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Hello!!! I'm here to give you individualized personal advice. Whether you have questions about relationships, sex, friends, beauty tips, physical and mental health concerns and questions, I'll always try to give my most honest, non-judgmental, and kind advice :) Feel free to ask!Best Wishes!!!
advice
Dear Vikki
I'm 24 and from South Africa. I have been in a relationship for almost 7 months now and before that we were only friends. I love him a lot and care about him a lot, but at times I feel that my insecurities gets in the way and it ends up in us having an argument about something small and stupid. See we have a long distance relationship at the moment and it is mostly when he cannot have decent conversation at night because his busy and then I start thinking "maybe he doesn't want to talk to me" , "maybe he doesn't find me interesting anymore and he will leave me for someone else" and I do know that he cares for me a lot and that he loves me and as soon as I think I have these feelings under control, it creeps in again. I don't want to lose him, because I was insecure and clingy. I never was like this in the beginning. I was cheated on before and most of the times it is when I'm away from him, when we are together, I don't have it and because of this it makes things hard for me. I care about people real fast and they can actually hurt me with words. How do I get past this? How can I get past my insecurities and not be clingy when I feel like these emotions are creeping in? I'm not jealous when it comes to being his girlfriends, because I know what type of guy he is. I know he will never cheat on me, but because I don't always see myself as beautiful, I'm sometimes afraid he will leave me for someone more beautiful than me. The guy that cheated on me used to say to me, that I shouldn't think that someone can love me, because there feelings will change. I was so deeply hurt.
Is there any advice you can give me? Guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to that I don't know personally!
Thanks!
Hello!!!
First off you touched on many great points we all can learn from, so thank you for being so brave and putting your thoughts and feelings to words.
It's totally okay to be insecure! Everyone is, even the most Beautiful woman in the world, like models and actresses rated most beautiful woman, are super insecure! Why? Because security is something found within yourself, and it takes years to master, if not your whole life! So be patient with yourself :) it takes a true pro to accept this, and by accepting you are insecure, you are being very strong. Some people don't get that far. My favorite quote is, "my weakness is my strength". Your imperfect perfections makes you gorgeous, and more importantly you are gorgeous!!! Why? Because in our society where shallow view points on beauty is valued so highly, true beauty is being overlooked. Your boyfriend see's that in you, and you yourself see the beauty of you in him, or else there would not be such a great attraction that would keep you going long distance (cheers to that!) It is up to you to realize you are beautiful. Unfortunately, even those that love you, can not do that for you. Start with exercises like this. Write post it's and stick it on your mirror of what you find beautiful about yourself. It could be things your bf has said, it can be something a family member or friend has said. Something you love about yourself. "Good morning gorgeous!", is my favorite to stick to my fridge after a long night, and a very "feeling unattractive morning". Even if I don't feel it, it makes me smile. Then start saying it aloud to yourself in the mirror. Good morning beautiful. Then move on to say, I am beautiful. The reason your ex said all those things about you, is because he felt him about himself. In all honesty, no truly beautiful person ever says such things, unless they want to feel better then you. So what does that mean? If he wanted to feel better then you by saying that, it means he felt a lot worse. Remove yourself from all people in your life that make your feel inferior, a lot of the times they do that is because they see how stunning you are, and how crappy they feel compared to you. By remove I mean, ignore those that judge you, and make you feel like crap. Accept and allow yourself to let those in that accept you for you and see your beauty. Don't have a lot of those people? Once you start those small exercises, your gonna start getting annoyed with those who don't believe what you believe. Because after a while of repeating it over and over, You will start to see your beauty. If a boss comes hard on you, accept you are not perfect and realize there is no such thing! Perfection is in our head! If a friend or family ember says something that you feel you don't deserve. Walk away, ask yourself is tree anything you can do to make then feel differently, if the answer is no, it's there issue. Most of the time it will always be the other persons issue, weather we realize it or not. So repeat that too. You can't wear other people's issues. I never saw other people's issue being worn on runways in Milan but we as humans always seem to do it. Don't do it. Stop yourself, and realize your wonderful qualities. And that it's not your issue.
