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Hey, you sent me some advice, and it really helped me out alot! I understood it well, and everything!...
And now, if you don't mind, I need more advice. Logan pulled me out of my class the other day to tell me he was sorry, and that he loved me. He said he just has alot to think about right now. And I know where he's coming from. I know it very well. I mean, his whole story is his dad shot his mom, so his dad is in jail, his mom is dead, he's been living with his abusive uncle, and his Aunt, and Grandma didn't do anything about it, the cops wouldn't do anything about it, so he moved out with Darren, but his Aunt in Austin who loves him and his brother dearly invited them to live with her, but Logan refused so he could stay here with me, he's about to go see his dad for the first time in 5 years, and he's not going to see him because he hasn't seen him in awhile, he's going to get the deed for the house his abusive Uncle claims to own. So he's got to worry about his dad, both his aunts, his grandma, his brother, how he's going to pay the bills, and me.
And it's alot of stress on him. And it feels like he's been pushing me away. So, I told him I would wait until everything was good again, and I wrote him a breakup note, which almost killed me, but he refused to take it because he said that the reason we keep breaking up and getting back together is because we love each other, and miss each other. And I agree with him. All couples fight. Well atleast all the couples in my family fight. But, it's like he's still so distant from me. If I try to talk to him about how I feel, he'll tell me something to hurt my feelings, so that i'll quit talking about it. And he admits he does it.
I love him to death, and i'm sure he loves me. We just have some real serious communication problems. And he's got so much stuff going on in his life right now, that I feel like I need to be the one to shut down my own emotions, and just try to make him happy. But, it starts to make me depressed. And I know if me and Logan can get through this hard time that we could last forever. And that's what I want...But sometimes, I don't feel like that's what he wants.
To sum it up, I basicaly need to know how to make him happy again, so that we both can be happy, and quit worrying about each other.
Thank you for the help!
-Beth (link)
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Well, isn't it ironic, when you love someone so much you want to hurt them?
Anyways, when you say he's had alot of stress on him, reading your question...yeah...I agree. But it seems like you're taking alot of the blame on yourself.
I know it seems like you love him dearly and he loves you too. And he might. He really might. But getting together will add to the worries again. And any man who hurts your feelings when you try to get close to him isn't worth it. His family and bills and stuff are his problems. Problems that have nothing to do with you. Shutting off your emotions would be a bad move because you admit to yourself that you're somewhat the cause of all his stress.
He's made you very unhappy yes? And you say that you've tried to make him as happy as you could? You tried, you did and it didn't work.
Especially since you wrote that breakup note and say you have communication problems, think of how rushing back into relationships is bad.
First of all, as you said, your communication sucks. Until that's fixed, don't go further. Talk to him, sending a note is disrespectful and hurtful. YOu don't want to lower yourself to that sort of level.
If he refuses to listen that you want to work all the kinks out before you enter that relationship again, then it's not worth it.
He should trust you and your descision to work everything out. I understand you want to help him. But sometimes, the best way to help, is by not being there as a love interesting/girlfriend. No relationship is worth it without trust. It seems like you give it to him unconditionally, but he doesn't give it to you. Fix that as well, don't crumble to his every demand, don't melt into a puddle of goo around him.
If you want to break up because you think that's for the best, then stand by that answer. He can't force you to do anything. WHen he understands that, he will respect you and your wishes more.
THink about his happiness, but more importantly, your happiness. If you have to hide yourself and your emotions from him in the beginning, you can never bring them out without a nasty repercussion.
(Wow...this is hard to put in words. Everything makes so much sense in my head though.)
I think that's about it. (Read above) If you need anything answered again don't hesitate to leave it in my inbox.
I wish you the greatest of luck with Logan and your problems.
-Zeph
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im male
16 years old
ok well me and my girlfriend have been together for like a few weeks now and we started out going really fast like making out in my bed and stuff and like all of a sudden she wont let me kiss her goodbye or ne thing ans she sais she wants to slow down is this like a sign she wants to break up with me or sumthin yea i know im a guy and this is prob a stupid question but yea (link)
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I'm a girl, so take it from me. Slowing down is not a prelude to breaking up. Well, not usually. In society today, a girl making out with her boyfriend or kissing alot or letting guys touch her is viewed as dirty.
