xiicarebareiix's advice column | xiicarebareiix's Advice About Love Life

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Q: my boyfriend broke up with me after hurricane katrina empacted our lives destroying everything we owned. He has given me 4 reasons why we broke up he says it because he cant be there 4 me like i need him to , and he cant see me because were at lease 200 miles apart, he cant talk to me like he wants to. after the breakup we had a huge argument although I said some very ugly things to him and vice versa I still care for him now he wants us to talk on the phone and he even asked me to come and see him, he even suggested that we live together hes confusing me i' m not sure what to do any suggestions

i think that you should apoligize for the said ugly things and most deff go see him. but you need to talk about moving in b/f actually doing it. the main reason he probably broke up w/ u is stress. katrina was a HUGE disaster and i know it put alot of stress on both of your lives. he reacted under extreme conditions, and probably broke up w/ you b/c he didnt know what to do. so give him a chance. it might work out this time 'round...

Q: 13/m Hey all, I've got the longest story in the world to tell, but nobody wants to hear that. Basically, over the summer I realized that I loved one of my best friends, I told her, she's not sureherself how she thinks of me. And I'm not talking about any of that crap teenage infatuation. I know infatuation. I know love. This is love. Well, last night, I dreamt about her =D The last time I dreamt about her, I dreamt that I asked her out. I asked her out the next day but to no avail. Of course, I've been thinking about her and only her for months, ever since I discovered my true feelings. It's been making me fail my classes---like for example we just got our progress reports, and normally, I'm really really smart, I'm in all the advanced courses, but I got an F in science...

Last night I dreamt about her. It was in the middle of French class, which is weird because she takes Spanish, and her ex was there, as were my parents... anyway, at random when Madame (insert her name here) was in the bathroom, she told me how she felt: "Hey, (my name), I've been thinking, and I realized that I actually do like you as more than a friend." And she smiled, and we hugged, and I danced around the room. I made an idiot of myself, but I was too happy to care! She finally loved me back!

Well, the dream ended as we were about to kiss, because I don't think you're supposed to know what that feels like until you actually experience it. Now, why am I so obsessed with this dream? I'm not very religious, and I'm not superstitious in the least. I don't even believe in luck, with drawing cards from a deck or flipping a coin---there are variable factors that affect the outcome. So why should I be asking a question to 10,000 columnists about some stupid dream? The one supernatural belief that I have is in telekinetics, telepathy, and psychics. Especially between twins (it's a proven fact) or in dreams. Dreams frequently predict the future in my experiences, and my sister's, and my friends', and everyone's. So why should this be any different?

It feels like I'm writing a persuasive essay right now... Another reason why is because last time something like this happened, it was when I e-mailed her how I felt (I'm way too shy) not knowing that she was on vacation with no internet connection. Well, about five minutes after I went outside to play basketball, I started thinking about her a LOT. When I came in, I checked my e-mail, and one of them was from that exact time as when I was thinking about her so much!

But I guess the biggest reason of all... is because I love her so much and I just really want her to love me back, and my mind will do anything to make me believe that there's hope when there actually isn't. For all you DnD fans out there, if you have the Unearthed Arcana book, flip to the part about the sanity points. Well, it feels like I just lost all my sanity points. In a nutshell, it sucks to be me. What should I do???

P.S. I already started keeping a diary of stuff, as of 3 days ago... not really helping...

i dont know her personality, so there are two things that could be going on w/ her. #1: she REALLY doesnt understand the feelings she is having(or maybe not having) for you, or...#2: she doesnt like you but she doesnt want to hurt you. but whatever the reason, you need to pay more attention in class. if she decides she likes you but you're grounded b/c you failed, what good will that do. moving on to the word 'love' that you used so often. i can believe you when you say it's not infatuation, but to use the word love...you are only 13. im not saying you're wrong, im just saying that you are very young and that you might have very deep feelings for this person, but i dont think its love. going back to what she is feeling...if you REALLY love her, then yes it will be a disappointment if she doesnt like you like that. but if you REALLY love her you will just want her to be happy, and it won't matter w/ who. i cant address the 'sanity points' thing b/c i'm religious. not that you are wrong to not be, just that i have no clue what you are talking about when you talk about the 'sanity points'. it sounds, however, that you think you are going insane(yes. i am very literal). dont worry. you're not. you just care alot about this person. but i dont really know what you're talkin about there, so, um, yeah. about the dreams: i sincerely believe that God sends us dreams(sometimes) b/c joseph(the one w/ the many colored coat...not Jesus' step-father)had the ability to interpret dreams and had dreams sent to him from God(according to the bible). im not trying to push my religion off on you, i just wanted to convey that i believe you when you say your dreams are 'future telling', or something like that. but the main thing i want you to get out of this is that if you actually love her, all you will want for her is to be happy and it wont matter w/ who.

