I'm 15/f. I have selective mutism. So it's an anxiety disorder. I've had it since I was little.
And I haven't talked in school for like 9 years. I tried talking this year but the whole "heart beating, my voice cracking, my voice sounding different" didn't help. For some reason I feel like that but half of the time.. I really want to say something but I can't because then I remember "I dont talk to these people". I get weird reactions from people. "OMG, YOU TALKED!" and they scream and stuff...
So do you think there's some sort of medication for me? I really want to start talking. But my anxiety is holding me back. I have the whole summer to deal with this. Because I feel like I'm wasting my life away and I'm having no fun.. and I really want a job too... Help?
Dear Wasting Your Life,
Maybe you need to try something a little bit different. What if you pretended that you'd never heard of "selective mutism" or "anxiety disorder" and went about living your life like eveybody else? Sure, there would be reactions from folks in the beginning but eventually they'd stop. Why? Because after a while it would be no big deal for you to be talking. Everyone does it, it's normal, which is what you really are underneath it all anyway.
Hey, you never know. Try it. Just make up your mind that this is what you'll do, and do it! I'll bet before you know it, you'll be wondering why you made such a big deal about this after all.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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I'm not sure if anyone could point me in the right direction, but my ex BF has been on a wide range of anti-depressants and has problems sleeping. Currently he's not taking any medication apart from valium for when he cant sleep.
I will try and explain his behaviour: If you were to meet him in a social setting, he seems extremely normal and outgoing like anyone else. He has motivation to go out and do things like everyone else. However when it comes to relationships he goes cold. He says he feels numb, and that he cant be affectionate cos he doesnt feel anything. He says its nothing to do with me, but its the way he is.
I just dont understand what his problem might be, if he even has a problem, he might just be using it as an excuse... anyone have any ideas?
Dear What Illness is This,
Intimacy for many people is a complicated matter. Due to woundings from the past, many people are unable to live consciously in the present, which is absolutely necessary for true intimacy. There are a multitude of reasons why folks can't do this, and it would probably do you some good to explore the subject matter a little.
I can tell you what I think, but the bottom line is that you will follow your heart on the matter. Before you do that, I'd like to suggest you do some reading on relationships, which should prove helpful. There are many good books out there at your local library or Amazon.com. (Do a search on "reationships" or "intimacy") Keep in mind that relationships are often our greatest teachers. A healthy relationship can help heal old wounds, but it takes honesty, commitment and a willingness to learn from each other. Only you know for sure if either of you are willing to accept the challenge at this stage of your relationship.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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Please try to help. Heres the problem.. Last May I went out of town to live with my father and got a job there and stuff, the only time I went outside was when I had to go to work. My father and I had a lot of problems, we fought all the time because he always has been a HORRIBLE dad, I was only there so that I could get a job. Well, I moved back home in October because I couldn't stand living with my father. The thing is, ever since I moved back home I havent stepped foot outside even once. When someone knocks at the door or I know someone in the house is expecting company, I run and lock myself in another room. When I wake up and all the blinds are open, I close them (this really makes my family mad). But for some reason I am terrified of going outside and being seen. I don't know why. Can someone please give me some answers? I rate 5's
Dear What's Wrong w/ Me,
Nothing is "wrong" with you, but you are depressed...I'm guessing in part because you are feeling abandoned. (Usually the emotion under the surface of depression is anger.) Yes, we all have to come to grips with parents who are often emotionally flawed. This is not an easy thing to do, and it will get in your way, if you let it!
I'd like to suggest that you reach out and ask for help. Yes, I know it seems like too much to ask you to do, but dear one, your future depends on it. If you continue feeling and acting out as you are right now, things will NOT improve. As your situation continues to go downhill, you'll find yourself more depressed and it will go on, and on, and on...a vicious cycle really!
Guess what! You do have the ability to turn things around, with some effort on your part. You might speak with a shool counselor, or google "teen hotlines" then, get the 800 number and speak to an anonymous hotline counselor. You might also ask you doctor about making a referral for you to see a counselor. Doctors can, and do, make referrals when their patients need this kind of support.
The important thing here is to reach out and ask for help. You are worth it, and with some effort on your part, it will get better. Trust me, it will.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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i'm 23/ f. i've been with this guy for almost 4 years. i was diagnosed with ocd 6 years ago. for the last couple of years i've started to feel like we've lost the spark we once had. i'm not very attracted to him anymore and the sex is terrible. but its like this: for a few days ill agonize over how im going to tell him its over, then the next few days, i'm happier and want to stick with him. i know with time, things arent as exciting, but is it wrong of me to want to have passion and feel "in love" all the time? most of the time i'm miserable. i love him very much, he's funny and sweet and practically worships me. i want more than anything to be happy with him, because he's already told me that if i were to leave him, if we were to break up for any reason, he could never be with me again. i dont want to make the biggest mistake of my life because i can't get aroused by him. what if we break up, he completely changes the way he looks, i'm all hot for him again and he won't have anything to do with me? i feel like im being immature and shallow, and i feel like maybe my ocd (i have more of the impulsive thought kind) is causing this. telling me constantly that i don't want to be with him anymore. blocking my real feelings, making it impossible for me to enjoy being with him. making me feel guilty. i need help. i'm sorry that this is not brief.