LIke if a guy makes out with a girl, people won't whisper..."He's a manwhore!" but they will do that to girls. So, most likely, she's feeling guilty about doing sometihng that is taboo in families and considered sin by lots of people. Also, she may just want to think about if she really likes what's going on between you two or not.
The best thing to do would to follow her demands and not ask questions. If you really trust her, it will show and she will respect you more for it and most likely replenish all horny-ish feelings she has for you.
-Zeph
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Okay! So...There is ALOT here...Well, I was dating this Guy named Logan for over a year, and we kept fighting because this other guy, William, put the moves on me, and Logan thinks i've done things with William, infact he truely believes it, like without a doubt. But, I really haven't, and he won't believe me so one day I told him that I had done things with Will so that maybe Logan would get off my back alittle, but it just made things worse, and whenever I tried to take it back, he kept saying he got a confession, and I griped him out and said he wouldn't believe the truth, so I told him what he thought was the truth so that we could just move on, but he kept complaining about it, for over 7 MONTHS! And it killed me, because he truly didn't understand how much it hurt me or how much I really did care. And i'm afraid he'll never know, because he broke up with me just a few hours ago. And this makes him sound like the bad guy, but he really is not, basicaly I did do things with William, but not as far as Logan thinks. My mom used to tell me to hold Williams hand, or I couldn't call Logan. So I went without calling Logan for awhile, but he got mad about it, so I started holding Williams hand, and hoped that maybe I could keep that a secret, and I made it clear to William that I only did this so I could talk to Logan, and Logan naturaly got even more pissed, and suspected more happened, because my sister said I had.
And basicaly...It was just a GIANT mix up...But, he told me he doesn't feel the same anymore, but I don't know if he means it because he's said things like that before just to hurt me...Because he thought I cheated on him. But after that, some girl named Brittany started moving in on him, and I freaked out, and got angry at him. But I never told him to quit talking to her or anything.
And now i'm just so worried that I won't get him back, and I feel so empty. He was my whole life for over a year, and I CAN NOT bear to lose him! I really can't! It feels like if someone hit me with an 18 wheeler, all it would do is relieve alittle pain from the break up, and maybe get my mind off of him. And at this point, I would do ANYTHING to hate him. To dislike him so much that I would be glad he broke up with me. But I can't, and I don't know what to do...
I want him to be happy, but I won't be happy until I have him back. And I just want him to love me again....
I can't live without him.
(15/f) (link)
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Don't make yourself hate him. You're lowering yourself to his level. Maybe, I know this might hurt to contemplate, but he made it so you guys would break up? ALot of guys don't have the guts to do it face to face so they do something or say something that will force the girl to take charge and do something so they would break up.
That may not be the case however.
Your boyfriend may have been suffering incredible self esteem issues. Why would he convince himself that you were cheating? Maybe because he though that he wasn't good enough and that you wanted/needing someone better.
It's a way of self denial that you were with him because he was the person you chose. People like him also affect your self esteem, so until you are sure that he is the love of your life, stay away. His neediness for your love and your constant reassurance that he's the only one make you feel good. Make you feel like you're needed. And losing that feeling isn't the best thing.
Focus on something else you enjoy in your life. When you said he was your whole life for a year, be careful, that might border on obsession. Find a small hobby or activity you enjoy but cry as often as you like about him. Keeping hate, sadness or anger in is not good.
If you would like something more...or a better explanation, email me as Harmonic_dissonance@hotmail.com)
The best of luck to you!
-Zeph
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How do i get over my first love, who i was with for 9 months? And he already likes someone new. And, everytime i get around or talk to another guy i just think about my ex. and i dont want to, i just want to be over him. i feel i'v cryed enough =[/. help! (link)
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Well, it's hard I know. But no one can just "get over" it. Have you talked to anyone about it? Suprisingly, that can help. If your mother knows about your boyfriend and your breakup, talk to her. Mothers are great, they support and love you.
