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Okay, so friendship questions are rare for me. This is gonna be long. If you have a problem with that, stop reading right now.
I'm really kind of scared. My best friend, short of sister, I think, is addicted to this guy.
Problem is, they never dated. She liked him, but he didn't like her. Then she got over him, and he liked her.
Then she decided to unget over him.
He's a possessive asshole. He's basically "claimed" her and talks about their married future, and she goes with it, considering him hers as he considers her his.
The worst thing is, though, all her life, her family has considered her the "screwup", so all she's known is displacement and pain. She's longed for real love her whole life, even the "parent" kind of love. Not just the husband/wife love.
I don't even know how to explain this. She thinks he unconditionally loves her.
I have unconditional love. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage, and he loves everything about me, even my flaws, and wouldn't change me.
This guy, however, he's used her, emotionally abused her, hurt her more than anything, and he's even like, haunting her dreams. He tried to change her. Get her to dye her hair blonde, change her clothing style, criticized everything...
I'm just afraid she's going to end up with him and cause herself more pain.
She's created an idea of him for herself. Things he does, she's given examples...I can see that he's only doing these things because he gets something out of it. He gets a person to possess. Someone to own. I hate him for what he's doing to her, but she won't let me talk sense into her.
I can't talk to him because he doesn't like me anyway.
I don't know what to do about this. This girl is seriously like my little sister. I want to protect her from him. Not from all guys, just from him because I know he's bad news.
He tried to convince me to cheat on my boyfriend with him, and to tell me that if he "really" wanted me, I could be his in a heartbeat, because he's just that good with women, which sickened me from the start. I don't understand what she sees in him. Fine. Whatever, I can deal with that.
I can't deal with him hurting her and making her think he's the last person out there for her (she's had bad luck in relationships).
On top of it all, she's afraid her parents are going to make her move, and they're not sending her to college next year, which is where she should be.
What do you think I should do? I mean, I can't really DO anything. What can I say?
-Siren =(
Ok, this guy seriously sounds like the biggest asshole ever.. and if I were you, I'd seriously try to get your friend away from him. Because if he's making her change herself for him, that's not love at all.. and this is starting to kind of sounds like an abusing relationship..which she should get out of right away! Just explain to her all the things he's doing to her... cause she's probably pushing it out of her mind and believes he's doing it out of love. He's really doing it because he thinks he has power of her..=/...so I'd seriously talk to her about this, and if she doesn't listen, I'd talk to her parents about this. And that's a really good thing if she moves, because she can't see him anymore. And I would talk to her parents about the college thing. It's really hard to get a job these days without a college diploma..=/...because if they're worried about the money, then they could just do loans over the years..=/..but about this guy ; just try to get her away from him.. because you shouldn't have to change yourself, and even though it's not ( hopefully theres none ) PYSHICAL abuse, emotional abuse is still bad. And if he's telling you to get with him cause he's..."so good with the women" or w.e then I'd seriously tell her that too.. maybe that'll show her what a huge asshole he is and she'll leave him. And give her examples from your boyfriend...be like," ___ loves me for all my flaws and doesn't try to change me.. does yours? " and just show her that he's not the perfect boyfriend. And it's good that you found love =) And explain to her also about how she THINKS she has unconditional love.. but it's not him that's giving it to her.. it's you by wanting her to be safe and happy. Well I hope everything works out for your friend, and she leaves that guy.. I hope I helped!!
Love,
MELii
(Rating: 5) Thank you so much. I will try all your suggestions. =)