by the patient's body. (its because you and your father have the same genetic make up, so it wont be considered as a foreign body and thus rejected).
anyways, i would definitly look into stem cells.
i'm sorry its so long, but i hope i helped!
I hate my family. There all a bunch of #$@%&*$#(@%^(#&^…everytime I get on the computer..they always suspect I’m doing something wrong like..i’m on myspace or aim or e-mail….my dad always think that…everytime I’m on the computer he’s always saying “ o are you on myspace or aim or e-mail…and I get angry b/c I’m not and he always suspects that and it gets on my nerves and when I say “NOOOO!!!” he says “ yea rite your lying to me” then I get mad and say “WHAT THE HECK!!”…Why’d you ask if you don’t believe me!!”…. Then my mom is just a bigger annoying one!! she’s always nagging to me about my grades…. I try my hardest but she never accepts it!!…. She’s always saying “if your trying your hardest…your grades would be higher”…I hate talking about my grades b/c my mom is always like look at everyone else…their grades are high, why can’t you be like them…everytime she says this I feel stupid, and I wanna just ignore her…then she says you never want to talk about this but look at your grades!!!…. Then I’m on aim sometimes and then she comes and beats me because she thinks I’m talking and not doing my hmrk…. When really I’m talking to a friend or my cousin to get help…but she never believes me…then I get beat for noo reason…and everytime she gets mad she always talks about my grades..And says print your grades out and let me see them…then there bad grades then she gets mad at me more…sometimes I wish I can just kill myself (no joke)…but then I say no bc don’t want to die in pain(if there was a easier/ painless way of dieing I would do it)…it’s really getting close to me doing that…I know I won’t ever do it but I really wish I can …sometimes I just tell my mom that maybe I’m stupid and this is the best of my ability but she never believes me….sometimes I wish I can hurt her really badly emotionally w/o hurting myself physically…I just can’t stand her…sometime I wish I can just run away….and we also have this neighbor who is he biggest momma’s boy ever…he listens to his mom and everything he’s like the “perfect son”…he makes my life even worse…b/c my mom will be like “look at his grades and look at yours he has better grades than you…he’s in all honors classes and your not!!…you just in 2 classes”…and this makes me feel even more stupid…and I’m really bad in math and my mom makes me go to this tutoring class for math every Saturday morning…and he’s there…b/c everything I do he has to do!!…and he does his hmrk every single day and asks questions and be a good student… then he makes me look bad….then I don’t get anything we learn in that class so I asks questions and sometimes she’ll get aggravated b/c I’m not getting it..and then we’ll take a test and I’ll maybe miss a lot and she’ll call my mom and be like she doesn’t do my hmrk(maybe b/c I don’t get it!!) and she missed a lot and she never does anything in class(she lies!!)…I try my hardest to pay attetion..It’s not my fault I’m stupid and don’t get it!!…sometimes I hate going home from something just cause it’s soo bad…I get in trouble or yelled at everyday!!…then my sister is the worst of them all!!….she’s sooooo annoying..she’ll always up in my business!!….i’ll be on the computer and she’ll always run out of no where and “check up on me”…then b/c she comes so fast then I get scared I then I think I’m doing something wrong so I have to exit out of everything then she’ll be “OOOO!!!….your on mypace/aim/e-mail!!!..i’m tellling!!.” And she’ll yell it so that my mom or dad can come can come and accuse me and be like “GET OFF THE COMPPUTERR!! YOUR NOT DOJNG YOIUR HMRK!!” Then I can never finish my hrmk…so then I have it sneak on at night just to finish it then my dad’s like…I know you were on the computer on myspace/aim/e-mail last night so you can’t get on today!!…then I can never do my hmrk…then that’s probably another reason that I’m not passing all my classes!!….then sometimes I’ll be on and my sis will come and then be like I no you were on something you were’nt supposed to be on..click on the history!!…then I’m like no I’m tired of you accusing me …then she accuses me for no reason with no proof and yells “OOO!!…mommy/daddy she’s on myspace/aim/e-mail..then my mom/dad comes and says CHECK ON HISTORY!!….then I do and there’s nothing wrong there!!…and my sis walks away saying I no you deleted it…I get sooo mad when they accuse me for no reason!!…I hate it!!….and everytime my sis and me argue my mom comes and break it up and she listens to my sis’s part of the story and not mine…so it’s like I’m the bad guy!!….it’s sooo annoying!!….then of course I get yelled at…..my sis has an attitude and she never gets in trouble she treats our parents with no respect…and she never gets in trouble!!…she scratches me and it leaves marks on my hand and my parents don’t says anything…but if I do something like call her stupid or push her down I get in trouble they always say you should know better she’s younger….I’m like what the heck!!….she’s 11 she’s not little!!!!…. And I’m not “allowed” in her room…if I stand by the doorway she gets mad and says “get out!!” then slams the door in my face….I don’t know what to do with my family..sometimes I wish I can just run away…and everyday when I go to sleep I wonder how it would be like if I was never born…..it would be the “perfect family”…I try to make everyday a good day but it always comes out bad..b/c of something I do…so I just gave up…I know it’s gonna be a bad day so I just go along with it…there’s no point of trying to make it a good day…..also I’m doing really bad in Spanish…and I pay attention in class and do my hmrk and go to tutorials…and I can’t tell anybody b/c if I tell my dad then he’ll tell my mom…and if I tell my mom then she’ll yell at me and I don’t want that anymore….so I have to keep it a secret and pray that I pass at the end…..
14/f
sorry it's so long but i did'nt want to leave anything out...
ok sorry it took me so long to answer.
to gain your parents trust on the computer, make sure that you do your homework first, then announce to your parents that you have finished it. (casually, like "that was a lot of homework, but i'm glad i'm done", or "i barely had homework today, it only took me twenty minutes to do"... you get the picture). pretty soon your parents will trust you that you have finished all your homework. it shows them that you are responsible when it comes to computer and homework.
since your parents dont like you being on myspace and aim, show them how safe it is. Tell them that the people you talk to on aim are all people you know personally. On myspace, show them that your profile can be set to private, and again tell them that all your friends are people that you know personally.
If that doesnt work, limit yourself to one hour per day on the computer, or something like that. Instead, you can talk on the phone or just hang out with your friends.
ok now your grades. having your homework finished before you go onto the computer will reealy help your parents reealize that you take school seriously. maybe ask them for help on your homework (annoying as they may be)or discuss hiring a tutor. you are not stupid. if you keep on telling yourself that you are, you will start acting on it. talk to your parents: tell them you do all the tutorials in spanish, that you try hard. if you are sincere, they should believe you and help you out.
Your sister: be reeaaaalllly nice to her. do sweet things for her: get her candy from time to time, share things with her. be a cool older sister. give each other makeovers, make her laugh. just make sure you dont pry into her life, and also NEVER clean up after her.
I feel for you though. i have an 11 year old brother. i, too, dread telling my parents my grades. and my parents cant stand me being on myspace, aim, this website... the computer in general. just try to earn their trust and respect. do nice things for them, clean up after yourself. never ever give them an attitude. ever. unless you are 100% sure on something.
anyways, good luck. hope i helped in any way. let me know how it works out, k?
ps. give this some time. they wont immediatley begin to trust you, but it will take some time establish a certain level of understanding between you guys.