You can let out all your anger/sadness and know it will stay between you two.
It always hurts when someone gets over faster than you and you think something is wrong, but it's not. You really cared for him and even though it's hard now, time will heal all wounds.
try to know yourself for a while, being single isn't bad. Don't focus on what you are losing by not having a boyfriend but by what you are gaining by not having one.
Well, I hope I helped somewhat. I was a person who got over her ex pretty easily, but I understand why others may not.
-Zeph
(If you want more detail, you can private message me ok? Good luck to you!)
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female. senior in high school.
ok so there is this guy, lets call him bob. so last year i saw bob every now and then and always thought he was cute. i saw him again this year like last week for a second. he stayed in the same room as me for a whlie talking to someone i knew and we both for sure made eye contact and saw each other. then i saw him the next day and stuff and we smiled at each other. i know that he recognizes me and stuff and i guess "knows i exist" but just we've never talked but i really want to and i sort of get the feeling he thinks im cute and whatnot. i found his myspace but i dont want to add him cuz that'd be really weird since we've never talked and i dont want him to think im weird/stalker. i dont know how else to start this tho cuz whenever i see him in the hall its for like one second. i really think hes cute and think about him all the time bc theres just something about him. we're not in the same group of friends but i know a couple of his friends but not well enough to get their help. help! what do i do?????? (link)
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Well, alot of guys love forwardness and hate those little cat and mouse games. (Those come a bit later) Of course, I'm not suggesting you go up and say "I really like you."
But if you really like him, go out of your way a little bit. If you see him in the hallway, make sure to pass by him and say hi. Or maybe at some dance or project talk to him. Or, on myspace, don't "add" him, but pm him and ask if he would mind be added.
-Zeph
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16,f
alright ive never had a boyfriend and i mean im not ashamed of that, ive only madeout with two guys and done other stuff, well just like touching but nothing else! im stil a virgin. being single is fun..MOST OF THE TIME..i kinda like this guy but he has a girlfriend i try to forget him but i always go for the wrong ones and everyone says im too picky. i mean..i think i am sometimes, but i just want the right one and i dont want my heart to get broken by some jerk who just wants to use me. ive heard alot of different boys think im hot but alot of them are younger like one or two years, but i get along so good with them and im soo comfortable around them. i feel soo selfless though i mean why cant i get a guy the same age as me or older? am i not good enough, whats wrong with me? this is what i think all the time..no guy has ever asked me out and everyone is always soo shocked because everyone tells me how gorgeous i am and they're like are you serious..you never had a boyfriend? and im like yep, and they're like oh my god! woww...why your so pretty i mean you could get like any guy. i dont think im too picky, i just dont go for every guy that walks by me. i do have some flaws that bug me and that im self-conscious about like my NOSE. =\ im a huuuuge flirt. but im not annoying about it. i just dont know what im doing wrong! all the guys ive like in the past have had girlfriends, but yet they still flirt with me when im around them. we're still friends because i love hanging out with him, but it just reminds me of how much i like him. i just have the worst luck with guys. im not really that shy, im pretty outgoing. im not gonna change anything about me
just for one person. but to me, i think im a
normal teenage girl. alot of people say their jealous but i dont know what they're talking about i mean im not conceited, but i do have alot of confidence in myself. i dont know. what can i do!? me and my friends always go out, but NEVER any luck
well thank you so much (link)
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There are some reasons to this. Guys tend to...um..feel when someone is really wanting a boyfriend. to them, girls like that seem desperate. Girls who flirt ALOT are never that attractive. Do you ever display some interest about them or about something they like. ANd don't think aobut your lack of guy-getting skills as something wrong with you because when you believe something is wrong, so will others.
I suggest you think about your values, likes, dislikes and what you would really like in a guy. When you are certain of something go for it. And people who say you are too picky of your boyfriend/girlfried and ignorant. You can't just choose whoever comes your way.
Good Luck
-Zeph
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