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Disclaimer time!
I don't have a medical license. I do, however, deal with a lot of psychoactive medications, and I'm very familiar with this one. So I'll give you my two cents.
Just because it makes you feel better and you want to keep taking it doesn't automatically mean you're addicted. What you're doing is called self-medicating. You have a problem, you found a solution, albeit not the best one, and took it upon yourself to help yourself, since no one else was helping you.
Adderall is a stimulant, yes, but it's more commonly prescribed for ADD or ADHD than depression because it stimulates a part of the brain that helps with focus. In someone without one of those disorders, it can act as a mood elevator. As with any drug that gives you a high, when you come off of it, you'll probably experience a lower low. This is HOW people get addicted - people are afraid of, or cannot handle, the low that comes after the high, so they take more of their drug of choice to avoid it and keep the good feeling coming. That's both a physical and a psychological addiction. If you want to stop taking the drug but can't handle the crappy feeling that comes with the low, that's more of a physical addiction. A psychological addiction is more like the way a person can get addicted to food, or something, where there's no physical risk of withdrawal, but there's a desire for the drug (or Twinkies, as it were).
All that said, what you're doing by self-medicating is neither smart nor legal. It isn't cocaine or methamphetamine, but Adderall is, indeed, an amphetamine. It just isn't illegal in and of itself. At this point, you have two options:
1) You've already run out, and you're going through withdrawals. You can either stick it out and the withdrawals will eventually stop, but it'll suck until they do, or you can get your hands on some more (this is not the best idea, of course) and wean yourself off by starting where you were as far as dosage and decreasing your dose by small increments every five days or so. The increment kind of depends on how much you were taking.
2) If you think that this medication really, honestly helps you, come clean. Either tell your mom about your experience (emphasizing how it helped you, of course), or if you think she really won't understand (and she might not, if she won't let you take medication), go back to the shrink and tell him about this. Your mom might listen to the information if it comes from a professional, AND he doesn't have to tell her that you've been getting Adderall illegally.
That's the thing, though - you say the Adderall helps you and you "don't need to do illegal things to feel good about yourself," but you're STILL doing something illegal. You've gotta find a way to get what you need, and do it right.
Like I said, I don't have any kind of medical license, but it sounds to me that if you're addicted to anything, it's the feeling/adrenaline that comes from doing illegal things. The fact is that there's nothing to make you "need" to break the law. Lots and lots of people around the world are bored on a daily basis and don't do illegal things to entertain themselves, or to make themselves feel better. I'm not going to pick on you about that though, because chances are if you're doing something like this, you do have some kind of psychological problem.
So. The first thing you should probably do is figure out what you want to do about the Adderall. I suggest you get a prescription. To treat your condition/disorder/issue properly, you need to be under a doctor's care, no matter how much you know about the drug. You don't say how old you are - if you're 18 or older, in most states, you don't need a parent's consent for medication. If you do decide to stick it out and get through the withdrawals, don't start taking it from your friends again. No matter what, it is NOT smart to continue getting it illegally. I highly recommend getting a second evaluation either from the same shrink or a different one.
Hang in there. If you have any other medication questions, feel free to send a question to my inbox or IM me (SirenCytherea on AIM) and I'll do my best to answer quickly.
Best of luck if I don't hear from you.
Siren
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