biker_chic's advice column | biker_chic's Advice About Love Life

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Q: So here goes:
I'm 14/f and you guys are probably wondering "What has she been through? She's only 14."

Well, my grandpa left when I was young because of cancer. My uncle promised that he'll be with me forever and that he'd quit smoking. Now he's dead from lung cancer. My grandma, I adore and love, is getting ill everyday. I hate the fact that my family members are slowly going away. In addition to that, I've let one too many guys take my heart and break it into pieces. Now I'm afraid of letting anyone get close to me. IF a guy likes me, & even if I like him back, I find myself running away from the guy and pushing him away. If I have a friend that I really enjoy having around, I'll find ways to ruin the friendship. If I have a crush, I'll force myself to forget about him/her and convince myself that I'm just going to end up hurt again.

I just find myself secluding myself from people everyday in fear of letting them hurt me. I feel like if I push them away, when they leave, it won't hurt as much. I know I'm hurting my friends and family by doing this but I can't help it. I really want to stop myself but I can't...can someone please help me get over this?

omg bbz after reading your entry i was practically in tears - i've experienced exactly the same problem regarding pushing people away to spare yourself the pain of them hurting you or betraying your trust...
My advice to you is not to do what i did - i took up kickboxing and wound up with the attitude of being civil to ppeople and having a laugh with them expecting each second of laughter to be the last so that i wasn't as dissapointed when it happened! I met this guy and he was unbelievable - i fell in love...truely in love, amd i never wanted to have to lose him and go through that pain but the fact that i wouldnt open up to him made him think i didnt trust him....i look back at this now and realise that he was the one for me...and i threw that away!

You're prbably thinkin 'i need help not your life story' but i do have a point...Basically i'm hoping that by sharing this with you, you will see that not everyone is out to hurt you, you're hurting yourself by not giving them a chance...

If someone enters your life and at that moment it feels good/right let it happen...if time passes and you get closer to them and you feel free and trusted go with it...And if anything should happen that hurts you, remember these good times and think - well i'm hurting now, but the last few weeks/months/even years have been amazing....You never know - you could end up finding the one for you, just like i did - only you will have the sense not to throw it away!

I hope this helps you somehow
Best of Luck
Biker-chic
-xXx-

Q: 19F - he's 24 - there is this guy that works at a company that my company deals with... i speak to him regularly for work stuff... at the christmas party we went out clubbing and made out... i REALLY like this guy, like seriously, as in get butterflies in my tummy when i hear his voice. when we were out he said i'm too good for him. we have spoken through work many times since then but havn't mentioned that night. i really wanna ask him out or something but i dont know if he likes me and i dont wanna make things awkward at work. what do i do? help!

Awwww
Just try too get to know him - find out what his interests are, hobbies that sort of thing. You never know - you may get talking more and find you have loads in common! Be confident and just as long as you are not too forward he should respect you and you will get to know where you stand!

I hope this helps!
Good Luck!

Biker_chic
-xXx-

Q: 17/M

This is gonna sound really wierd, but my girlfriend of four years, has arranged for one of our mutual friends, a cute girl our age, to have a threesome this thursday...i dont know what i want to do... i mean, this IS kinda every guys fantasy, but i dont know if its RIGHT...you know? should i go ahead with it? i know my girlfriends not bi, and that shes probably doing it for me, but she seems so enthusiastic about it, and so does the other girl...and even if i go ahead with it, if the other girl is doing stuff to me, is it okay to show that i like it? would that make my girlfriend jealous? im just looking to try and enjoy this (i do WANT to do it) and not offend anybody i can...i love my girlfriend with all my heart, and shes the light of my life, i dont want to hurt her...ANYTHING you have to say will be helpfull...thanks...by the way im looking for girls opinions too...

Believe it or not your story doesn't sound weird [at least not to me :)] Just so you know - I am female and i am also bisexual.

I have been in this situation with my boyfriend and a mutual female friend of ours. I know that previously (a long time ago) my boyfriend had a mild crush on this mate of ours (she is straight) so i got her to agree to a threesome - an idea we were both eager to try out for a laugh. My boyfriend was eager too though he expressed these same concerns to me in confidence. It is natural to feel that by doing things with another girl you are going to hurt your girlfriend or make her jelous..talk to her on her own, tell her exactly how you feel and all of your concerns - leave nothing out! I am sure that after expressing these feelings to her you will both be able to make a mature decision on whether or not to go ahead with the arrangement. Even if you just decide on some boundries to the threesome at least everyone will know where they stand and what is and is not acceptable.

I hope i have helped!
Please write back if you need further advice, or if my advice has helped in any way!