Now to trust. It is always hard to trust when it comes to relationships in general. You realize in the end though it's not so much as the trust between two people that is affecting you and your significant other but the trust between you and yourself. Meaning, how can you trust your boyfriend, or anyone for that matter when you can not trust the fact that you, yourself, picked someone worth trusting. You must trust your judgement that this guy is someone who will not ever want to deliberately hurt you. Then you must accept the fact no matter what.... And this is hard to wrap your head around and accept, so bare with me, you will get hurt. Life, unfortunately, is about pain and hurt, and what one does to spin that into gold. Hurt makes us stronger, hurt helps us prepare for hard outcomes we can't change, hurt makes us more empathetic and better humans beings. Weather you want to or not, hurt will come. And no wall or prevention will change that. So accept that hurt is apart of life, and can only make you a better person. I know!!! Not easy, but like I said, these are life lessons. Now piggybacking off that idea.... You can not stop anyone from hurting you, weather your bf says something, or does something that hurts you, you can not prevent it. Why? Because it has nothing to do with you. It is his choice. So no matter how hard you fear what pain may or may not come from the course of your relationship, realize that cheating is a choice. Moving on from a relationship is a choice. Staying together, and giving each other the respect you both deserve is also a choice. Your bf seems he's making the choice to stay with you, and respect your relationship! Trust yourself that you've picked someone who will do that, and give you the respect you deserve. However if he does respect you in anyway, realize it is not your fault! It is his. Let it go. Do whatever you can to deal with the hurt, and heal yourself. Back to, this is not your issue. You can't stop night and day from coming. Or the seasons. Everything always has it's way. But this is just pro active thinking, to help you trust him more. When you realize this is you, you need to trust, listen to your gutt feeling, not your desires, and accept him cheating is a choice, and pain in apart of being a better more beautiful person (though it sucks) you are better prepared for this long distance relationship.
Which brings me to my last point: long distance relationships are hard!! I am telling you from personal experience and most of my friends being in long distance relationships at one point, some still. The distance will test you! Test your nerves, your faith in each other, your own inner strength. Do not let it break you. Learn from it, realize that it's not the distance but it's who you are as people that the distance is mirroring. Weather if he is next to you, or millions of miles away sooner or later you would have to deal with all of your insecurities on your own. You would have to accept your beautiful and your bf loves you. You would have to accept life in painful, but sometimes worth the pain for the amazing feelings to come. You would have to trust yourself, and those around you worth loving. So stay strong, and remember to always speak to him. If you feel your calling at a bad time, listen to your gutt. Not your desires or negative thoughts. Always aim for positive thoughts. Make positive thoughts louder then negative. If he says he can't talk, understand. Just ask when is a better time. If you feel he is avoiding you, ask him, don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. He should be more then willing to accept it, and if he can't realize it has nothing to do with you, even if he says it does. It's him. Because you are imperfectly perfect and beautiful, and he has to realize that to be worthy for you as his girlfriend. Do not be afraid to do what's best for you. If you feel this isn't working, understand that if it doesn't work distance whise, it may eventually not work in a normal relationship setting. Do not blame yourself. Always trust in your own beauty and self. Every relationship is different. Never let your own past, or other people's relationships affect you. At the end of the day this is your life! You have control, and I'm more then positive you will always understand you are beautiful, and you will always take care of you.
Okay... So that is my very long advice :) but I hope I touched on everything and it helped :) I wish you positive luck and wishes with you, your boyfriend and your long distance relationship, and positive thoughts and wishes to the relationship with yourself. :) And you really are amazing... I can tell by your letter to me. Never doubt it!
Good luck!!!
