Hi.
So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. We're both 18 and have both almost finished our first year at University. Recently I've become very unhappy. I lost all my friends due to something really stupid and also because my boyfriend and I pretty much live in each others pockets, so I was always blowing my friends off to be with him. So anyway, next year is the year where Uni students usually venture out into the flatting world. My boyfriend and I have been planning to live together for the whole year, all up until a few weeks ago when I realised maybe this isn't the best idea. We've been fighting a lot lately because of my insecurities (I get super jealous super easily). He always goes out partying with his friends and girls and I have to sit at home by myself. I get jealous because 1) I don't have any friends to party with like he does and 2) Because he's always with girls.. So anyway I came up with the idea of moving to a different University in a different town, to be on my own and away from him so I could make friends without having to worry about turning my friends down to hang out because I'd rather go home to my boyfriend. A week passed and I started thinking into it more and I thought maybe that's not the best idea after all. Because of my insecurities, I feel as though if I move away, he might cheat on me or our fighting will get worse because he's going out with girls and what not when I'm not there. The way I'm pretty much seeing it is if I move we will break up due to jealousy and if I stay, we could break up for the same thing. Difference is, if I move, I'll have a better chance at making friends and getting my independence back..If I move, I could also lose him.. I just want to know what other people think, should I stay at my current Uni and live with him or should I move and so long distance for a couple of years?
I hope this makes sense! =S
I think either way maybe you guys shouldn't be together. If he makes you feel less than what you are, then you're right. By going out partying and the other girl’s it's not going to work.
You have to have trust in a relationship. I think it'd be best to end in the most mature way possible, just explain that you care for him but you're having a hard time trusting him and that trust doesn't seem to be coming back and it's making you unhappy and I'm sure him unhappy as well.
The break up part is difficult; you may not want to do it at all, because no matter how right it is to do it, it always hurts.
As far as moving, I think you should move only if it's what will be best for you. If the university you are at now has the best education you can get, especially for the major you have, then I would say don't move but still break up.
If there is another university you were looking at that has a lot more to offer you career wise, and educationally as well as to be a catharsis after the break up then yeah, go for it, if moving is something you've always wanted to do, but I wouldn't say move away just because the relationship up didn't work out.
I was in a relationship for 2 years so not anywhere near as long as you have, but he lives right behind me, and I can't move. I'm stuck in a lease first and second of all this is my dream and ideal place, job, and school. Therefore, even though it stinks being so close I honestly never see him, and we go to the same college.
Thus, it is possible to stay at this school/job/whatever if it's right for you, and to not be with him as well as make yourself happy.
In short, yes something needs to change if you are resenting him, don't trust him, and are fighting all the time. Hopefully it doesn’t end in drama. Next, if you want to move and have a dream to move away then yes go for it, but don't do it just to get away from a guy, it usually back fires. Good luck!
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I dated this one guy and we were really close. Bestfriends and boyfriend/girlfriend. It was perfect and fun and easygoing. We never fought. But he broke up with me for his ex-girlfriend. When they didn't work out he came back to me. I was so excited and happy. But over time I realized he changed and is (pardon my French) a big douche! He also gets high and drunk all the time. We both don't like the way we act now. (he doesn't like that I won't have sex with him. I don't like that he kept asking and started doing drug.) so we decided, without even talking, that we weren't getting back together. The problem is, is that I keep thinking of how he acted when we date, this sweet, caring, thoughtful guy. I really miss him and how he used to act. I saw him yesterday with this girl from our school who is lets say easy. He was flirting with her, slapping her butt, they were cuddling and at one point she was basically giving him a lap dance... I felt like I was gonna bawl my eye out! I don't like how he acts anymore but I still feel like I like him. How do I stop this? I hate this feeling and I hate getting jealous and caring when i know he has moved on.
It is completely normal to miss what you two shared in the beginning of a relationship. Those were good times and your mind keeps going back to them.
Sometimes for the best, and sometimes for the worst, people change. They grow and it's not always in a mature way.
The guy you dated WAS a kind, funny, amazing kid... NEVERTHELESS, the guy he is now is none of those things. I know how difficult it can be and I've been in your shoes, many people have, but it's good that you are seeking answers to move on.
