about

I'm a one of a kind kinda woman, that much is true. My life experiences are amazing; my lessons have been many and many more to come! I've lived about 28 lives, and have acclimated to each one of them; so I'm a bit of a gypsy; able to be one of the locals whenever I land somewhere. I've had alot of pain in my life and alot of lessons have been learned; that's why I'd be a VERY GOOD PERSON TO LISTEN TO: I know........alot. I hate it when people suffer; I'll listen to anything and everything you have to say and you may ask me anything you'd like. Rhona xxxx

advice

i posted a question on here recently about liking it when my boyfriend slaps me, bites me, smacks me, etc. we only started doing stuff like this the other day, and only when i ask him to.

but today something happened that kind of threw me off guard and worried me a bit. see, he's the type who doesnt believe in using "unnatural" drugs. like, anything that isn't weed or shrooms. (he's made it quite clear that if i do anything other than those two substances, he'll leave me) but today i was trying to be honest with him and told him about some experimenting that i contributed in with one of my friends several months ago. after i told him he slapped me. it didnt harm me, but i was still shocked. i hadn't asked him to, and he's never been the type to hit me when he's angry. he felt horrible and apologized when he noticed that i didn't like it.

i forgave him but it got me to thinking; since i've told him that i get off from being slapped, i'm concerned that maybe this will give him permission to slap me even when i don't ask for it. i only ask to be slapped, obviously, when i'm in "the mood". i'm sure he knows that, but i also think i should talk to him about it. since the non-consentual hitting has only happened once, should i not be concerned?

I'm concerned. I had a similar situation with an ex-bf and it accelerated from consentual to me being his punching bag. I'm a smart girl, stayed away from him for a month; decided that the year we'd been together was a waste. When he showed up in a month with flowers, gifts and tears, he said, "I'm so sorry; it will never happen again"
(translation: you've brought out the controlling asshole in me and now you're in big trouble). That was oh so true. I had to 'run away' to college several states away and he'd turned into a maniac; trying to find me, completely against his nature. Or was it?

Your bf is controlling you, too. If he weren't, he wouldn't have forbidden you to experiment, would have wanted you to experience different things, people and situations, but NO! You were to obey his rules- OTHERWISE HE WOULDN'T HAVE SLAPPED YOU!!!!!

Then he felt bad because you 'didn't like it'???????? You'd just confessed something to him that he didn't like and his reaction was to SLAP (punish) you. He was angry. He didn't slap you for fun. He slapped you because he's overstepped the boundary; and the boundary is in bed- nowhere else, and never as retaliation against a RULE! Screw his rules and screw HIM for reacting with anger by slapping you when he KNEW he was doing it out of anger; then pretending that he was shocked that you weren't THRILLED about it~!

Everything starts by 'happening once'. It's also a clever way for women to deny that they're with a batterer. You can either take a chance and talk to him and MAYBE it was just an 'accident', but it just doesn't add up. Take a good look at it and whatever you do; when you speak to him, understand that HE BELIEVES what he's saying, "It won't happen again." Trust me; that's as sincere as he's going to be in that moment, but it's the future behavior that's going to tell you whether you should or shouldn't have 'been concerned'.

You NEED to be concerned, girlfriend, that was WRONG. 1x or 10000x- it's WRONG.

Watch yourself; let me know if this helps- I really am concerned!

xx rhona

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Thank you so much for responding to me:)
I am giving myself a little time away from the young lady. I think it is just best. I am confused, yes, we have all been there.
When my mother passed away, I was sixteen. It did not hit me until I was eighteen years old. My mother never played a major role in my life. I knew a time was coming, where it was all going to hit me at once and it did a little over a year ago. I really started realizing that my mother was no where to be found. When it hit me, I hit rock bottom. I stopped chasing my dreams and I stopped everything at that point of time.
Now, I am about to leave across United States and attend college, made the cheerleading team, and I received a full ride scholarship.
I am confused but at the same time, I need to understand that time will only tell. This is the time in my life where I need a mother most. Help me get ready for college and watch me leave the nest. But..No she is no where around. I am assuming this is the time where I take the world on by myself.
xoxo

Hi,
I wish I knew your name because I feel like I know you. Actually, I feel as though you're alot like me. Our situations are sort of similar, though I'm def not 19 anymore....but I was! And I had two parents in Chicago growing up; my mom mostly criticized and kept a close eye on me (she wasn't the best mom, sorry to say and did alot of damage to me-her oldest kid and only daughter). So they shipped me off mid-year from freezing Chicago to Central Florida to go to school; alone.