My bro's best friend has liked me since I was in 7 grade. Right now he's a junior and im a freshman. He started noticing me first and I instantly fell for him. My bro knows I like him but he doesn't believe his friend likes me. We havent exactly told each other we like each other but we can kind of tell. But sometimes he ignores me and talks about other girls and I do the same to make him jealous. He stares at me a LOTTT. Also he has a lot of anxiety and he claims he has a cold heart and a lot of people find it hard to read him because he's always blank. Also, Im Muslim and can't date so my parents dont know. But anyway sometimes there's days where he talks to me a lot and he occasionally hugs me a lot and then there's days he ignores me and I feel like he's completely over me. Then every time I think he doesn't like me anymore, he starts showing signs and it seems he does. This guy also isn't flirty and isn't touchy but he touches me more than other girls however when he's with me he'll bring up girls and idk if its to make me mad or what. Anyway he told my brother I'm obsessed with him and its weird the other day which is completely untrue because most of the times he talks to me! And even other people have told my brother that its weird how he's always touching me. But when my brother told me his friend said this about me I was pissed off and decided to ignore him for a whole week straight and I could tell he was waiting for me to talk to him and he stared at me a lot but we started casually talking again. But I'm still confused on why he did this and does he actually like me? Did he make that up to cover up that he likes me? I really don't know and I'm sorry this is confusing.
It seems there's a lot going on. This guy is definitely sending you mixed messages! He could like you, and not want to admit it, maybe because he doesn't want it to be awkward between your brother and him? Or he could (and I hope this isn't the case) just like the attention, and be leading you on. Why? Some people feel better about themselves when they have tons of girls, or guys vying for their attention. He's certainly not being mature about it, and he's not coming out and saying anything positive about you to his brother. So why not ask him how he feels?
Scary and a presumptuous thing to do, but you have to ask him, or be honest about your feelings towards him. Only then will you really know what's going on. This is probably really hard to do, and no one at any age wants to be the one to do it. But you have to be mature. Relationships take honesty and maturity, so ask him how he feels. If you happen to have his number, avoid texting, if you want the truth, a lot of stuff gets distorted through text, because we can't see people's actual expressions.
Find a moment where you can speak with him in private, and ask him yourself, face to face. Just go up to him and say, "Hey! Are you free? I have a question I need you to answer." If he asks you then and there what it's about, and it's not the best time say, "It's not that serious, it's just been on my mind. Let's talk alone later?" Then suggest a time you both can talk in private.
It seems really forward, but being honest and maturity will stop this confusion. And remember no matter what comes of this, know that you can and will move on. Move on with grace, maturity, honesty and kindness. No matter what happens. In the end, you have to remember you're absolutely worth being honest and mature for, and if he can't do that, he's not worth it. No more games :) !!
Sending Best Wishes & Good Luck!
I'm in a very serious long distance relationship and it's at the point where a trip doesn't fit in either of our schedules for a very long time...55 days.
I love him so much, but I feel sad and anxious a lot...
I was wondering if anyone had any songs that are helpful or calming for situations like this?