The best advice I can give to get over a guy/break up is to
1. Cut off as much contact with this guy as you can. Do your best not to see him, text him, find out what parties he is going to, etc. try to get him out of your life in a mature fashion. If guys go to school/work together, be respectful if you hang with the same group but don't make much of an effort to talk to him one on one.
2. Find a break up buddy. Find one person that you can call whenever you are thinking about your ex. Find a friend that will help you get your head on straight, that will be your inspiration to get up every morning, dress in super cute clothes and help you figure out who you are or want to be. A friend that you can share things with.
3. Get rid of his things and do a complete detox. Clean out your room. Get rid of his stuff. Some you can throw away, some you can keep in a box and give to your break up buddy for a few months down the road, and some you can give back to him or donate. Clean out your closet and give to those in need and safe up money for a new wardrobe to look fabulous in. Rearrange your room if you can/want.
4. Get in motion every single day. Instead of just going through the motions of school/work. Find time to do extra things too such as volunteer work with animals, elderly, kids, or special needs. Volunteering doesn't cost anything but your time. You keep yourself busy, make new friends, AND help others all at the same time. Also, if there is a new look you've been wanting to try, go for it! If you've wanted to lose some weight, gain some weight, tone up, take up a new sport, get a new haircut, now is the time to do those things.
5. Make this about you and not him. It doesn't matter who he has become, what he is thinking, or what he is doing. Your life is about you. You can't change this person (who doesn’t sound appealing at ALL) that he has become. So don't get down to his level and try to see if you can rekindle what didn't work the first time. Focus on YOU. Do you love to swim, write, do theater, play soccer, paint, sing, play instruments, etc.? What do you LOVE to do and what makes you happy. Go out and have fun, I'm not saying get totally wasted and have a one nightstand or something irresponsible, but go out and just enjoy being with friends and do something new or adventures. Even if you just try to go bowling or try rock climbing or something.
My point is it's great that you want to get over him, and I feel the best way to get started on that is to make your life all about you. Try not to worry about easy girl who is giving herself a bad reputation. Neither one are your concern, you're much better than that. There are many other suggestions but I hope these help. Good luck! :)
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Several months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up due to his infidelity (he kissed another girl, did not have sex with her). I've grown to forgive him for his ways, and a part of me would like to give our relationship another shot. He broke up with me so I'm unsure if he would even be willing to give us another chance or if he's still attracted to me. How should I go about trying to re-ignite the spark? Am I an idiot that should just move on completely? PS 19.f.
First of all, you are NOT an idiot. Not at all.
It is completely normal to wish to get back together with an ex, no matter how much of a scumbag they are or not.
This hit home for me, what girl hasn't forgiven an ex for something crummy they have done?
There is nothing wrong with you, but I would definitely advise you to move on. You are MUCH better than that.
If this guy didn't realize how fantastic you were the first time, what makes you think he has changed? If he cheated on you, and then dumped you, he is the one missing out.
Whether he still finds you attractive or not is irrelevant. You don't even want his attention at this point.
You deserve a guy who is only going to want to kiss YOU and to keep YOU in his life. Not someone’s second choice or "do-over.”
This guy may have been great, but like I've said on here before, "just because two people are great people separately, does not always mean they are great together as a couple or even friends."
I say focus on you right now. Stop missing the loser who kissed another girl while he was supposed to be in a committed relationship with you, and turn yourself into the most fabulous version of you that you can be.
Throw yourself into your career/school. Go out with friends, have new adventures try new things, spend time with family, volunteer, lose some weight, gain some weight, take up yoga, go to an animal shelter (the dogs there are way better than the one you knew.) Find out who you are and what you love. Build yourself up and focus on other things besides this messy relationship and I swear a MUCH better guy will come along.
I know this is not really, what you asked, you want to know how to get back with him, but from personal experience of a recent break up myself. He's just not worth it.
It's good that you have forgiven him, but don't forget what he did.
Ask yourself this: If my best friend in the whole world, or younger sibling came to me and said, "I want to make a move on the guy that cheated on me, dumped me, and broke my heart to get him back." What would you tell them? Would you want to see someone you love so much to get back into a relationship where they weren't respected the first time? Or, would you tell them how AMAZING they are and that even though people can change and there are some incredible people in this world, that cheating jerk was NOT an amazing person for them?
