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He lacks the drive to work
My boyfriend Brian and I have dated for a year now. Everything in the realationship is great and everything but there's one thing that my parents and myself worry about: the drive to work. We worked at the same supermarket for a month then he quit because he said that he felt stressed there. U wasn't going to argue with him if he felt that way so he quit. But I worried that in the future if and when we take a further step into the.relationship if he's going.to still lack that drive to work. I love him, he's such a sweet guy, romantic respectful everything. And he tells me he wants to work but when he applies no one ever calls him.
What should I do??
I don't plan on breaking up with him...
Help
17/f 18/m
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You should keep your eyes open and remember that if someone doesn't want the kind of life you do, then that someone isn't the right long-term partner for you.
I'm not saying 'Break up with him'. You are both still quite young and there could be other things going on here (depression, other education goals, 'finding oneself') that are obstacles or periods that will pass for him.
But if they don't pass - if this becomes a permanent state - then that is probably a deal breaker for you. We can't live off of romance alone and it's not respectful or sweet to expect someone else to provide for you.
Frankly. You should also speak to him about this.
It's perfectly possible to ask him about what was stressing him and the value of staying/quitting without 'questioning his feelings'. Of course his feelings are his own, but you are his girlfriend - one of the closest people to him in his life - and he actually might need you to ask some clear questions about his choices to help him reflect on them himself.
Loving someone and being in a relationship doesn't mean just sitting back and watching what the other person does. It also means speaking up for what you want in life, and what you are seeing and experiencing. Respecting someone doesn't mean automatically agreeing with their every choice, or never talking about your concerns about those choices.
Yes, it's very difficult, and very delicate, to tell someone you are concerned about their goals and their choices, but living in confusion and resentment can be much worse.
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Hello!!
It's natural to worry about a guy you like not having any ambition, you want him too, so you can create a life together, but I think the real thing to focus on is has he found something that he's passionate enough about, to work for? That might be the drive he's missing; the passion. Also make sure that his choices aren't affecting yours, that you continue to hold on to your drive.
His life is not yours. You have a lot ahead of you, and you have to accept that most of your ambitious plans for yourself, may not be his. You can't force him to change, he has to want to change on his own. If that's his only vice then figure out is it a big enough to impact your relationship. Do you need to be with someone that has constant drive? Or can you focus on yourself, and be with someone who's more willing to be laid back in the work field?
When you decide to take your step further, and he hasn't been putting any work out, or even making an incentive to work towards his passion, then you have to make a decision, and be very clear with him, that it might not be the best situation if you end up supporting him. You have to be honest with him, and let him know how you feel. If he loves you, then he'll at least hear you out.
So the real question is not does he have the drive to work, but does he have the drive to work with you? If he does then you must make sure you go for whatever dreams you have, without his choices affecting yours.
Best!
-L
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