I've been in multiple long distance relationships. I don't know what genre of music you're into, so I'll give you a song from each genre:
Gym Class Heroes- Get Your Ass Back Home
Wish You Were Here- Hey Monday
Hey Baby- Stephen Marley
Hey Baby- Stephen Marley Feature Mose Def
Hey Baby- Stephen Marley Acoustic Version
Frozen Oceans- Shiny Toy Guns
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)- The Proclaimers
Many the Miles- Sara Bareilles
Jet Lag- Simple Plan Ft. Natasha Bedingfeild
Long Distance Love- Tamia
Have a Little Faith- Michael Franti & Spearhead
Please Mr. Postman- The Marvelettes
Your Still One- Shania Twain
Owl City Vanilla Twilight
Long Distance- Bruno Mars
Life House-You And Me
The Gossip - Love Long Distance & The same song but Fake Blood Remix
Whenever Wherever - Shakira
Cosmic Love- Florence and The Machine
Can't Hurry Love- Supremes
California King Bed- Rihanna
The Distance- Hot Chella Rea
Kiss Me Thru The Phone- Soulja Boy
So Far Away- Carole King
Stik Wit U- The PussyCat Dolls
Collide- Howie Day
Gloria- Michael Franti & Spearhead
Long Distance Relationship- Asia Cruise
It Won't Be Long- The Beatles
Jack's Mannequin- Bruised
Embrace- Shakira
Bring It Home- Little Big Town
A Thousand Miles- Vanessa Carlton
The Only Thing Missing Was You- Michael Franti & Spearhead
Aerosmith- I Don't Want to Miss a Thing
Down- Jay Sean
Where Are you Now- Michelle Branch
Secondhand Serenade- Your Call
International Love- Chirs Brown Ft. Pitbull
Telephone- Sheen Easton
I Miss You- Blink 182
Brandy- Long Distance
Beach Boys- Wouldn't it Be Nice
Avril Lavigne- Wish You Were Here
I'll Be Waiting- Michael Franti & Spearhead
I mixed some happy songs in there with the theme of being apart, or songs that can just help you get through the time you're apart so you don't worry and your not just listening to a bunch of sad songs! I hope you like it!!!
Good Luck & My Best Wishes!!! :)
15/f hes 15/m im a capricorn and hes a taurus if that means anything but it helps me. im going to try to make this as short as possible. anyway this guy i've been talking to for about a month we have a lot of classes together and we talk and text alot i feel like i've been best friends with him my whole life. we started talking and we found out that we are physically each others types and we wouldnt mind hooking up and being friends, since we already are, kinda like a friends with benefits thing. but then when we were gonna hang out and hook up, he suddenly couldnt so we were gonna hang out that week, so i was like ok (this was about a month ago) but i never got his text to hangout so then that day he told me over text that he likes me and kinda has feelings for me and i didnt tell him i liked him until two days later and but then he started getting kidna shady and it felt weird becasue he didnt ask me out or anything and still flirty with other girls, becasue thats how he is and he said he wasnt intrested in any of them. so i just told him flat out that i dont want this to be weird so lets go back to being friends and if we hook up then i guess it happens. then like two days ago i guess our feeling for each other never diminshed because he wouldnt tell me who he liked and said he would only tell me if i told him, becasue this time i think he was scared i would reject him becasue i told him i would probablly never want to be serious with him. and so the next day he finally told me how he felt that he still kinda has feelings for me and likes me. when he told me over text that he liked me it was bittersweet i guess you could say because i like him, we would hookup, i like him as a person/friend but then he just made things so complicated again! this is the whole reason i wanted to back to being friends again. so far i havent told him how i felt but the thing is what am i supposed to do? i dont think he's gonna ask me out, not that i want that, becasue im not sure if i want a relalitonship. but its like i dont get it like he likes me, he wants to hook up, were still frineds but no relationship, and i think i want the same..is that bad? BUT i havent seen him two days which is when he told me he like med, and he hasnt texted me in a day which is weird for him, and now i think he feels awkward because he said he liked me but i never told him that i liked him and now i dont know what to do before this get awkward and lose my friendship with him or something bad happens i dont know what to say to him? thanksss also i feel like im going crazy because i like him but he flirts with girls in front of me and then we get into fights and i just dont know what to do
Have you ever maybe thought that he flirts with girls in front of you, because he wants to see your reaction? He sounds like he does like you, but before you do the friends with bens thing, make sure that your both honest with your feelings. Are you really okay with not committing? Can you imagine him hooking up with you, and then him hooking up with another girl in front of you, or visa versa? You may want ask him seriously if he's willing to start a real relationship with you. In the end your feelings will aways be your feelings, and the decisions you make won't change them, but may help. So if you decide to remain friends make sure it's what you really want. If you want to take a chance, remember that in any relationship it's a risk of fighting, and getting hurt. You have to accept that, and way the pro's and con's. So speak to him about it, after you decide what you really want. Remember that in any situation feelings will develop, and expressing those feelings in a healthy way is what will make your friendship and relationship stronger, and remember don't be afraid to get your feelings hurt, or something bad happening. I've read that feelings getting hurt is a good thing believe it or not, it means we've tried for something wonderful.