A month or so later I started getting phone calls from "home". my brother crying to me, saying Mom and Dad were getting a divorce (I tried to reassure him but..) then friends calling wanting to know why we had a FOR SALE sign in front of our family house. Talk about confused! It was true, though, I finally got my mother to tell me that my father just walked out on her and my two brothers, 17 and 12...he's fallen in love with someone else and moved downtown with her. It was devastating, blah, blah, and yet I was a college student; and college students want to have one thing: FUN! I could deny the truth by being a college kid, but when summer came, my mother had moved to CA with the boys and "I assumed that this was the time where I take the world on by myself."

But that wasn't exactly the truth. I knew I had to go through the motions and put one foot in front of the other, but I was deathly afraid for the semester to end: everyone would leave for the summer and I was going to have to find an apartment for myself in this tiny town; with nobody I knew. To make things worse (or better, as I discovered later), I'd fallen in love with Bradley- from Nassau, Bahamas. We were madly in love but he had a student visa and had to go home for the summer.

I REALLY CAME UNGLUED WHEN I REALIZED I WAS ALL ALONE; not just in that apartment, but my entire family had been shattered and I was so far away I was helpless. We were all so hurt that nobody could help the other person- it was so painful- and I can now officially tell you that it's only through pain that we LEARN OUR GREATEST LESSONS AND GAIN OUR GREATEST QUALITIES. I've learned that you either stay in pain, or you look for a way to make the pain worthwhile in your life.

So that's the story of MY 19 year old college experience, and I hope you can see that I MADE IT. I'm still here and sending my own children off to college; something I'm willing to do with you. Sounds a little crazy? Well, I'm a little crazy. Just ask my 19 yr. old William, or my 18 year old Paige! Last year I did the whole mother thing sending William 3 hours away to school and it was TYPICAL MOTHER BEHAVIOR. At home I cried and cried; then I got used to it. My daughter is going to be a nurse, so she got an apt. closeby and will attend a college here. Where's here? I'm in Sarasota, FL, and if you're moving across country, tell me: EAST OR WEST? (by the way, my Will got a full ride, too- good for you guys!!!!).
So tell me what school, etc.........you never know.

My email address is rhonapage@comcast.net. I'm an easy person to talk to, so TALK TO ME! You aren't alone girlfriend; you've got ME! And I'll be happier than happy to take on the role of your PC Mom......if you'll let me. We'll talk by email and then by phone; you're a smart one, so I'm not worried about you, but I think you have alot on your mind that you mind need to purge. Purge away, sweetie, that's what I'm best at: UNDERSTANDING AND BEING COMPASSIONATE. I have tons of faith; and I, too, am starting a new phase in my life (so hard!), but I accepted I was going to have to take on the world; but not by myself! More about that later.

For now; just write me and tell me about your school and stuff, if you want, and in the next couple of weeks before you leave, I can be there for you to help you have that 'special someone' to call whenever you feel blue. Truth? I think you'll be blue for about 20 minutes; then you'll be Homecoming Queen. Life moves fast; stay in the moment and be very aware of that one moment; it's all you have. Enjoy it.

xxx Rhona

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Hello, my name is Avalon Hendricks and I am nineteen years old. About a month ago, I visited a dating website and I came across a beautiful girl. I was never attracted to females nor did I ever doubt my sexuality. We have not met yet, since I am leaving to college in a week, I will have to meet her when I come back home.
I lost my mother when I was sixteen years old. She died at a very young age. When I was less then a year old, she left her children and decided drugs were way too important.
Growing up, I always looked up to olderly women, my teachers etc. I was craving for a mother figure, someone that can give me motherly advice and be there for me. Now, I am really interested in this girl. She is 23 and she is very unique. I have been trying to get to know her through text messaging but it is like pulling teeth to get her to open up to me. I am falling head over heals for her. I need some help. I don't know if I am really a lesbian, or I am in search for a mother figure in my life?

You're wiser than your age if you already know that there could be another dimension to your relationship with this Unique woman. Feeling a different kind of love for her isn't unusual, since you crave a mother, and loving 'mothers' as you do, you question your sexual preferences. First you'd better look at how things were when your mother died, how you felt about her and whether she had a good or bad influence on you; regardless, it's hard as hell.

If you're over-texting her, then try to back off and give yourself some space to open up to lots of women who are older and who you could consider 'motherlike'. It's a great feeling. I'll be your mother- my kids are 18 and 19. I'm still 17. But! A good mother!

Take some time to make the space in your head and your heart to figure out at least A LITTLE bit about yourself; something you have to do alone. Pain has a way of forcing you to learn and learn and learn.

Let things happen in their own time; don't crowd time.

You'll be okay; you sound fine, and whatever you discover about yourself IS PERFECTLY FINE.