Q: Well i got my girlfriend a really nice gift for her birthday...well not gift....more like gifts....they were pretty expensive all together....but its her first birthday since weve been going out....and weve been going out for about 4 months now....do u think really expensive is a bad or good thing?

well, expensive is ok if this is a serious relationship, but not in excess. and by expensive i hope you dont mean you went out and bought her real diomond jewlery or something like that. if this has only been going on for four months, then you want to get her something personal that will show you care but not set you back more that $50(unless its something super special to her). just use some judgememt: how long do you think this relationship will last? is it worth setting you back ____ amount of money? only you can answer these questions, so good luck! hope this helped, but sorry if it didnt.

Q: Can a passionate love-hate relationship work out?

sometimes. it really depends on the people. every case is different. i was recently in a relationship like that, and it lasted for a while, but one day i got sick of the hate and told him it was over. however, many people have more patience than me, so once again, it really does depend on the two individual people and how hard they are willing to work to make the relationship work out. i know i wasnt really specific, but just as you cant define love, there's no little book that tells you what to do in times like these. that's what your intuition is for...

Q: How should I ask a girl if she will go out with me?

just say "hey, i really like you. would you like to go out sometime?" i know how hard it is to do that, but just tell her exactly how you feel.

xoxo
Care Bare
ps: good luck!

Q: well i was having a wonderful time at my sleepover birthday party last night with my 4 friends!!!!! i wore a pink skirt and a purple t-shirt with a white halter top that you can tie in the front. For dinner we had pizza!! i had 2 slices and some chocolate pudding so i could save alot of room for the popcorn at the movies. During the first 30 minutes of the movie, i finnished the jumbo . I also had to use the bathroom.i was the birthday girl, and i was hungry!!! so i got up and went to the bathroom and then i RAN over to the candy bar because i was sooo hungry! when i was running i tripped right in front of the candy bar. and when i got up, i saw my crush and his friend LAUGHGING AT ME!! i liked david since the 6th grade!! and so i just started laughing to act like i wasnt embarrassed but i was humiliated!!!DID I MENTION that when i stood up i farted in his face?!?!!??!!?!?!! i couldnt believe it!!!!! then as if things couldnt get any worse, i looked down and i realized my skirt was tucked in my panty hose and there was a long pppiece of USED toliet paper stuck there too!!!!!!! he was cracking up!!!! this had to be the worst birthday everr!! what do i do to get my dignity and respect back!! oh and did i tell you that a popular person was throwing a party there and that means alot of other popular kids where ganna be there! they ALL saw me fall, toot, toleit paper, and skirt! AND im a little chunky and big bonned but, they saw my fat JIGGLE! now they laugh at me at school and call me names and are so mean to me and my crush doesnt like me and thinks im a NERD! NO way im not a nerd! does this sound nerdy to you: short, fat, short brown hair, pimples on my chin, and i act like a oversized baby at times..HEE HEE!!! please help me win my crush, win my respect back and can you give me some cool tips on being popular?

love:
Jennie F.

i rate 5's!!!

do you really want to have a crush on somebody as shallow as this guy sounds? and btw: have u read my bio? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG W/ NERDS! being nerdy isnt a bad thing. and why would u want to be popular if the popular people are mean enough to laugh at you? i wouldnt. and for winning your respect back...just act like nothing happened and if people bring it up, just laugh it off. its ok. my 13th b-day sucked too...it doesnt matter. you'll get over it. and just incase you didnt get my 'hint', find a worthier crush. this guy seems like a real jerk.

Q: I recently met this guy and we're now dating. We aren't exactly what you would call the cutest couple because well, some people don't believe we belong each other. Those some people being my friends.