Good Luck & Best Wishes!!!
ALrighty well Im 13/f and I have had 2 boyfriend before but all I ever did with them and I layed the barriers was we kissed and thats it. Nothing further. I have liked this guy who we can call Sam since the beginning of the summer (he is 12/m). We flirted and talked all summer and on August 19th, we admitted to each other that we liked each other more than a friend. The next day, I left for my cottage. I got no reception up north so I had to due with not talking to him for a week. When I got back from my cottage, he started ignoring me. Im not sure what happened. It was as if I didnt exist or was invisible or something =/ I really started to like him more and more each day. I reread all of our old conversations from the summer and cried myself to sleep almost everynight. (Please no comments of my age and dating people). He ignored me for a bit more than a month. On October 5th, I got off the bus with one of my friends and he got off at the same stop with his friend. We all ended up meeting at the park and what ended up happening is that I sat on his lap on a swing since there was none left and he had his arms around me and we were laughing and smiling as if he didnt ignore me for the past month. He walked me home after it got late and held my hand the entire way. He also gave me a hug. I didnt think it was possible for us to get so close within a few hours. That whole weekend, we hung out. But, on October 9, he mustve changed his mind again. He ignored me again. Im not even sure why!!! He is always on my mind and I think about him day and night. I look at the pictures we took together everynight and try to sleep but have to cry myself to sleep all the time. It hurts me to see him at school so happy with his friends. But then, the other day, I was hanging out with my friends (the popular group) and we were walking over to these benches at our school to sit and Sam, and two of his friends walked over and sat on one of them and these younger grades were on the other. We decided to sit on the ground instead. Then, Sam decided to throw a rock at me and get my attention. We threw rocks back and forth and he was smiling at me and laughing and I saw him like he was when we hung out that weekend and in the summer. He left for a hockey tournament yesterday and now I just dont know what to do. Im chasing my dreams though no matter what. I have a good feeling about him. My friends say to wait one more year until highschool but I dont wanna. I like Sam alot! So what do u think I should do? I have seriously given you alot of info here so I need some opinions? Please help!!!
Hello!!!
It might not be that he doesn't like you back, it sounds like he does, but you won't know where he stands unless you ask him about his feeling for your himself. I know that a lot of girls want the guy to come up to him, but maybe it's best that you ask him because it seems you can't wait anymore. I would suggest getting him alone, and putting yourself out there. It's a risk, but it's better to know. Keep an eye on the one minute he ignores you, and the next your best friends. You can ask him why he does that, but don't say it like, "Why do you ignore me sometimes?", say, "I get the feeling that sometimes you don't want to speak to me, did I do something wrong?" I hope it works our amazingly well, and remember that you deserve the world, so if he doesn't like you, then he's blind :)
Best Wishes & Good Luck!
12F, Okay so theres this guy at my school and i like his personality A LOT and hes really cute right so today we had a silent dismisal for this thing going on at my school. The busses had beeen late and we were talking and tazzering (like tickling) each other and then i go to give him a high five with both hands and he grabbs them and huggs me and touched my ass he has done this before. He had also been play fighting with me and grabbed my leg and was walking around playing with me not in a sexuall way.
P.S.he is 13.
How exciting! Sounds like he does. Just remember that liking someone in a physical way is different then liking you in an emotional way. Make sure for it goes both ways! For example make sure he that he doesn't like your ass more then your personality. Also you won't know until you ask him right?? So one day when you guys are alone, ask him if he likes you. Good Luck and hope this helps!!