Just food for thought here. You are amazing and you deserve happiness. Why settle?
Keep the forgiveness, but drop the guy. :)
You are nineteen, not too much younger than I am, we have a lot of growing to do, and it is highly UNlikely that you will not meet another, better guy soon. :)
Hope I could help a little. Good luck! :)
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Hey, thanks for taking the time to listen to me. I am terribly confused. I have a crush at school. He likes to talk to me, but I have to approach him first. Otherwise, he's with his friends. But today, I saw him EVERYWHERE I went unexpectedly. We are both rather shy people and we are only ourselves around our friend group. My friends are telling me to go for him, but I'm not sure. (We have been sorta friends since last year). Thanks. (If you need to know my age and gender, I'm 15 and a girl).
Of course, any time. :)
As far as what to do about this guy, it's somewhat difficult. I would say try to just hang out as much as possible, and build a friendship and see where things go.
I want to make it clear that my advice is from MY personal experiences only and there are always exceptions. With that said throughout my life if a guy really likes a girl he'll do what he can to talk to her and be around her, no matter how shy he is.
I don't believe in telling girls to throw themselves at guys. Be polite, let them know you are interested, yes that's fine, but to be doing ALL the work, no.
I know it's so common for girls to be "independent" and "fierce,” which I am ALL for by the way. There are also guys who say, "Oh I like confident girls and girls that approach me." In my opinion though, get over yourself guys, and girls can be independent without being desperate. If you've ever seen a guy who is just completely into a girl, he will do WHATEVER it takes to be around her.
When I was 15, in high school there was a boy I had a crush on, but he liked someone else. He and I were friends and so we knew a lot about each other. His mom took his phone away, he told me at school since he didn’t have his phone he snuck out, and walked over five miles to get to a pay phone to call the girl he really had a crush on.
Therefore, my point is, if you like this guy I do encourage you to put yourself out there, BUT if he isn't making much of an effort at all, I don't care how "shy" he is, then move on and realize you deserve better.
IF he hasn't made a move yet because he doesn’t know how you feel then DEFINITELY let him know.
In short, make more of an effort to talk to this guy, try to hang out alone (or with friends if necessary) go to dinner, movie, bowling, etc. Be confident and bold and let the invitation to make his interest known as well, but if he doesn't reciprocate, just chalk it up to a friendship and find a guy who isn't so "shy" to show you how he feels. :)
I hope I answered that question appropriately, and could help/give perspective. Good luck, Hun! :)
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I used to date this guy last year off and on. Then, we broke up and stopped dating for a few weeks. One day, he said something really mean to someone and I got really mad. We got into a huge fight. Now, in September, I still have feelings for him and I don't know what to do. He hates me because of our huge fight and he ignores me or insults me. I know it seems wrong of him but I was kinda rude to him too. But the fight was many months ago. I'm ready to forgive him. I wish he would forgive me. Apoligizing isn't going to work though. No explanation needed. I want to go steady with him a lot. I've liked him since 4th grade!I hate to ask for a complicated answer but I do adore him a lot. And I'd do (almost) anything to win him over. I hate fighting, and I hate arguements.Advice?
I can honestly say from personal experience, you cannot make people forgive.
It doesn't matter if it's to forgive you, themselves, or someone else. Unfortunately, it’s not possible.
If you apologize and if time has gone by, and talking things out is not an option, in my opinion there isn't anything anyone can tell you to do that will MAKE him forgive.
It's good that you have because you are the only person who can control you. It's unhealthy to walk around with hate and holding a grudge.
I'm sorry that he isn't willing to let go but if you truly feel there is no getting through to him by asking him if you guys can talk, or writing him a letter just explaining or SOMETHING, then no one can force him.
IN MY OPINION ONLY: it's better to keep the forgiveness for yourself and do your best to move on. It's normal and okay to miss him like crazy and want him back, but you can't make people like or love you.
If this guy isn't willing to forgive and realize how awesome you are, then truthfully he is not worth your time.
There is a saying that "just because two people may be GREAT does not mean they are great together."
It's okay that you realize how awesome he is, but if he can't see how amazing you are then it's just not worth it.
I know this is exactly NOT what you wanted to hear and you may get upset, but I promise you I don't mean it to offend or make you angry.
