about

Please note that at this time, I am not accepting questoins. I am having serious doubts about the amount of time and patience that this site requires of me, as well as how I fit into its structure. Becuase of that, I will not be checking advicenators for a while, and thus WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. Here's my intact profile, however, in case I come back.



Welcome to my humble abode... or something.

My name is Brie, but you can just call me Wily (no, that's not my real last name). I'm an eighteen year old from rural Mid-Michigan (think Saginaw or Bay City, only surrounded by miles and miles of trees, corn, and sugar beets).

I'm an honor student, sort of. Not to brag, but I was Salutatorian of my high school class. I specialize in English, educational topics, and social studies, but I'm good with basic sciences and drama too.

I'm a big geek; I like to write and play RPGs, and my favorite video games ever are the Pokemon series. I'm actually a relatively well-known Pokemon master (I've moderated the forums of two bigger Pokemon fansites, and have been an on and off admin at one), and at the two sites where I became relatively popular I aquired the reputation of "The Pokemon Professor." However, that doesn't do me much good here, becuase who is going to ask about Pokemon on an advice site?

I don't have much experience with relationships but I have a natural nack for giving advice about them. I also don't know anything firsthand about things that we do not mention in polite company, but I know a lot about the science and psychology of them, so I'd be glad to answer safety-based questions--just don't ask me about technique, becuase I know nothing. I'll try to answer anything you throw at me, and many things that you don't, though, so feel free to try me.

Be warned though, I'm not afraid to tell it like it is. There are stupid questions, and if yours is one I will respectfully tell you so, and attempt to give you the information you need anyway. If you need to buck up and accept what's happening, I will say so. However, in this column I try to maintain a standard of respect, kindness, and helpfulness; you will not be flamed here. Unless you're a babyeater or something.

So, drop me a line, and I'll do what I can. Live long and prosper!



Requirements

Now, I know this is gonna kinda look stupid, what with this being an advice site at all, but I have a few simple requests for you.



If you do not follow these guidelines, I may not answer your quesiton. I will not say that I won't, because with some questions you don't need to say some of these things, and with some of these guidelines, you can't do anything until I've answered. But please make my life easier. That's what I'm trying to do for yours.

advice

alright, im 13 and my mom put me on birth control pills...but im a vergin. she doesnt belive me so now im starting the pill on sunday. so i told my bf and he said that if his mom knew about it she would buy him condoms. so we both laughed....sigh...ok now my problem. does this mean that he wants to have sex? or wat? i mean i LOVE this kid...and i was thinking about having sex with him for awhile now. but im not sure if he wants to. i mean i know were like really young but i really do love him. so do you think i should have sex with him and do you think he wants to have it with me or is he just kidding around? and if we did have sex where would we have it? please help me im so freaking confused! I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!! sorry if this is too long.

I really strongly advise against your having sex. I could tell you the usual stuff about how you're too young, you're not ready for it, your teenage mind can't handle it, blah blah blah.

But I won't. You're likely sick of hearing that.

Here are a few little facts to keep in mind about sex.

One, you are under the age of consent. Until you reach the "age of consent," the law says you're not mature enough to agree to have sex, so anyone having sex with you is rape unless they're younger than you. If they're younger than you, then they consider YOU to be raping THEM, if I remember right. Basically, you or your boyfriend could get in big legal trouble for this. Do you really want him or you to go to jail?

Two, birth control is not 100% effective, and neither are condoms. Together, they're still not 100% effective. While it's better than nothing, certainly, they're still not perfect. And as young as you two are, you're more likely to use them wrong. So you still stand a chance of getting pregnant.

Three, there's a high chance of STD. Yeah, condoms help. But they aren't perfect. And a lot of STDs are really hard to treat... some are even incurable. And they're all embarassing. The risk will still be there when you're older, but when you're older, the media and your school wil have prepared you for it better. You'll be more likely to use birth control right.

Four... well, Okay, I have to do a little nagging. You are kinda young. At thirteen, your body is still changing, and so is your mind. I mean, your body is still adjusting itself, and having sex while you're still growing and changing could be awkward for you and yourboyfriend. Also, your mind is still fairly undeveloped. I'm not saying that you're stupid or immature overall... but compared to the you you'll be in five years, you are. In five years, you'll know more about sex, and be better prepared to make a decision. YOu'll understand what it is, its consequences, its risks and benefits, and what your boyfriend wants, much better.

It is with those factors in mind that I advise you to wait until the age of consent in your state before having sex of any kind (including oral, anal, etc.) with your boyfriend.

As for the pills, the other posters are right, you're too young to be on it. The first thing you should do is research the pill, its chemistry, its side effects and function. etc. Understand just what it is you're taking.

Then, you need to talk to your mom. Tell her that while you're not having sex, that's not why you're bringing it up to her. Tell her that you're worried about the permanent side effects the pill could have (which, IIRC, include at least one form of cancer, and blood vessel problems), as well as the less permanent ones. Point out that your body is still getting into this whole "period" thing and would probably adjust better on its own. And ask her if there are any alternatives to hormonal birth control you could use that would ease both her fears and yours.

Condoms are a major one, as are devices that you insert into your vagina. That's about all that's availible that's nonchemical. However, maybe bringing this up will bring up why she thinks you're having sex in the first place, and you can reach a reasonable compromise.

You might want to ask her why. Why she thinks you're having sex, why she insists you be on birth control. Try to find some sort of compromise ground where you don't have to take the pill, and she can rest easy knowing you're not sleeping with anyone.