Best wishes!!!
My boyfriend Brian and I have dated for a year now. Everything in the realationship is great and everything but there's one thing that my parents and myself worry about: the drive to work. We worked at the same supermarket for a month then he quit because he said that he felt stressed there. U wasn't going to argue with him if he felt that way so he quit. But I worried that in the future if and when we take a further step into the.relationship if he's going.to still lack that drive to work. I love him, he's such a sweet guy, romantic respectful everything. And he tells me he wants to work but when he applies no one ever calls him.
What should I do??
I don't plan on breaking up with him...
Help
17/f 18/m
Hello!!
It's natural to worry about a guy you like not having any ambition, you want him too, so you can create a life together, but I think the real thing to focus on is has he found something that he's passionate enough about, to work for? That might be the drive he's missing; the passion. Also make sure that his choices aren't affecting yours, that you continue to hold on to your drive.
His life is not yours. You have a lot ahead of you, and you have to accept that most of your ambitious plans for yourself, may not be his. You can't force him to change, he has to want to change on his own. If that's his only vice then figure out is it a big enough to impact your relationship. Do you need to be with someone that has constant drive? Or can you focus on yourself, and be with someone who's more willing to be laid back in the work field?
When you decide to take your step further, and he hasn't been putting any work out, or even making an incentive to work towards his passion, then you have to make a decision, and be very clear with him, that it might not be the best situation if you end up supporting him. You have to be honest with him, and let him know how you feel. If he loves you, then he'll at least hear you out.
So the real question is not does he have the drive to work, but does he have the drive to work with you? If he does then you must make sure you go for whatever dreams you have, without his choices affecting yours.
Best!
-L
15/f
So, there's a guy that I'm friends with that I've known for about 4 years, but we weren't really friends till a couple months ago. He randomly started messaging me on Facebook, then he pulled the "I'm getting off Facebook, what's your number?" stunt, so I have him my number (we're friends). This was a week ago, and now he texts me every single day, from the hour after school gets out till he goes to bed. I don't mind the texting, cuz I enjoy talking to him. I like him, but only as a friend. Anyway, he has been sending VERY flirtatious texts, and has told me multiple times that I'm sexy and very attractive, and that I'm his type. I've just said thank you. Then, he's asked me if he's attractive back, and I didn't want to be mean so I said yes (he IS attractive, I just don't like him that way) He's been flirting with me over text, and I've been unintentionally flirting back, but I haven't explicitly said anything about liking him.
Tonight, when he was going to bed and saying goodnight, he said that he liked me. However, it was in a longer text, so I sort of ignored that part and just filled my response with a bunch of "hahahahas" and ;). The thing is, this guy is pretty cute and he's really nice and smart, and I probably would go out with him, except there's another guy that I'm really good friends with that I have a massive crush on. I don't want to go out with the one that likes me because I like the other guy. Basically, I dont want to give this guy a chance in a relationship because then the guy I like will think I'm not interested.I'm certain this guy will mention that he likes me again, over text. How do I say I don't like him? And how do I respond to his flirty texts without flirting back? Thank you!
I have been in a situation where a guy had gotten the wrong impression because I would come over to use his air hockey table. Boys can be really dense sometimes, especially if they like someone. They want to believe so bad that the other person feels the same way. The best thing for you to do it stop the winking, the flirting, cool off for a while. If he texts you, try to keep it as platonic as possible. Then you have to be honest and say, you know I enjoy speaking to you, and I consider you a great friend, but I don't want to lead you on because you're a great person! I like you as a friend, but I don't see it going farther then that. I'm sorry, but you deserve honesty, and that's honestly how I feel. It's really easy to unintentionally give someone the wrong impression, so just be really clear with him! If he's mature he'll get over it, and you can move on to the boy you have a massive crush on, but remember it's not your fault you feel a certain way, and there isn't really much you can do about it, except try to be mature and honest. It's okay if you feel bad, but you can't let that stop you from not only being honest with him, but being honest with yourself :)
Good Luck & Best Wishes!!