I'm what you could call the preppy high school cheerleader that hangs out with other preppy cheerleaders/jocks.

He is...well I'm not sure what he is. When you look at him you think oh, just another punkish looking emo druggy kid. Which is what my friends think. But, he really isn't. He did voluntarily dye his hair black and has an eye brow and lip piercing. Along with another one that is below the belt that I haven't seen yet ;P.

But anyway, back to the point. He's a sXe(straightedge). If you don't know what that is, it means that he doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs and doesn't believe in casual sex.

I was recently involved in an accident. The accident should have never happened because we'll the driver and I were drinking. Fortunately, I'm still alive. And because of the accident I've decided not to drink anymore. (I met my bf after my accident).

My friends think that my bf is BS and that he's just kidding himself. And obviously, do not like him. His friends and I get along fine and he doesn't mind my friends, except for the fact that they don't like him. What should I do?

if your "friends" are really this shallow, then you might want to reconsider your friendship. having (or not having) a relationship based on what others expect is bad. so just do whatever you think is right. unfortunately, not many people can help you with this. this is one that you need to figure out on your own. just follow your heart(i know, its corny. but its true!) and do what you think is best...

Q: i am recovering from a recent break-up and i cover up my feelings by acting tough and like i dont care but i really do.i really liked that guy.but now he's a jerk because whenever im around him and we're around other people he acts like he hates my guts and starts saying these things about me but when we're alone he's really nice and just yesterday he declared he wanted to come to my EXCLUSIVE party im having even though he said ,in front of his friends when i invited him, i dont give a shit...it's confusing me?what is he trying to tell me?help please!

this guy is toying w/ u. he's a jerk(btw: this is the edited version of what's in my head...) and he prolly wants to get in ur pants or something. b/c if he REALLY liked you, he wouldnt act like that in front of his friends. he wouldnt care what anybody thought about him and u and being together or not, but it sounds like he wants to sound cool infront of his friends. my advice: try as best you can to disassciate yourself w/ this guy.

Q: ok so here i go when i saw this boy at school for the first time i thought i really liked him lets call him james and then i met another boy in school called jake and he told me he likes me loads and he always tells me he loves me so much.he follows me around in school. James does not say that!he just says thinking of u ect i hung out with jake and i began to like him so much!!! we had such a laugh when he took me home.thing is he is muslim i am christan my mum would never let me go out with him she would probably aprove of james but not jake. ok and here comes the problem my friend told me she likes Jake! I was so upset i wanted to scream at her shes kinda mucked up everything. i told jake and hes like your making it up. I am not... what do i do now? please advice me also i think i like them both im 17/f thank u

well, first off you need to ask Jake why he doesnt believe you. you probably dont want to get in a serious relationship w/ somebody who isnt going to trust you. second, ask your mum what's wrong with him being Muslim. i had to do this w/ my mum(my b/f is hindu). you should tell her that he is a really good person and his religion is what it is. just as you were (i assume) born and raised Christian, and you had no say in your religion(up until you were confirmed), he was born Mumslim, and its not his fault. i am not sure how your mum would react to what i have to say next though, so if she would freak out and you would get in trouble, leave this part out: you might want to ask her why, if she is christian she is so quick to judge others. after all, it says in the bible, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged...Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your onw eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."(Matthew 6:7:1-5). and thirdly, if you are in a relationship with Jake, then your friend should respect that and if she doesnt, you probably dont want to be friends with her. but if you and Jake arent in a relationship(yet)then she is NOT doing anything wrong. if Jake is such a great guy, then lots of girls are bound to like him. i hope this helps, and you really should talk to your mum about this.

xoxo
Care Bare

bio

i'm a crazy person, but in a good way. i'm always happy and I guess i'm a free spirit. i have an open mind and like trying new things. my friends come second only to my religion. i'm a total nerrrddd...but i love bein one, so it's ok ^^music, theatre, debate, and science olympiad are my life. i enjoy meeting new people and i'm pretty straightfoward. i dont like mind games, so i don't do it to other people. i think out loud alot, which can be a problem...if there's anything else you want to know about me, just IM me. i'm usually on unless i'm researching for one of the nerdy things mentioned above...