But don't lie to her. If you're going to have sex, then be honest about it.

Just remember... don't have sex until no one can get arrested for it, talk to your mom about better birth control, and be honest! Good luck.

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i'm 13 and not allowed to wear make up. my mom thinks i'm too young (what's the big deal, though? it's not like i'll turn into a slut or something!). my dad.... anyway! i was wondering if there was something kind of like make up or something or whatever any tiups on how i can look prettier like i would with make up but is not very noticable (except it makes me look a little better). ways to make my lashes longer, little bit rosier cheeks, whatever. but as long it doesn't make me look cheap or anything. if this helps, i'm a brunnette, darkish beige skin, lightish brown eyes, full (but not huge) lips. i'll rate 5's to everyone who helps.

At your age, I really don't advocate going against your parents' advice. There are a lot of ways you can look better without wearing makeup. For example, start using a mild acne wash if you have acne, and make sure to wash and moisturize your face twice a day. Get plenty of sleep, drink enough water, and eat right. That alone will make your face look better. Also, try to wear lip balms--some of them have a slight gloss to them, but they also moisturize your lips, keeping them from geting cracked or rough.

If you must wear makeup, I would suggest "grooming" makeup rather than "enhancement" makeup. Clear mascara, for example, will serve two very important purposes--defining your lashes without making them seem darker, and grooming your eyebrows. Just swipe the brows with it to keep them in line.

You might always want to consider a LIGHT eyeshadow in a pale peach or lavender--whatever color your eyelids seem to be. It shouldn't be enough to look like you're wearing makeup, it shouldn't stand out AT ALL. The purpose of the eyeshadow won't be to call attention to your eyes, but rather to cover up some of the veins in your eyelid.

Glossy lip balms are always a plus, and you can often get away with them ont he grounds that they're (usually flavored) lip balms.

If you need coverage for zits or blotchiness, go with concealer, and possibly tinted moisturizer, IF you can get away iwth that much. DO NOT pick foundation. It will be a dead giveaway, and you shouldn't need it at your age anyway.

I really think you shouldn't disobey your parents' wishes at this point, but if you must, focus on correcting blemishes and discrepancies, and maintaining healthy skin, rather than emphasizing and coloring things.

Also, you might want to talk to your mom about some of the methods I mentioned--clear mascara, a peach eyeshadow, a glossy balm, concealer, tinted moisturizer, etc. Ask her if you can take it one step at a time, just one product, with a natural, problem-solving approach. Ask her for compromise, and don't move onto the kind of makeup that older teens wear without her approval. Explain to her why you want to wear makeup, reasons that don't apply, and that you're willing to compromise a little and ease into it. If you can show her that you're responsible, determined, and respectful, you have a better chance of earning her approval.

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I have a friend that has been drinking and stuff. I've told her not to but i know she doesn't care. And now everybody is all like yeah i drink a lot and i've gotten drunk and smoked that. It seems like everybody smokes and drinks! it's crazy we're all still young! I don't do that kind of stuff and I feel weird like ppl think it's no big deal drinking and i say it's wrong and they think i'm weird. I'm so confused! does everybody do the drugs? i'm not going to start doing them but should i still speak up and say they're wrong?

Sadly, sadly, most kids in high school do drink, smoke, and experiment with drugs. It isn't normal to refrain from them, but it IS healthy. I think it's great that you're not getting involved in that stuff, and I encourage you not to.

However, that's not your question. Your question is about what you should do about it outside of refraining. While it's importnat that you make your opinions about it relatively well-known, you have to be careful. Don't condemn it as immoral or stupid, or you will alienate your peers. On the other hand, don't condone it either.

I would recommend that you do what I do--instead of fretting about getting involved in it, just try to get your friends to be safe and responsible. Encourage them to have designated drivers, use moderation, be careful, etc. If you end up at a party with them, watch their drink if they have to leave for the bathroom or something, so no one can tamper with them. If one of them has an addiction, be there for them. If theyt ask you about your stance on the debauchery, go ahead and tell them that you don't think it's a good idea, but add that that's your opinion.

I know it seems stupid, like you're selling out. But not really. You're just putting yourself in a position to help them deal with it. You can't stop them, so just try to get them to be safe.

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I have very pale, sensitive skin and I burn easily. I have never properly tanned in my life and this year I want to get a tan. I have to use a high SPF sunblock or I will burn. What is the best way to go about getting a natural tan with my skin type? I don't want to use sunbeds or fake tan.

With your skin type, you can't really get a natural tan. You just burn. And unfortunately, there isn't really any way to change that. Sunbeds and fake tanners are your only option.

You can get a little color naturally, but I don't recommend it. If you do, use a high SPF sunblock, and reapply frequently. You should tan through it slightly--not a real tan, but a little darkening. And that's all you can get without using unnatural methods. I'm sorry, but there's nothing else you can do.

No matter what you do, if you're fair-skinned, you need to be carefeul about sunburns and sun exposure. Fair-skinned people have a lot of trouble with skin cancer. I know this for a fact; two members of my very immediate family have gotten melanoma, one of them when she was only 40. Those of us who are of fairer complexion, or have parents and grandparents who are, really need to be careful. You should wear sunblock all the time, even in the winter, and try to keep yoru skin covered in the sun. Ultimately, in the long run, your life is more important than your tan. Please keep that in mind.

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