I agree with Dragonflymagic. There really isn't much that you can do to help him with this.

Awful truth is that you're correct, he seems to have fallen into society's self-esteem vacuum/trap, and is judging himself based on other people. But it's not their view of him, it's HIS view of himself.

To remedy this does take a conscious effort. He may not need to go so far as to go to therapy, but that isn't a bad idea either. As his girlfriend, there's even less you can do because you're "biased."
What he needs to do is decide that he wants to feel better about himself. Once he's done that - REALLY decided - he can start taking steps to be aware of when he's beating himself up unnecessarily. Once he's aware, he can catch himself, and stop himself from doing it. Eventually, it'll become a habit not to beat himself up, and he'll be okay.
But the problem is that he's content in his misery right now. He'd rather hate himself and down-talk himself than work at actually feeling good about himself, for whatever reason. This is probably deeper than just the way he looks to himself.

The best thing you can do is try to show him that you understand, and be there for him if and when he wants to make the change. He may not. And you can't make him. Frankly it sucks. You can try explaining to him what we've told you about cognitive behavioral therapy. You're a better judge than we are as far as if it would make him worse.
Keep up what you're doing and try to hang in there. If you have any further CBT questions feel free to inbox me and I'll do my best to help.

Siren

Thank you, that was really helpful.

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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