Hang in, honey
rhona xx

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Hey guys, I'm a 19 year old female and my boyfriend is 21. We have been together for four year in September.. Everyone around us is getting engaged and we have been together longer than anyone of them. I dont know if im jealous or worried. I have said to him I want to be engaged, he said no. It makes me feel like he doesnt love me that much to marry me. He says he wants to marry me but wants to wait. I want a big wedding, huge dress ect.. I understand to wait for the wedding, but why cant we be engaged? He says he wants to be able to buy me a huge ring and make sure its beautiful, but I dont want/need that right now, just a small right so show hes mine.. Because of this I have decided to go away to school in the fall. Maybe to test to see if he is my "one" or just to clear my head and enjoy being 19.. Im not sure. What are your intakes of this? Am i right to feel "not loved" or do you all agree with him?

Girlfriend,
Get out of town and go to SCHOOL. Forget how you feel unloved because he's not into marriage at 21 and you are at 19. He's not SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTED in marriage now; not yet. He just became a MAN for God's sake. I guarantee you, my friend, EVERY time you say or do or LOOK anything that resembles marriage, you're seriously pushing him away from you.

If you don't believe me, ask your brother or some other guy friend; you seriously need to back off and WORK ON YOUR LIFE while he does the same. Have your big wedding, just follow the right steps to get there, and simply take your 'wants' your 'lifelong dream' and ZIP IT~!! He knows what you want, so use self-control 100% of the time, otherwise get ready for a shocking heartache.

Good luck.
100% focus on YOU and no marriage talkk EVER~~~~~~~~
!!!!!!!!!!

XX RHONA















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why would a self described happily married woman,who recently had a child, flirt constantly and tease a single guy that she has known for a long time,,then complain to him constantly about her husband,hint at having sex with him,then refuse? Then,when the guy refuses all contact with her,she wants to pull him back in again? What sort of malady and neurosis is this?

I totally agree with Witty User...........women want attention and will try to get it at all costs!

xx Rhona

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My fiance mention, for like the third time, that he would like to try new things in the bedroom. His main interest seems to be on a threesome, which is something that he knows I have done in the past. The thing is, I don't want to share him (that's why I commited to him, because before him I only had friends with benefits) and I've told him how I feel. Knowing that he wants a threesome makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, and like he doesn't really want ME. Am I overracting? I do understand that he has only been with me, maybe he wants to experience someone else... or experience the things that I did before meeting him. I really would like a possible explanation on why he would ask for something that he knows bothers me to even think about.

Hi,
Tell him he's not going to be your fiance if he asks that question a FOURTH TIME!!!!!! (I wasn't finished with my answer and it disappeared!)

If you're going to get married, I'm assuming it's to ONE MAN; not one man and some chick off the street. Men are ALWAYS game for threesomes, so tell him that he;s got 2 choices: To shut up and never ask that question again or bring up the topic (since it's passed; dead and gone) OR to go find someone who's into 3somes and do it (till he realizes it's really just a fantasy and has no 'SUBSTANCE' to it like marriage does!).......It's either YOU or he can take a ride on the way-back machine and try to re-live a past that he'll never be able to locate! Of course you're not overreacting; he's deliberately saying something to you that bothers you..........DOES THAT MATTER TO HIM? Ask him; are you good enough TODAY to be his wife?

Good luck girlfriend,
Rhona xxx

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This guy asked me out last week and I didn't really know what to say. I DO want to go out with him but does that mean I should say, "YES," or what? I don't want to sound stupid or like a total dork when it comes to this. I fumbled around until we just laughed it off and I think I gave him the wrong impression because he hasn't called since. The next time something like this happens and a guy says, "Hey, you want to go out this weekend or some time?" what do I say back?!

Do your best NOT to be nervous about this question.........although I remember how unnerving it can be. I always had lots of guy friends, so I was able to make a joke like, "A date? With YOU??? hmmmmmmmm, lemme think about it for a-----------SURE!!!!!!! (HAPPILY) Why not? But I warn you; I expect to be treated like a princess (little glimmer in eye, sexy little smile)......so just keep that in mind, Boyfriend!"

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WORKS BETTER WHEN THERE'S HUMOR INVOLVED. JUST BE YOURSELF, MAKE SURE HE KNOWS WHO'S IN CHARGE, AND go for it!

As for the guy above, you could always go back to him and say, "HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR DATE?" He'll say something like "I didn't think you wanted to go" and you'll say, "You've got alot to learn about women; maybe I can teach you a thing or two!"

Just be a smartass! Have fun with it; you've got nothing to lose!

Good luck, Princess.........
xxxRhona

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