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Born in Vietnam, live in Minneapolis, MNOccupation:
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April 8, 2006Answers:
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Hi, My name is Thanh. I am a 27 year old man with a BA in psychology and halfway through an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy. I was a student therapist at a family center for six months. Ask me about mental health issues, interpersonal relationships (including love life, family issues, friendships, work/school relationships, etc.), GLBT issues, and culinary topics. I enjoy cooking and food and hope to have my own restaurant someday.
advice
alright well my best friend likes the guy i like. but the guy talks to me more. i liked him first and started talking to him first and now she likes him too. shes done this before too. she gets like every guy she wants. well i invited this guy to hang out and party with all my friends and he said yes. but im afraid that once we get there my friend will hang all over him and flirt with him. thats what she does to hook the guys that she wants. but i really like him and i already tried explaining that to her but she says that i talk to alot of guys and that she should get him. i dont even talk to alot of guys. i dont want him to start liking her which im afraid he will if she flirts with him at the party. im kind of shy and not as crazy as her. what should i do to make sure this guy doesnt start liking her and gets to know me better?
It sounds like you have a pretend friend, because friends don't steal their friends' boyfriends or crushes. Unless there is a good reason to keep this other girl as a friend, I would just stop hanging out with her. You don't have to have a falling out or a fight, but just stop hanging out with her, or inviting her to do things. You don't have to even stop being friendly with her. If you are hanging out with your real friends, and she is around, you can decide to stay or leave. You can choose to tell, your other real friends about her and that you would prefer not to be around her. Pushing this too far and making this other person angry may cause bouts of retalliation like spreading rumors about your falling out with her, other rumors, etc.
Now onto the other issue. There is a boy that you like who likes you back. Why not invite him out to something more private like going to get coffee or a movie. You may even want to invite a select few people that you trust. You can tell them not to tell others about your plans to ensure that it doesn't get back to the pretend friend. -Thanh
My general disclaimer:
Any advice given is based on the limited information you were willing to share. Ultimately, you are the one with the most information about your situation and the best one to make a decision about it. I hope this helps. Good luck and feel free to keep me updated on the situation, give me further information, or ask me further questions about the same situation. I'd love to hear how everything turns out. -Thanh
So I like this guy in my last class but he has a girlfriend. But he hits on me all the time. Today his hands were never in appropiate places (i was willing so it wasnt like he was being a dick) But he still has a girlfriend. PROBLEM. I also like my ex-boyfriend.. i hit on him a lot but not so much with him hitting on me. I think if i tried i could get this guy back, he was really great. But I dont know what to do. One has a gf the other i've already dated!
Let me address the two issues seperately. Let's take the first guy who hits on you who also has a girlfriend. Put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes. A guy who is dating you but hits on other girls. At any moment he could dump you and date someone else, or worse yet, will date other girls behind your back. Is this someone you want to date? If this is okay with you, and you trust him and are up to the challenge, then he would be a good choice. If you wouldn't trust him, would feel disrespected by someone who hits on other girls while he is dating you, etc., then he may not be the right choice for you.
Ok, let's move onto the other guy, the ex. Isn't there a reason you guys broke up in the first place? Who did the dumping? If he did the dumping, and then he is not responding to you when you hit on him, then you need to take a hint and leave him alone. A man does not respect women who are desperate. If you did the dumping, and then have changed your mind are hitting on him, he may not repond because he is resentful. Nobody likes someone who keeps changing their minds. If this is the case then he may be resentful or may not respect you. This is not good either. If it was a mutual decision and you both were in agreement that the relationship should end, and you guys left on good terms, then this would be your best bet. Be careful of falling into the on again off again relationship though.
All in all, neither may be good choices for you, but at the core, you really are the one with the most information about your situation, and the best one to decide. Any advice you are given is based on the limited information you are willing to share. Good luck, and feel free to share with me the outcome. I'd love to hear how things turn out. -Thanh
I am a 15 year old girl who is confused. Real rare huh lol. Anyway, my boyfriend is 17. he told me, the only girl he would go to prom with would be some really close friend who is,you guessed it, another girl. he kind of has a history with her. He's told me he's known her all his life.He also told me that he wouldn't go without my permission and he wouldn't try anything with her. I wouldn't believe this in a minute.I forgot to include that 15 year olds are allowed as long as their parents approve and sign some paperwork. Well that's besides the point. The fact that he said this kind of hurts. I really don't have any idea what to say to him. I like him a lot. I want to stay with him but not if he's going to say things like this. Should I confront him on it and if I do what should I say?
I love when people complain about boyfriend problems and then ask whether they should tell them how they felt. Is your boyfriend a mind reader? The only way to let your boyfriend know how you feel is to tell him. From there, the two of you would need to discuss the situation openly, instead of making him out to be the bad guy for not knowing how hurt you were by what he did. He may not know why it would even make you hurt or upset, so in conclusion...YES!!! YOU NEED TO TELL HIM IF YOU WANT HIM TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!
Okay so i'm dating this guy named Brett.. and all he ever does is talk about himself and i cant stand it. like i was upset one night about me missing my dad(( he passed away 2 months ago and we were close)) and hes like your life isent bad... and im like yeah okay.. and he was like what im like i miss my dad and hes like well i miss my dad too who knows where he is((he moved to a diff. state)) im sure my life is worse than yours. im like yeah thanks. w/e... and all i ever hear about is himself and it drives me insane i mean cant one thing be about me ..
Is someone holding a gun to your head and ordering you to date this guy? I don't mean to sound insensitive, but you do have the ability as a human to make decisions for yourself. It's called free will. I do understand the pressures to date someone and to be popular, but you need to take care of your own needs first, otherwise you will look back years from now and wonder why your life is so unfulfilling. A relationship is a two-way thing. If you are giving and not receiving, then you have a right to ask for his attention and interest in you in return. It is not selfish to want to be in a relationship in which you are getting something back in return as well.
I know that I've been in relationships that have not worked. It's not a bad thing when this happens. But you live and move on and learn from them. With each new relationship, I've learned new things about myself and about what I want out of relationships. Now, you know that you want someone who will pay attention to you and who is truly interested in you, your feelings, and what you have to say.
If you do want to try to make this work with Brett, then you need to tell him point blank: "When you disregard my feelings and what I have to say, I feel hurt." You then await his response. If he apologizes and makes an effort, you can help him to become interested in you. If he again turns it into something about him, then you need to make a decision. Do I continue to be ignored? Or do I respect myself enough to walk away?