Question:
Ok so for english we had to write a poem on loves and losses and i wrote this one. Please give me your honest answer on everything and if you have any ideas on how to make it better thanks!

I love you now,
I lost you yet,
I will always be here.
Don’t you fret

I know it hurts
But life goes on
I will try not to listen
To those sappy love songs,

Cause when I do,
I think of you
And what we used to be,
I just wish you would see

I gave you everything,
Yet you pushed me away,
I promise I will miss you,
Every single day

Me and you,
We can find a way,
And maybe…just maybe
We can be together someday.

My Answer:
Hello,

You have a few grammatical errors that need to be fix, but other than that, AWESOME poem! I like it very much. It must have took you a lot of time to write that.


And here are the corrections to make your poem even better:

--Change "Cause" (in "Cause when I do") to Because or 'Cause.

'Cause is one of the two popular shortened forms of "Because," while "Cause" is not.

Example: The cats cause an uproar 'cause of the mice.


--Put a PERIOD after "But life goes on" and "Every single day."

--Change the comma after "And what we used to be" to a PERIOD.

--Change "Me and you" to "You and I" (the comma stays there).


Also, I suggest you change "not to listen" to "listen not" =)

Hope this helped,
Ng2491

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