Dear Lost Feelings,
OCD or not, perhaps you need to focus on you right now instead of this relationship. Yes, the flame does die down a bit after the years pass, but it sounds like your inner voice is telling you something else.
Maybe to grow as a person right now, working on your personal issues is where your attention needs to be. Yes, you might be a little "immature and shallow" concerning this situation, but you are still fairly young. What most people find out later in life is, until we've settled the major emotional issues in our lives, we can't really be there for others in a whole hearted way. Without a doubt, intimacy requires our whole hearted participation.
Also, until we can be alone (content with ourselves), we'll always look to others to fill our empty spaces. Only you can say for sure if being in this relationship RIGHT NOW is in your best interest.
It takes real courage to be honest with oneself & then others, but in the long run, it's always what works best!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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So this popular guy liked me in middle school and I hated him back then because he was a bully. Fast forward to four years later, I've had a crush on him for three years. We kept staring at each other all the time for the past while. I just started talking to him and smiling at him last week. When the week ended he got into his car and drove away. I got the worst feeling in my stomach and was depressed for three days and I didn't know why. New semester started yesterday and apparently, he finished all his courses and had graduated. I am never going to see him again.
I've thrown up three times and been crying non stop for the past 5 hours. I really really liked him. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I'm going to go off myself and it's so pathetic because we've barely talked but you have no idea how much I like this day. What am I supposed to do now? I feel like my world has come crashing down on me.
Dear World Is Crashing,
Whenever there is an extreme reaction, such as the one you've described, it is a "red flag" signaling that you need help! There is no other way to say this, dear one, but you've got some relationship issues (sometimes called "daddy issues") with the opposite sex.
I'm guessing that you grew up, or are growing up, without a father in the picture. Or, if he is around, just barely so. Our relationship with our father sets the standard for how we relate to men from a very early age.
You didn't really know this guy, and yet look at the impact that his leaving had; this is really about your "daddy issues." Is your father absent, or does he ignore you? These issues are killers because they can really mess you up in the long run, unless YOU GET HELP! Now, none of this might make a lot of sense to you, but I can assure you that it's all connected.
Is there a school counselor you can speak to about this? You might try googling "teen hotlines" in your area and speak to an anonymous hotline counselor; either way, you need to see someone and begin working on your issues.
Don't fret, we all have issues to work on! It's a package deal called being human, and in fact, I'm a survivor of those very issues myself! So, you see, there is hope but it requires that you do your part. Hey, nothing gets better without working on it. Plus, counseling is a way to know yourself better, and how bad can that be?
Our emotional health is very deeply rooted in our physical health, so the crying and desperation are connected to the unresolved issues in your life. Please seek help. It's really the only answer to your dilemma!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Can anyone on here tell me they know the feeling of absolute despair? That's what I've been going through for the past several months. The past week has been really bad. I haven't been able to think, to focus, to sleep, even to talk is hard because I can't seem to put words behind it. Even my schoolwork is suffering. In my English class for an in-class essay, I couldn't write it. I just couldn't get past the prompt "Choose a novel or play in which a character experiences a point of no return in his life, where his life will never be the same again, and explain its impact on the character." I just couldn't write about that because it so closely paralelled what I'm going through right now.
Please don't think I'm just some 13 year old girl who needs to rebell. I'm 17 and I'm graduating at the end of this year, and everything in my life has been coming to a head. My schoolwork is suffering because I can't seem to find the passion that I used to have for seeking out knowledge, my home life is hell because my mom is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and she's trying to block my entrance into college in the fall. I just feel like everything's falling apart and I can't get through this time.
I feel an intense desire to just quit life, to seek out the absolution of death, just to escape the hell I'm living right now. But I'm too afraid to do it. I can't just draw a razor across my wrist. I've already talked to people about this, my high school principal, the director of social services, and a really big source of support has been my boyfriend. But I can't do this anymore, I can't drag anyone else into it, I can't talk one more time and force myself to think about my pitiful excuse for a life and how badly I've screwed things up.
If you've stuck with my ramblings this far thank you. I would really, really appreciate any advice.
Thank you.
Dear Desparing,
Hey, I know the feeling of "everything falling apart." I, too, have had a number of enexpected upheavals in my life lately; for one, I got laid-off! It's something that we all go through, so it seems.
I do try and remind myself that real "hell" would be surviving hurricane Katrina only to become homeless and left with nothing! Or, like the son of Christopher & Dana Reeves, have both parents die within 18 months of each other! Yes, I guess there are many levels of "hell," right?
Nonetheless, it sounds like maybe you need to try something out of the ordinary (something you'd not normally do). What if you spent some time (1 or 2 x's a week) doing something (anything) for someone else? Yes, this would take the focus off you for a while, and hey, who knows it might help! At a minimum, you would not have to think about your situation at all duing this time.
