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First off that's my special man friend with me way back from high school, and been dating now for almost four years now. Yeah he's pretty spectacular, and I love him to pieces, and that's all I have to say about that. I'm a full time college student and working on my gen ed, but I would like to get my bachelor's in gerontology and eventually get my nursing license. In fact I work at a nursing home now as a CNA and I love it so much. Anyways ask questions if you want. I'll try to help you out anyway I can. I love helping people after all. :)
advice
17/F
I was with my boyfriend, Jake, for about 9 months. We've had MANY lows and few highs, but our relationship level was somewhat in the middle. A lot had to do with the fact that I live an hour away from him, so we only saw each other about twice a week.
Well, these past two weeks we hadn't seen each other much at all. We were also hitting a rough patch because I didn't drive down to see him as often as I usually did. I went and saw him the other day, and it was him who brought up that we should break up. The break up was not bad at all -- in fact, it was probably the best break up ever -- and that's what makes it so much harder.
He wants to be good friends with me. He even said, "If I could choose between being really unhappy but dating you, or not talking to you at all, I'd stay with you because I can't stand not having you in my life." Another things he said was "I honestly might regret this in a few days, so if I call you, you can do one of two things: disregard me, or really, really, reconsider it." He said that we would hang out often, call each other, etc. He said he would start calling me in a week.
I know I was mentally prepared for it, but the impact of the breakup really tore me apart. I teared up a lot when we were talking, but I really broke down when I left his house and got away from his view. Now, I can't stop thinking about him. I think it's one of those "want what you don't have" type of things.
I'm terrified to be his friend because I don't know how to be -- we were NEVER "just friends". We also respect each other enough to give each other room to adjust before dating other people. However, I'm scared of this whole friend thing, as I just said. I'm afraid that, if we're friends, I won't get over him when I really should.
What are the best ways to get over a breakup?
Yeah I know exactly what your going through. Honestly I don't think right now is a good time to be friends with him. Over time, maybe in a couple of weeks when things are better, I'd say go for it. One of my past boyfriends went out for seven months and it took me a while to get over it. After a couple months, we became the best of friends. What I did to get over it was get rid of the things that remind you of him. Not as in throw them away because you may want to get them out eventually to remember the good times you shared. Just pack everything up in a box and throw it in the back of a closet somewhere. That's the first step. But you do have to think of it this way. This is time for you, time for you to have time for yourself. Don't be in a hurry to jump into another relationship right away either. I've made the mistake of doing that in the past and really all it did was cause more heartache and drama. But this is the time where you can find new hobbies and become comfortable with yourself again and pretty soon you won't even remember old what's his face. Maybe start learning an instrument, take up potter, whatever you want. Don't just spend your time crying because that won't get you any where except more upset. Hope I helped.
xoxo,
dottie4
(Rating: 5) Thank you very much, you made some excellent points! As you said, I'm pretty much focusing on myself. WIth all the extra time I have now (since I don't spend 2 hours driving!), I've been takingup hobbies and have been getting into better shape with snowboarding and working out then I have ever been in before!