Biker_chic
-xXx-

Q: So heres the scoop.
Me and this kid named Kaleb* had a thing.. we were not techically going out but we hung out and kissed, held hands and wouldnt go and kiss anyone else...
then it all changed.... he asked me out... then 4 hours later said he made a mistake and he only asked me out because he felt pressured into asking me out by his friends and that he was not ready to be in a relationship. So the stupid girl that i am said... well then i think we should just stay friends because obviesly you dont know what you want or when you will want it... and then we got close again.. and the other night i got mad at him and now he says we should take a break from all this and wait till feb. and he will ask me out then.. and i tol dhim straight out, i will not wait forever and if i find someone i like more then i will move on. And now... I think i like someone and me and kaleb just ended "things" 2 days ago and i feell bad because like the saying... just because ive moved on doesnt mean im over you. that explains this... ive moved on, but that doesnt mean im over him.. and i dont know if i moved too fast? or what i should do??? help?? and ideas, advise, suggestions!!!!!!

The amount of times this sort of thing has happened! :-) Tell Kaleb that you are not over him and that you still have high opinions of him and feelings haven't changed, but that there is another guy that you like as well and that you stand a chance with. Explain to him that although you are not over him you want to take the oppertunity with this other guy because as you said...You can't wait for him forever.

If Kaleb's feelings for you are strong and his intentions are good he will fight for you and ask you out or tell you he wants to be with you...If not, as harsh as it seems you should sieze the moment and be happy...You're not moving too fatst if Kaleb put you on hold!

I hope i have helped!
Good Luck!
Biker_chic

Q: I rely lik dis girl i wont say er name bt er initials r KG n i rely love er ow do i tell er dis wit out feeling embarassed??

If your feelings are that strong, then you have nothing to be embarassed about...like most girls im sure she would admire your courage and confidence.

:-) xxx :-)

Q: can you french kiss with braces? and do 13 year old boys expect closed or opened mouth kisses?

Of course you can french kiss with braces...It doesn't make a difference...and i should know! lol

It varies now-a-days...Some 13year old boys would expect open mothed kisses, others may not...it all depends on how close you are and how the boy feels...and how you feel - just because they may kiss with open mouths doesn't mean you should feel you have too as well!

Q: There is this guys i reallly like, and everyobody can tell he likes me. but the only thing is he can be shy, and sometimes quiet, so he wont make the first move, like ask me out. is there ne way i can get him to make the 1st move so i wont have to?

Flirt with him and let him know how much you like him. if he likes you as much as it sounds like he does then i'm sure he will over-come his shyness and ask you out...but you have to give it time.

If he really is too shy and doesn't appear to be ready to make the first move, and you like him as much as you seem to like him...You will have to ask him and i'm sure he will say yes!

I hope i have helped you! ...Good Luck!!! xxx

Q: theres this boy that i love with all my heart and i dream about him every night all of those love icons and all those shitty love quotes in my profile are about him. we've went out twice but we broke up because we didnt know eachother well enough then. now we are best friends and im in almost all of his classes in school. theres one problem, hes going out with my BEST friend. and i could never tell her that i like him because she will be mad since they are so much in love and i talk to this guy online every day and i want to tell him how i feel but i just cant and he and my friend could be going out for years with the way they're heading and i cant wait that long. i dont feel this way about anyone else if there was 1000 hott guys in the room including him, hes the only one i would notice. i dont know what to do and no i dont want to forget about him because we have something special i can feel it. do i tell him how i feel and risk losing my best friend or do i keep it bottled up inside? i just dont know anymore. if youve ever been in a situation like this or you know someone that has comfort me and make me feel better and explain how you or that person you know got out of a situation like this. he means everything to me

Your in luck...i too have been in a similar situation and know what you are going through.

It would help if you included your age, but i can still give you some advice on handling your situation. Firsly, you should talk to your friend...tell her that you really value her friendship and never want to hurt her or lose her as a mate, but that you can't help the feelings that you have. Tell her what you have told me...that you can't stop thinking about him. If she is a good friend she will understand and will talk to you. But don't just tell her you love him out of the blue!

Secondly...Explain that you know they are in a relationship and that you don't want to ruin it but that you had to tell her how you feel.

Don't expect too much...If things work out for them as a couple, then don't be offended or think you will never find anyone else...You will!! At the moment it seems like he is the only one, but trust me...there is someone for you, and that person may not be him...So don't give up on love just for one guy...But don't just keep your feelings to yourself or it will make things worse and you will risk losing your mate as well.

I hope i have helped...Good Luck! xx

Q: wierd question but how do you hint to a guy you DO NOT like him.... there was a guy that i used to like and he knew but he thinks i still like him. how do i imply to him that i dont like him anymore, but not be mean or rude... i wanna be friends, and i want him to know that we will never be more than friends.

Talk to him...tell him that you value his friendship but that you would prefer not to be anything more than friends as you would hate to ruin the bond you have with each other. If you explain it to him and tell him you still want to be friends then i am sure he will understand.

bio

I have had many issues with bullying and negativity at home as well as many other negative and unfortunate incidences in my life.

It is because of all of this negativity and heartbreak that i am who i am today, as in some ways i have become a stronger person.

It is due to this that i decided to put together an advise column for which anyone who has issues such as i have, can have someone to talk to who has experienced it themsleves or can relate to their issues. My advice column is for people of all ages with any sort of problem and it is strictly confedential. E-mail me with your problems and i will reply as soon as i can with advice on the situation at hand.