sunshine1232's advice column

Female. 15. 10th grade.

This is a story back from my years in the Jr. High (7th grade to 9th grade). People think my band director and I had a little bit of a strange relationship. I was close to him, everyone has their favorite teacher. He was mine. He was a sweetheart, he cared about his students but he was stern when he needed to be, he wasn't a pushover. I am now in the Sr. High band which is a lot more difficult due to competitions and all of the practices but one thing my Sr. High band director brings up a lot is how we weren't properly trained in Jr. High, which makes me think of my Jr. High band director. I didn't really think much of the way we acted in Jr. High but looking back on it, our relationship was kinda strange.

-In seventh grade I didn't really care what I looked like, so I wore my hair up a lot. When I started wearing it down and making it look pretty like curling it, my teacher noticed and said I looked different, that it was a nice change.

-If I was late for a class, the teacher would tell me to hurry but they would always ask me to do things for them, I would wind up being late but they would never write me a pass because they warned me to hurry. So, I would walk to the band room and my band director would write them for me. Every time.

-If I wanted to skip a class like gym or something, he would excuse me from the class by telling the teacher I needed to practice my instrument, we had a concert coming up or something.

-One day at sectionals, it was me, my close friend and my band director. He sat next to me on the right and my friend sat next to me on the left, two seats over, so it was him-me-empty seat-her. I kept trying this part that I couldn't get down and once I finally got it, I was really excited so I was like "yea yea! woo!" and accidentally put my hand on his thigh, in excitement. I know it was wrong now, thinking about it, I shouldn't have touched any part of him but it wasn't intentional, like trying to make a move, I was in seventh grade.. gimme a break. But he didn't look shocked nor move my hand, I moved it when I actually realized it was there.

-His office is right in the music suite hallway so he always keeps his door shut to keep the noise of the practicing instruments or chattering kids out. I would go into his office to talk with the door shut and the other kids would look in on us.

-He would know when something was wrong with me, because of the way I acted, I'm usually talkative and happy so he knows when something's up with me and he'd always ask or when I wasn't being myself in band, he'd look at me a lot to notify me that he knows I am not okay.

-He always called me my full first and last name and I would always tell him he can just call me by my first name but he never did. So, one day I said that I am going to start calling him by his first name and I did sometimes and he didn't seem to mind, when we were with other kids, though, he would tell me that his name was Mr. ___

-He had since had his first child when I left for the Sr. High and we had always joked that he was going to have a girl and name her after me and she's going to play the same instrument I do and he joked back he would put her up for adoption if she was ever as talkative as me. He doesn't joke around like that with other kids, especially about his family and such.

-He would be walking out of the band suite and I would be walking in to practice and say hello to him and we'd stop in the hallway and talk for a few minutes.

-He let me sit in on his music classes (if you teach band or orchestra you also teach music class) and sit in on his study halls.

-My mom said a few times "if you had this relationship with any other teacher, I would be worried.

Be completely honest, just don't scold me or yell at me if you think we crossed the line. Do you think we passed the student teacher boundaries? Why do you think that we did or didn't? Maybe he just favored me.. do you think he kinda liked me?

Also, he was 27 when I had him. He let me use my phone, when I had my phone out in his class, he would ask what kind it was and what provider then he would take his out. Everyday at lunch he would come over to my table and ask what I thought about the new songs he was picking out for band and asked what I brought for lunch.

I apologize, I know it's long but you seem like a genuine, honest person and I just need a good answer from someone. I know I was in the wrong for some of these but I didn't look at our relationship as anything more than playful, then. Don't get me wrong, he was a cutie, if he would have made a move, I wouldn't complain.

Thanks again!

No i don't think you both crossed the student teacher boundaries seeing as he didn't do anything
in appropriate with you like trying to touch you or doing illegal things that he's not suppose to i think he favorited you and you were his favorite student seeing as he didn't give the special attention he gave to you to any of the other students just you he treated you differently he could of liked you it sounds like he did from what you've written that's a possiblity but of course i wouldn't know for sure seeing as i'm not him i don't think you did anything wrong if what was happening got more serious and things started escalating and got worst then you'd have a reason to worry but i see no reason to it's not like both of you had a actual relationship happening or were doing things that you weren't suppose to none of that
was going on so i wouldn't stress over it(:

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(Rating: 5) Thank you.

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