15/f and hes 15/f we've known each other since elemenatary school but we never i think had a class together or in middle school never really had classes together that we even talked in or hungout in the same crowds. but now that im a freshamn the classes are kinda divided into really smart, average, and below average. so we are both in the average classes and we have like every class together and talk in most of them. he got my number and we started talking(texting) about a month ago and we got along really really well if felt like we were really good friends for a long time. we are good friends i think of him almost like a brother to me becasue we can just talk about anyhting and everything and were just really open with eachother, i mean i get along really well with guys growing up with brothers but i could talk to this guy about my period for gods sake haha and we have like everything in common and he talks to me about girls and i dont really care that much and vice versa. but then he started giving me compliments about what a nice body i have and i didnt really take it seriously becasue i do get that alot from guys and im not a slut at all im not even a flirty girl i get that i come off rather cold and he is a flirty guy so we do balance each other out. and so then he started talking about hooking up and we both think each other is really attractive and so we were gonna hook up (just like makeout nothing more) and then we both started getting feelings for each other within that week but we never hooked up. he told me he like me first and then i said i liked him a little bit, but within like two or three days he got kinda shady and i didnt even know if i wanted a relationship so i jsut said like listen i dont want to ruin our friendship lets just go back to being friends. and i dont care if we hook up now i kind of want to but i didnt tell him this but if it happens it happens haha but he has been hinting at me that he kinda wants to. and to be honest i dont think it will be a bad thing because i told him flat out that i would not want a relationship thats serious with him i just want to be friends and then he said yeah same but he also wanted to hookup but thats it. like say we hook up and then next week he hooks up with another girl and i hookup with another guy i dont think it will really bother us. we both just want to be really casaul, still be friends with an open relationship but hook up occasioanly. the only thing is i am not very flirty, and i take my time wanting to like someone, so now that the weird phase of us liking each other is over now if we hookup i dont want to get feelings for him, i dont want to like him but i think i might becasue he just gets everything about me and i really like him as a person and i've told him that. so i dont know what to do..i feel like im in limbo with him and dont know what to. im a very direct person and we have really great communication so i've told him all this before and im confused what i want out of this?? thanksss
Friends with benefits is a really hard thing to do for most people. 9 out of 10 times someone catches feelings which is normal. Especially at 15, when one day you may feel one way, and the next will be completely different. So if you're going to do the friends with bens thing you have to be totally honest with yourself.
Close your eyes and picture you hooking up with him, then picture him walking away and going to hook up with another girl right in front of your face, not caring a single bit. Does it bother you? If so then you might want to re-think this. When mixing romantic emotions things can get complicated, so you must be very clear with yourself and the other individual.
Also, going into any type of relationship with anyone is risky. You have to accept the fact that you are gambling and you might loose, but always know that no matter what you are fabulous, and you can not accept anything less then what you deserve. So if you think you deserve him committing tot you, then you need to resist temptation, and say, "Look I truly like you, and care about you, but I also truly care about myself, so if you can't commit then I think we should just keep things as they are". If he doesn't want to commit he's most likely worth having as a friend, but not as a boyfriend.
If you decided that you can really put emotions aside and keep it casual, then try to be aware of when feelings are developing. You can't control that from happening unfortunately, take it from someone who wished they could control their own feelings. Remember hooking up can be fun, but you are also dealing with your own feelings, as well as someone else's. It's still a type of relationship. So be aware, and be honest with with what you want. Remember that you deserve to be happy, and it should all be okay with whatever decision you make it should be a learning experience for the future.
Best Wishes!!