For example, there is an 85 year old woman I know who lives (alone) near me, and although she has a large family, they don't look in on her very often. One day I took her some chili I'd made, and I noticed that her front room was a disaster! After asking her, I straightened and vacuumed her livingroom. It didn't take long at all, and boy oh boy did it put a smile on her face!
Yes, I'm still unemployed, but for a while I got to think about how someone else was feeling. Call me crazy, but it just might help!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I met a guy last year, and we started going out. Everything was going okay until I missed my period. I told him, and he seemed cool about it, said that if I were pregnant, he would be there for me and everything. A few months passed by before I found out I really was pregnant.
By that time, he had started talking to another girl, and had almost completely left me alone, knowing that I could be having his child. He never called anymore, and he had started talking to a boy I'll call Wayne. After seeing me try to tell my boyfriend about the situation, Wayne convinced him that I wasn't pregnant, and I was lying. When I started to show and people started asking my boyfriend about it, he would tell them the baby wasn't his.
So I gave up and decided to go through the whole thing on my own. I felt so alone, and became depressed. I needed him but I figured if he didn't care it wouldnt help to have him around. Then, when I was 5 months pregnant, I had a baby boy. He died not long after being born. I told myself I wouldn't tell my boyfriend this either. We had broken up about 2 months ago.
I only went deeper into depression because I had lost something so precious, and I was starting to look forward to having my baby.
When I would see my boyfriend, it would eat at my conscience(sp?) that he should know because it was his child. So I told him. I expected him to help me through this, but I don't think he even believed me. And even if he did, he doesn't seem to care about how I feel. While I'm always home suffering and depressed, he's being so happy with his new girlfriend and everything. And this is the worst pain I've ever felt. I'm so depressed, my grades are falling, and things are obviously just going downhill for me.
I wish I could just make him care. I'm going through this alone and it's really hard. Is there anything I can do to help myself get out of this depression? Anything I can say or do that will show him I'm not lying and I really need him right now? What is your honest opinion on this situation?
Thank you so much in advance.
Dear Baby & Exbf,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please understand that you are grieving, and the depression you feel is part of that process.
Looking to your bf to help you through this is a waste of time and not where you need to focus your energy. You need to speak with a counselor or therapist about what you've been through.
Neither you or your bf were ready to become parents, and so, bringing a baby into this situation would have been complicated, messy, and not fair to the child.
In the meantime, put your attention & energy into getting help to deal with this loss. If you can't speak with your parents, perhaps you can call Planned Parenthood (via 411) and tell them you need to see someone. You can also call 411 and ask for the local "Information & Referral" agency in your area; these places keep directories of various programs, agencies, services that people can't easily find.
The help is out there, but you'll have to do your part. This experience has happened for a reason, and there are things you need to learn about yourself before becoming a parent.
Do your part to grow & develop into an adult and learn about what healthy relationships are about. When the time comes, you'll find yourself ready & able to parent with a committed partner who'll be there for you.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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kay well i've asked questions on here before
*previous* http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=418941
* and this is kinda long but plesae and thank you for your time*
well im only 14 and like i've heard people say b4 there is no way you are depressed! well i am! at school i hide it! i smile i laugh i do whatever not to make myself upset!!* my friends have no idea what i go through and have gone through* most of them think im some happy teen whos life is pretty good** anywayssss
the teacher i talk to about this(call him coach)well i no he cares but you know how when you talk to someone about something and you know that there probably gettin annoyed by it! well thats how i feel sometimes when i talk to him! he says he doesnt and that he wants to help! okay well my main question or w.e well just recently i've been thinkin about suiced..I DONT THINK I EVER WOULD but im always upset when im not around people and i used to cut myself! i wanna tell coach but i dont want him thinking im a freak or a loser or i have some serious MENTEL ISSUES! i promise that i would never go as far as killin myself but i think about it alot! i might cut myself again but i dono sooo should i tell him or should i just keep it to myself or what??
Dear 14 Year Old,
Feeling sad, blue, or depressed is not "mental illness;" in fact, we all feel this way now and again, and it does NOT mean that you are a "freak" or a "loser." I commend your honesty and courage by deciding to tell someone how you are feeling.
From what you've said, coach may not really know what to say to you about how you are feeling. As you know, some folks are better able to deal with these kinds of situations than others. It's no put down to coach, but maybe he's not the best one to go to about this.
At any rate, you are on target with wanting to speak to someone about how you are feeling. I know there are 24-hour "anonymous hotlines" where people who are having a hard time with some issue can call and speak to someone who can help. I'll bet if you googled for "teen hotlines" or something like that, you'd find something. You could also call 411 for the local "Information & Referral" service in your area. These folks keep lists of information, services, etc. for people looking for certain kinds of assistance.
Being a teen-ager, these days, takes courage and strength; from what I can tell you've got plenty. Don't give up your search. The answer is out there, and I don't mean hurting yourself either. Continue on your path, as you were put here for a reason. It is NO accident that you are alive, and your life matters!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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