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Q: Alright let me first start out by giving you the basics ok my wife and I have been togather 6 years 5years married ,we have 3 kids she had two when we met but the dad was a loser in and out of prison and gangster deadbeat so I became there dad and loved every minute of it ,they were 5 and 2 when I met her we have one daughter together ,when I met my wife I knew she dated a couple bad guys but nothing I saw but just maybe low self esteem but I cared nothing alaming,we started dateng it was great she was fun,beautiful ,and so loving to me I was so happy she gave me attention like no other women did I loved it ,we were so into eachother that we slept togather the second time we hungout but i will say this was way out of character for me but before that we spent days talking on the phone just learning about eachother so when we got togather it was special cI've been with 9 and 3 one night stands when i was a teen like 16 after that I never had one I'm kinda a old fashioned love guy I guess ,its funny because I'm not being cocky but I'm a damn goodlooking guy and used to model I'm 6,3 in good shape ,good lover good size but junst always believed in being kinky with one girl and be faithful ,so. After we slept togather opened up and wanted to know if i was a cheater or if I was a player because she had been cheated on multiple times and and I told her no and that i was not the player type and I've been with 8 +her ,then she was all happy ,but then I asked the same she told me 10/11 and only a couple o.n.s. and not bisexual stuff no crazy stuff and I askedabout race ,3ways orgies she only admits to one 3way that night and I was like ok she sounds like me a girl that was a little wild as a teen but was smart as an adult .....so we started dateing and the sex was amazing she did everything and help i would wake up to her giving head :) she was so happy to have a guy like me ,she got pregnet then I a fewcmonths later I asked her to marry me then after marriage she changed ,sex gone head gone like every 3months gone....from twice daily to that?she was moody not sweet and when I went threw health issues she would say I'm not your nurse ? This went on for years me if i broght sex up she would make excuses then say go find someone else ??I'm like wtf ?so finally this summer iim at my breaking point and i find out she ran into an ex and I was with her at my old job a restaurant and she never told me ?and we went in there twice she never said a thing?then she ran into him twice talked but neve told me ?but in the past she alaways would ,then I find out hes black I'm not racest but again another lie and this guy is a guy she worked with and screwed for a year and he had a girlfriend and sthey all hung out ...shady **** ...then in the next days after confronting her all the lies just pored out ....she admitted to sleeping with at least 25 + guys a girl ,a,three some even two guys in one night ?!!! She had 18one night stands ?wow and admitted to sleeping with a drugdeaer and gangmembers meth adicts and the worst was she had two little kids ? And admitted to even sleeping with a guy after his friend had A LOT of drugs in the house ?and she hervfather was there visiting ?...now I know people will say the past is the past but I'm sorry I'm so hurt ....and knowing she would give these disgusting men what they wanted but her hansom faithful husband ??? Please the images are horrible
1 month ago
Additional Details
I will say that she had an alcohol issue but she said she only did meth twice and to answer one persons question ..no I did NOT know any of this !!!and she has never cheated on me and barley drinks now and does not talk to any of these people ...but I'm hurt just knowing she completely lied to me and she knew I was a good guy and it hurt inside knowing these disgusting thugs ****** my wife ...and she did them the first night but in my marriage nothing.......I'm hurting inside o deep not sure I can go on

So the main issues I'm picking up here are that a) she lied to you about her past and b) you're feeling hurt and jealous that she doesn't want to have sex as often as you do.
We'll address one at a time. First, her lying.

Lying is never okay. Lying breaks trust. Trust is the basis of love; without trust, there can be no love. Now, that doesn't mean that trust can't be rebuilt, but it takes time and effort, and as Zane suggested, probably a great deal of marriage counseling, if you both want to keep trying to make it work.
Now, she has a past. Everyone does. Not everyone's past is perfect. Hers is a little less perfect than she led you to believe, but you shouldn't hold her number against her (you should both probably be tested for every STI you can think of, just to be safe). If anything, fault her for the lie, but not what she did.

I have to say, you're being very judgmental, calling these men "disgusting." I'm sure she didn't feel that way when she was with them. You have no right to pass judgment on them, or her for having been with them, for however long they were together - whether it was one night or years.

Issue #2 - no physical satisfaction. It's perfectly normal for the wild crazy sex to wind up toned down a few frequency notches in marriages, but not this much, and not with that kind of resistance.
Now, let me ask you this - when she told you "go find someone else," what did you say? What was the rest of that conversation?
Anyway. You described yourself to us. I don't mean to be a bitch, but what does the fact that you used to model have to do with the situation you're in with your wife? If you're thinking "I could have anyone, I shouldn't have to deal with this," you're probably right. If you can't deal with her past, if you don't WANT to learn to accept it or move past it with her, then your marriage is as good as over. Or, if she isn't willing to actually be a good wife to you, and care about you, or be physical with you, that's a pretty good indication that there's a deeper problem, and you have to decide whether or not you want to try to work through it TOGETHER, or call it quits.
A lot of people would say you should stay with someone you love through thick and thin and never leave their side, but there comes a point where your own well-being is at risk, and that's when you say "This person has no right to make me feel this way; they need to not be in my life."

There's a possibility that she felt "obligated" to have sex with you and do those kinds of things to keep you in her life before you two were married, and now that you're married she doesn't feel that way. I hate to even acknowledge this, but some people really do just get married to be married - to have that security, to know that the other person is legally bound to them. They often forget that being married involves caring for another person and really loving them.

Not to put it so bluntly, but that's what divorce is for. Not every marriage is perfect; not every one is meant to last forever. People make mistakes sometimes.

You seem like a nice guy. Confront your wife, suggest counseling (if you're willing to do it), and if all else fails, prepare to leave.

Good luck.

Siren

[Edit]: Haha, I saw that rating coming. I'm sorry you feel that you need to defend yourself. In no way did I attack you or say that lying was permissible in any way, shape, or form. It seems to me like you only read the first part of my response. I encourage you to read the rest.

Rating: 3

Ok first I have to defend myself here #1 yes these men were disgusting they were thugs and gave her clymitia ,one of with is in prison right now for 10 counts of rape and abuse ,CNN even did a story about him !!!!yes disgusting men lowest of low .#2 yes I am being judgmental I believe every person gets to judge if they want to spend there life with someone and have kids .now people make mistakes but 20+one night stands ???and with drug dealers ? But it's ok to lie when u meet a nice guy??? I know why women lie its obvious !!! That's not the issue image that the most important thing about the women you married was she was a good girl and was like you ....then smash that crush it that's the hurt I feel it's almost like the women I married doesn't exist

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren