ohitscassidy's advice column

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Q: I actually did ask my husband about it and now it's kind of worse because he lied and said that he hasn't spoken to her even though she's linked on his my space page and I know for a fact he has.

So now I'm really in a dilemna, do I let the lie go own and just keep my eyes open.

I guess I'd have to also explain that when I said I'm not an over jealous person I mean it. He's talked to ex-girlfriends before and had no problem telling me. So the fact that 1) he hid this and 2) now he's lied really makes me believe that there's a reason he didn't want me to know.

I think I need to confront him. We basically have a happy marriage but I know that every thing always begins with a lie and I'm afraid that if I let this one go, it's going to eat at me and hurt us.

yeah, i would keep my eyes open and see if anything more suspicious happens, like coming home late and stuff like that, and if so you should maybe sit him down and talk to him and tell him you know for a fact this is happening and theres no use in lying, see what he has to say about the who situation.

im not usually the jealous type myself but when my boyfriend starts talking to his ex's a lot i confront him about it.

Q: does proactive work well? tell me about it?

with my experiences with it, is it dries out your skin alottttt, and the first couple weeks i used it, it actually gave me more acne but then after like 2 months of using it, it did work pretty good.
everyones diffrent though so your skin could act in a diffrent way, and it could clear it up pretty fast.

Q: I'm a 41 year old female and I've recently found out that my husband of 16 years is communicating with a women he was engaged to when we first met. I don't really care that he's spoken to her, I'm not an over jealous person, but I am rather hurt that he hasn't mentioned it to me. It gives me the feeling that there's a reason why he didn't say anything. And the longer it goes on and he doesn't mention it I'm starting to become terribly hurt by this because it feels like a type of betrayal.

Am I over reacting? I know people react differently but if I was in contact with an ex-boyfriend I would probably tell him about it right away.

Thanks

it could be that he doesn't want to tell you because because its no big deal, i know a lot of guys that hide things because they think a women will over react to the situation and its easier not to tell them.. but if you know your husband would tell you even if he thinks you would over react then.. i would be a little suspicious myself. It could be something, it could be nothing.. maybe try talking to him about it

Q: I heard this song at american eagle today and of course forgot to look at the screen to see the name. But all I know it that the video had a bunch of black children singing and the lyrics went somewhere along the lines of "no ones gonna get shot today"... or something like that, and it was about like living in a rough neighborhood or something.

http://www.bored.com/songtapper/

go to this or type in ( tap rytheme lyrics) or something like that or use that one.

you tap the rytheme of the song using your keybored and it finds the lyrics

Q: SORRY IF ITS LONG
I love my boyfriend every much and i know that's very childish to say because we've only been going out a little more than 3months. But I really do. Anyways the problem is he never takes me out! I mean hes the type that would rather sit on the couch cuddling than to go to a party or hang out with friends. In the last 3 months we've only gone to his house and maybe out to eat sometime. after the first month i got to think he was trying to avoid seeing someone and finding out we were going out! but as soon as school started(he not in school anymore only i am) all our friends(the ones still in school) asked me why they never saw us together or go to any parties...and how when they run it to him hes always saying how good it is between us! I don't know what to do...every time there's a party i tell him we should go he agrees but in the last minute he changes his mind! my friend says i should give him a scare and brake up with him...but only to get back together!(him coming to me) but I'm afraid he wont.

if you really love him i wouldnt brake up with him
instead you should sit down with him and tell him how your feeling tell him YOU want to go out and do something, either with a group or just you two, tell him YOU need to get out of the house more. dont let HIM change his mind at the last minute, plan something and make HIM fallow through as in dont give him a chance to brake it off and tell him its really important for you guys to get out more. i wouldnt "give him a scare" thats selfish and stupid and it wouldn't work, your right he probably wouldn't come back because you would be braking up with him for no reason at all, since your not talking to him about whats going on.

goodluck

Q: Who killed the most people in the world? Thanks in advance, and it's for a school paper.

Mao Zedong
and then Hitler and Stalin

Q: How can I get money on webkinz fast? I need to get about $14,000 by october 28th at the latest, but I need it A.S.A.P. I want to buy the Halloween room =]

haha how old are you ??

Q: guys i cant get a picture of me up on this site help!!! i know how to do it and all but it wnt let me because its too big or something!

go to photobucket.com make an account and change the size of the picture and then try.

Q: I am 24 years old and my period is about 10 days late. It never has been this late before. I am trying to think of any other reason beside pregnancy. One thing I think it could be is it that for the first time in my life I started to drink coffee this month. I have been drinking a few cups a day. Could this be cause????

i don't think coffee can cause a late period . if you could be pregnant take a test. If not then wait maybe a couple more days and if still nothing go to your doctor because it could be something serious. My friend had no symptoms at all except a late period she went to the doctor and found out that she had mono and her spleen was enlarged and thats why she missed her period. soo go to the doctors it could be nothing, but it sounds like it could be something

Q: My boyfriend is in the marines and he's coming home in November. He's coming back from Afghanastan and I haven't seen him since Christmas. I want to do something special with him when he comes home because we always go to the movies or watch a movie at my house. I want to do something different. We went ice skating once but I have no idea what to do with him. If you know any specific places near Ocean County in NJ that would help too. Thanks

these idea may seem a little corny to you, but they really are fun

- laser tag
- go carts
- mini golf
- a drive in movie
- its close to Halloween so a haunted house
- you could go to a ball game or something like that

.. ext

goodluck, hope that helped

Q: does anyone know where i can get this shirt? :)

http://a508.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/77/m_622435f5877408dc570d3071bfb71ff3.jpg

ive seen those at like soo many diffrent stores such as..

- American Eagle
- Hollister
- Abercrombie
- Pacsun

there really pretty much every wear if your on a tight budget im sure if you went to walmart or somewhere like that, they would even have them.
i dont know if you ive near a Label Shopper store but they have em there to and everything is soo cheap

Q: ok, so when your having a foursome, how do you makeout with everyone? like at the same time?

anyways, i have a boyfriend and i mean we've kissed but we havent madeout. how do i lead him on to makeout or whatever?

well usually if your in a four some like people will take turns making out like 2 people are making out and then another 2 people and then you would switch partners i have heard of a 3 some make out where everyone kind just leans in and kisses 2 other people at once, but i havent heard that with a four some.

and to lead your boyfriend into making out try licking his lips and opening your mouth a little bit maybe even touch your tongue to his lips while kissing

Q: Can girls wear board shorts over there swmsuits in gym class?

its diffrent for diffrent schools, im sure if you talked to your PE teacher you could, as long as there made for swimming.

Q: Sometimes when i laugh to hard i start to pee. Ill wet my pants and its embarassing. Sometimes it'll happen around my friends too!!!Is that ok for that to happen.....is there any way to stop it from happening?

well, i dont really think thats "okay" you could have something wrong with you i would go to your doctor and tell him whats going on because you should be able to hold it.. but if you dont want to go to the doctor my advice is look it up on the internet and when you know you might be put into a funny situation like your going to hang out with your friend, go to the bathroom first and maybe like an hour later or so go again, so it won't happen.

goodluck

Q: okay so theres this kid and hes my neighbor. we went out for a while then he moved and then came back into his same house. were a couple years apart. hes a little older. and weve hung out and what not. well there was a rumor that weve been having sex and its not true. he acutally started it when he was drunk. wel i guess he has a girlfriend now which im kinda upset about. i dont get it bc when we hung out we really really connected and i thought it was alot of fun. but did he? bc he got a girlfriend 2 days after. then he just stopped talking to me. well now ive been talking to and hangin out with his best firned. sence we were kinda friends before this. and i dont know what to do. i dotn like his friend i still like him. he says hi to me still. so just wondering if anybody knew what could be goin through his head and what i should do about this mess. the rumor btw has been taaken care of. so im not really worried about it. except why he would say it bc i know he did.

f/16/nevada
thank youu

well, it sounds like he was attracted to you and liked and, just like you like him, but then he he met some who he was more attracted to (emotionally or physically), the only thing you can really do is talk to him about it and whats going on and how you feel. Maybe he liked you a lot but then you never made a move so he moved on? some guys like the girls to make the move. whatever you do, don't brake him and his girlfriend up because that will just end badly. Almost all realtionships at age 16 end within a couple weeks, months. so its not like he will be with her forever most likely. just wait it out, and talk to him still a lot.

Q: ahh! i need boy help.

this guy lets call him mike, he asked me out on wednesday and i said yes because i like him a lot! So, obviously now im the happiest girl on the earth. But, heres a problem... I'm a sophmore and hes a senior! Well, hes turning 18 in november and i'm turning 16 in december. Well, I know once he turns 18, everything illegal. But i snuck out last sunday to see him and i got caught so my mom doesn't really like the sound of him. I've been giving hints by wearing his football jeresy home, he picks me up for school every morning [but i go to my bus stop so my mom doesn't see that but yesterday he got me at my house because it was pouring] My mom like doesn't trust me with him! What can i do to make my mom like him? And, i want him to meet my mom but i dunno if shell like that. My mom is usually laied back about who i go out with, but for some reason my mom doesn't like that hes 2 years older then i am. help!

my questions:
1) how can i make my mom appreciate/trust me with him?
2) how do i make my mom like him?
3) how can i TELL my mom im going out with him other then throwing these stupid hints around?

any other advice about this subject will be appreciated!
thanks in advance :)

well its only illegal until you turn 16, once your 16 its legal.

1) to make your mom trust him and you together make silly promises like "ill be home at this time" and actually show up at the time not a minute later, and she'll see your responsible. Also don't show public display of affection around her, if anything have him kiss you on the cheek in front of her, it shows he respects you.

2) Invite him over for dinner one night, tell him about some of your moms interests before hand, so he can strike up a conversation that she will like. Maybe he could even volunteer to help clean up after dinner or do some dishes, moms like that kinda things.

3) You could start off by just asking her if you could have a friend over for dinner, and then get into the conversation and tell her its a boy and im sure the question will come up if your going out with him or not, and just stay calm and be honest act like its no biggie and say yes you could also ass in " i want you to meet him and to give me your opinion on him " or "for your approval" that way she'll feel your not hiding it from her and you want her in your social life, i bet she'll like that.

goodluck.

Q: i have been dating my bf for almost 3 yrs. we have a long history with a lot of pain inbetween. he has left me to date around for a few months, when we got back together the abuse started. hitting me, puncing,kicking,grabbed at screamed at, cursed at. there have been a few incidents of this severe abuse. we tried to patch things up. and it worked for awhile. now it seems like if i dont do something he wants or if he gets mad at me, he will jab me in the ribs with his fingers, or dig his nails in my skin, etc. he is cursing at me again. i feel like im hitting rock bottom. i feel so depressed, i know its time to leave him..but i love him and i wish it would all just stop :(
i see him all day every day. im his way to college. we both attend a local college. and it feels like i need him in my life. i have helped hiim so much , im so happy hes goinhg to college and i dont want him to fall on his face because he has no way to get there if i leave him.
i feel like im trapped with him un til i transfer colleges in a year. i feel like i dont want to deal with him stalking me. i just wish we could work out together, i love him so much. but enduring the abuse is seriously taking a big toll on me. i feel worthless at night. the affection is dying, and i feel like crap all the time. i cry myself to sleep. i am so hurt by the way im treated.

im also angry at myself for letting it get so far. now i feel like im in way over my head and that i have to put up with it. i dont want to live an unhappy life..are we beyond repair?

to answer your questions, yes you are beyond repair. i know it must be hard but the only thing you can do is GET OUT, i know you love this man but you can NOT stay in this situation and if you don't get out now, most likely you never will until he hurts you so bad you end up in the hospital and give it some time, it will happen. I know you want everything to work but the truth is its not going to the abuse may stop for a while but it will come back. nobody deserves to be treated this way i know a few women who have almost died from abuse and i know someone who has committed suicide because she waited to long and couldn't find a way out. talk to a part, friend, aunt anyone your close to thats not your boyfriend and talk with them and find a way to leave, who cares if he falls .. if he really wants to be in college then he will find away there but you shouldn't care about him there are lots of guys out there who know how to treat a women and who would never lay a finger on you, your boyfriend isnt the only guy out there, do yourself a favor and just leave him, hes not worth your trouble.

goodluck.

Q: uh well me and my bf started dating ova the internet ( msn) and i didnt no what he looked lyk.im not sure but he says he loves me and i believe him and i like him too.but we went to the beach , lagoon thingy and i stripped down to a tight bikiny and short board shorts. i thought he might get lyk u no how we all show off in different ways well that was mine but he took no notice, he looked a few times but when we went for the water he swam away and then when i fianlly got close to him we layed in the shallow water and i held his had close to my chest. i dono what else to do to make him want to do stuff with me ( not in that way ) lyk doing stuff as in holding hands kissing that stuff but he dosent seem to show interest. plz help me im 13 and female.sorry bout the long question!

he probably hasn't hit puberty yet, so he doesn't have the urges to kiss and stuff like that.
girls usually mature faster then boys.
so thats probably why you want to.. im sure he will hit it soon though..

goodluck in the mean time

Q: I've been going out with my boyfriend for 5 months now and we were best friends before we starting being anything more. I'm totally in love with the guy and i think that the fact that we were best friends before helps. Thing is we've never had a fight, we have stupid bickering moments but nothing serious. But theres that saying that people who fight and get through it are in love and thats what makes the relationship stronger, so what does that say for us? i know i'm in love with him but is there something wrong if we don't fight?

ive been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now, and we have never had a fight, yet.. and we are in love.
just like you and your boyfriend you guys just haven't, yet.. im sure it will happen just like im sure my boyfriend and i will i mean i dont want it to happen but when it does and we get through it, ill no that we can argue and still be in love.. theres nothing at all wrong you should be happy you havent argued just like i am.

Q: How can you tell if someone is bisexual or not without asking them? Is it possible?

you can look for signs, like if there a guy and you see them staring at a guy when he walks by or things like "oh he's cute" stuff like that, could mean he's by without asking the only thing you can really do is pick up hints