I don't know how old you are but if you were my younger sister (which I have told her the same thing as I'm telling you) or even if you were my friend I'd say the exact same thing. I'd say it to any one that I truly cared about. Not to hurt but so that you see how incredible you and see that if he isn't going to come around on his own, it's time to pick up and find a guy who is better suited FOR YOU, because if he can't forgive, it's obviously not him. :)
I know it's hard when you've liked someone for such a long time, but I guarantee there is a better guy out there for you, and in ten years, this guy won't hurt you so much. :)
If you do get him to talk, write him a letter, text, call, e-mail, facebook, etc. the only thing I can say is to let him know that you apologize for the way the situation panned out. Let him know you forgive him and hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you. That you don't want to walk around not liking each other because of what you once shared and chalk it up to being young OR a learning experience (since I don't know how old you are). I hope that he'll respond in some way. Other than that, if it's not going to happen if he doesn't respond or if he does in a negative way, you have to let him go and understand he'll have to come around on his own time or not at all.
Again, I hope I could give a different perspective or help in some way. In addition, again, sorry if this made you angry. I just think people deserve happiness and this guy not forgiving you or even letting you talk to him about what happened isn't happiness. If you are still adamant about finding a way to get him to talk, good luck. I do hope he comes around, but if he doesn't, don't forget how awesome you are.
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Ok I'm 17 f and I was hanging with my two friends that are girls. My boyfriend was also there but he said I was weird because I act different with my friends and that he felt left out. My boyfriend wanted to give me a hug and kiss but I didn't let him get to lovey dovey because my friends would of felt left out. I was to bussy trying to make my two friends feel less weird by totally not being lovey dovey with my boyfriend and I guess I ignored him in a way, even though I didn't want to. Should I invite my friends when I hang with my boyfriend? Or keep inviting my friends but this time not ignore him and kiss and hug in front of my friends? I'm very akward person so sometimes I don't know what to do..
Thanks for reading!!(:
In my opinion there does need to be a true balance. If your friends are single, (maybe even some that are newly single), the last thing your girl friends would want is to have that shoved in their face.
Nothing is more awkward than when you are right in the middle of laughing or talking about something and your friend starts groping her boyfriend or vice versa. It's a tiny bit rude, and somewhat weird.
In my opinion try to include your boyfriend in on the conversations you guys have to make him feel more a part of what is going on.
Then, try to find those moments when your friends aren't completely focused on you to share a sweet stare/smile and maybe a hand/leg touch or short hug/kiss.
It's a happy medium.
When I was 15/16 it was like I had to be all over the guy I was dating and he had to be all over me, but as I'm going into my mid-twenties (close to 23 now) I don't really think about it much.
When I'm in a relationship or dating a guy it's almost like an understanding.
If your boyfriend was hanging out with his buds would he really have his tongue shoved down your throat the whole time and being all sweet cuddly (I'm over exaggerating), or would he want to talk about sports, cars, music, or whatever interest he may have with his guy friends?
Every person is different, but again, I'd say to just find the little subtle ways to show affection with the looks, soft touches, and including EVERYONE into whatever conversations are going on instead of making either party feel left out or uncomfortable. I hope this helps a little. :)
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this sophmore ( im a juniro) asked me to come over to her house, randomly. she always texts me throughout the day and im sure she likes me. Does she want to hook up? even if i dont respond in a minute or 2 she has sent me a message saying stuff like "you dont want to tlak to me." shes sexy and i honestly only want to hook up , do you think she has the same intentions? PS . this girl kept texting me a while ago but i ended it cuz she was obsessive but she just started texting me again.
Being a girl, when I was a sophomore in high school I NEVER intended to hook up with guys.
You really should be honest with her. She may actually have some real feelings for you and out of respect, it'd be better if you let her know that you are only interested in hooking up. After that let her make the decision, as to whether or not she wants to keep talking to you.
It wasn't until I was in college that I didn't mind relationships that are more casual. Girls think differently than guys do, but it's always important to be honest about your intentions.
Please don't be rude and lead her on and just assume. Don't be afraid to be honest about things. Tell her what's up, tell her you're only interested in the "friends with benefits" role, and go from there.
If she continues to text like that after your honesty, then it's on her if she gets hurt in anyway, unfortunately.
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