F/15
I know some of you might think i'm a little young, but there's this boy who I miss terribly. Him and I broke up about 2 weeks ago I think. We almost dated for a month and I know what you're thinking but we have known each other for a while and we have dated before. Anywhore he broke up with me because I was jealous of one of his friends who is a girl and she would always have her hands on him, she was always either messing with him or hitting him and obviously I didn't like it. One day i confronted him about it and told him I didn't like it. He told me that if I didn't like it then it wouldn't happen again. I said okay and just kept an eye on him. Well she was still messing with him all the time, but I just started to let it go even though it was killing me. One day i saw that she was on his back and he was giving her a piggy-back ride. I did not like that one bit so I finally said something to him about it. He kept assuring me that she was just a friend, but I reminded him of his promise. Then I eventually got sick of fighting with him and said I was sorry and he told me he knew I wasn't and he knew that every time he was around her I was going to get jealous even if I said it was okay. Then he broke up with me saying he couldn't be with someone like me. I was soooo sad. And lately I've been missing him so much and I know with how I am I'm never going to get him back. He doesn't talk to me any more and I feel like he hates me. How can I get over him? We used to be bestfriends, how do I get that back? Oh and sorry about the whole big long story. I guess I needed to vent a little too....
Venting is really healthy so no apologies necessary :) !!! 15 or not, feelings are feelings, and when you loose someone you care for it can really hurt, not matter what age, or how serious. No matter what age. Some people still pine over people they haven't even kissed. I'm not saying they should go up to them, and smack them, or make unhealthy choices because of this, but I am saying it's okay to have feelings.
I'm very sorry to hear about your break up. Break ups, are never anyone's fault believe it, or not. It's what happens when two people realize that if they continue their romantic relationship they would not only be making each other unhappy, but also they would be living in unhappiness themselves. Only when two people are truly happy with themselves, and each other, no matter their habits, friends, or imperfections, can a relationship have the potential to work, but you have to find a guy that matches you. It sounds like you saw a chemistry between your ex, and his friend, that made you uncomfortable. Which it totally okay!!! A lot of girls get uncomfortable when a bf of theirs has a special relationship with someone of the opposite sex that could replace them. It's normal and a natural human instinct to get a little jealous in a situation like that. But if this happens again in future relationships, don't let jealousy morph into insecurity and lack of trust. That's one thing that will ruin a relationship every time. You need to trust the individual completely. If you still see red flags, then you have trust your gutt. Your the one that has to be happy, so if what he's doing is making you unhappy and he's not willing to change then you need to make yourself happy, even if the choice you make may be hard and painful. But, if he truly cares, and loves you he won't even think of cheating on you with someone else, I promise, because he would respect you way too much, the same way you respect yourself. Any guy that does anything other then that is not worth it!
It seems that he wasn't willing to compromise and neither were you. Maybe in the future, when he gets over it, (because, I promise you, eventually he will even if it's hard to see now) you guys can maybe become friends again, if you both decide that it's okay! You'd be surprised how things can change. But for now I would say take advantage of being single, and try to enjoy all the little things in life that make you happy, while focusing on yourself. Get involved in anything that makes you happy, hang out with friends. Get up on a weekend, and ask yourself... what do I feel like doing for me today. Your 15, so you totally have every excuse in the world to be a little selfish (just don't step on anyone toes, metaphorically speaking)
You also have to go through what I like to call relationship withdrawal, which can happen with anyone you care about, (friends, boyfriends, people you genuinely look up too) which is part of the healing process, but that's a sign to accept your feelings. Handle them in healthy ways, talk them out with family, and close friends you can trust with your feelings. Write them out when you randomly become sad then rip it up, and burn it, or keep it in a time capsule so you can open it up in 10 years and laugh. I promise, time, and self love and appreciation with a mixture of focusing on the positive and fun stuff can heal you, and help you get over him. Also accepting your feelings, and trying not to blame yourself, while taking it as a learning experience for you. But be patient with yourself, you won't realize that you've healed till you're healed :)